Monday, January 18, 2010


I am a huge nerd. I came to terms with this a few years ago, and I'm actually OK with it. I bookmarked a bunch of sci-fi websites and I have a soft spot for foreign horror cinema. I analyze Lost like I'm being graded, and I will stick up for Heroes no matter how much it blows now (and yes, I admit that it does). One of my favorite TV shows of all time is Mystery Science Theater, and sadly, I can even do the Vulcan salute- but only on one hand, as if that makes me any less of a loser.

A few months ago I lost out on what could have been the future provider of my child support because we got into a heated argument about who is the greatest comic book villain of all time. I rightfully declared it to be Lex Luthor, and I forget what my future non-husband suggested because his opinion was different from mine and therefore irrelevant. I actually let this guy walk away as all my girlfriends stared at me in disbelief. I'm sorry, but while he was totally hot, he clearly had no classic comic book knowledge. He would bring nothing to the relationship, and yes, I realize that I am a total idiot and that I may as well adopt a bunch of cats right now.

Of course, in embracing my nerd-dom, you can imagine my geeker joy when I heard about Avatar. I'd been waiting for this movie for a year, and I managed to score a ticket to the IMAX 3-D show on opening weekend. No one would go with me because it was too expensive, but I didn't care- this was like Christmas morning for an adult, Jewish loser. I was totally prepared for my mind to be blown- I practically danced into the theater. I got there 45 minutes early and grabbed a seat in the middle- not too close, not too far in. Just right. How Goldilocks of me. The lights turned off and I settled in for what was sure to be the most exciting three hours of my life thus far. God, I'm sad.

Three hours later, that's not what I'd gotten. The animation, I'll admit, was sick- well worth the price of the 3-D ticket. The movie itself, however, kind of blew ass. The dialogue was laughably bad, the acting was meh (even Sigourney Weaver! She's Ripley, dammit!), and the plot didn't even try. The whole thing was like Disney Pocahontas meets Dances With Wolves. I wasn't the only one who thought so, either. All the reviews say pretty much the same thing- see it for the technology, but don't expect a particularly great movie. Of course, this didn't stop it from raking in a quadrillion billion dollars at the box office and getting nominated for, like, 700 awards.

Imagine their hilarious commentary.

This annoys me. It wasn't a good movie. The audience didn't like it, critics didn't like it, sci-fi nerds such as myself (the most important critics, imho) REALLY didn't like it, and it still got a nomination in the Best Picture and Best Director categories at the Golden Globes. Why? Just because it made money? Then why weren't there any nominations for Transformers 2? I appreciate the technological advances, but let the Oscars take care of that.

Hopefully Avatar's mentions were just an acknowledgement, and the winners will actually be deserving- maybe Up In The Air will take home everything. Myself and every woman I know would watch George Clooney if he starred in a snuff film, so his name in this movie alone is pretty much a surefire bet. It does help, however, that Up In The Air was universally lauded and is actually good. It deserves its recognition- unlike Avatar, which pissed me off and seems to have just been riding on its billions of dollars. Maybe if George Clooney had been in it, it would have been better.

I already saw this movie like, 15 years ago. It was called Ferngully.
Anyway, the Golden Globes are on tonight and it'll be interesting to see how they play out. I usually don't watch awards shows, because I don't give a shit, but I will this year because I want to see George Clooney and Bradley Cooper on the red carpet (how great would it be if The Hangover won for Best Comedy?). I'm also DVR'ing Human Target, because everything I love isn't already enough of a hot guy repellent.

No comments: