Showing posts with label Aural Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aural Sex. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Aural Sex: July 2011 Edition


As a music columnist (just go with it), I look for every opportunity to marry my two greatest loves- Ryan Gosling and chocolate.

Ha! No. Well, yes, but seriously- any chance I get to make a connection between the two worlds of comics and music, count me in. Considering the shitty films we've been subjected to this summer, that gives me all the more reason to look back on the most badass collaborations between superheroes, supernerds and supersavants- the Comic Book Movie Soundtrack.

Unfortunately for the Comic Book Movie, most of them have the distinction of being pretty fucking terrible. For every The Dark Knight, there's a Batman & Robin (I think I just got inspired for a new round of SMAC!). This was a particularly difficult list to compile because a lot of films in this genre are scored and don't use a lot of songs in general. However, the ones that do decide to go the soundtrack route usually make good use of their decision.

Qualifications include having both a major comic book or graphic novel arc and a killer soundtrack. This leaves out breathtakingly abysmal pieces of shit such as Green Lantern (sorry, Reynolds), The Green Hornet, Fantastic Four 1 AND 2, both Men In Blacks, Daredevil, Elektra and The Spirit. Unfortunately, this also invalidates Sin City, 300, Hellboy 1 and 2, Dick Tracy, A History of Violence, Road to Perdition, Ghost World, V for Vendetta, The Rocketeer (Fuck you! I like that movie!), and, somewhat to my dismay, all of the X-Men films, which have instrumental scores. Observe the list, laugh, cry, break shit, whatever.

CAUTION: There are some spoilers in this post if you haven't read the books or seen the movies. So if you still scroll down, don't get pissed at me or anything.

The BATMAN Franchise



Batman first made his appearance in DC Comics #27 in 1939 and has had six films made about him, the first being Tim Burton's Batman in 1989. Batman also holds the honor of having both the best and worst biopics on this list- while The Dark Knight is not only my favorite comic book movie but also one of the most finely crafted and well-casted films I've ever seen in general, Batman & Robin is one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies I recommend you not watch unless under threat of slow, searing gas pain.

The character of Batman is seriously screwed up. If you think about it, he's some dude with serious parental issues, running around in a cape thinking that he's solving everyone's issues when actually, people just want him to shut the fuck up with that annoying voice. That's not an original concept or anything- if you take away the costume, you just described all my exes.

Three of the six Batman movies were scored (Batman Returns, Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight), and three of them had soundtracks. We'll cover the soundtracked movies here, because even though they weren't that great, the albums are pretty kick-ass.

Batman, 1989



The soundtrack to 1989's Batman was written, produced and performed entirely by Prince, with some guest vocals. It sold three million copies domestically and was number one on the Billboard charts for six weeks. Even if the album sucked, which it totally didn't, it was still created by Prince, which is an automatic win.
Batman Forever is one of the best music compilations I've ever heard. I still listen to most of these bands- I'm a HUGE fan of The Offspring and probably have half their catalog on my iPod. As it turns out, a lot of people agreed with me- it sold almost as much as Prince's Batman soundtrack and also reached #1 on the charts.

Too bad the movie sucked balls. I always feel kind of sorry for any film that's awful and is riding on the success of another media collaboration.

Here's a list of the most download-worthy tracks on the CD:

Smash- The Offspring
Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me- U2
Tell Me Now- Mazzy Star
There Is A Light- Nick Cave
The Passenger- Michael Hutchence
The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game- Massive Attack with Tracy Thorn
Kiss From A Rose- Seal (I'm not a huge fan of this one, but it won like a zillion Grammys, so I thought I would include it)

Also, here are some more artists featured on the album. I don't necessarily like all of them, but seeing as how this was the mid-nineties, these are all excellent choices for a collaborative CD.

Sunny Day Real Estate
Method Man
PJ Harvey
Brandy
The Flaming Lips




If it's possible, this one was even worse than Batman Forever. I remember that I actually saw this movie in theaters with the kid I was babysitting and even he wanted his money back. It was laughably, supremely awful. Another crime this film has committed: it makes me NOT want to look at George Clooney's rubber nipples. Shame on you, Batman & Robin.

If you insist on watching this movie, you should probably just fast forward to Uma Thurman's scenes as Poison Ivy. They are hilarious.

Youtube wouldn't let me embed this, but here's a brief preview:


The soundtrack, however, is pretty decent. There's a few choice tracks on there, and some really popular artists- back in 1997. R.E.M. is one of my all-time favorites, and I've had a rebirth of ladywood for Smashing Pumpkins ever since I saw them live last summer.

Revolution- R.E.M.
Foolish Games- Jewel
The End Is The Beginning Is The End- Smashing Pumpkins
The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning- Smashing Pumpkins

Some artists that are featured on the soundtrack that I'm not totally into, but are worth mentioning as a lot of people were listening to them back then:

Goo Goo Dolls
R. Kelly (I would make a joke here, but everything's already been done, so I'll just let it go)
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Soul Coughing




I'm ignoring the sequels and intended remake because The Crow is such an amazing movie and graphic novel. I love Bradley Cooper, but he makes no sense for this franchise and I am so worried that this reboot is going to be really stupid. So I'll just console myself with Netflix.

At any rate, The Crow's musical compilation features a ton of bands that I love, some performing tracks written by even more bands that I love. The standout is definitely Nine Inch Nails' interpretation of Joy Division's "Dead Souls." It was the first time I ever experienced an eargasm, only I didn't know what it was because I was like, six or something.

Here are the most noteworthy tracks on the CD:

Dead Souls- Nine Inch Nails (originally performed by Joy Division)
Burn- The Cure
Darkness- Rage Against The Machine
Big Empty- Stone Temple Pilots
Ghostrider- Rollins Band

And as usual, a list of other artists featured on the album:

Pantera
Violent Femmes
Jesus and Mary Chain

The IRON MAN Franchise (Thanks to Shells for reminding me about this one)



I really dug the first Iron Man film. I could totally get into a comic book movie that was tailored to adults, yet still shamelessly exploited the wants and needs of little kids. Plus they could have turned the camera on Robert Downey, Jr. while he toured a box factory for two hours and I would have stood in line for three days and bought twelve tickets at retail price.


The music featured in the first film was all scored by Ramin Djawadi, but the guitar pieces were done by Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave, so I was still superexcited.

The second movie, unfortunately, wasn't as enjoyable. It focused too much on Gwyneth Paltrow's unnaturally shiny legs and nasally indigestion voice. The soundtrack, however, was basically a showcase of my #mostfavoritestartistsEVER playlist, so it definitely makes my list. Some of the bands on the soundtrack include AC/DC, who are featured prominently throughout the movie, The Clash, Beastie Boys, Queen and Daft Punk.

And of course, if you hadn't figured this out by now, Ozzy's classic "Iron Man" plays in both films. The way it cuts into the ending of the first Iron Man is epic.


I saw this movie opening day and immediately fell in love with it. I have no idea why it performed so poorly. I do have my theories, though.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is based on the second in a series of graphic novels released in 2004. The Scott Pilgrim movie is maybe the most exact description of the words "graphic novel film" that anyone has ever come up with.
The entire movie is like a giant video game. Enemies turn into coins, Scott Pilgrim has a scene where he fights the evil version of himself, and there's a pop culture reference every ten seconds. There was a character named Stephen Stills, and I was the ONLY ONE in the theater that laughed. I CAN'T be that nerdy. Or can I?

The music in the movie is not only great, it's fun. Scott Pilgrim is like the high schooler's Google Reader version of High Fidelity. Scott Pilgrim's band, The Sex Bob-ombs ( a Mario Bros. reference- and I was NOT the only one that caught that), performs music written by Beck, and the songs by their rivals, Crash and the Boys, are composed by Broken Social Scene. The band Clash at Demonhead, meanwhile, was inspired by Metric, who my friend E was listening to years ago, before anyone knew who they were. E, BTW, is chilling somewhere in the UK right now, that lucky bitch.

As if that weren't enough, some of the artists on the soundtrack are Frank Black, T-Rex, The Rolling Stones (with the classic track Under My Thumb), Dan The Automator, Kid Koala and Radiohead producer Nigel Godrich. Also, tying into its Comic-Con theme, genuine music from The Legend of Zelda can be heard in a dream sequence.

Through Universal Studios, a teaser trailer was released as part of Scott Pilgrim's marketing campaign featuring music from The Prodigy, The Tings Tings, Be Your Own Pet, Cornelius, Blood Red Shoes and LCD Soundsystem, who I'm still depressed about.




The Spawn soundtrack is pretty damn ace. Comprised solely of collaborations, all its tracks are in the electronica, industrial or hard rock genre. It debuted at #7 on Billboard and sat on the charts for 25 weeks, selling over 500,000 copies domestically.

Some of the most bad-ass tracks on the CD include:

(Can't You) Trip Like I Do- Filter & The Crystal Method
One Man Army- The Prodigy & Tom Morello
Long Hard Road Out of Hell- Marilyn Manson & Sneaker Pimps
Tiny Rubberband- Butthole Surfers & Moby
Torn Apart- Stabbing Westward & Wink
Familiar- Incubus & DJ Greyboy
T-4 Strain- Henry Rollins & Goldie
Kick the P.A.- Korn & The Dust Brothers
Spawn- Silverchair & Vitro

Other artists featured that are worth mentioning include Kirk Hammett, Metallica, Silverchair, Slayer, Atari Teenage Riot and Soul Coughing. Seriously, I just gave you almost the whole CD. Pick this shit up.

The SPIDER-MAN Franchise



Since 1962, Spider-Man (and that's the correct spelling, not Spiderman or Spider-man) has been releasing sticky crap out of his hands. Again, a blazing reminder of every guy I've ever dated.

Anyway, the companion albums to the Spider-Man films are perhaps the most accurate portrayals of the superhero identity crisis in general, especially the teenage angst part- there's rock, pop, and a shit-ton of emo.

The best tracks are as follows:

Spider-Man, 2002:



Learn To Crawl- Black Lab
Shelter- Greenwheel
When It Started- The Strokes
Hate To Say I Told You So- The Hives

The artists featured on the CD aren't bad either. The basset hound from Nickelback recorded the song "Hero" for the soundtrack, along with Josey Scott from Saliva, Tyler Connolly from Theory of a Deadman, Matt Cameron from Soundgarden and Pearl Jam and Mike Kroeger from Nickelback. I personally can't stand this song, but it went 4x platinum in the US and hit #3 on the Billboard Hot 10o, as well as #1 on the Modern Rock charts, becoming a massive cross-promotional hit.

Other bands on the soundtrack include Alien Ant Farm, Sum 41, Macy Gray and Pete Yorn, with the Spider-Man main title getting its own reboot by Aerosmith.

Spider-Man 2, 2004:



In my opinion, this is album that most fits the Spider-Man themes of teen angst, redemption and loss, especially with the inclusion of Dashboard Confessional and the track by Jet. I have the entire album downloaded, but here are the songs you should really be listening to:

Vindicated- Dashboard Confessional
Hold On- Jet
Give It Up- Midtown

The artists chosen to contribute to the CD were a general VH1 hotlist of 2002. Here's a list of who else you can find in the track listing:

Train
Maroon 5 (I'll accept them on mute because Adam Levine is hot)

Too bad your music blows.
Taking Back Sunday
Yellowcard
The Ataris

There's also an awesome track from Queen guitarist Brian May. Can't go wrong with that!




This movie needed to redeem itself from its deplorable reception. Luckily, its soundtrack is just as exceptional as the first two. Hit up your iTunes for these:

Signal Fire- Snow Patrol
Move Away- The Killers
Pleased To Meet You- Wolfmother
Red River- The Walkmen
Falling Star- Jet

Spider-Man 3's companion CD also contains tracks by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Flaming Lips, The Oohlas, and Chubby Checker.

It's also worth mentioning that the Spider-Man Theme was re-recorded by the Ramones as a hidden track on their 1995 album !Adios Amigos!. Their version was also included in one of their live performances and in various other projects.

The SUPERMAN Franchise



I don't think it's necessary for me to go on about how obsessed I am with anything and everything Superman. But in case you don't know, and aren't nervous about finding out, go here.

Superman first appeared in DC Comics' Action Comics #1 in 1938 and ever since then has been floating around in comics, books, magazines, five movies, at least five television series, and um, my dreams. Wait! I mean no. Let's just move on and get to the music part.

The first film, Superman, was released in 1978, and has since become a classic. Hearing the the Superman theme that accompanies the opening credits is like Pavlov's bell to most little kids and um, myself.


All the films are scored, so they won't be covered here, unfortunately. However, I will tell you guys that I recently watched the movie on AMC three nights in a row even though I own it on Blu-Ray.

My advice to those of you who have not yet familiarized yourself with the Superman franchise is to move to America. After that, watch Superman, Superman II and Superman II:The Richard Donner Cut and skip everything else. 

Superman Returns should never have been made and was a desperate attempt to cash in on all the comic books that are being exploited by Hollywood. This new Man of Steel that's being slowly unraveled by Zack Snyder right now makes me very uneasy and I hope that having Jonathan Nolan on board means that I won't cry through all of 2012. I plan on writing a post airing all my grievances on this later on, so be on the lookout for that. Or, check out now. Your call.

SMALLVILLE:



I never got into Smallville, even though I really, really wanted to, because it was boring and stupid, but I did look up the music used on the show for the sake of this post, and, like most of the shows on the CW, that turned out to be its only redeeming quality. The Smallville theme was "Save Me" by Remy Zero, which I actually have in my iTunes, and some of the artists heard in the episodes included Stabbing Westward, The Juliana Theory, Sia AND Zero 7, Unwritten Law, Interpol, The Cult, and Juliette and the Licks (SERIOUSLY??? OHMIGOD!!! Maybe I should have watched.)

I did not, however, appreciate seeing a season 7 episode listing that appeared to be a showcase for that dude from OneRepublic who's like a whore for tweenyboppers. Also, when I was scrolling through the music section of the website I was just waiting to see that awful "Superman" song by Five For Fighting, because wouldn't that just be predictable and cheesy, and yup, there it was.

Apparently the show released two soundtracks as well, both of which didn't impress me, save for the inclusion of Depeche Mode's "Precious" on Volume Two: Metropolis Mix.

So basically, watch the first two movies, and call it a day. And try not to picture me geeking out and fanning myself when the Superman theme comes on.


Seriously, have you seen this guy's arms?

Most of the music used in Thor is a score composed by Patrick Doyle. However, I had to include this movie because in one scene, and the closing credits, Foo Fighters' "Walk," from their latest LP, Wasting Light, is used as the only non-instrumental piece deemed worthy enough to make it into the film. Dave Grohl's god-like awesomeness strikes again.




The Watchmen series was released in 1986, and is the only graphic novel before or since to make TIME's 100 All-TIME Greatest Novels list (in 2005). It was also featured at number 13 on Entertainment Weekly's list of 50 best novels in the last 25 years. Getting the feature film to finally hit theaters was a decades-long struggle that left fans salivating for a movie worthy of its caliber. Watchmen finally came out in 2009 from Warner Bros. Pictures.

While the movie wasn't a complete failure, fans of the book weren't exactly high on it as a whole. First of all, no matter how hot Billy Crudup is (and he is), no one wants to look at a big, blue schlong in our face for four hours- or, for that matter, for two minutes. Speaking of, what was up with that runtime? I've had relationships that were shorter than that. It's also a Zack Snyder movie all the way- he's not completely faithful to the novel, which again, makes me very, very apprehensive about Man of Steel.

However, the movie is memorable for the opening scene set to Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A-Changin'", which shows what our society has and will become. It does trick you into thinking that you just spent nine bucks on the Watchmen film you always wanted to see, but it's a mesmerizing scene nonetheless.

The soundtrack is a music buff's college term paper, with the aforementioned Dylan track plus classics by Hendrix and Janis Joplin. Also included is the closing credits title, an energizing effort from, surprisingly, My Chemical Romance, who usually annoy the shit out of me. They are covering a song originally performed by Bob Dylan, though, so maybe that explains it. Leonard Cohen's oft-interpreted "Hallelujah" also appears, both on the soundtrack and in the film (I remember that it played during a particularly disturbing sex scene between Silk Spectre II and Nite Owl II, which almost ruined it for me). Here's a complete listing of the best tracks from the movie:

Desolation Row- My Chemical Romance
Hallelujah- Leonard Cohen
All Along the Watchtower- Jimi Hendrix
The Times They Are A-Changin'- Bob Dylan
Me And Bobby McGee- Janis Joplin

The film also features two songs that are mentioned in the novel- "Hallelujah" and Simon & Garfunkel's "The Sounds of Silence."

As always, feel free to weigh in with your opinions below. I realize with every post that I write about comics I lose more and more street cred, but keep in mind that I weigh like fourteen pounds and look like I'm 12 anyway, so really, this is not hurting anything and you're all bound to find out anyway.
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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

AURAL SEX: AURALVERSARY EDITION

Things have been drunkenly going down here in the That Ain't Kosher offices, and by offices I mean my laptop, because this post marks the one year anniversary of Aural Sex! (Sadly, this also marks a very long anniversary of no oral sex, but let's move away from that before I get violent and then cry a lot.)

I've been involved with the music space for what seems like my entire life- I've even tried to get away from it, and no matter what I do, it always finds me (dammit). I'm always around musicians, music journalists, or music venues in some capacity, and if you go through the contacts in my phone, 3/4 of them have access to some kind of gear.

To honor the first birthday of Aural Sex, I've decided that I needed to immortalize the most exalted women in the music business- those that have recorded classic tunes, fronted powerhouse bands, and made the men of the industry think with their other head.

So thanks, guys, for sticking with me for one full year of Aural Sex. Turn this shit up- this list goes to 11.

THE ICONS



Aguilera could have easily become another Mouseketeer if it weren't for her ridiculous set of pipes. Even when she broke out with that stupid Genie song everybody know she was a true talent to watch out for.



The Bangles were the first band I ever saw live- I think I was like three or something. They also recorded a kick-ass cover of Simon and Garfunkel's "Hazy Shade of Winter" that made every girl on the planet want to pick up a guitar.

Did you guys know Pat Benatar started out as an opera singer? Did you also know she's only about 5'1?

Yup.



Bjork has one of the most recognizable vocal stylings in music- MTV ranked her voice at #8 on their "Greatest Voices" List. Her sound is eclectic and combines multiple genres, and this is often reflected in her personal style (see: swan dress. What the hell?).

Bjork is a refreshing release from the factory pop that gets churned out on a monthly basis- even her earlier work with The Sugarcubes had a decidedly post-punk feel. Thom Yorke has been quoted as saying that Bjork's "Unravel" is his favorite song, and Radiohead covered it in 2007. Oh my God. If the two of them recorded it together I would die. DIE.

Bjork's "All is Full of Love" was the first DVD single ever to be released in the US.

Last year, Bjork and The Dirty Projectors released a joint EP to benefit marine conservation. I wonder if my brother knows about that. I should give him a call.



It's 2011, so Cher is what, 106 years old, and is the only person in history to have both won an Oscar and recorded with Beavis and Butthead.


Other than that, Cher is the only person to have received an Oscar, three Golden Globes, Grammy, Emmy and a Cannes Film Festival Award. She is also the only artist to have a Billboard number one hit in each of the last six decades, and her "Farewell Tour" holds the record as the most successful tour by a female artist of all time. Cher's career has lasted over 45 years, while my last job lasted a month. Go me.

For all the jokes that are constantly being thrown around about Cher, no one seems to have more of a sense of humor about any of them than Cher herself. She always seems so normal and never takes herself seriously. It was especially hilarious when she appeared as herself on Will & Grace, and Jack thought she was a Cher impersonator. 

When her own daughter came out, first as a lesbian and then as a transgender, Cher was supportive and became a strong vocal advocate of the gay community. While I'm heterosexual, I am also a staunch defender of anyone who stands up for those who may have difficulty maintaining their own rights. I may not be a fan of Cher's music, but I am definitely behind her beliefs.



I'm tempted to leave her off this list because I'm convinced that she's solely responsible for everyone who thinks they're talented enough for American Idol. However, all of her songs, country or not, are pretty much pop culture staples and everyone and their dog knows the opening to "Crazy" and "I Fall To Pieces."

She died in a plane crash at the pinnacle of her career when she was only thirty years old, but she left an enormous impact on the music industry. She became the first woman ever to be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, and was voted among the most influential artists by CMT, VH1 and Rolling Stone.



Most of my friends don't know who Kim Deal is until I mention The Pixies. Then they still don't know who she is. Then I talk about The Breeders and they STILL don't know.

For shame, guys.

Needs no explanation. If you don't know why she's been included you may as well be clinically dead.



The Go-Go's are even cooler now that I know they had really filthy minds.

Debbie Harry is best known as the frontwoman for Blondie, one of the seminal bands of the New York City punk scene. I listen to Blondie all the time because they can't be grouped into one distinct genre- their sound combines new wave, reggae, rap and pop as well as punk.

Blondie was such an inspiration to me because in an era where guys were running the show, here was a band that was led by a hot, blonde chick. She still looks great, too- I'll probably look only half as good as her when I'm 65.



I've actually met Chrissie Hynde. I was in Washington, DC about 15 years ago and she was at a rally fighting for animal rights. So, not only is she one of the most iconic women in the history of music, but she also stands up for those who can't support themselves. She's also one of the nicest people on the planet, BTW.

LOVE HER.



Janet Jackson emerged as the "girl" in one of music's most all-time successful families to form a career that's been showing everyone how it's done for almost thirty years. In 1991, she signed the first of two multi-million dollar contracts, both of which would break previous records signed by any recording artist thus far. She's also managed to cross over into acting, starring on TV and in movies while still maintaining a successful record of noteworthy album sales. She could have easily sat back and just borrowed money from her brothers but she was determined to roll around in her own cash. Fuck yes.





