tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-281133202024-03-14T01:36:37.406-07:00That Ain't KosherNugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.comBlogger176125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-73131011815129388212014-05-16T11:16:00.001-07:002014-05-16T11:16:11.094-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison Stanley Cup Playoffs 2014: Swedish Chef Edition)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Every year (as in, the last two), <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.ca/">Allison</a> and I predict which teams in the NHL postseason will make it through each round, eventually winning the coveted Stanley Cup. Unfortunately in 2014, the Quarterfinal fell during a
really busy week for me (Passover/Easter/family birthdays) so Allison and I grudgingly decided not to do our annual contest
where we try to make you guys take sides over who you think should win (clearly me). Also, in case you didn't notice, <i>That Ain't Kosher</i> has kind of fallen by the wayside
while I make room for life’s other important things like switching jobs, moving
and <strike>going to the gym</strike> eating candy. I know, try not to cry too hard while you imagine a world
without me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our plan changed when both my New York Rangers (a.k.a.
GREATEST TEAM EVER) and the Montreal Canadiens (Allison’s second place
finishers) made it to the Eastern Conference Finals and we realized that we
can’t be friends anymore, or at least until June. This gave me the brilliant
idea that we should both compose editorials on why each one of our teams is the
best, and then Allison switched it around and titled hers “Why My Team Will
Win.” How selfish of you, Allison. That’s not very Canada-y at all. So here is
my post on why everyone should root for the Blueshirts. You will all clearly
discover why I am winner and still champion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinbwReCLLpEVA2Eun2BCkqBqBXi6N8Ru93Wzzjs2bhinpnnKacPM7KaMPjf57hxywbcPkYtSP5_KO837YR8opPqRuK1bi1PBlh_fMUaMTycJaQNMcLyZ1pf5rCAqdkad3YMYWTBw/s1600/win_button.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinbwReCLLpEVA2Eun2BCkqBqBXi6N8Ru93Wzzjs2bhinpnnKacPM7KaMPjf57hxywbcPkYtSP5_KO837YR8opPqRuK1bi1PBlh_fMUaMTycJaQNMcLyZ1pf5rCAqdkad3YMYWTBw/s1600/win_button.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">BTW, her adorable reasons can be found <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.ca/2014/05/why-canadiens-will-win-by-me.html">here</a>. HAHAHA! She's so cute.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>EXHIBIT OH HAAAAAI:</b> Handsome Hank, or as I like to refer to
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constant <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vezina_trophy">Vezina</a> winner or finalist, even though this year it will probably go
to that douchebag Tuuka Rask. This entire postseason he’s been playing like a
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table.MsoNormalTable
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mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
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mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Observe:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggs1IsmYv1nf66X9egxExacOqsZRQhvfO5MB-PhhiomF4uMTg0dQK-ts3qSkuDsCY4U4ljV6S3oepqOOCQXX1lFqLQM7qgS5ELU8uVOwoSTOxmldqBLStjqvVE7zyVWfzpOA4OAw/s1600/RANGERS-2-articleLarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggs1IsmYv1nf66X9egxExacOqsZRQhvfO5MB-PhhiomF4uMTg0dQK-ts3qSkuDsCY4U4ljV6S3oepqOOCQXX1lFqLQM7qgS5ELU8uVOwoSTOxmldqBLStjqvVE7zyVWfzpOA4OAw/s1600/RANGERS-2-articleLarge.jpg" height="146" width="200" /></a></div>
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<o:Company>Roadmap Pictures</o:Company>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Plus, here he is on a boat.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, here he is in a suit:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8cNFvzH502XnqQGHSDvJyhuErzLWtyB9q1Dg5Y-hdFSnVR5J1UHrVtKbHlZMHxJENQUjCsC6HWp0QUC5R72aGOr3Be2vY6qU4W3gPzdPhIhjeg7FmjfJyTWLVMU3ULdA5_4utpg/s1600/henrik1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8cNFvzH502XnqQGHSDvJyhuErzLWtyB9q1Dg5Y-hdFSnVR5J1UHrVtKbHlZMHxJENQUjCsC6HWp0QUC5R72aGOr3Be2vY6qU4W3gPzdPhIhjeg7FmjfJyTWLVMU3ULdA5_4utpg/s1600/henrik1.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey girl, you know what's awesome? ME.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes he kind of looks like Aladdin, which confuses me
but Aladdin was also my first major childhood crush (don’t judge), so, major bonus points.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-oX4z1ayI-jrgKuHrtQIS-w51vib2Xh8SaeFa1eGFgaMj2opHgXQsupqdcAbRBXSwvjr663QwekC9Ci2Sdxa8omwIvrpXBbak9BwA4k2B1gGEPwMa_nZx8yEpkN8NfaiK7TDvQ/s1600/aladdin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-oX4z1ayI-jrgKuHrtQIS-w51vib2Xh8SaeFa1eGFgaMj2opHgXQsupqdcAbRBXSwvjr663QwekC9Ci2Sdxa8omwIvrpXBbak9BwA4k2B1gGEPwMa_nZx8yEpkN8NfaiK7TDvQ/s1600/aladdin.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Also, here he is staring at you. You're welcome.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnksDwMzGWv_QMBcH-Jh5XOq83fTxeW6iw0Hy9FW2gjkzx0dT1CEbn_3U0s5JgHdj7zgD7-wfqoGPw19NU9egZQDNjCaWpJBMO5cvzFrl4gH4BRgtzgd7j_1i07y-5iLJZf_b48g/s1600/mw-bread-and-boxer1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnksDwMzGWv_QMBcH-Jh5XOq83fTxeW6iw0Hy9FW2gjkzx0dT1CEbn_3U0s5JgHdj7zgD7-wfqoGPw19NU9egZQDNjCaWpJBMO5cvzFrl4gH4BRgtzgd7j_1i07y-5iLJZf_b48g/s1600/mw-bread-and-boxer1.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;">Also, he loves babies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6jBSMGWNm0JGFiVTVq1zSG-uOhUXAgB5UvJn8CCHTfPozwX-v5PIIfuyg6iWgkrXGFr9x8NhUokMkb_Y-xCEFNgCo-pPmgM-ZjMMVYkQ2T8p0OfjcSyawXrk8nfdqMZ_HiEN0w/s1600/huvudbild_henke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij6jBSMGWNm0JGFiVTVq1zSG-uOhUXAgB5UvJn8CCHTfPozwX-v5PIIfuyg6iWgkrXGFr9x8NhUokMkb_Y-xCEFNgCo-pPmgM-ZjMMVYkQ2T8p0OfjcSyawXrk8nfdqMZ_HiEN0w/s1600/huvudbild_henke.jpg" height="108" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BABIES!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt;">Also,
here he is in a suit again.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkMDveBHbZCYgukvofXYCXQdYDKwRA9LL9BEQpGV04j9e5vIISlnwXggwF7NyEMl0ftJ2QN4tNXkBDgiJk59lMYKMIab-2iq1_mF-APNBTpEBoxQ2rKq3Tj-O3vEUskgJ6dfBqPg/s1600/henrik--300x300+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkMDveBHbZCYgukvofXYCXQdYDKwRA9LL9BEQpGV04j9e5vIISlnwXggwF7NyEMl0ftJ2QN4tNXkBDgiJk59lMYKMIab-2iq1_mF-APNBTpEBoxQ2rKq3Tj-O3vEUskgJ6dfBqPg/s1600/henrik--300x300+(1).jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Update: I guess <a href="http://www.careyprice.com/">Carey Price</a> is also OK looking, but in that
“I look like I’m 12 and also, Canada” way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So yeah, but no. I do admit that Price is an exceptional
goaltender- it requires a certain amount of stamina and skill to knock the Cup-favorite
Bruins and their high-school bullying out of contention- but in no way does he
come close to Henrik Lundqvist. Period. The End.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, here’s Hank in a suit.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisy4glJv3p_1wKPk4msaKeEVinPtTka8jFXVoklcdAXBQoNSukcA2-FLMz68-_NBvyGa4v4AFuuJF3UYak-LCa_XdS1sbcCu4vekpN5qYi1ZuubeulBhZ5FTkC3hnxa5ppewhBGg/s1600/LUNDQVIST-BED-432x358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisy4glJv3p_1wKPk4msaKeEVinPtTka8jFXVoklcdAXBQoNSukcA2-FLMz68-_NBvyGa4v4AFuuJF3UYak-LCa_XdS1sbcCu4vekpN5qYi1ZuubeulBhZ5FTkC3hnxa5ppewhBGg/s1600/LUNDQVIST-BED-432x358.jpg" height="165" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, probably shouldn't have looked at a picture of him on a bed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I think you can see where I’m headed with this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>EXHIBIT B CUP:</b> (see what I did there? CUP? So clever.) So Allison, in
case you didn’t realize, not ALL your games are played in Montreal. We have a
home ice advantage, as well, and Rangers fans “bleed blue” for a reason. The
New York sports community is one of the most loyal there is in the US,
especially when one of our teams makes the postseason. The Rangers beat the
Pens, who we hate, and the Flyers, who even their players’ moms hate, to get
here. Not to mention that there’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
excitement of an Original Six matchup, with two teams that each haven’t won in
20 years. I’m betting on an astronomical attendance at the Garden, and even a
huge fanbase at the Bell Centre, which will only boost the Blueshirts' morale. Watching it
on a big screen means nothing if your team doesn’t know that you’re there. "Ole," my ass. GO-O-OAL!
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8312x6cq9m91qJVe-tIkKAKkB70zz6Yw-m8vBowUEH2-2fCaRZJnPBYPqNRWyPpbN5tZN9BpYFNAKDIFnBUX6-GQM2dD6aMtHVGw7nVeVD-QgT5JxP9YA91KOb0anuNYIFPdp7A/s1600/blue.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8312x6cq9m91qJVe-tIkKAKkB70zz6Yw-m8vBowUEH2-2fCaRZJnPBYPqNRWyPpbN5tZN9BpYFNAKDIFnBUX6-GQM2dD6aMtHVGw7nVeVD-QgT5JxP9YA91KOb0anuNYIFPdp7A/s1600/blue.png" height="49" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">FYI- I’m in no way suggesting that New York City hockey fans
are bigger than Canadian ones. You guys are <i>insane</i>. Like, scary insane. Like,
hockey is pretty much all you guys have. Besides Molson. And flannel shirts.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcMsdCjUUq4i8_5aBp-ULFsPSUyxKioo2jA-WMjDKrM5_zXhfUA2hCA8x0aTaVgVjc7Jt_pN9V-Vql-FQL9g-raQ7BCD17Z3FwPhnSSlozJQjKl6z8KXzdDxdNUwRm0XR2pZRBw/s1600/canada.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcMsdCjUUq4i8_5aBp-ULFsPSUyxKioo2jA-WMjDKrM5_zXhfUA2hCA8x0aTaVgVjc7Jt_pN9V-Vql-FQL9g-raQ7BCD17Z3FwPhnSSlozJQjKl6z8KXzdDxdNUwRm0XR2pZRBw/s1600/canada.jpg" height="198" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>EXHIBIT BABY GOOSE:</b> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWEoV-KShAw0-kH_8a09exDPG7tnuTNk0YdQ60j92hhuN1pls4Hr7M0e3qysumMizvyKCAkyzctGiNjMVRLTROTKrhrjB0XrjqTAy1quSAKoX6j69uUarGnWRF-V3pC0sx7hHDmQ/s1600/goose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWEoV-KShAw0-kH_8a09exDPG7tnuTNk0YdQ60j92hhuN1pls4Hr7M0e3qysumMizvyKCAkyzctGiNjMVRLTROTKrhrjB0XrjqTAy1quSAKoX6j69uUarGnWRF-V3pC0sx7hHDmQ/s1600/goose.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, yes. Put your puck in my net.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our forwards can pretty much do no wrong
right now. After the tragic loss of Marty St. Louis’ mother, he chose to come
back and perform with his team; then scored the first goal of the game- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">on Mother’s Day</i>. Even Penguins fans
probably cheered him on. Brad Richards, Derek Stepan and Daniel Carcillo are
killing everything. If Chris Kreider manages to stay out of the penalty box, we can
expect a lot from him as well. Any one of our main forwards could fill the
vacant Captain slot next year and I would be fine with that. (HAHAHAHA. “Fill
the vacant slot.”)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHkIOYLCvNJCPRtB8C1vcaz46wV04f3G4Fm9VosAvNXNul1PAqq_poKZavfMFgyETE5_ycEuMmU4L5u98h75dFLiq_2NIW7flDsxL5_p8lWsnOKxeZXCri2oOzUke2zZ4yORSi0A/s1600/immaturity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHkIOYLCvNJCPRtB8C1vcaz46wV04f3G4Fm9VosAvNXNul1PAqq_poKZavfMFgyETE5_ycEuMmU4L5u98h75dFLiq_2NIW7flDsxL5_p8lWsnOKxeZXCri2oOzUke2zZ4yORSi0A/s1600/immaturity.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm an eight year old.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>EXHIBIT DD:</b> At first I wasn’t sure about Alain Vigneault as our
head coach, to be honest. When we swapped with Vancouver, the Canucks were
perennial chokers, never making it that far in the Playoffs. But he’s proven to
be a great addition to the Club, with a style that’s clearly suited the Rangers
and helped them advance to the Final Four. Vigneault has also previously
coached Montreal, so even though it’s a different roster, he knows how to get
past the most decorated team in the NHL. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Meanwhile, John Tortorella is now an even bigger asshole,
and the Canucks sucked even harder. Tort got fired at the end of this
regulation season when they failed to make the playoffs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>EXHIBIT SQUEE:</b> I'm not going to make your decisions for you, but this happy puppy probably already did.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd8mGATxIJ0Wp_IBY1X1z68vueKBExVdnNjEUgyx8SMYWM8DWIvTlpxJUw7M_1wcI1BgboyTdnMPk-jBLLJg-76pteYzpKtd63iswIZqQuUW7waAUCHJ29ucGZoaBjBlGQ07xHxg/s1600/tumblr_mwwqisOnWn1qm6joao1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd8mGATxIJ0Wp_IBY1X1z68vueKBExVdnNjEUgyx8SMYWM8DWIvTlpxJUw7M_1wcI1BgboyTdnMPk-jBLLJg-76pteYzpKtd63iswIZqQuUW7waAUCHJ29ucGZoaBjBlGQ07xHxg/s1600/tumblr_mwwqisOnWn1qm6joao1_500.jpg" height="135" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, here’s Hank in a suit:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfO7J15WgkqQu62lrlsa6EOI6qTdlDNzGEBhHicNkj_YFAHs1LKcS9L-uxlHELkDHkaFGCjkbCcOzVmEKw6_ntSsEC3x1thiFR4Jm-wZ_sT2f0dOq6evf7MH4mE6S8RZmbfn-Dw/s1600/gifta_henrik_lundqvist_traffar_fortfarande_prinsessan_madeleine-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfO7J15WgkqQu62lrlsa6EOI6qTdlDNzGEBhHicNkj_YFAHs1LKcS9L-uxlHELkDHkaFGCjkbCcOzVmEKw6_ntSsEC3x1thiFR4Jm-wZ_sT2f0dOq6evf7MH4mE6S8RZmbfn-Dw/s1600/gifta_henrik_lundqvist_traffar_fortfarande_prinsessan_madeleine-2.jpg" height="320" width="223" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You can catch Game 1 tomorrow, May 17th at 1 pm on NBC. You <i>could </i>root for Montreal, but then you would have to explain why you like something from the same country that birthed us Justin Bieber.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah.</span><br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-66915633555921348362013-11-27T09:35:00.000-08:002013-11-27T09:35:34.088-08:00NUGS AND TITS "DO" THANKSGIVING: THE SLACKER EDITION<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This Thanksgiving, I've come to the not-shocking-at-all revelation that I'm super lazy, especially considering I haven't put up a post in like eleven years. I really wanted to commemorate the celebration by writing something that expressed my gratitude for all of you, but like I said before, super lazy, but also, super-GENIUS oh haaaai.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last Thanksgiving, <a href="http://coyoterose.blogspot.com/">Coyote Tits</a> and I decided to impart our infinite holiday brilliance by providing you all with a guide to dealing with the families of your significant others. I was single at the time, but now I'm not, and I've met the parents several times since then, but I'm pretty sure that his mom has already tried to find out if any/all of her friends have available daughters. So take this advice and do with it what you will.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Because I'm not 100% indifferent, I did decide to return to <i>That Ain't Kosher</i> and put up a blog entry. <strike>Un</strike>fortunately for you guys, it's pretty much the re-post of last year's Thanksgiving Family Rules. However, it does contain some pretty substantial tips on how to secretly get drunk at your own house, so you're welcome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you want a better read, head over to Tits' blog, where she's been way more on top of this than I have.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AHAHAHAHAHA. "On top."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tits' acute knowledge is in blue; my agile proficiency is in red.</span><br />
<ol>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not bring your dog.</b> I don't care how cute Precious is and that she's normally so well-behaved and fits in your purse. Don't do it. </span><span style="color: red;"><b>Nugs: </b>Especially if they are Tits' dogs (below). She likes to think she's an awesome mom but it's really because she lets them get away with fucking murder because they're so adorable and she's a pushover.</span></span></li>
<ol><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></ol>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">As cute as they are, remember that they will hog all the food and/or attention.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do Not wear sweat pants, Ugg boots and an old tank top.</b> At least try to look like you are making an effort.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do Not complain about the food.</b> I don't care if it doesn't taste like your grandma's mashed potatoes, and so what that they have oysters at their dinner. Keep your bitching to yourself.</span></li>
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<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>If you have a food allergy tell someone in advance.</b> My sisters are lactose intolerant and so we tell everyone like 20 times in advance or bring our own food. Don't show up and be like "yeah I'm gluten free, vegan and allergic to garlic."</span></li>
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</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="color: blue;">Do Not try to have sex at their house.</b><span style="color: blue;"> Can you spell awkward? </span><b><span style="color: red;">Nugs:</span><span style="color: blue;"> </span></b><span style="color: red;">That never happened to me that one time in college or anything.<b> </b></span></span></li>
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</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not flirt with someone who isn't your date.</b> I don't care if his older brother is Brad fucking Pitt, wait till after Thanksgiving to flirt with him.</span> <span style="color: red;"><b>Nugs:</b> Unless said brother is Baby Goose. Then all bets are totally off, and no one would blame you. Especially me.</span></span></li>
<ol><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></ol>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5aJF-6nGe2vE9XNxRYTir25g7FY9uAOF85duTFympMxg5wFwAbQ1VAEL-7VuY8XB4hILJ0n3ePo8NAyRkHZMu8Hd1uyH9gsUz8hS46hLLtK-UPd1Ua8gdxLNPG4kNi6Z2dPO6Vg/s1600/hey+girl+ryan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #4d469c; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5aJF-6nGe2vE9XNxRYTir25g7FY9uAOF85duTFympMxg5wFwAbQ1VAEL-7VuY8XB4hILJ0n3ePo8NAyRkHZMu8Hd1uyH9gsUz8hS46hLLtK-UPd1Ua8gdxLNPG4kNi6Z2dPO6Vg/s1600/hey+girl+ryan.jpg" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
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<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do Not get drunk</b> - Even if the family makes you fucking insane, try to limit yourself to enough wine to just get you tipsy.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do Not smoke.</b> Anything. Even if offered. This is clearly a trick. Again, this never happened to me, ever.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do Not bring up taboo topics. </b>Find out what they are in advance and avoid them at all costs. Whether this be religion, politics, cats vs. dogs, <i>Dancing With the Stars</i>or the New York Yankees a.k.a. the Evil Empire, learn what gets your date's family all wonky and DO NOT DISCUSS.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do know how to dress. </b>CANNOT BE STRESSED ENOUGH.<b> </b>I don't care if your "best feature" is your amazing rack; it's probably not the best idea to shove it in his parents' face. Usually a nice pair of jeans and a dressy top that <i>doesn't </i>put the goods on display is your best bet. Unless, of course, his brother is Baby Goose. See Rule #6.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span>
<li style="margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Do know how to win over every family member individually. </b>While this may seem like the ultimate in horrific situations, don't commit suicide just yet. Basically the key to mastering this art is what I (and the US Army) refer to as "Divide and Conquer:"</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">THE MOM:</span></b><span style="color: #cc0000; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: red; text-align: center;">This is the most difficult, since showing up at her Thanksgiving feast is an admission that you're being railed on the regular by her baby boy (doesn't matter what his birth order is; he will ALWAYS be her baby boy). The trick to winning over his mother is to go on and on about how amazing her son is (not in that way, because GROSS). Also offer to help out during dinner as often as you can, especially with dishes. Getting his mom to love you is <i>by far</i> the most important because if she hates you, it only goes downhill from there.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Tits: </b></span></span><span style="color: blue; text-align: center;">Seriously, I've been there with a mom hating me. I always like to volunteer to bring something like cookies or wine.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>THE DAD:</b> The males of the family are always easier for me, probably because I'm half a dude myself and I realize now how weird that made me sound. The best strategy for the father is innocent flirting- "oh, Mr. Gosling, I see where your son gets his great <strike>ass</strike>. Eyes! I meant eyes." Just kidding. Never talk about anyone's ass. Keep it to neutral topics such as intelligence and snappy dressing, or radiation levels.</span></div>
<div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLMaYaUjMF-6BhJe2j8aCIwwD4D3oJ6LMxPebIUls4Kmsg0N4QTPCuIhaGkBDYNWDoAPeGDxgPyeq3__3u5eajmW41SfjEF0NGPjE4aegI6Up-7gQOaQTdWyJ8J7DBP88VuZmunQ/s1600/r-RYAN-GOSLING-large570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #4d469c; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLMaYaUjMF-6BhJe2j8aCIwwD4D3oJ6LMxPebIUls4Kmsg0N4QTPCuIhaGkBDYNWDoAPeGDxgPyeq3__3u5eajmW41SfjEF0NGPjE4aegI6Up-7gQOaQTdWyJ8J7DBP88VuZmunQ/s320/r-RYAN-GOSLING-large570.jpg" height="133" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid transparent; box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.199219) 0px 0px 0px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">If this is any of his relatives let me know. I'll be right over.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b>SIBLINGS:</b></span><span style="text-align: left;"><b> </b>Dealing with siblings is usually more manageable due to the fact that your date will probably brief you on the situation prior to your arrival. If one of their brothers or sisters is exceptionally unbearable you'll most likely have been prepared for it way in advance. For the regular, more normal siblings, mastering them should be relatively (see what I did there?) more simple:</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<ul style="line-height: 1.4; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0.5em 0px; padding: 0px 2.5em;">
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b>BROTHERS: </b>Brothers are pretty painless- just sit down in front of the TV and watch the football game with them. If you're a fan, don't hold back with the commentary. If you're not, let them know that you're "trying to get into it." Also, it helps if you're moderately attractive. </span><span style="text-align: left;">Just sayin.</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span></li>
<li style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0.25em; padding: 0.25em 0px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b>SISTERS:</b></span><span style="text-align: left;"><b> </b>Contrary to what my scintillating personality may have you believing, I am, in fact, of the feminine persuasion, so I am aware that the best way to charm a woman is to let her talk about herself. Find out from your date what she's into and ask her questions, and let her dominate the conversation. You're in.</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;">12.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: red; line-height: 18px;"><b>Do use this handy guide from <a href="http://www.happyplace.com/19382/happyplaces-thanksgiving-drinking-game-instructions" style="color: #4d469c; text-decoration: none;">HappyPlace.com</a> with your own family. </b>You'll thank us later.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and remember that there is always coffee, booze, and football to get you through the holidays. And if not, there's always FIRE!</span></div>
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-87192776563328772482013-07-12T12:54:00.003-07:002013-07-12T13:00:37.199-07:00Drown, Motherfuckers: A Review Of Your New Favorite MovieDepending on how long you've been following <i>That Ain't Kosher</i>, you're probably aware that I'm obsessed with sharks. In fact, the word "obsessed" probably doesn't even cover it. My enthusiasm for sharks is probably akin to how Ron Burgundy feels about scotch.<br />
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Sharks are ridiculously awesome, except for those pussy-ass Nurse Sharks that don't eat people. Every year I host a party for <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/08/joy-to-world.html">Shark Week</a>, although to be honest that party is usually in my head. When I went to Sea World recently (more on that in an upcoming post) I totally embarrassed Iron Man by making him go through the shark exhibit at least four times that I can remember.<br />
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One of the most excellent ways to commemorate sharks (besides Shark Week, of course) is to watch one of the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2010/05/saturday-night-femur-if-you-care-my.html">SyFy Channel's Original Movies</a>. A surprising number of them contain the word "shark" in the title, with my personal favorites being <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1545986/?ref_=sr_1">Dinoshark</a></i>, <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1350498/">Megashark vs. Giant Octopus</a></i>, and of course, the greatest moment in cinematic history, <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1619880/?ref_=sr_3">Sharktopus</a></i>. (I also just found out that SyFy has bestowed us all with a movie called <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0491005/?ref_=sr_2">Kaw</a></i>. That isn't even a real word! I love this so much.)<br />
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For your viewing pleasure, here is a list of the <a href="http://www.listal.com/list/scifi-channel-original-movies-artemispanthar">SyFy Channel Original Movies</a> so you can plan the rest of your life. You're welcome.<br />
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Continuing with this storied tradition, SyFy debuted another Original last night with what is probably the second-best title for any film of all time (<i>Sharktopus </i>still wins): <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2724064/?ref_=sr_1">Sharknado</a></i>.<br />
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Due to the fact that SyFy films usually premiere on Saturdays, I must believe that television execs have declared <a href="http://www.imdb.com/company/co0042909/?ref_=fn_al_co_2">The Asylum</a> finally ready for primetime. This is the jackpot, people! Prepare for your minds to be blown.<br />
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So apparently, <i>Sharknado</i> was written by some dude named Thunder Levin. THUNDER Levin. Right away this has promise.<br />
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I originally assumed that this would be the thinking man's movie of the year; focusing on SharkNATO, a group that handles GovernShark events and keeps oceanic peace. Alas, it did not. Instead, <i>Sharknado </i>centered on a hurricane that swept through Los Angeles, carrying all the sharks in the sea with it. There were sharks on highways and city streets, in personal pools and IN HOUSES, biting random people and also swallowing them whole. It was amazing.<br />
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Perhaps the most exciting part of <i>Sharknado</i> was the cast that it managed to assemble. After begging and pleading with their agents, SyFy was fortunate enough to snag Ian Ziering and Tara Reid as a former couple (IM: "Yeah, right."). To his credit, Ziering, who we all know as the "not hot" dude from <i>90210</i>, has aged impressively well.<br />
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Tara Reid, however, has not.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yikes.</td></tr>
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Also there is no way Tara Reid would have two kids that are like 25. Fail, SyFy Channel.<br />
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There was also a scene in the beginning where some Asian guy and some other guy (I couldn't tell where he was from, because his accent kept going away and coming back) were making some kind of deal to trade some shark fins, or something. You may wonder if this scene was important, or if these people would ever be discussed further.<br />
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No.<br />
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<i>Sharknado</i> is so spectacular because it has all the makings of a consummate SyFy event. It was the perfect way to introduce Iron Man to the wonderful world of SyFy Channel Original Movies, with the heinous overdubbing and ever-changing lighting tones. The green screen was also a standout, especially the scenes in the car. I won't give away any more about that, because if you didn't watch, shame on you. You're obviously allergic to fun.<br />
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The characters are all quite appealing, including Tara Reid's boyfriend, who resembled Prince Eric if he drove a windowless van. He shows up, as is typical, for about three minutes looking particularly rapey, gracefully and adroitly recites a Shakesperean sonnet, makes a molesty face and then gets eaten by a shark that's swimming around the house. Then everybody leaves to find 90210's son who everyone totally forgot about until halfway into the movie. Some 22-year-old chick with a shotgun gets mad because 90210 neglected to mention his ex-wife and kids even though they only met like half an hour ago. Stage Five Clinger, perhaps?<br />
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Then again, maybe you shouldn't piss off anyone who can shoot a huge gun and pilot a terribly-CGI'd helicopter. Also, speaking of this, one of the most brilliant scenes in <i>Sharknado</i> was when a shark hung off the bottom of the copter and then ate the girl. It was fucking phenomenal, but sadly I couldn't find any videos or screenshots so you'll just have to trust me.<br />
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Honorable Mention: Tara Reid utters the now-classic "We're not all gonna fit in here." And the Emmy goes to... Interesting. Challenge accepted.<br />
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The part I was really looking forward to finally appeared in the last four minutes. I had been spoiled by the guys over at <a href="http://www.uproxx.com/">Uproxx</a>, who perhaps were anticipating <i>Sharknado</i> nearly as much as I had been. This is how they described the scene that pretty much cemented this as the most definitive archetype in cinematic history since <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0430334/?ref_=sr_1">Mansquito</a></i>, which is saying a lot:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">IAN ZIERING CUTS HIMSELF OUT OF A SHARK’S STOMACH WITH A CHAINSAW. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">WITH. A. CHAINSAW.</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;"> THIS MEANS THAT EITHER (A) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK WHILE HOLDING A CHAINSAW, (B) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK AND FINDS A WORKING CHAINSAW IN ITS STOMACH, OR (C) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK AND THEN SOMEONE FEEDS THE SHARK A CHAINSAW SO HE CAN FREE HIMSELF.</span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><br /><br /><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: xx-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;">This movie is the equivalent of online dating circa 1996: I fell in love with it before we even met. The only difference is it turned out to be everything I had hoped it would be and more. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: xx-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: xx-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I cannot WAIT for the inevitable sequel. Bearicane? Piranhacano? Damon Lindelof has so far <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0511541/?ref_=sr_1">ruined everything he's ever touched</a> but I have to admit that even I would watch this: </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><a href="https://twitter.com/ElizabethBanks/status/355512689419759616">https://twitter.com/ElizabethBanks/status/355512689419759616</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: xx-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00390625); font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: xx-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;">In conclusion, I give you this .jpg of one of the final scenes from <i>Sharknado</i>. It sums up everything about the movie and if this doesn't get you, well, I'm shit out of ideas:</span></span></span><br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-48022015556529286562013-06-25T15:56:00.001-07:002013-06-25T16:01:48.407-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison 2013 Edition: I Was Saying Boo-Urns)<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The NHL postseason is over, and I have to admit to being wrong.</span><br />
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Allison and I have been <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2013/06/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-2013-edition_13.html">recapping the Stanley Cup playoffs</a> for you, going through every round and predicting who will advance. We also did this last year, and despite Allison being born and raised in Hockey Country, <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/06/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-edition.html">I won</a> with so many points that even I felt bad for her. This year Allison got the gold star, so we've both been equally humiliated. </span><br />
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This is a weird feeling, since I'm right about stuff practically all the time. I don't know what to do about this. </span><br />
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You can see Allison's gloating on her blog, <i><a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2013/06/final-recap-nugs-vs-al-nhl-playoffs.html">My Quarter-life Crisis</a></i>.</span><br />
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<b style="color: red; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">NUGS' RECAP:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">In calling this series, I definitely wanted Chicago to win. Like, really, really badly. I'm pretty positive that everybody hates the Bruins, unless you live in Boston and are therefore a totally obnoxious sports fan by default (except if you're <a href="http://ginnyinboston.blogspot.com/">Ginny</a>- <i>love you</i>), but seeing as how they <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2013/06/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-2013-edition.html">decimated the Rangers</a> in the Semifinals, I was more than ready to see the Bruins go down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">However, I had to be logical, and I truly believed that the Stupid Boo-urns were the more able team. I did predict a seven game series, and a lot of OT, but I assumed that the Bruins' massive size and physicality would lead them to their second Cup since 2011. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Last night it seemed as if Boston would take the series into Game Seven- they dominated the Blackhawks and eventually scored. It remained 1-0 until Allison's boyfriend and Chicago captain <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_toews">Jonathan Toews</a> tied it up in the second. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">FYI, Allison: You may want to let Toews in on the fact that you two are, in fact, together. Then again, I'm waiting to let Baby Goose know. It has to be just the right time- you know, after our second child is born.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yeah...I don't...arms...I'm sorry, what?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Then the third period happened, and Boston scored again, making it 2-1. I breathed a little easier, thinking that I would have at least one more game to consider what sort of present I would request that Allison send me in the mail. Then came the last minute, and the Hawks scored again- twice. Center <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Bolland">Dave Bolland's</a> goal sealed the deal for Chicago and the Stanley Cup was theirs, for the second time in four years. I wish the Conn Smythe had been awarded to him instead of Patrick Kane, who admittedly is a fantastic player but <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Kane#Assault_and_theft_charges">sucks ass as a human being</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I am disappointed in my loss, but this does mean public humiliation for the Stupid Boo-urns. So really, I can't be that upset. Also, remember that Allison failed miserably last year, and she's the one that's Canadian. So you could sort of consider this a victory for America Junior, I guess. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Also, keeping with the theme of <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2013/06/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-2013-edition_13.html">"Nugs Looks Like a Dumbass,"</a> Iron Man called this series as well, down to the number of games. I should bring him to Vegas. <a href="http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/">Lily</a> also said that the Hawks would win, but that's probably only because she's from Chicago and loves them. She's a Cubs fan, too, so I never really listen to her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Because I apparently haven't learned anything from any of this, I'm calling it now: Rangers 2014. In 4.</span></div>
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<b style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ALLISON'S RECAP:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This wasn't easy, and there were a lot of doubters, but sticking by Chicago from the start was a wise move for me. Their series against Minnesota was fairly predictable, but the games against Detroit, LA and Boston weren't easy. I had faith in them because I knew they had the talent. I knew that a team can't have the kind of regular season record they did and go down without a fight. They fought hard and they won. I'll admit to having my doubts about them a few times, but I decided to be loyal to my choice and not flip flop. Throughout the playoffs many people questioned the abilities of some of the players. Jonathan Toews wasn't scoring enough, Corey Crawford had a weak glove-side, blah blah blah. It seemed like the media just didn't want them to win. I found myself wanting to punch Don Cherry last night because of his bias towards Boston. Of course he wanted Boston to win, as a former coach of the organization, but as a sports reporter you need to talk about both teams' strengths and weaknesses. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Obviously, I would be 100x more excited if the Habs had won the Cup (I would have called in sick today probably), but I've always had a lot of respect for the Blackhawks - so I don't consider this a bandwagon jump. Leaf fans are, of course, making this victory all about them. As if Chicago beat Boston on their behalf. Newsflash, Chicago doesn't give a shit about your sad first round loss! This isn't about you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Editor's Note: Agreed. This was clearly all for the Rangers fans.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those of you who didn't watch last night's game, I'll give you a quick rundown. So in the first period Boston was all over us - outshooting us and eventually scoring. Cory Crawford played amazingly. With all those shots on net he did an fantastic job keeping it a one-goal game going into the second. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Toews tied it up in the second and things stabilized for Chicago.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The third period was insane - probably one of the most exciting finals I've seen in a while. Boston came back and scored giving them a 2-1 lead. For most of the third period it seemed that a game 7 was likely, but then it happened.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With just over a minute left Brian Bickell scored to tie up the game. Overtime seemed to be the most likely scenario. Then it happened again...Bolland scored with less than a minute left on the clock. The Chicago Blackhawks won Lord Stanley's Cup.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gary Bettman (aka the Devil) presented the cup to Captain Serious (aka my boyfriend)...Jonathan Toews and he kissed the Cup for the second time in his career. But before that Patrick "The Mullet" Kane was awarded the Conn Smythe trophy for MVP of the playoffs. I would have given it to Crawford - but yeah, Kane did get a lot of goals.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold;">POINTS: ALLISON</span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">FINAL POINTS TALLY: </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">NUGS 9, ALLISON 11</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; text-align: left;">So that sucked. I don't do well with losing. At any rate, </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">congratulations to Allison, and to the Blackhawks for their awesome and well-deserved conquest. Also congratulations to Chicago goalie Corey Crawford for being super hot. How come I never noticed that before?</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uh, hi.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Did you guys watch any of the Finals? Did you care who won? Do you read my sports posts at all? Or do you really want me to go back to posting pictures of <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2013/06/evolution-1-humanity-0.html">SNAKES THAT CAN OPEN FUCKING DOORS</a>?</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 18px;">Yeah. This is a thing.</span></span>Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-85024753819404827872013-06-18T14:27:00.000-07:002013-06-18T14:29:00.803-07:00Evolution 1; Humanity 0I was never a fan of <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107290/?ref_=sr_1">Jurassic Park</a></i>. I know it's considered a classic and everything, but come on. In what actual <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DB2EP3jzsI">One Direction Dance Party Hell</a> would somebody greenlight an amusement park where real dinosaurs could get the chance to eat people? Keep in mind this was before Kim Kardashian was around.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You would do it too.</td></tr>
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One of the dumbest scenes in that movie was the one with the velociraptors in the cafeteria. It's like, are they serious? Velociraptors were awesome, and also kind of looked like Kim Kardashian now that I think about it, but there's no way they could have figured out how to push against a doorknob. That's where I checked out.<br />
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So that film always bugged me because I figured that it could never happen, but then I came across this ridiculous bullshit from Uproxx.com:<br />
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<a href="http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2013/06/this-video-of-a-snake-opening-a-door-is-the-beginning-of-mankinds-end/">http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2013/06/this-video-of-a-snake-opening-a-door-is-the-beginning-of-mankinds-end/</a><br />
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Oh, yes, there is a gigantic snake that KNOWS HOW TO OPEN A FUCKING DOOR. Here's the video again, for those of you that aren't terrified enough:<br />
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This is thirteen seconds of the most heart-pounding, gut-punching, soul-crushing horror I have ever seen. Good luck sleeping tonight, everyone.<br />
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What is it with you snakes? Why are you such dicks? Is this because <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/09/so-were-pretty-much-all-fucked-then.html">Justin Bieber owns a Batmobile</a>?<br />
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<a href="http://www.tv.com/shows/family-guy/ptv-428257/">I'm done. Night, Lois. </a>Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-38801449623573718552013-06-13T08:59:00.001-07:002013-06-13T08:59:11.081-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison 2013 Edition: Stanley Cuppage)<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Well, this blows.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If you're new here, Allison and I have been <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2013/06/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-2013-edition.html">recapping the NHL postseason</a> by guessing which teams emerge victorious in all four rounds. To make it interesting (and possibly less humiliating for Allison, who's Canadian and should know this stuff), we've been awarding each other one point for each correct prediction in the Quarter- and Semifinals, two for the Finals and three for the Stanley Cup. Whoever wins has to mail the loser a hockey-related gift. We also did this for 2012 and I forget what the actual score was, but I'm pretty positive that it was something like 20,000 to 2, me. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This year was looking like it was going to probably be the same outcome- and then the Finals happened. I'll give myself a pass on the Western Conference, because I still maintain that that series could have gone either way (that's what she said). But the East? Where the hell did that come from? Now I'm still in the lead, but Allison is steadily approaching. If I get the Stanley Cup wrong, she receives a shiny new gift.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm a Jew- we like <i>getting </i>money, not giving it away.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Here's a recap of the Conference Finals round of the 2013 NHL postseason, where I receive no points. </span><br />
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<b style="text-align: left;"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">NUGS</span> vs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">ALLISON</span>, ROUND 3:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>STUPID BOSTON BOO-URNS over PITTSBURGH PENGUINS</b><br />
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Not only did the Stupid Bruins win this round and advance to the Stanley Cup finals, but the one-seed Pens got totally swept. I mean, zero games. At all. I can't even explain this. I have no idea what happened. </div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: NEITHER</span></b><br />
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<b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS over LOS ANGELES KINGS</b></div>
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To Iron Man's credit, he totally called this one. "Chicago is going to destroy LA. 5 games." Yeah, I look like a jackass. </div>
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<span style="color: #274e13; font-weight: bold;">POINT: ALLISON</span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">FINALS ROUND POINTS TALLY: </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">NUGS 9, ALLISON 8</span></b></div>
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I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.<br />
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Now, to add to my incompetency, here are our prognostications for the Stanley Cup Final. You can also read Allison's version on her blog, <i><a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2013/06/stanley-cup-final-nugs-vs-al-nhl.html">My Quarter-life Crisis</a></i>.<br />
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I fail at life.<br />
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<b>BOSTON BRUINS vs. CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS</b></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><b>NUGS: STUPID BOSTON BOO-URNS over HAWKS in 7</b></span></div>
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That actually just happened.</div>
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I feel like Peter Parker when he discovers his first web-shooters, only much less awesome because what came out of my hands is that the BRUINS WILL WIN THE CUP (technically it was wrists with Spider-Man, not hands, but you get what I mean). </div>
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There are so many reasons why everyone should hate the Bruins, even tiny puppies who love anyone and anything as long as it pets them and feeds them cookies:</div>
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<b>1) </b>Patrice Bergeron. Patrice is a girl's name. It has no business belonging to a hockey player. </div>
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<b>B) </b>Team owner <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jacobs#Boston_Bruins">Jeremy Jacobs</a> is an asshole. He was the head of the owner's group during the lockout and pretty much the reason why we had a shortened hockey season this year. NHL players can't stand him, either. So to give him the Cup would be like rewarding him for being a selfish billionaire. Well done. </div>
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<b>SNOW LEOPARD)</b> Zdeno Chara is a worthless piece of shit. Observe:</div>
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<b>DD) </b>I have nothing against Tuukka Rask in particular, but he's on the Bruins, too. So I'm going to go with "he sucks." Also his name is stupid.</div>
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This is one time where I hope that I'm wrong and that Chicago wipes the floor with them and Chara cries. I really want to argue against the Bruins, who barely got out of a Quarterfinal series with the Leafs. (Really??? The <i>Leafs???</i>) They played seven games, including two that went into OT and two that were only decided by one goal. Then came the Semifinals, which we won't get into here in case I have a stroke.</div>
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The Finals were up next, against top-seeded Pittsburgh. Everyone put their money on the Crosby-Malkin combination and figured that Boston would get annihilated. Of course that didn't happen, since neither Crosby nor Malkin scored ANY points the entire series and the Pens were swept. One could make the case that the Bruins were just that good during the playoffs, or that both the Rangers and the Penguins played like total shit. I would say that it was probably both. </div>
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In any case, the Bruins are on a high from a strong playoff run, and boast more massive players than Chicago. They're also bigger douchebags (save for the Hawks' Patrick Kane, who is a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Kane#Assault_and_theft_charges" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">horrible human being</a>), which makes for a very physical series. This will push Boston past Chicago, just barely, and the series will last seven games. I'm also predicting that at least two will go into overtime.</div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><b>ALLISON: HAWKS over BRUINS</b></span></div>
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<span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;">To sum up Round Three: Huh???</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;">Nugs and I both picked Pittsburgh over Boston because....duh...they were the obvious choice. Little did we know that they would completely fall apart and get beat down in four pitiful games. Shit. Oh well - we both gained nothing from that. We're both losers!</span></span></div>
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<span style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;">The Chi/LA series also surprised me. I got the result I wanted but I was not that happy with how close some of the games were. Um, you were up 2-0 and you end up tied 3-3 by the end of the third period??? It went into double overtime! Way to give me a heart attack Chicago!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;">As much as I think Patrick Kane is the scum of the earth, he totally brought his 'A' game this series. Hopefully he keeps scoring against Boston.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've said all along that if the Habs couldn't pull out a miraculous victory that Chicago would win the Stanley Cup this year. I stand by my original comment for two reasons:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1) The regular season record speaks for itself. They were virtually unstoppable during the shortened season. They are a talented and creative team.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">2) Might be a risk, but my only shot at actually winning this bet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So there they are. Our recaps, forecasts, and my slow descent into dismal failure. The first game was on last night, and Chicago has already won, so I'm looking forward into Allison being able to gleefully rip me apart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You can see a full schedule of the 2013 NHL Stanley Cup playoffs <a href="http://www.nhl.com/ice/series.htm?season=20122013&series=o">here</a>.</span></div>
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Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-52305893819611117472013-06-03T09:42:00.001-07:002013-06-03T18:06:11.103-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs Vs. Allison 2013 Edition: Round 3)<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Round 3 of the NHL Playoffs started this Saturday, so of course I didn't post until today (I have an excuse, though- I was on vacation. More on that after the postseason). Allison, of course, got everything in on time, because she doesn't procrastinate like I do. You can see that version on her blog, </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2013/06/round-3-nugs-vs-al-nhl-playoffs-style.html">My Quarter-Life Crisis</a>. </i><br />
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Here's a recap of the Semifinals so you can witness the demolition of Allison in the points department. It isn't pretty. Unless you're me. </div>
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<b style="text-align: left;"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="text-align: left;"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">NUGS</span> vs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">ALLISON</span>, ROUND 2:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>PITTSBURGH PENGUINS over OTTAWA SENATORS</b><br />
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Was this really a question? I know Allison is Canadian and everything, but I don't particularly like the Pens either and even I saw this coming (that's what she said). Anderson is an incredible goalie, but even he wound up getting pulled in favor of Pittsburgh's formidable four lines. This was barely a series. </div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: ME</span></b></div>
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<b>STUPID BOSTON BOO-URNS over MY BLUESHIRTS </b><br />
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FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK. DIE SLOWLY.</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: NEITHER</span></b></div>
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<b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS over DETROIT REDWINGS</b><br />
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I knew this would go to seven games, but the series itself was thrilling to watch. Chicago won, then Detroit came back to triumph three times in a row. The Hawks, who had been struggling and quite frankly playing beneath themselves, returned to take the last three. It was intense, and Chicago fans were no doubt left with a nail-biting Semifinals. The Hawks, however, came out on top, and Allison and I both gained another point.</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: BOTH</span></b></div>
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<b>LOS ANGELES KINGS over SAN JOSE SHARKS</b><br />
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This was an easy series to call, but it lasted a bit longer than either of us (and possibly anybody) expected. With a sweep of Vancouver and an impressive three wins against LA, the Sharks may be ones to watch next year.</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: BOTH</span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">QUARTERFINALS POINTS TALLY: </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">NUGS 9, ALLISON 6</span></b></div>
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This does not look good for the Canadian. In our blogs or the NHL. (BURN!)</div>
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<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">NUGS</span> vs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">ALLISON</span>, ROUND 3:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>PITTSBURGH PENGUINS vs. STUPID BOSTON BOO-URNS</b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: PENS over BRUINS in 6</span></b></div>
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Please. Like I would actually pick Boston (and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QPHHd6jmMo">Chara</a>) to win anything. Fail.</div>
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Also now I kind of have to secretly go for the Penguins because I just realized that <a href="http://penguins.nhl.com/club/player.htm?id=8471707">Left Wing James Neal</a> looks uncannily like Iron Man, which I was dumb enough to actually tell him. It's not just me, either- people that know us are also struck by the resemblance. </div>
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I'm still technically anonymous, so I won't post Iron Man's picture here, but I will put in a photo of Neal so you can see my predicament. So now not only is Iron Man's team officially better than mine, and could potentially win the Cup, but he's practically a mirror image of one of the most talented guys on the ice.</div>
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Fan-fucking-tastic.</div>
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<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: PENS over BRUINS</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Funny enough the four teams with the chance to win the Cup have each won it once in the past four seasons. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><i>Editor's Note: Truth. Pittsburgh, Chicago, Boston and LA have all just earned the Cup in the past four years, in that particular order.</i></span></div>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Stanley_Cup_champions">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Stanley_Cup_champions</a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I think Shitsburgh will win - and I say this without any bias. I might hate Boston, but I honestly believe they won't beat the Penguins.</span></div>
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<b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS vs. LOS ANGELES KINGS</b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: KINGS over HAWKS in 7</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">This one was tougher because both of these teams could easily contend for the Cup. Chicago has incredible forwards and are coming off of a President's Trophy win. Both the Kings and the Hawks are pretty evenly matched in their offense and defense, and both of their goalies have a scary postseason GAA (LA's Jonathan Quick has a 1.50; Chicago's Corey Crawford is just under that at 1.70). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, the Hawks' struggles against the Wings in the Semifinals have shown that once again, once the playoffs roll around, the regular season means nothing. Quick is looking to extend his status (AHAHAHA. "Extend.") as an elite goaltender with a repeat Cup win, and this will help LA advance to the Cup finals <i>just </i>over Chicago in 7. </span></div>
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<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: HAWKS over KINGS</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chicago is just a talented team. Yes, they surprisingly stumbled against Detroit, but they pulled it together in the end. The trouble with the Red Wings series was that Detroit was playing like they had nothing to lose and it almost worked in their favour. If Chicago brings out their strong forwards and has tighter goaltending against LA they should win it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, I want to see my NHL boyfriend Jonathan Toews kiss that cup again. If it can't be the Habs, I'd be happy with the President's Trophy winners to get it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Editor's Note: I'll still take James Neal since I've changed the locks on Lundqvist. Also I just realized that sometimes he looks like Aladdin.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Now it's bothering me.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">Since I'm so late on this, the Finals have already began, and I'm well on my way to being <a href="http://www.nhl.com/">completely wrong</a>. Oops. At least I'll have a(nother) excuse to drink. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;">Those were our predictions for the Conference Finals of the 2013 NHL postseason. As always, feel free to agree with us in the comments, unless you root for the Bruins. Then you don't count.</span></div>
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Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-142390761804814492013-05-14T12:32:00.001-07:002013-05-15T07:12:22.208-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison 2013 Edition: Round 2)<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Round 1 of the NHL playoffs ended yesterday, and my Rangers are still around! Unfortunately for Allison, her Habs didn't make it, but that could be because she lives right near Toronto where she's not allowed to like the Habs. Canadians seem confused. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Anyway, Round 2 starts tonight with Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa at 7:30 and San Jose vs. LA at 10:00, so our Semifinal picks are going up today. You can see Allison's version on her blog, <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2013/05/round-2-nugs-vs-al-nhl-playoffs-style.html">My Quarter-Life Crisis</a>. We're awarding each other one point for each correct guess in the first two rounds, two points for each in the Finals, and three for the Stanley Cup. Whoever comes out ahead (HAHAHAHA. "Ahead.") gets a hockey-related gift from the loser. So far, just like with last year, I'm winning again. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Shame on you, Allison. Canada can't claim much, but at least you guys should have hockey. If not, you pretty much get flannel shirts. And Bieber.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">Here's a recap of the Quarterfinals, pretending you guys care, and a roundup of our forecasts of the Semifinals. As always, Al is in blue; mine are in red.</span></span></div>
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<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">NUGS</span><span style="color: #444444;"> </span>vs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">ALLISON</span>, ROUND 1:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b>PITTSBURGH PENGUINS over NEW YORK ISLANDERS </b><br />
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While we both called this one, I can honestly say that watching the Isles play gave me serious doubts. This turned out to be one of the most entertaining series in the entire postseason. The Isles will definitely become a force next year, thanks to John Tavares and the rest of his line. The Islanders definitely earned some respect from their fans and their opponents, and they've become a team to look out for in the seasons to come.</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: BOTH</span></b></div>
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<b>OTTAWA SENATORS over MONTREAL CANADIENS</b><br />
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Personally I don't give a shit about either of these teams because they're Canadian<b> </b>and I'm not, but everyone assumed that Montreal would take this and then they didn't. </div>
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Canadians are weird. They're all nice and stuff and say "sorry" all the time and then when they play hockey they beat the living crap out of each other. Also sometimes they take themselves REALLY seriously.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: NEITHER</span></b></div>
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<b>NEW YORK RANGERS over WASHINGTON CAPITALS </b><br />
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Oh, you mean the CRAPITALS????</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Now that we're safely onto the Semis, I can move onto my next round of stress-inducing coronaries. So we won, but barely. I predicted six games, but we were again forced into 7. Fortunately, the seventh game barely registered and the Craps didn't even make it onto the board. It was quite sad, really. The Craps didn't even allow themselves to die with dignity- Ovechkin later had this to say about their elimination:</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Palatino, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; text-align: -webkit-auto; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ovi on refs: "Not saying there was a phone call, but they wanted Game 7. For ratings. You know, lockout, escrow, league must make profit"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Palatino, serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px; text-align: -webkit-auto; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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I hope this year's MVP votes aren't already in. He should be traded to Philly. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anyway, the Blueshirts won, and that's what counts. I'll no longer have to look at Holtby's smug dick face every time he makes a save. Also on the plus side, <a href="http://booyabobby.com/">Bobby</a> and I can be friends again. </div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
RANGERS FOREVER.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHIFmJoHb8jtnqObIkq_fjjNFGfD7zHm7S8Wg6Hd0JDoZc6HP_dwXlOIkxvm_CcuPKTe3vX69lGP2D8whvdB7FxY5sc4Bv52zXlPyAeFTbTb5r-S4pMT7xOQmNRDWKYFI7UCd4kQ/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHIFmJoHb8jtnqObIkq_fjjNFGfD7zHm7S8Wg6Hd0JDoZc6HP_dwXlOIkxvm_CcuPKTe3vX69lGP2D8whvdB7FxY5sc4Bv52zXlPyAeFTbTb5r-S4pMT7xOQmNRDWKYFI7UCd4kQ/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: BOTH</span></b></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
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<b>BOSTON BRUINS over TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS </b><br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
It's not so much that the Bruins won, but it's that the series ended the way that it did. <a href="http://thelizardspockexpansion.blogspot.com/">Tabs</a> actually cried when Toronto got knocked off, which I completely respect because this makes her a true fan. The Leafs played an entire round, bringing in a Game 7 that resulted in an OT win for Boston.</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
The question remains, though- was this a result of an incredible Quarterfinal show for the Leafs, or was Boston way off their game (no pun intended)? I'm going with the latter. I'd like to believe that Toronto is on their way to becoming more of a postseason mainstay, but somehow I think they just got hot at the right time and were met with a Bruins lineup that was a little shaken up.</div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span">POINT: BOTH</span></b></span></div>
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<div>
<b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
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<b>CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS over MINNESOTA WILD</b><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Honestly, I'm surprised Minnesota won one game. You can blame injuries all you want, but the fact remains that Chicago is the much better team. Not only would they probably have defeated any team they played in the first round, but they will more than likely win the Cup this year. The Wild, who lack effectiveness and experience, never had a chance.<br />
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<span style="color: #274e13;"><b>POINT: BOTH</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #274e13;"><br /></span></div>
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<div>
<b>DETROIT REDWINGS over ANAHEIM DUCKS</b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm especially proud of this one because everyone thought I was clinically insane for predicting that the Wings would win. Essentially, my precognition was that Detroit's crazy power forwards would prevail over Anaheim's nasty goaltending, and that turned out to be accurate. It was a great series and an intense matchup- it went to Game 7, just like I suspected.<span style="color: #444444;"> </span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">POINT: ME</span></b><br />
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<b style="color: red;"><br /></b></div>
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<div>
<b>SAN JOSE SHARKS over VANCOUVER CANUCKS</b></div>
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What the fuck? Can anyone explain how this happened?<br />
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<b><span style="color: #274e13;">POINT: NEITHER</span></b></div>
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<div>
<b>LOS ANGELES KINGS over ST. LOUIS BLUES</b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Honestly, this could have gone either way. The Blues were eliminated by LA last year, so I knew they would be out for blood this time around. After St. Louis took the first two in a row, I thought that Allison may have gotten this point. LA came back though, and the series went to six games. The Blues played well, and tied the series, but eventually Quick's intense goaltending skills and LA's overall defense led to their advancement. </div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">POINT: ME</span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">QUARTERFINALS POINTS TALLY: </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">NUGS 6, ALLISON 4</span></b></div>
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<b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">NUGS</span> vs. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">ALLISON</span>, ROUND 2:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
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<b>PITTSBURGH PENGUINS vs. OTTAWA SENATORS</b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: PENS over SENS in 6</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_n0AWN9eRM5CeHrmdzqLqvaAYIZZeWe-v69KtN4CaxX-M8OBXhr1W3AOCzPJ3XxA8Mt4H-0eibOHjNLogpUzXtQG0F_8LLwpqqK0ssi-V90OL27THhgjyhv8GgkR7SN5-4_oaw/s1600/pens-logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_n0AWN9eRM5CeHrmdzqLqvaAYIZZeWe-v69KtN4CaxX-M8OBXhr1W3AOCzPJ3XxA8Mt4H-0eibOHjNLogpUzXtQG0F_8LLwpqqK0ssi-V90OL27THhgjyhv8GgkR7SN5-4_oaw/s1600/pens-logo.png" /></a></div>
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I totally overestimated the Pens- or underestimated the Islanders- and had them demolishing their opponents in 5 games in the Quaterfinals. While the Pens ultimately won the first round, it was an uphill struggle, with the Isles definitely outplaying them in a couple of games. While the Pens' Crosby-Malkin line is still arguably the most formidable on the ice, Fleury proved to be less than stellar in the net once again and wound up getting pulled in favor of their back-up goalie. Meanwhile, John Tavares and his Isles struck a significant amount of fear into the Pens and their fans- look for them in many more postseasons to come. </div>
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Many still seem to think that the Pens are on their way to what would be their second Stanley Cup in under 5 years. GM Ray Shero is making the correct moves, starting Vokoun in goal for tonight's first game at the Consol. </div>
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The Sens, however, are a crapshoot- did they advance due to their own athletic abilities or because the Habs played like total shit? Sorry Allison- I know you love them, but I watched a few of those games. Except for that one matchup where <i>everyone on the ice</i> got in a fight, which was amazing, I really wasn't that impressed.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7me3yqWrXp8" width="560"></iframe>
