I'm fortunate enough to have found amazing, lasting friendships with a bunch of girls that I never would have met (mostly) if it weren't for this blog. We call ourselves "The Nip Clique." We email and text each other a zillion times a day, and I swear, it's cheaper and way more effective than than any kind of therapy I could be getting through my shitty insurance plan (student loans, HAAAAAI).
Even though we're in different parts of the country, we've hung out together and never miss a birthday. In some cases, we've even met each others' families and crashed on each others' couches. Whenever one of us hits a low point, we all band together to send them gifts (or Youtube porn, if it's me). I reference them quite a bit; here's the lowdown on our sick circle:
GINNTASTIC- I never would have met any of these bitches if it weren't for Ginntastic. I've told this story what feels like a hundred times over, so I'll keep it brief by saying that Gin and I met years ago, before the existence of That Ain't Kosher or Nugs, and that she's the one that turned me on (RAWR) to 20sb. She also knows more than she needs to about my (non) existent coital adventures, thanks to our joint effort, Snark & Sex. Then again, thanks to Ted, I've gone way further down that path with her than I've ever wanted to in the first place.
So thanks, Ginntastic- you are indirectly/directly responsible for most of the good in my life.
God, that was so gay.
TITS- The former (and sometimes still) Coyote Rose and I text each other at least once a day. It is literally frightening the withdrawal that I go through if I haven't heard from her all weekend. She's one of the only friends I have that understands my sexual fetish for office supplies and desperate need for grammatical efficiency. Plus I think I popped her Facebook cherry, so uh, yeah. There's that.
Coyote Tits is so awesome because she basically puts up with all my stupid shit. 1/3 of the time she doesn't even bother to validate my texts, which was the inspiration for Tits From Last Night, a compilation of the ridiculous conversations that I drag her into where she's essentially like, "yeah...no." You can check out my insanity (and her endurance) here.
We also decided to compile all our dating stories into one joint blog, for better or worse (mostly worse), and even managed to rope Ginny and Lily into accompanying us. You can read Snark & Sex by clicking here, and we're sorry in advance.
MANDY MOORE- Not counting Ginntastic, who I didn't actually meet through blogging, Mandy was the first blogger I ever hung out with in person. We got along so well that I've taken numerous trips into Pennsyltucky, we call and text each other so often that her boyfriend thinks we're lesbians, and I'm now the Godmother to her adorable daughter, Chicken. Mandy even convinced me to record a vlog, which will never, ever happen again.
And yes, that IS her real name. Technically, I believe she even got here first.
LILY- Lily is from Chicago and super bad-ass. I like to pretend that being New York City born and raised gives me ghetto cred but if it ever came down to a street fight Lily could totally protect me while I would probably just stand there and make yipping sounds. This is why she is my heterosexual wife, especially now that New York state just passed the marriage equality law. (PS- "no answer" means "yes!")
Lily also (stupidly?) agreed to become the fourth member of Snark & Sex, so you can get a double dose of the two of us there. Again, our apologies.
Recently, Lily bestowed upon me the honor of acting as a bridesmaid in her upcoming nuptials. This means that not only do I get to hang with her in Chi-Town again, but I also get to give a very inappropriate speech. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am super excited.
SARA NIPPLES- Sara Nipples was the first "Nip Clique" member I was introduced to through an innocent comment on one of my posts. Fortunately for both of us, that was the last time Sara, innocent and I were ever in the same room together. We were in 20sb chat at the same time one day, got bored and decided to convince everyone to change their handle (haha... "handle") to something perverted. Our entire group is in love with her- none of us could make it to her wedding, sadly, so we banded together and made a YouTube compilation of our own ceremony, complete with groomsmen, bridesmaid dresses and alcohol (NSFW, of course).
After numerous failed attempts, Sara and I finally got our NOLA weekend last year for my birthday. I'm informed that I did, in fact, have an awesome time.
Clearly, we were fated to meet each other. It saved two other people.
RISHA- Risha makes me jealous that I have accomplished absolutely nothing in my life thus far. She spends every day crusading for women's rights with her sexy British-like accent while I sit behind a computer screen writing pieces like this about why all my friends rule. Plus when we hung out in New York City guys were literally tripping over me to get to her. Bitch.
HARLEY- Have any of you seen this girl? She is so hot, and has an Irish accent to go with it. I know it's wrong to be jealous of your friends but you know what, fucking sue me. I want a sexy accent, too. I sound like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.
Having Harley in the mix is great because I didn't know her prior to joining the Nip Clique. Some of my friends had read her blog, so I'd heard her name, but had no idea what she was like. I'm lucky that she's as amazing as she is, and BTW, some of her posts are so filthy I'm surprised they weren't written by me.
All of us in the Nip Clique have now reached that stage where we're all pretty disgusting for each other. Now that most of the country says that practically anything can marry anything else, we're all probably going to get on that.
MAN MARRIES HORSE! FILM AT ELEVEN