Joan Jett is one of my idols. After The Runaways disbanded, she decided to start her own career. Jett got rejected by 23 major labels, so she started her own, independent label, Blackheart Records. From there, she recorded a cover of "I Love Rock and Roll" and made it her own. In a genre where the boys are all mentioned in one breath, Joan Jett is one of the most lauded and respected names in the business. She's also the only artist to appear on this list twice- both as as a solo act and in an all-girl band.

Plus, have you seen her lately? She looks fucking amazing. She's what, 50?



Did any of you know "Piece of My Heart" was a cover? That's a sign of a truly monumental talent- one that can take an original piece and turn it into something completely different. I can only imagine what Janis Joplin would be doing now if she hadn't totally fucked herself up.




"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" is the first song I remember dancing around to in my living room as a toddler. I developed a strong attachment to the way she rocked the punk look even though her music was happy and pop-y, and also her accent is from Queens.

New Yorkers do not sound sexy, yo. Have you ever talked to us for extended periods of time? It's like holding dialogue with Ray Liotta in Goodfellas.



She's kind of a joke now, but think about everything she's contributed to pop culture as a whole for the last thirty years.

I'm also kind of scared to say anything bad about her. Her velociraptor arms might crush my face.



I'm personally not a fan, but I can't put up a post about women in music and leave out the founder of Lilith Fair.

Plus anyone who ever watched Buffy, the Vampire Slayer knows what I'm talking about. That final scene of Season Two KILLED IT. (Thanks for NOT giving me the video, Youtube).



I remember my mom playing old Joni Mitchell records while I was growing up. I can't say that I ever became a huge devotee, but there's no way I can leave her out of a post of the most influential women in music.



Despite the fact that she just relinquished a few of the best Fleetwood Mac tunes to Glee, Stevie Nicks remains one of the icons not just of women in rock, but in all of musical history.



Nico was the female behind The Velvet Underground, as well a solo artist, model and Warhol muse from the 1960's through the early 80's. She was the inspiration for a multitude of pop culture staples before and after her death in 1988, including Patti Smith, Stevie Nicks, Bjork, The Eurythmics, Elliott Smith, Blind Melon and Anberlin.



Ignore her 4 Non-Blondes phase. Linda Perry has become one of the most sought-after songwriters and producers in the pop genre, collaborating with the likes of Pink, Christina Aguilera and Gwen Stefani.



Liz Phair hit the grunge scene hard at the same time as the guys, and even though I was too young to appreciate it then, I love Exile in Guyville now. Later she took a breather, had a son, and came back with a pop album, just to fuck with everyone's head.



Queen Latifah started out as a rapper and has since transcended pop culture, starring in a (shitty) TV series and an Oscar-winning film, also earning an Academy Award nomination herself. She is the first female hip-hop artist ever to receive an Academy Award nomination for acting. She can also be seen in ads for Cover Girl as a spokesmodel, and in commercials for Jenny Craig.

I hate rap, but even I have to admit that's pretty damn impressive. Will everyone shut up about whether she's a lesbian or not? I don't really give a shit. 


You thought they were a novelty until they picked up their fucking instruments. Too bad Lita Ford resorted to 80's hair metal.

The Runaways are also responsible for the eventual solo career of Joan Jett, so I'll forever be grateful.




Rap was owned by the men until "Push It."



Patti Smith, known as the "Godmother of Punk," is one of the foremost reasons that I'm proud to be from New York City. Technically, she's from Chicago, but she was one of the most important figures in the NYC punk and poetry movement. Her debut album Horses, as well her role in rock journalism, helped shape the way I listen to music. I also think it's awesome that she received an honorary doctorate from the college that my mom went to.

Since her contribution to the music scene, Smith has since been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and been given the Polar Music Prize. She was also specifically chosen to close the farewell ceremony for CBGB's.

Patti Smith is also directly responsible for the formation of R.E.M.- listening to Horses convinced Michael Stipe to start a band. So without Patti Smith, another of my favorite bands might not be around today. Thank you, Patti Smith.



Laugh if you will- she changed the face of teenybopper pop and managed to resurrect her career numerous times after a multitude of personal fall-outs. "Till the World Ends" is a pretty great club hit that could be just the comeback she needs.



I first was introduced to Tina Turner when she took on the role of The Acid Queen in The Who's Tommy. Of course, I saw it when I was five and I had no idea what an "acid queen" was; I only knew that I was mesmerized.


Later, I learned that Turner had overcome an abusive relationship with Ike to escape with both of their careers and legs that would take me years of pilates and eating only Ritz Bits. She STILL has better legs than I do. Holy shit.