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="background-color: white;">One thing the Sens do have in their corner is their goalie, Craig Anderson, who had a 1.49 GAA and is a Vezina Trophy finalist. Also it helps that when you add a letter to their name, "Sens" doesn't come out as "Penis."</span></div>
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Just sayin.</div>
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Also "Sens" and "Pens" rhyme and that's funny.</div>
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<div>
Based solely on my observations of both teams in the Quarterfinals, I'm going to give this to the Pens. However, it will go to a Game 6.</div>
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<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: SENS over PENS</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FBt4cqX3jWexUgFJCEhjNcWzOIXy_7UrMiMoYAoEhwi00le-esLzX7bpyKM9GOOJUYePWA4PVJLBeKccQavfDUM8MKzNwgPe4rHgbB4X99F1RwmoSBBlNKMZ2QSC6gpCZyEH7w/s1600/200px-Ottawa_Senators.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FBt4cqX3jWexUgFJCEhjNcWzOIXy_7UrMiMoYAoEhwi00le-esLzX7bpyKM9GOOJUYePWA4PVJLBeKccQavfDUM8MKzNwgPe4rHgbB4X99F1RwmoSBBlNKMZ2QSC6gpCZyEH7w/s1600/200px-Ottawa_Senators.svg.png" /></a></div>
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I'm basing this purely on my round one observations. The Pens did not destroy the Isles as I had originally predicted. Yeah, they won the series, but NYI really did put up a fight. The Sens were extremely determined during their series against my beloved Habs. They pretty much killed us. There was no mercy. Sens are coming off of a pretty awesome win, and Pittsburgh is coming off of a struggle - I'm giving this one to Ottawa.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b>NEW YORK RANGERS vs. BOSTON BRUINS</b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: MY BLUESHIRTS over STUPID BOO-URNS in 7</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
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This is not a biased answer because I die for the Rangers and loathe the Bruins. It happens to be a formal, educated guess based on my knowledge of the sport and my observations of Round 1. </div>
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And it's also a biased answer because I die for the Rangers and loathe the Bruins.</div>
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Boston could barely get out of a Quarterfinal round vs. the Leafs. I mean, really? Everyone was predicting a sweep and they went into an OT Game 7. The Bruins are generally very good but they almost fell to a team that hasn't won anything in almost 50 years and doesn't even realize that "Leafs" isn't even a real word. Well played, Boston. Well played.<br />
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
Meanwhile, my boys succeeded in giving me another stroke this year by being forced into seven games again; fortunately Game 7 against the Craps barely even registered. We totally schooled Ovenchicken and his stupid Crapitals, and we're definitely ready to take on the Bruins. If they could hardly triumph over the Leafs, there's NO CHANCE they'll be victorious against us.</div>
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
What concerns me about this matchup is that in Round 1, both of us struggled to defeat teams that we should have eclipsed in six games or less. This will make for a solid Round 2, and will cue a string of small heart attacks for me.</div>
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<div>
<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: RANGERS over BRUINS</span></b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Now that the Bruins have embarrassed the Leafs successfully, I can go back to hating their stupid faces and throw this one to the Rangers.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i>Editor's Note: Strongly agree. I was saying Boo-Urns.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/up4LTKxe0PA" width="420"></iframe>
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div>
<b>CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS vs. DETROIT REDWINGS</b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: HAWKS over WINGS in 6</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho-vdmAG2vDD3VUwTAwIstLVcC5OJFr4dSqooKXU4caoK51K7CE2KG48qF8jJrIR0dSVlHOcemLydDuOOclsnovQczo3BXT4zqrF9gJwMZwF9HjCXtxpEuBH5GcMG0HRXIhNNfQQ/s1600/blackhawks_logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho-vdmAG2vDD3VUwTAwIstLVcC5OJFr4dSqooKXU4caoK51K7CE2KG48qF8jJrIR0dSVlHOcemLydDuOOclsnovQczo3BXT4zqrF9gJwMZwF9HjCXtxpEuBH5GcMG0HRXIhNNfQQ/s1600/blackhawks_logo.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
Chicago is the team in the West that most NHL fans and analysts believe have a chance to take home the Cup. They lost 12 games all season and dominated Minnesota in the Quarterfinals. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
Now that they're matched against postseason stalwarts Detroit, expect at least 6 games in this series. Not only do the Redwings have a couple of unnerving forwards in Datsyuk and Zetterberg, but their defense is getting scarier as well. </div>
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<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
The Redwings are also very familiar with the NHL postseason, having made 22 consecutive appearances. Both teams are recent Cup winners- the Wings in '08 and the Hawks in '10- so they're both used to playing to win. This will be a very competitive series, but ultimately, the honor will go to the Hawks.</div>
<br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: HAWKS over WINGS</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Chicago will win the cup. P.S. Toews is hot. That is all.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCxOx7ZBfJuHDYV1nQNeAWriyP5jBqFiNQ0fG_GJMPOm4s_AQHMKvBK5P1V7Lb7RO__jEu_PpBpSAbxUkRwT166_iO6ZaQUIiRHqiFNdjvnukjBDyEQNdaf_QNPqCgbis2sF8TJw/s1600/582334-201001020113044010498-p2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCxOx7ZBfJuHDYV1nQNeAWriyP5jBqFiNQ0fG_GJMPOm4s_AQHMKvBK5P1V7Lb7RO__jEu_PpBpSAbxUkRwT166_iO6ZaQUIiRHqiFNdjvnukjBDyEQNdaf_QNPqCgbis2sF8TJw/s320/582334-201001020113044010498-p2.jpeg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh haaaai.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div>
<b>LOS ANGELES KINGS vs. SAN JOSE SHARKS</b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: red;">NUGS: KINGS over SHARKS in 5</span></b></div>
<div>
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGIPL99BhbllVkQtn-a23hUhn2yRnPX5HxZO3ujxY8DlmwQVFWPMCQ5dfu1IVC1tETzxpiCP_JmbDQnZeBaF4QglJ8IWYNxk-bx44pgb4m9AccYSZ6RPRUB5rodc7to7RK99ou2g/s1600/kings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGIPL99BhbllVkQtn-a23hUhn2yRnPX5HxZO3ujxY8DlmwQVFWPMCQ5dfu1IVC1tETzxpiCP_JmbDQnZeBaF4QglJ8IWYNxk-bx44pgb4m9AccYSZ6RPRUB5rodc7to7RK99ou2g/s1600/kings.jpg" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I have no idea how the Sharks, perennial playoff chokers, totally swept the Canucks in the first round. That was probably a mistake. Maybe they'll win one game in San Jose, but there's no way they're advancing past the Semis.</span><br />
<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">ALLISON: KINGS over SHARKS</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;">I have no effin' clue. I really didn't pay much attention to either of these teams much. Sure, let's go LA - why not? Chicago will kill either of these teams in Round 3.</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Keep in mind that there were a lot of upsets in the first round, so more than likely, we're totally wrong again. Let us know who you guys are rooting for in the comments below, and if you agree with our picks. Notice how I didn't say "disagree," because we don't care about that.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-9364204090906258822013-04-30T12:57:00.000-07:002013-05-02T09:16:25.033-07:00Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison: The 2013 NHL Postseason Edition)<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Last year, Allison and I had the genius idea to <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/04/oh-canada-nugs-vs-allison-edition.html">predict the outcome of the NHL Postseason</a>. We decided to do this round by round, giving each other points for whomever correctly guessed the most series. We awarded one point for the Quarterfinals and Semifinals, two for the Finals, and three for the Stanley Cup. I think? Is that how it went? At any rate, I was victorious, and Allison had to put the Bruins logo on her blog for a month.</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOt_1EiHd3IvBVYUWDR0an54kNJxnmJFBqgiID3Su4tM6bC6IbEaxTzgDhSRQSSXeLGBuVL6nFSLXm6YJKeH6Z8RhSVLYBYSS6ZDAuNZHVUx6sVlNfDx2mDDrjOeSls5sMZ8OPDA/s1600/sticker,375x360.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOt_1EiHd3IvBVYUWDR0an54kNJxnmJFBqgiID3Su4tM6bC6IbEaxTzgDhSRQSSXeLGBuVL6nFSLXm6YJKeH6Z8RhSVLYBYSS6ZDAuNZHVUx6sVlNfDx2mDDrjOeSls5sMZ8OPDA/s200/sticker,375x360.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Since we're pretending you guys cared last time, we decided to do this again. Our picks, of course, are below, and you can also read Allison's version on her blog, <i><a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2013/04/round-1-nugs-vs-al-nhl-playoffs-style.html">My Quarter-Life Crisis</a></i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
Words cannot express how eager I am for the games to start. <span style="background-color: white;">Not only did my Rangers
make it in again (just barely; thanks for the heart attack, boys), but there
are a bunch of teams that we haven’t seen in the playoffs in a while. NHL
fanatics will also recognize each of the </span><a href="mailto:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_Six" style="background-color: white;">Original Six</a><span style="background-color: white;">, and
some possible </span><a href="mailto:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Hockey_League_rivalries" style="background-color: white;">historic
rivalries</a><span style="background-color: white;"> if some of these seeds advance. There’s also NO PHILADELPHIA,
which is just amazing. No one likes the Flyers. Not even their moms.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also also- NO NEW JERSEY.
Basically the only relevant thing about this state isn’t even there anymore.
Sucks for them. </span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpTmKe_3QEiEh0Wqjjk-qVQnB7sNOAxf2fMpkMd3AuGNZx0_hIrac4XjInR1RYKyOGkCp46rUnFQvShE0e7OfCnY8oUgZOZzzPqCVsBsx2WbwMtJWunubFX7DO_OfQ-rdzCtCApA/s1600/new_jersey_shitty_since_178_dark_tshirt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpTmKe_3QEiEh0Wqjjk-qVQnB7sNOAxf2fMpkMd3AuGNZx0_hIrac4XjInR1RYKyOGkCp46rUnFQvShE0e7OfCnY8oUgZOZzzPqCVsBsx2WbwMtJWunubFX7DO_OfQ-rdzCtCApA/s320/new_jersey_shitty_since_178_dark_tshirt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As always, Allison's forecasts are in blue; mine are in red. We're both probably completely wrong, but keep in mind that we're not getting paid so there's no money involved and no unicorns or anything like that.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><u>EASTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(1) PITTSBURGH PENGUINS vs. (8) NEW YORK ISLANDERS</b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: PENS over ISLES in 5</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
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</div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This is a compelling series for me because I have a
rooting interest in both teams. Even though there used to be an intense rivalry
between the Rangers and Islanders, the last time the Isles did anything of note
at all <a href="mailto:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_york_islanders%231980.E2.80.9383:_The_Dynasty">I wasn’t even a year old</a>. My dad, however, is a major Islanders fan, and
almost sobbed with joy when they made the playoffs this year. So I would like
to see them advance, and maybe even play us. That would be kind of cool. The
Islanders are a good, young team with a lot of promise, and once they move to
Brooklyn in 2015, a solid antagonism should re-surface between them and the
Rangers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Meanwhile, Iron Man is an
obsessive Pens fan to the point where we have a bet going: whoever comes out
higher this season has to wear a shirt of the other one’s team in public. I
realize now how stupid this was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">While the Isles have rocked the Pens a few times
this season, and they are riding on the incredible success of Center and
Alternate Captain <a href="mailto:http://islanders.nhl.com/club/player.htm%3Fid=8475166">John Tavares</a>, the Pens are probably the team in the East with the most potential
to capture the 2013 Cup. They’ve been pretty much unstoppable all season, even
without Sid Crosby, who still set about <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nhl-puck-daddy/incredible-sidney-crosby-2013-season-mario-gretzky-territory-150212318--nhl.html">a thousand records</a> this season despite missing a third of it due to a broken
jaw. With the addition of Jarome Iginla, every other team in the East pretty
much went, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0576954/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1">“I’m done. Night Lois.”</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At the very least, I can record Iron Man’s “So
Excited” dance and post it on Facebook. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Dammit.</span><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg62WxOXkHdF1MZ_dMQRDFFgUv96ny-qy0-uO3PD4EtqqOYf6Kben6yBwgwPiuqLdsNB4CtA7c8Sd4kcmQK0ftNOObftIYrqip94eSZ32IKf3q68HdmqSKomYewieSpKSYsLFEgow/s1600/tumblr_m36uiv8yjt1qm74rko1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg62WxOXkHdF1MZ_dMQRDFFgUv96ny-qy0-uO3PD4EtqqOYf6Kben6yBwgwPiuqLdsNB4CtA7c8Sd4kcmQK0ftNOObftIYrqip94eSZ32IKf3q68HdmqSKomYewieSpKSYsLFEgow/s200/tumblr_m36uiv8yjt1qm74rko1_500.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: PENS over ISLES</span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I will obviously choose Pittsburgh. Even without “The Kid” they’re a pretty dangerous team in the East.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(2) MONTREAL CANADIENS vs. (7) OTTAWA SENATORS</b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: HABS over SENS in 6</b></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Times; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJol_tqFYAaX02smPKuE9dxaKYixLFs0dKSzkvGFKvJiWkwKDLI75LBPAIvZZZ6n2NwB63u4vfdtl85kXTl08Zl7uxG2Utalg_R4bpBmfiiAFeUHaKNlvuEPlPGpWNlmK55Q5dEA/s1600/montreal_canadiens_1992.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJol_tqFYAaX02smPKuE9dxaKYixLFs0dKSzkvGFKvJiWkwKDLI75LBPAIvZZZ6n2NwB63u4vfdtl85kXTl08Zl7uxG2Utalg_R4bpBmfiiAFeUHaKNlvuEPlPGpWNlmK55Q5dEA/s200/montreal_canadiens_1992.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I knew Allison would be elated about this because
when we’re not discussing coffee, all she talks about is how much she's into the
Habs and how they embarrassed her last season. She probably died when they took
the number two spot in the East. What makes this even better is the fact that
they drew the Sens for round one, so Montreal has a pretty decent shot of
advancing to the Semifinals. Ottawa has excellent defense and some noteworthy
goaltending with Craig Anderson, but their top defensemen, Jason Spezza and
Erik Karlsson, are still nursing their injuries. Spezza is probably out for the
entire postseason, which may hurt their chances for advancement. Montreal is
the clear favorite here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Wouldn’t it be awesome if Allison and I played each
other? Just sayin.</span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: HABS over SENS</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This is a bittersweet matchup, as I like both teams. But I must go with my one true love – Montreal. Montreal was one of the teams who really did benefit from the delayed season. We got a new coach this year who took a different approach to the team and it paid off very well. They’ve had a shaky couple of weeks leading up to the playoffs, but that final win against Toronto will hopefully give them the confidence they need to keep on going.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Editors' Note: Don't you live, like, right near Toronto? Is it even legal for you to love the Habs?</i></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(3) WASHINGTON CAPITALS vs. (6) NEW YORK RANGERS (!!!!!!!!!)</b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: BLUESHIRTS over CRAPS in 6</b></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Times; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You might be assuming
that I’m going with the Rangers here because I love them and won’t shut up
about how they actually made the playoffs this year even though they performed
like little girls for most of the season. Actually, yes. However, this is also
just like last year’s Number 3 seed, Florida, who only made the postseason at
such a high level because they happen to be in a <a href="http://www.nhl.com/ice/standings.htm?type=DIV#&navid=nav-stn-div">shitty division</a>. (The same one as the Craps, FYI)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This matchup is a repeat
of the 2012 semifinals, and the Rangers pulled out of that one with a
heart-stopping seven games. In 2013, both of these teams got hot at just the
right time and are now facing each other again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Caps, although
commonly referred to as The Crapitals, boast Ovechkin, who finished the regular
season as his old self. Their 26.8 percent power-play statistic might pose a
problem for my boys, who tend to falter in that area.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Rangers gave me an
incredibly stressful four months, humiliating me by forgetting how to shoot and
score goals. We also suffered through a ton of injuries and the loss of fan
favorite <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marion_Gaborik">Gabby</a>,
who got traded to Columbus after a disappointing 35 appearances and then scored
them a game-winning goal. Naturally. When the season started Rangers fans
figured that the Stanley Cup was a lock; now we were hoping for a top 10
finish. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Then April came around
