Monday, January 18, 2010


This summer was very 80's Teen Movie for me, which is sad considering I'm close to 30 (!). I'd just moved back to my old college town and spent three months partying with my best friends, basically pissing around at a job where I didn't actually do anything but still made close to 40k to listen to CDs and go to free concerts. It was frustrating, because I wanted to actually do something, but in this economy, I could still say I had a job, albeit a half-assed one. My dating life also kind of sucked, but at least I was kind of, sort of casually seeing two guys.

Of course, like in any movie, you have to put the soundtrack on mute and focus on how pathetic the big picture really was. I lived with my best friend while I looked for an apartment of my own, and things started to get pretty strained. I soon figured out that was she was a manipulative, controlling, man-stealing bitch, and after I moved out, that was pretty much the end of any friendship we ever had. She blocked me on Facebook but still refuses to return the spare keys to my apartment (WTF?). More on that later.

Around the same time, I'd also reconnected with a couple of my old girlfriends, but I soon realized why I stopped hanging out with them in the first place, so that ended, too. I'd also started hanging out with my friend Brien, again. He's pretty awesome, but he recently got married, so understandably, I'm not exactly his first choice. I totally get it, and we still hang out, but I did realize that I really need to make some friends that actually live in my town. I'm still working on that.

My "dating" life was deplorably sad. I'd barely had any sexual contact in almost a year. The two guys that I was kind of/sort of/not really seeing were younger than me, and both total frat boys. I was already tired of them.

Then my so-called "career" went bust in my face. The "company" I worked for went bankrupt, because the CEO was an incompetent idiot. I had to pay my rent somehow, and that money had to suddenly come from my dad, who kept threatening to make me move in with him in Los Angeles. I fucking hate Los Angeles, home of plastic and porn.

To avoid a total mental breakdown, I called my friend for an emergency dinner. Starting this blog was her idea. She told me that maybe it's good that I'm bitter again- when I'm relatively sane I lose my "comedy mojo"- and therefore I'm not as funny.

I ignored the fact that my friends are telling me that they essentially like when I'm miserable because I make them laugh, and realized that she's right. I'm bitchy, sarcastic and pessimistic (I call it "realistic"), and that's why my friends like me. No one calls me to be cheered up, they call me to hear why their ex is an asshole and no, they shouldn't sleep with him. I blog to embrace my anger, and by reading it, maybe you'll realize that your life doesn't suck so much.

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