I happen to think her music blows. However, 1997's Come On Over is the best-selling album of all time by a female musician and the eighth-best selling album of all time in the US.



I saw Heart in concert a few years ago, and the Wilson sisters are still phenomenal. Not only is the band fantastic, all their songs sound exactly as they used to.

I saw them perform with Journey and Cheap Trick. I actually took my dad to this show because all of my friends refused to go with me. I actually asked the guy I was dating at the time and he laughed at me, then realized I was serious, so he told me no. A-hole.

Also, for those of you that love Cameron Crowe movies (such as myself), Nancy- his wife- wrote the score for a number of them, including Elizabethtown, Jerry Maguire and Vanilla Sky (let's erase that last one). She also did the score for Almost Famous, which is my absolute favorite movie of all time, so that makes sense.

THE FUTURE:



Adele's voice blows me away. I didn't really notice her before, because I was never an enormous fan of her material, but I recently heard "Rolling In The Deep," and I had my "holy shit" moment. It's a really simple song, but there's so much power in her vocal stylings that you can tell that every word out of her mouth is one hundred percent real emotion. Take note, Avril Lavigne.

Not to mention, I think she's beautiful with hair that makes me superjealous. I wish reviewers would stop harping on the "even though she's bigger" factor, because it doesn't fucking matter. Her talent is amazing.



Nikka Costa's track "Like A Feather" was featured in a Tommy Hilfiger ad in 2000, and I still listen to it today. Later, "Everybody Got Their Something" appeared on an episode of the sixth season of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, which is only one of the GREATEST TV SHOWS OF ALL TIME.

I'm not so big on the funk genre, but Costa's music is pretty dance-able.



I've had the honor of seeing Feist perform live twice- once with Broken Social Scene and another as simply herself. At the time I had no idea that this was the same artist (I'm a little slow sometimes).

We all know Feist, even if we don't realize it- her "1234" was featured in the iPod Nano ad and thus allowed her solo career to blow up. I'll ignore the fact that she's from Canada because of her myriad of talent.

Canada also, however, gave us Justin Bieber. So I guess they cancel each other out.

Oh, plus, in some of her pics she kind of looks a little like Shelly, so that's a plus.



I first heard Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" in the second season finale of The O.C. I was immediately struck by the way her music deviated from most of the top-40 shit that was on the airwaves and downloaded the rest of the album Speak For Yourself.


Heap's style is the definition of eclectic- she's been known to use frying pans to create her music and leave subliminal messages for her friends and family. The only beef I have with her is that she allowed "Hide and Seek" to be sampled in that heinous Z-100 atrocity by Jason DeRulo.

Elly Jackson is the female half of the UK electro-dance-pop act La Roux. I first heard "Bulletproof" in Ginntastic's car about a year ago and ever since then it's been on perma-shuffle on my iPod. I'm usually not into this genre AT ALL so I can't explain my attachment to La Roux- maybe it's because they remind me of Boston Massacre 2010, or maybe it's because their songs are so damn catchy. Just download their shit and see for yourself.



I love Juliette Lewis. She's not only extremely versatile as an actress but her music is really fucking weird. She also just doesn't give a shit. I've seen her perform with her band, Juliette and the Licks, and again in a solo performance, and she prances around onstage like she's naked in her bedroom or something singing into her hairbrush.

Not like I've ever done that. Or anything.



Sia is better known as the vocalist for Zero 7, but if you haven't heard anything else she's done, you are seriously missing out. Her solo work is amazing. If you were a fan of Six Feet Under, you'll recognize "Breathe Me" from the masterful final sequence of the series finale. She has also released multiple solo albums and collaborations and taken home a shitload of Australian awards and accreditations.

Sia also recorded a cover of Radiohead's "Paranoid Android." I was so excited about this that I can even forgive her for her contribution to the Twilight soundtrack.

Also, I just found out that her uncle is Colin Hay, the dude from Men At Work who's now doing some pretty cool solo stuff. The More You Know.



I used to LOVE Veruca Salt when I was a kid. Listening to them made me feel like such a badass. Later I found out there was a guy in the band, so the image was slightly tarnished, but I was still kind of into the whole "chicks with sticks" thing, so I didn't really care. They toured with Hole in the mid-90's and I'm still pissed that I was never allowed to see that show because I was "too young." I still listen to "Seether" on repeat. That track is such a head-banger.

According to their Wikipedia page, Veruca Salt is still together, although it's really just Louise Post and some people using the Veruca Salt name (I hate when they do that).