and the Rangers found their hot streak, ending the season as the sixth seed with
one of the league’s best defensive units and a late season record of 10-3-1. My
husband Henrik Lundqvist continued to act as one of the top goalies in the
league, finishing with a 2.05 goals-against. I was totally worried that I would
have to banish him to the couch this year, but I guess we can work things out.<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn2CEpv3BVri1zViz3jldwn8lJjVMkIFoqxw0iBhnMwQsPCxjaDkih8nuqUyNamLyGZbKk5cE41yQvLIqwwyjUwcBV0C0n9hvjBYxoMfuUccjvHp9H0tDMsDPvW5z73r0iV-jSCQ/s1600/henrik2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn2CEpv3BVri1zViz3jldwn8lJjVMkIFoqxw0iBhnMwQsPCxjaDkih8nuqUyNamLyGZbKk5cE41yQvLIqwwyjUwcBV0C0n9hvjBYxoMfuUccjvHp9H0tDMsDPvW5z73r0iV-jSCQ/s200/henrik2.jpg" width="149" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So happy together</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At the end of the series,
the Rangers will come out on top (that’s what she said), and they’ll look to
show the Craps that they are, in fact, the better and more able opponent. The
series will go to 6 games, and I will be insufferably annoying.</span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: RANGERS over CAPS</span></b><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Southeast division was a sad state of affairs and the Caps were the only team to make the playoffs. Both of these teams have been inconsistent this year – but I’ll give the Rangers the win for this series.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Editor's Note: Yeah, thanks. We're going to destroy them, and then kill anyone else we play, too.</span></i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(4) BOSTON BRUINS vs. (5) TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS</b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: BRUINS over LEAFS in 5</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b><br /></b></span>
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho9W8YlVt-5KGYQ4t5GOhwZyUiKUH6t-IWeGaWC4HPBcGbsGTYudjrqn6YV0fUzQgEhiXMskAd_YLzmry-GwKaBfVae-AB081BokgVUYL2y3HPuHCklnf32zBTWU9rP77ErnKu4g/s1600/Boston_Bruins_logo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho9W8YlVt-5KGYQ4t5GOhwZyUiKUH6t-IWeGaWC4HPBcGbsGTYudjrqn6YV0fUzQgEhiXMskAd_YLzmry-GwKaBfVae-AB081BokgVUYL2y3HPuHCklnf32zBTWU9rP77ErnKu4g/s200/Boston_Bruins_logo.gif" width="199" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">When this matchup was
first announced, three thoughts went through my head:</span></div>
<div>
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">1)</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><b> </b> </span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">This is great because it’s an Original Six series!</span></span></div>
<div>
<b style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b style="text-indent: -0.25in;">B)</b><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><a href="http://thelizardspockexpansion.blogspot.com/">Tabs</a><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> is probably
having a stroke right now because her Leafs are in the playoffs for the first
time since she can remember and</span></span></div>
<div>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>MALEFICENT)</b> I wonder what
Allison is thinking, because she hates both of these teams with the intensity
of a thousand burning suns. Note to Allison: There is no option “you both
lose.” I learned this the hard way during the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_World_Series">Yankees-Phillies World Series</a>. I don’t want Allison to disown me or anything, but it would
be awesome to see a Semifinal round between the Habs and the Leafs or the Habs
and the Bruins. Those are two famous rivalries that I’ve always wanted to
witness in the finals. One of my favorite parts of the NHL playoffs is that
Enterprise commercial with the Montreal fan and the Boston fan standing next to
each other- a small nod to those who follow hockey and get the hilarity
behind it.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SE4Vg-39qDc" width="560"></iframe><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So while I don’t
particularly care for the Bruins, it would be fun to see either of these teams
advance. This will be an incredible series; very physical with a lot of crowd
action. Many people dislike Boston due to the fact that they like to play
dirty, but they’re coming off of a dearth of postseason experience, including a
Stanley Cup in 2011. The Leafs, despite a rabid fanbase, haven’t won a Cup in
almost 50 years and haven’t been to the playoffs since 2004 (buying tickets like
the rest of us doesn’t count). James Reimer has no postseason experience
whatsoever, and the Leafs can’t seem to win at the TD Garden, considering the
Bruins’ 10-12-1 record with their last 13 games. Not to mention that the word
“Leafs” is a major grammar fail.</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Times; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUuPLKPFOfxyS5JlfXhReAHKPg5nZKXWmXfr6U0MCEFN2sUyjQE3Dym_TvA-f4W75dkU-EmZeSfugAxkosImBEK9Nf9-zgtfHVtkbRjsFy0v_Ndhvwet1lWrKaqqiVJnCykWM6hg/s1600/flat,220x200,075,t.u2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUuPLKPFOfxyS5JlfXhReAHKPg5nZKXWmXfr6U0MCEFN2sUyjQE3Dym_TvA-f4W75dkU-EmZeSfugAxkosImBEK9Nf9-zgtfHVtkbRjsFy0v_Ndhvwet1lWrKaqqiVJnCykWM6hg/s1600/flat,220x200,075,t.u2.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I really would like to
give this to the Leafs, because the Bruins are a bunch of dicks, but I just
don’t see Toronto moving forward.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">PS- It's Tabs' birthday today. Since her team probably won't win tomorrow, feel free to visit her blog and leave her inappropriate comments and pictures of adorable puppies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: BRUINS over LEAFS</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This is so tough because I so passionately dislike both of these teams. Since Leaf fans are more annoyingly close to me in proximity, I’d like to see them go out in the first round. I reluctantly choose Boston to win this one. Plus they’re the better team. There’s no option for them to both be eliminated in the first round, which is too bad.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><u>WESTERN CONFERENCE</u></b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(1) CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS vs. (8) MINNESOTA WILD</b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: HAWKS over WILD in 4</b></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Times; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgftfdU92zzrZi3Ll2itFajmNkpkPx7YZdHCgulYGiWxa4ax8WiqYYx8Gs45mh0eWvZzl1HgxKibnneVmZi23fvYs4v5geEAGDpQ4MNa4dzqZ7OHpOL3ZOY_sQvw1k70A1h_vuYQ/s1600/hawks.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgftfdU92zzrZi3Ll2itFajmNkpkPx7YZdHCgulYGiWxa4ax8WiqYYx8Gs45mh0eWvZzl1HgxKibnneVmZi23fvYs4v5geEAGDpQ4MNa4dzqZ7OHpOL3ZOY_sQvw1k70A1h_vuYQ/s200/hawks.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Times; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I don’t really think this
is a question here. I could go into a whole long thing (again, that’s what she
said), but I’ll just link you to <a href="mailto:http://www.sportingcharts.com/articles/nhl/historical-significance-of-chicago-blackhawks-2013-regular-season.aspx">this</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah, no.<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: HAWKS over WILD</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Obviously I’m picking Chicago. They were pretty much unstoppable this season.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(2) ANAHEIM DUCKS vs. (7) DETROIT RED WINGS</b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: WINGS over DUCKS in 7</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b><br /></b></span>
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This was a difficult
series for me to call. Most of my friends were divided. I originally said
“definitely Wings,” then I wasn’t so sure, then I went back to the Wings again
(in my defense, everyone should always go straight for the wings). While
everyone was so focused on the Blackhawks and their miracle season, Anaheim was
quietly climbing their way to the second place spot in the West, with 30 wins
and 12 losses. Meanwhile, the Red Wings managed to make their way into the
playoffs for a 22<sup>nd</sup> straight year, despite a lackluster regular
season.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Ducks will put up an
impressive fight, since this is most likely Teemu Selanne’s final season and
he’ll be looking to go out with a win. First-year goalie Viktor Fasth has been
great in the net, so the key to winning this series will be Detroit’s killer
forwards in Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Anaheim clearly has a
first-rate coach in Bruce Boudreau, but his playoff history is shaky, as he’s
never made it past the second round. The Wings have four Stanley Cups, with the
most recent one in 2008. This is a tough series to predict, but I’m leaning
towards experience with this one.<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: DUCKS over WINGS</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8KBqDjQCLunT4HcOcUXd-q_g7819F4CPJWAGC2w_XnXH8YiPu0PNNKh8HGjEchU1zDs_Tuy4dIJ5SzFgNjCDQtRWbSujmztrgV4Vh9VWiAnjDxBUtfjqg410R_q1x0sHA8WRcQ/s1600/ducks.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8KBqDjQCLunT4HcOcUXd-q_g7819F4CPJWAGC2w_XnXH8YiPu0PNNKh8HGjEchU1zDs_Tuy4dIJ5SzFgNjCDQtRWbSujmztrgV4Vh9VWiAnjDxBUtfjqg410R_q1x0sHA8WRcQ/s1600/ducks.jpeg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Ducks were pretty lethal this year as well. As much as I’d like to see Detriot rise again, I’m giving this one to the Ducks. (Man, I wish they were still the Mighty Ducks).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Editor's Note: Agreed. Remember this?</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><br /></i></span>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-WZ0uRJOatQ" width="420"></iframe>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><br /></i></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Please let this happen. </span></i></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(3) VANCOUVER CANUCKS vs. (6) SAN JOSE SHARKS</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: CANUCKS over SHARKS in 5</b></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
</div>
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<div style="font-family: Times;">
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Much like last year, I
really want to say Sharks just because they’re called <i>Sharks</i> and Great Whites are awesome. However, their failing playoff
history dictates that they don’t have what it takes to make it past the first
round. </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Meanwhile, the Canucks
haven’t suffered a losing streak of more than two consecutive games since early
March. There’s also the scary offense provided by the Sedin twins. It is true
that the Sharks swept the Canucks in the regular season, but once you hit the
postseason, regular games go out the window. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m going with Vancouver,
and the series probably won’t last very long.<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: CANUCKS over SHARKS</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Even though I think Luongo is a baby for whining about not being traded, I’ll hand them the win. Wonder if he’ll change his tune if they make it to the Cup again? </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>(4) ST. LOUIS BLUES vs. (5) LOS ANGELES KINGS</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NUGS: KINGS over BLUES in 5</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: red;"><b><br /></b></span>
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbokhX1mN0z5IacQelbulzvNdpjD42-M0Xvax_Ctj3kIyZNhwy-P4-hHXNO13M1OeSgbu9Un0RqkJQbGaldRVa9C3kj4onRlYRqf01w7ni6BRBtxONxcsM4gQ4fy4X1o-RlS3YlQ/s1600/kings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbokhX1mN0z5IacQelbulzvNdpjD42-M0Xvax_Ctj3kIyZNhwy-P4-hHXNO13M1OeSgbu9Un0RqkJQbGaldRVa9C3kj4onRlYRqf01w7ni6BRBtxONxcsM4gQ4fy4X1o-RlS3YlQ/s200/kings.jpg" width="172" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Times;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This is an anticipated replay of last year’s
Semifinals, where LA swept the Blues and then went on to win the Stanley Cup.
There’s no doubt that the Blues are ready to jump back in and do some serious
board checking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">However, the Kings’ 8-0 record against St.
Louis doesn’t lie. Their stellar defense and <a href="mailto:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conn_Smythe_Trophy">Conn Smythe</a>-winning
goalie Jonathan Quick should be more than enough to take the Blues down again.
St. Louis may be pissed and looking for a win, which may lead to a longer
series, but the Kings should easily move on to the second round.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ALLISON: BLUES over KINGS</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE9EioTSIZKBi2IX-hIw2nzWQHokQLzeuWIpDQc1mHNQ196NGJYeifXVrgHL2n64OXQ1n2w70T9gQacl9amgkq-9EuEELlMypKq_XNrFUbH-hQ6r2z1K1U5FTbUTLjKgoZvUYQZg/s1600/blues.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE9EioTSIZKBi2IX-hIw2nzWQHokQLzeuWIpDQc1mHNQ196NGJYeifXVrgHL2n64OXQ1n2w70T9gQacl9amgkq-9EuEELlMypKq_XNrFUbH-hQ6r2z1K1U5FTbUTLjKgoZvUYQZg/s200/blues.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></span>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I feel like the Kings probably won’t repeat their triumphant win last season. I’ll give this one to St. Louis.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
There are our predictions. <span style="background-color: white;">The first games are tonight and tomorrow, with the Western Conference airing later at 8pm and the Eastern Conference airing on Wednesday. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Like I said, we're more than likely way off base, so feel free to pitch in with your comments below. </span></span></div>
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Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-2012961490117606532013-04-16T14:14:00.001-07:002013-04-16T14:14:08.544-07:00A Series of Unfortunate EventsYesterday at around 3:00pm, <a href="http://www.hlntv.com/slideshow/2013/04/16/boston-marathong-bombings-terror-attack-newspapers?hpt=hp_t2">there were two explosions in the middle of Boston</a>.<br />
<br />
I was in the living room, finishing up some work and answering emails. I had ESPN on in the background, and they had been discussing the impending NFL Draft all day. I was barely paying attention anymore. Suddenly the words "Breaking News" appeared at the bottom of the screen, and the story switched to the Boston Marathon and the two bombs that had gone off.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure of the correct words to describe my reaction as I looked up at the TV. I'm not from the city itself, but it's the closest Metro Area to Manhattan, and I've visited multiple times. I went there with my family as a kid, and ever since I met <a href="http://ginnyinboston.blogspot.com/">Ginntastic</a> and all her friends, I've made several trips there as a (chronological) adult. I've embarrassed myself at <a href="http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/bos/ballpark/index.jsp">Fenway Park</a> and pronounced all the stops wrong on the T. I've gotten drunk in at least ten different bars and then been <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2010/06/ginn-and-tonic-ive-been-under-ton-of.html">molested by Ginny's cat</a>. Boston sports fans are rabid, which is great for me but is also a major fail because they all love the Pats and the Bruins. I have so much respect for Boston, its culture, its people and its history, and yesterday's events hit me hard.<br />
<br />
The bombing became ESPN's main story on Monday, probably due to it being sports-related. I remember hearing Ginny talk about this every year- Marathon Monday, a holiday in the Boston area, where everyone basically gets wasted and watches the runners cross the finish line. It's especially fun for her because she works right across the street. As soon as the story splashed across ESPN my first thought was "GINNY." I called her and her phone went to voice mail. Then I sent her a text and when she didn't answer me within five seconds I freaked. Luckily, thirty seconds later, she texted me back to reassure me that she was, in fact, OK, as were the rest of our friends. Ginny was stuck in her office due to closed streets and downed T lines, but she was fine. Maybe this makes me selfish, but that knowledge helped me relax just a little bit. Ginny and the rest of the Nip Clique are such a hugely important part of my life- it's even because of Gin that I started blogging. So you can all <strike>blame</strike> thank her for that.<br />
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<br />
Later that night I was on the phone with my brother- ironically, it was also his birthday yesterday- and we were discussing the rash of emotions that we were both experiencing. We were angry, yes, and sad, but my brother brought up an excellent observation: are we still at the point where we as people are shocked when these acts happen? Late night host Craig Ferguson, who usually opens his show with the line "It's a great day for America," chose instead to start the program with this monologue below:<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/7vRUAjQFiNo" width="420"></iframe>
<br />
Comedian Patton Oswalt also opted to make a strong statement, posting <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pattonoswalt/posts/10151440800582655">this</a> on Facebook. Entertainment Weekly... well, they took to Twitter to advertise their new <i>Man of Steel </i>pictures. Not everyone can convey their sympathies in such a moving and poignant manner as one of the top selling magazines in the country.<br />
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<br />
When 9/11 occurred, I had just started college and my brothers were in high school. My father was in a meeting at the time, and I remember that what was supposed to be a short drive home to his family turned into a 5-hour excursion. Cell phones were down, so we had no idea how to reach him and when or if he was even coming home. My mom came over to sit with us and wait for my dad to walk through the door. I can't recall ever being so elated and relieved to see anybody, before or since.<br />
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The 9/ll attacks are the first incident that I really remember affecting myself, my family and my friends the way that they did; being so close in proximity and mentality. I can only imagine what Boston must be going through, especially after the third explosion. They're probably in the mindset that their city is a danger zone, set to go off at any moment.<br />
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My brother and I are pretty much in agreement with Craig Ferguson- he is not the only one who is sick of this shit. While a fatality number of three may not seem that high, keep in mind that that number still isn't zero. One of those three was an <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/16/us/boston-boy-killed/index.html?hpt=hp_c2">eight-year-old boy</a>. There were families from Newtown in the VIP section who were no doubt still recovering from their own losses. It disturbs me to think that as a society, we are no longer stunned when these things happen. We know that they're horrible, and we cry, and feel disgusted, and devastated, but we're no longer surprised.<br />
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When the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-more-you-know.html">shootings in Newtown</a> took place, I was in no shape to provide advice, but I did suggest attempting to go back to normalcy as soon as you were able. Spend time with the people you care about- see a movie, watch TV, work on your blog. I'm also going to say the same for this- do whatever you can to regain some sense of convention. I went for a run this morning, which is a natural occurrence for me in this type of Spring weather. However, it also seemed fitting in light of yesterday's tragedy. The burst of energy mixed with the familiarity of my iPod and the warmth of the sun on my back was just what I needed to lose myself, if only for a couple of hours.<br />
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I wish I could say that casualties like this won't ever show themselves again, but I can't, because they will. What I can tell everyone is that it helps to talk about these acts of violence, and to try to understand, and to let out our frustrations. We should also all remember that Boston is one of the most resilient cities in the country- they're not called <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=masshole">Massholes</a> for nothing. And have you seen those guys drink?<br />
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At any rate, we all need to stay safe and stay strong. Remember that we are better than this, and if all else fails, puppies are still adorable.<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-21696969230114374012013-04-12T08:34:00.003-07:002013-05-01T08:44:34.561-07:00Oh, Canada! The Birthday Suit Edition (Volume 2)Every year on April 12, I team up with Allison from <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/">My Quarter-Life Crisis</a> to do something fun and imaginative for her birthday. In 2010, we teamed up for <a href="http://bloggerstock.net/">Bloggerstock</a>. In 2011, she commissioned myself and several other <strike>un</strike>willing <strike>victims</strike> participants to send her a <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/2011/04/itunes-playlist-tuesday-92.html">Birthday Playlist</a> of songs that are all about her. Narcissist. <3<3<3<br />
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Last year... well, last year, we got lazy and I think I just sent her a card or something. Oops. FAIL.<br />
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This time, I really wanted to make up for my lack of creative juices (haha. "Juices."), so I decided to go all out. Allison is Canadian (and also from the hometown of my future child support, Ryan Gosling), and she claims that they have very limited access to all things Dunkin' Donuts. This is unacceptable to me, because Dunkin' Donuts brews the world's greatest coffee, so I sent her a packet of that. She was also curious as to how Kit-Kats in this country are consumed (is this Canada or Neptune?), so I threw in a bag of those as well.<br />
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Allison and I also decided to make each other mix CD's. This could be because we wanted to keep with our "music" theme, or also because we're terrified of getting older and are desperately trying to hang onto our last shred of immaturity. At any rate, I went a little overboard and chose so many songs that they spilled over onto two discs, because that's how I roll.<br />
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I tailored my CD's specifically toward Allison- I included songs that had good beats for running, some picks from the aforementioned birthday post and, of course, the requisite Canadian tuneage. I also made sure to have some songs that were geared towards the two of us and our remarkable, heart-tugging friendship (i.e. <i>The Good Life, One More Time, Raise Your Glass, </i>anything Foo Fighters). Also of course there's some Radiohead on there, because it wouldn't be a Nugs-made product if there weren't.<br />
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Here are Allison's Birthday Mixes, for your perusal:<br />
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<b>OH, CANADA! PART 1:</b><br />
<b><i>All I Really Want</i>- Alanis Morissette</b><br />
<b><i>Gold Lion</i>- Yeah Yeah Yeahs</b><br />
<b><i>Rock & Roll Queen</i>- The Subways</b><br />
<b><i>Parallel Universe</i>- Red Hot Chili Peppers</b><br />
<b><i>Los Angeles is Burning</i>- Bad Religion</b><br />
<b><i>Gold on the Ceiling</i>- The Black Keys</b><br />
<b><i>Clumsy</i>- Our Lady Peace</b><br />
<b><i>Karma Police</i>- Radiohead</b><br />
<b><i>The World Is New</i>- Save Ferris</b><br />
<b><i>Alison</i>- Elvis Costello</b><br />
<b><i>Raise Your Glass</i>- P!nk</b><br />
<b><i>Borderline</i>- Madonna</b><br />
<b><i>We Are All Made Of Stars</i>- Moby</b><br />
<b><i>The Good Life</i>- Cracker</b><br />
<b><i>One More Time</i>- Daft Punk</b><br />
<b><i>We Are Young</i>- Fun.</b><br />
<b><i>Any Time At All</i>- The Beatles</b><br />
<b><i>Shining Light</i>- Ash</b><br />
<b><br /></b><b>OH, CANADA! PART 2:</b><br />
<b><i>Move Along</i>- The All-American Rejects</b><br />
<b><i>Steady As She Goes</i>- The Raconteurs</b><br />
<b><i>Teardrop</i>- Massive Attack</b><br />
<b><i>Young Blood</i>- The Naked and Famous</b><br />
<b><i>Promises</i>- Nero</b><br />
<b><i>Marigold (Live)</i>- Foo Fighters</b><br />
<b><i>All I Ever Wanted</i>- The Airborne Toxic Event</b><br />
<b><i>Everybody Got Their Something</i>- Nikka Costa</b><br />
<b><i>Dog Days Are Over</i>- Florence + The Machine</b><br />
<b><i>American Girl</i>- Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers</b><br />
<b><i>Fight For Your Right</i>- Beastie Boys</b><br />
<b><i>Queen- Another One Bites the Dust</i>- Queen</b><br />
<b><i>You, Me and the Bourgeoisie</i>- The Submarines</b><br />
<b><i>Do Everything Now</i>- Saint Motel</b><br />
<b><i>Heartbeats</i>- The Knife</b><br />
<b><i>If I Had a Gun</i>- Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds</b><br />
<b><i>Since U Been Gone</i>- Kelly Clarkson</b><br />
<b><i>Dancing On My Own</i>- Robyn</b><br />
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I did try to be all "forward" and shit and find a bunch of artists that Allison might not know and therefore would discover and think of me whenever she visualized her cooler friends, and I assumed that I did a really good job with this until I received her mix:<br />
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<b>AL'S MIX:</b><br />
<b><i>Keep The Car Running (Live)</i>- Foo Fighters</b><br />
<b><i>Stompa</i>- Serena Ryder</b><br />
<b><i>John Lennon</i>- Arkells</b><br />
<b><i>Wicked and Weird</i>- Buck 65</b><br />
<b><i>Almost Crimes</i>- Broken Social Scene</b><br />
<b><i>My Body's a Zombie For You</i>- Dead Man's Bones</b><br />
<b><i>Miracle Mile</i>- Down With Webster</b><br />
<b><i>Shadow of a Ghost</i>- Emma-Lee</b><br />
<b><i>The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead</i>- Final Fantasy</b><br />
<b><i>Canada Geese</i>- Gord Downie</b><br />
<b><i>The Hazards of Sitting Beneath Palm Trees</i>- Hayden</b><br />
<b><i>Seeds</i>- Hey Rosetta!</b><br />
<b><i>Alison</i>- Jeremy Fisher</b><br />
<b><i>Hayloft</i>- Mother Mother</b><br />
<b><i>Top Yourself</i>- The Raconteurs</b><br />
<b><i>Yellow Brick Road</i>- Raine Maida</b><br />
<b><i>The Bootleg Saints</i>- Sam Roberts</b><br />
<b><i>One Great City!</i>- The Weakerthans</b><br />
<b><i>Wolves</i>- Whaletooth</b><br />
<b><i>No Glamour in the Hammer</i>- Whitehorse</b><br />
<b><i>Honeypie</i>- Wil</b><br />
<b><br /></b>Wow. FAIL! on my part, again.<br />
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There are some parallels (read: a few of the same bands; songs called <i>Alison</i>- see what we did there? We're so clever), but basically, what this tells me is that Allison is way cooler than I am with a much better taste in music. She also thought to put a song from <a href="http://www.deadmansbones.net/">Ryan Gosling's band</a> on there, which I played over and over (and over) again before actually listening to it.<br />
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<b><i><br /></i></b>Since today is Allison's birthday, I have a whole new calendar year to think of something to prove that I'm not completely inept. Just know that it will most likely involve Baby Goose, and quite possibly bail money.<br />
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<b><i><br /></i></b>Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-55647108784277334092013-03-28T08:40:00.001-07:002013-03-28T08:41:59.196-07:00POWER PLAY: MLB/FANTASY BASEBALL 2013 EDITION<br />
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Every year in late March I remind you guys about the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2011/03/power-play-every-year-right-before.html">cut-throat competition</a> my family participates in regarding baseball. It started out with just my dad and I for over half a decade, but more and more people started showing up to knock me off my pedestal when I kept destroying him every year. In 2012, I finally lost bad, so this time, I was ready. I spent weeks pouring over ESPN, fantasy predictions and the internet so it wouldn't happen again and I would claim victory. We don't care about money; just dignity, pride and bragging rights, and I need to salvage what little of that I have left.<br />
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As usual, I've posted my forecasts for you guys to marvel over and compare/contrast to your own. I'm probably way off base with most of these, but take a gander anyway.</div>
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<b><u><span style="color: red;">AMERICAN LEAGUE</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>EAST</u></b><br />
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<b>TORONTO BLUE JAYS</b><br />
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I'm tempted to go Tampa here but they broke my heart when I picked them to go all the way in 2012 and they failed me by not even making the playoffs. It is true that they have last year's AL Cy Young winner, and also <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fernando_Rodney">Fernando Rodney</a>, but they have shitty defense and plus, no. I'm still mad at them.<br />
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The moves that Toronto's manager John Gibbons made in the off-season could prove to be legendary. The Jays have a dangerous roster that now includes Melky Cabrera, Jose Bautista, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle and former Mets ace R.A. Dickey.<br />
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<a href="http://toronto.bluejays.mlb.com/team/roster_40man.jsp?c_id=tor">Toronto Blue Jays Official 40-Man Roster</a><br />
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I've heard from a lot of analysts that the Jays are their World Series picks- not just for this season, but 2014 as well. </div>
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The Jays are a blockbuster right now, and I would love to see Dickey in the playoffs, because as soon as he won the NL Cy Young, the Mets were the Mets and got rid of him. Of course this happened, because much like Meg Griffin, the Mets are the MLB's "practice team." My dad actually referred to them once as the "New York Megs," and won the Internet for life.<br />
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Shut up, Meg.<br />
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<b><u>CENTRAL</u></b></div>
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<b>DETROIT TIGERS</b><br />
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Again. No one else in the division even comes close.</div>
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<b><u>WEST</u></b></div>
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<b>LOS ANGELES ANGELS</b><br />
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Their pitching is a little suspect, and pitching trumps hitting, but check out <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Hamilton">Josh Hamilton</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Pujols">Albert Pujols</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Trout">Mike Trout</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Trumbo">Mark Trumbo</a> on the same team. With that kind of run support, Anaheim is scary and their shifty mound doesn't matter as much. Also don't forget that the one guy they do have as an ace is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jered_Weaver">Jered Weaver</a>, who throws six different pitches, including two kinds of fastballs.</div>
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Also- POO HOLES.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><u>WILD CARDS</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div>
<b>TAMPA BAY RAYS</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtlD-mBeiIcxPhxMgLGoGbJAEea0JpRsHtyVRCa-F5Jlut_8h_HlYVbnLfXLye3XG3biNYOl2-jc9RUy6q9aFKczEWGCkbjShzywBHlX0qINTq4UB6iNRTsk2dceNt0j6wI5eLrA/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="96" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtlD-mBeiIcxPhxMgLGoGbJAEea0JpRsHtyVRCa-F5Jlut_8h_HlYVbnLfXLye3XG3biNYOl2-jc9RUy6q9aFKczEWGCkbjShzywBHlX0qINTq4UB6iNRTsk2dceNt0j6wI5eLrA/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>OAKLAND A'S</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfG5i57sMvpSiHrvGRQaDa86fqbzURmMNTTrvrceQCR8_jwU-mNo6bkkwkVVl5o1Y4gJLwtYq90jln6s9qGsMCL6X2Wlvyk8TQYpDzjVJIe665KfsaDXekATXI2-33LzcXZTFUqA/s1600/oakland_athletics.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfG5i57sMvpSiHrvGRQaDa86fqbzURmMNTTrvrceQCR8_jwU-mNo6bkkwkVVl5o1Y4gJLwtYq90jln6s9qGsMCL6X2Wlvyk8TQYpDzjVJIe665KfsaDXekATXI2-33LzcXZTFUqA/s200/oakland_athletics.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<br />
Definitely the Rays, who will fall just short of beating Toronto for the number one spot in the AL East. The second Wild Card position will most likely be go to a team in the West, either Oakland or Texas. In the end I have to say the A's; they made a surprising run last season (the one year I <i>didn't</i> pick them for Most Improved- naturally) and I think they're on a roll.</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<u style="font-weight: bold;">MOST IMPROVED ODOR</u> (+5 for whoever gets that reference)</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>TORONTO BLUE JAYS</b><br />
<br />
Obviously.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Don't get greedy, Toronto- the Leafs may finally be winning again and the Jays may be scary for a long time coming, but keep in mind that the Raptors are still embarrassing and probably plan on staying that way.<br />
<br />
Also, remember that "Leafs" is terrible grammar.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFk9R84US_1q0AzyP5ICt-qPZ4GK7R_58FEv9CkFUet1pV34P-8CjG2ygsQ_43CORErrJjrjFIOXDh9NMHose-8SzQyJ56ZNgHReoqUzxP_kF7ApiHyu__XQ8_Wj07aKflHaU5kQ/s1600/i-am-disappointment-base.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFk9R84US_1q0AzyP5ICt-qPZ4GK7R_58FEv9CkFUet1pV34P-8CjG2ygsQ_43CORErrJjrjFIOXDh9NMHose-8SzQyJ56ZNgHReoqUzxP_kF7ApiHyu__XQ8_Wj07aKflHaU5kQ/s1600/i-am-disappointment-base.png" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><u>LEAST DISTANCE TRAVELED</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b>NEW YORK YANKEES</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZF8l7Wz38eCfkFpP-Pp0Ek8_gysOrMNdgU2lOBVT4KXKEPGMYfDtK6PWMe3Z1u9LhJ94eFggchyMWyhbmfiEwVhv_fyF0ip9Y928sxfqrXp6HT3rSH2TDPKSrW2nZ3JcNdLnJqw/s1600/choke.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZF8l7Wz38eCfkFpP-Pp0Ek8_gysOrMNdgU2lOBVT4KXKEPGMYfDtK6PWMe3Z1u9LhJ94eFggchyMWyhbmfiEwVhv_fyF0ip9Y928sxfqrXp6HT3rSH2TDPKSrW2nZ3JcNdLnJqw/s200/choke.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div>
I've literally been waiting my entire baseball-watching existence to write that. Not just because I detest them, but because the Yankees also have a ton of injuries and they're old. They might not even make the playoffs (one can dream); however, they're still the Yankees so they may slide their way (see what I did there?) into one of the Wild Card slots. Either way, they'll definitely have less wins than last season.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
<b><u>ROOKIE OF THE YEAR</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wil_Myers">WIL MYERS</a> (OF, TAMPA BAY RAYS)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr-BUxyKoifs695wx1agASwcjBafiH7JMv4tzAqQoaQym2Hc08hV0wWS4XoiTjk5H11oV5Shi2HAcB98cYxFHtk1C7Iwvsy8QzazUaf7p9IwyoDh0DJmlVbDRMR-I5HbI3havgmQ/s1600/130301221644-wil-myers-si2-single-image-cut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr-BUxyKoifs695wx1agASwcjBafiH7JMv4tzAqQoaQym2Hc08hV0wWS4XoiTjk5H11oV5Shi2HAcB98cYxFHtk1C7Iwvsy8QzazUaf7p9IwyoDh0DJmlVbDRMR-I5HbI3havgmQ/s200/130301221644-wil-myers-si2-single-image-cut.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Despite starting this season in Triple-A, Wil Myers is on a lot of people's tongues (oh haaaai) as a prime candidate for ROTY. The Rays are going to come in just second to the Jays and battle for first in the AL East all season, and a lot of analysts are saying that it's only a matter of time before Myers is called up to the majors and blows us all away.<br />