Welch is the "Florence" behind the ubiquitous Florence + the Machine. The single "Dog Days Are Over" is probably one more advertisement away from becoming really obnoxious, but five million mad men can't be wrong, right?

I loved this song immediately upon my first listen, and it's pretty difficult to pass my initial test. Welch's vocals sound like a cross between Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's and Jewel after a three-day bender. Florence + the Machine's performance at the 2010 VMA's marked the only time I've watched MTV in the past seven years (I turned it off immediately after, though).

Florence + the Machine was recently bestowed with Glamour's Band of the Year award, as well as the Musician of the Year award from Elle Style. They were nominated for a bunch of other accolades in '09 and '10, including distinctions from Q Magazine, MTV (I use "distinctions" loosely here), MOJO, Billboard and the Grammys.

Add this to the fact that this girl is only in her mid-twenties, and I expect to see an even bigger boost in her career. I'll definitely be paying attention.

Of course this column wouldn't be Nugs-approved if I didn't have a section dedicated to those that piss me off. Take a look at the "artists" that set us females back twenty years.

BEYONCE

One of my very first posts was about how much I hate Beyonce. She's like the cast of Glee- everywhere you look, there she is. Beyonce would go to the American Egg Farm Awards if there were cameras there of any kind.

Beyonce- WE GET IT! You're alive! We see you! Time to move on and you know, do your job? Make some music?

Actually don't do that either. Your songs suck.




MILEY CYRUS

Miley Cyrus is like Champion of the Whores. That's pretty impressive for someone who's about four years old. At first when she just had that stupid show on the Disney Channel I could tolerate her, because she wasn't being marketed towards my demographic and it kept the kids quiet. Now she's so desperate to get away from her Disney image that she can't decide whether she's a hillbilly or a trailer park slut. Those photo shoots with her dad where she's laying with her head near his peen are incredibly fucking creepy. I love my dad too, but I don't like, LOVE my dad, if you get what I'm saying.

Once I was with my mom when she was watching Oprah (I know) and she had Miley Cyrus on performing a song with Joan Jett. I almost dry heaved. So, for all of you that are aspiring to be like the Wakefield twins, you should seriously consider a strong helping of Miley Cyrus.




LADY GAGA

Lady Gaga pisses me off because if you listen to her music, she actually has a lot of talent and I wish I could list her in the first section of this post. With a few more credentials under her belt, I could have actually seen her becoming a fairly prolific songwriter. Her own music is pretty catchy too- "Bad Romance" is fucking great.

I just can't stand her. I think she's an asshole who says things that she may not even believe just because she can, and her miserable personality detracts from her abundance of musical capability. Did any of you catch her interview on 60 Minutes? Anderson Cooper looked like he wanted to punch himself in the throat just to get away from her.


Lady Gaga is originally from New York City, and recently outraged both Yankees and Mets fans at both stadiums. As a born-and-raised New Yorker myself, she offends me just by walking around. Her talent is wasted by her constant, pathetic need for attention. High school is over, dude. You already got back at your haters just by being Lady Gaga; now focus on the creative process and keep making your awesome dance hits.

Idiot.
COURTNEY LOVE

I still love Live Through This. In an era when grunge was dominated by the boys, Hole's second album taught me that women could shake up the music industry as well. I kind of ignored the fact that the album was most likely written (uncredited) by Kurt Cobain and wore the shit out of that CD.

Later, after Cobain's untimely death and the subsequent demise of Nirvana, Hole released Celebrity Skin, which was radically different from their first effort. It wasn't bad, just almost contradictory. Its sound was decidedly pop, whereas Live Through This had been able to rock out with the likes of Nirvana, Alice In Chains, STP and the rest. This just added fuel to the rumors that Courtney Love hadn't penned any of the songs on the last album. Although reviews for both albums were generally favorable, a lot of the band's fans were disappointed with the follow-up.

Of course, we now know Courtney Love better for becoming a monumental fuck-up. She's since lost custody of her daughter, who won't even speak to her (she reportedly lives with Cobain's family) and posts asinine rants on Twitter that have so many grammatical errors I don't even know where to look.

The saddest thing about Courtney Love is that she could have been a principal contribution to the history of music, and now she's just a joke.

The file name for this picture was actually "disaster." Yup, sounds about right.

Kurt Cobain has been gone almost 20 years already. God, I'm so old.

GWEN STEFANI




Seriously? You're 40. Stop.

There's the Auralversary Edition of Aural Sex. I have no clue what I'm going to do for next month's next post, so uh, suggestions (and dollar bills) welcome.
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