<br />
I should really stop with these metaphors.</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><u>MVP</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miguel_Cabrera">MIGUEL CABRERA</a> (3B, DETROIT TIGERS)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPADZDFGCfDhHmyjOfW4ejQIDZsRT0BYjaV-luG-wBweOeqaBhA2oTV5H1c9O536j7hDzqYRyOOk5298OIXMg4dG4RlSns0y_2B6J0t7p56GHtxLYqZqG_DQ15u6SLw8UWikH-8w/s1600/Miguel_Cabrera.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPADZDFGCfDhHmyjOfW4ejQIDZsRT0BYjaV-luG-wBweOeqaBhA2oTV5H1c9O536j7hDzqYRyOOk5298OIXMg4dG4RlSns0y_2B6J0t7p56GHtxLYqZqG_DQ15u6SLw8UWikH-8w/s200/Miguel_Cabrera.jpg" width="173" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b></div>
</div>
<div>
Even if the Tigers don't make the World Series again this year (which is possible), they'll definitely run away with the AL Central. This will more than likely earn last year's Triple Crown winner Cabrera his second consecutive AL MVP. </div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><u>CY YOUNG</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justin_Verlander">JUSTIN VERLANDER</a> (SP, DETROIT TIGERS)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0iKwOaK0Ja72d9tqbBMVDE6fwwrgbpzWK1NmRiDwgXe7D0QkHhbvED1i0F2xgUSlkZc6BNzSq9OIWGRZlBDLz1ckKTEziPHgH1FOqfPOt2THQKpKhOKngxfz6xdp7iMnCa0COw/s1600/Justin_Verlander.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0iKwOaK0Ja72d9tqbBMVDE6fwwrgbpzWK1NmRiDwgXe7D0QkHhbvED1i0F2xgUSlkZc6BNzSq9OIWGRZlBDLz1ckKTEziPHgH1FOqfPOt2THQKpKhOKngxfz6xdp7iMnCa0COw/s200/Justin_Verlander.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Justin Verlander is insane. Last year he was beaten out by a margin for the Cy Young by David Price, but in 2011, he won both that <i>and</i> the AL MVP. Justin Verlander scares the crap out of me, and I don't even play baseball. </div>
<div>
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div>
<b><u><span style="color: red;">NATIONAL LEAGUE</span></u></b></div>
<div>
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>EAST</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">WASHINGTON NATIONALS</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz5ySmK9iVbdXHTPndnFFSh6vOLvahsVOqpiu64c3rr1wMPsEfTGb4nooJPFn-R9jpXbItdgqGkoNIOhIeF0MFAUOJTU0mIonFmNf-vKM6vWxYHB6_nYKALPamkikZ5On27Z2GDg/s1600/Washington-Nationals-Logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz5ySmK9iVbdXHTPndnFFSh6vOLvahsVOqpiu64c3rr1wMPsEfTGb4nooJPFn-R9jpXbItdgqGkoNIOhIeF0MFAUOJTU0mIonFmNf-vKM6vWxYHB6_nYKALPamkikZ5On27Z2GDg/s200/Washington-Nationals-Logo.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As a Mets fan, you'd think I would be relieved that the Phillies finally suck balls and that we only have the Braves to worry about, but it looks like the Nationals are actually shaping up to be true playoff contenders. A few analysts even have them pegged as probable World Series winners. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">While some would argue that the Braves are slightly better, what this will come down to is pitching, and Strasburg's masterful starts will make more of a difference than Kimbrel's closing, however lights out that may prove to be. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That collective dripping sound you just heard was the tears of every single Mets fan. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm3jBSG3TKf2gYbSrq40GMUjTjNlXk9AWQRM0vwizGn4g7_RNHihR_ZvgG57xl8rixZYao63FQlt6FRgPtnCZUu3h6a4Ks8tPngM_Jctqi2I7hGiSIbW0rM9cVEb7h4s15ZDp6rQ/s1600/nmre3531833.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm3jBSG3TKf2gYbSrq40GMUjTjNlXk9AWQRM0vwizGn4g7_RNHihR_ZvgG57xl8rixZYao63FQlt6FRgPtnCZUu3h6a4Ks8tPngM_Jctqi2I7hGiSIbW0rM9cVEb7h4s15ZDp6rQ/s200/nmre3531833.jpg" width="164" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>CENTRAL</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">CINCINNATI REDS</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9gNmvULLAWrvTIFOXbFelLDCuuoTJTGryZ68CV1c8nnImE-xGZWV9TXYLzeFSz6tDAj0ZlswlWthBrtpWDs2Be_zgAkmVUHoqQUyNpwlEOPvMY4kPFC7qJRv8XHmra5xIbE4KeA/s1600/CINcaplogo-road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9gNmvULLAWrvTIFOXbFelLDCuuoTJTGryZ68CV1c8nnImE-xGZWV9TXYLzeFSz6tDAj0ZlswlWthBrtpWDs2Be_zgAkmVUHoqQUyNpwlEOPvMY4kPFC7qJRv8XHmra5xIbE4KeA/s200/CINcaplogo-road.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Every year, the NL Central always proves to be the most difficult division for me. Consisting of the Reds, the Cardinals, and the Brewers, this is often a close race and all of these teams are usually at least in contention for the postseason. The Pirates are in there, too, and although I see a more promising future for them starting in April, they're never really in the race.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I do like the Brewers- I actually picked them to go pretty far last year- but unfortunately, it seems like they're slipping and may get worse with each passing season. This left it tight between the Cards and the Reds, and in the end, I went with Cincinnati slightly over St. Louis. Last year's NL Central winners should be able to take this again, largely in part to Joey Votto, 2010's MVP, and RP Aroldis Chapman, who throws a fastball at 105 mph. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The only team I was totally sure had absolutely had no shot in this was the <a href="http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/">Cubs</a>. AHAHAHAHA. NO.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>WEST</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>LOS ANGELES DODGERS</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyYg598FAlANSjtwzX57_H-KOzpYFSb5WekkRHisjzHcdG-jM7X38KxIL2QHabox1oe1L6yL-8-qjqVKWTtIv-h9SkWRZkEKWOZzNFTsjbR0bdHthHw_jKyeIxxB4YlooDEhd6A/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyYg598FAlANSjtwzX57_H-KOzpYFSb5WekkRHisjzHcdG-jM7X38KxIL2QHabox1oe1L6yL-8-qjqVKWTtIv-h9SkWRZkEKWOZzNFTsjbR0bdHthHw_jKyeIxxB4YlooDEhd6A/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Most baseball experts are looking to 2012 World Series winners San Francisco, but LA's new ridiculous payroll allowed for some major acquisitions in the off-season. The results of those included the addition of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zack_Greinke">Zack Greinke</a> (my One Guy in Fantasy Baseball!) and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Beckett">Josh Beckett</a> to a starting rotation that already boasts <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clayton_kershaw">Clayton Kershaw</a>; plus a lineup that brags <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Crawford">Carl Crawford</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrian_Gonzalez">Adrian Gonzalez</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanley_Ramirez">Hanley Ramirez</a>, who's hasn't been as stellar lately but is still Hanley Ramirez. Not to mention that I can't be the only one that's already getting tired of the Giants. Let's get someone else in there (that's what she said). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One may point out that Zack Greinke is starting off the 2013 season with an injured elbow; however, it's been reported that he's "feeling better"and has been pitching sporadically in the preseason. His elbow has been downgraded to an inflammation, and also, it's Zack Greinke, so bite me. He's aa badass.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Dodgers have always been my second team- they are from Brooklyn, after all. If I can't brag about the Mets (and I really, <i>really</i> can't) I'll gladly take this instead.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>WILD CARDS</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">ATLANTA BRAVES</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaOxLw4xB3Bu6iG7g0Bo0SIglnkLwLB-F8pPX6w_mzoFxa7TH2qm8xYbQrUOQZwv3CcrQZdjCZgzZ_m0PUXuhhR8p69GgNECQHo79EWz6GfU-osG5Xno9SsC8T5DjQgF4QS44OaQ/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaOxLw4xB3Bu6iG7g0Bo0SIglnkLwLB-F8pPX6w_mzoFxa7TH2qm8xYbQrUOQZwv3CcrQZdjCZgzZ_m0PUXuhhR8p69GgNECQHo79EWz6GfU-osG5Xno9SsC8T5DjQgF4QS44OaQ/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This one was difficult. I want to go Atlanta, but the Central is really close also. If I pick those two, that's also saying that San Francisco won't make it. So frustrating.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So, Giants and Braves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The Giants will be behind the Dodgers by <i>thismuch</i> in the West. With 2012 NL's MVP Buster Posey as their catcher and Pablo Sandoval, Angel Pagan and Marco Scutaro on the field, their line-up is one to pay attention to. As for pitching, their roster includes Tim Lincecum, Madison Bumgarner, Ryan Vogelsong and Matt Cain. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/10/power-play-mlb-2012-world-series-edition.html">Yeah, good luck with that.</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As for choosing between the Cards and the Braves, that was a bit more of an arduous task. The Cards' pitching is a bit dicey, with Adam Wainwright on the way down and Chris Carpenter coming back from shoulder surgery. However, they still have a lot of exceptional guys on the field- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allen_Craig">Allen Craig</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_Beltr%C3%A1n">Carlos Beltran</a>, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Holliday">Matt Holliday</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The fact does remain that St. Louis has a lot of injuries, and if Carpenter does pitch, he's almost 40. The Braves not only have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craig_Kimbrel">Craig Kimbrel</a> as a closer, but <a href="http://atlanta.braves.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20130325&content_id=43267050&c_id=atl">Jason Heyward and both Uptons</a>. As much as I enjoy seeing them fail, I have to go with Atlanta. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Dammit.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>MOST IMPROVED ODOR</u></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">PITTSBURGH PIRATES</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-t__U_jyrV1Xpw2zaEudrvLJco9hV2xli2txcqIbz49spBUNwidF6alov0LL6s-2qTU_l6cnaQ6u3dN_40YCFiCxqZye46C_yodfR7FDFu95Q3aT_oMaWSV4-H58zxF2FmOYkUg/s1600/pirates.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-t__U_jyrV1Xpw2zaEudrvLJco9hV2xli2txcqIbz49spBUNwidF6alov0LL6s-2qTU_l6cnaQ6u3dN_40YCFiCxqZye46C_yodfR7FDFu95Q3aT_oMaWSV4-H58zxF2FmOYkUg/s1600/pirates.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's going to be their first winning season in a while thanks to Andrew McCutchen, and then this may never happen again: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">They may even be on their way to Manager of the Year. </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>LEAST DISTANCE TRAVELED</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">MIAMI MARLINS</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_PP08tEpJMbimo_zYhk9Dif8tk2qs9f4ZS5OrXEsA-pc0adVcfRK7kwlqIsDu9qDuywUqgwjZMDJ6QM70iZiU95uUNkJVAn_ArXADZ95L6z-C2P47bmNzlty8W-17kBiw7DFsNw/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_PP08tEpJMbimo_zYhk9Dif8tk2qs9f4ZS5OrXEsA-pc0adVcfRK7kwlqIsDu9qDuywUqgwjZMDJ6QM70iZiU95uUNkJVAn_ArXADZ95L6z-C2P47bmNzlty8W-17kBiw7DFsNw/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I would say the Mets, but it's probably not even conceivable for them to suck even more. Also, we have Wheeler and D'Arnaud, who may save us from being a complete embarrassment if they're actually called up from the minors. I'm going to say the Marlins, based solely on number of wins.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One may think that the Marlins couldn't possibly be even worse than they already are, but this is entirely untrue. The only player who isn't horrible is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giancarlo_Stanton">Giancarlo Stanton</a>, and he'll probably leave soon, too, because he's too amazing to be on that team. They could win 50 games this year, and that might be out of charity.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>ROOKIE OF THE YEAR</u></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zack_Wheeler">ZACK WHEELER</a> (RHP, NEW YORK METS)</b></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh02dZDiF_7HzShYJB1fwT5j2gPqImWTjJezc756-TkBVWIVq1woesf_omWwy5a23wAcrDZkdSAGX9KG5gy-4c-9umB-rmTHdKkKo-EH-WjscrOFQvoFkjcikU6vcbX84775JWKpw/s1600/zack_wheeler.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh02dZDiF_7HzShYJB1fwT5j2gPqImWTjJezc756-TkBVWIVq1woesf_omWwy5a23wAcrDZkdSAGX9KG5gy-4c-9umB-rmTHdKkKo-EH-WjscrOFQvoFkjcikU6vcbX84775JWKpw/s320/zack_wheeler.JPG" width="241" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can I legitimately say someone from the Mets? I really think Zack Wheeler may take this. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I am truly excited about them having an amazing pitcher and just let me have this, goddammit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If the Mets are smart enough to call him up to the majors, (probably not), I sincerely believe that Wheeler could actually be ROTY. Please? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">FYI- his Wikipedia page states that Wheeler was originally drafted by the Giants in 2009; then brought over to the Mets organization in 2011. So close, Zack. So close. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">PS- I am not the only one that thinks this could happen. Check these out:</span></div>
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<a href="http://msn.foxsports.com/fantasy/baseball/story/MLB-2013-rookies-Jurickson-Profar-Wil-Myers-020613" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">http://msn.foxsports.com/<wbr></wbr>fantasy/baseball/story/MLB-<wbr></wbr>2013-rookies-Jurickson-Profar-<wbr></wbr>Wil-Myers-020613</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1290675-predicting-the-top-5-candidates-for-2013-rookie-of-year-for-each-league/page/10" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">http://bleacherreport.com/<wbr></wbr>articles/1290675-predicting-<wbr></wbr>the-top-5-candidates-for-2013-<wbr></wbr>rookie-of-year-for-each-<wbr></wbr>league/page/10</span></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>MVP</u></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_McCutchen">ANDREW MCCUTCHEN</a> (CF, PITTSBURGH PIRATES)</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7yTRIVns2GKFf9yF0eJLOZ0jOhUT2F7MnowfzmQnXBvqseSc2JeECTTRszhKrEnNVjDJbEY7hW9NmL3E7W7vdgBpxVjVqm5Wef-6Zqxs8dgQe7R-IO7PAWsTWgivcaYOqYE8b4g/s1600/240px-Andrew_McCutchen_on_June_12,_2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7yTRIVns2GKFf9yF0eJLOZ0jOhUT2F7MnowfzmQnXBvqseSc2JeECTTRszhKrEnNVjDJbEY7hW9NmL3E7W7vdgBpxVjVqm5Wef-6Zqxs8dgQe7R-IO7PAWsTWgivcaYOqYE8b4g/s200/240px-Andrew_McCutchen_on_June_12,_2012.jpg" width="137" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This kid seemingly came out of nowhere, and he's giving new hope to his entire team. They still have a ways to go (especially sharing a division with the Reds), but it looks like he'll be a large part of their improvement. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>CY YOUNG</u></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Strasburg">STEPHEN STRASBURG</a> (SP, WASHINGTON NATIONALS)</span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3vJYtwj4zpy4WAcaVH5oYIe6j5lRQNRxEiF7WAC38IC0gUB-LE4mC2IaiIvLfsxH8WATg0GdxRK2yqDmfAJOHB381xgZBMR60wpexT-c-UemC8pHR7ORoFEHZ6mDgeQF5AqGeyQ/s1600/300px-Stephen_Strasburg_MLB_debut.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3vJYtwj4zpy4WAcaVH5oYIe6j5lRQNRxEiF7WAC38IC0gUB-LE4mC2IaiIvLfsxH8WATg0GdxRK2yqDmfAJOHB381xgZBMR60wpexT-c-UemC8pHR7ORoFEHZ6mDgeQF5AqGeyQ/s200/300px-Stephen_Strasburg_MLB_debut.jpg" width="175" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's tight between Strasburg and and Clayton Kershaw. This actually took me about half an hour to decide between the two of them, and I'm still not totally sure. I think I'm going to have to pick Strasburg, if he can keep his injuries in check. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And one more nail in the Mets coffin...</span></div>
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<b><u><span style="color: red; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">MLB</span></u></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u>WORLD SERIES</u></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><u><br /></u></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">LOS ANGELES ANGELS over LOS ANGELES DODGERS in 6</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I've seen a bunch of predictions that the Jays are going to win the World Series. I do believe that they're going to be killer, but I also think people are getting overly excited. It would be awesome if they did go all the way, just because it would be cool to see someone totally new win everything, but let's not forget that they have zero playoff experience and that could hurt them in the postseason.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">We should also all realize that no one thinks it's natural that anything from Canada should have a shot at the AMERICAN PASTTIME- the one time Montreal came close to taking everything home we all </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1994%E2%80%9395_Major_League_Baseball_strike">freaked out and canceled baseball</a><span style="color: black;">. Now they're the Nationals, and everyone's forgotten they ever existed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That's why I'm predicting an all Los Angeles World Series. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It will be an extremely close race between Detroit and LA, but the Angels will trump the Tigers due to a slightly more agile lineup. The Dodgers will make it in as well thanks to the knockout punch of Greinke and Kershaw. The series itself will come down to the Angels' lineup vs. the Dodgers' heavy rotation, and the Angels' power hitting is just more impressive. This will most likely go to six games, though.</span></div>
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Also, to make things <strike>more</strike> interesting for the three of you that give a shit about sports, I've included my fantasy baseball roster for this season. A couple of years ago I won my league while having the distinction of being the only girl (BURN!); this year that most likely won't be the case. In a league of 12 players, my number came up last, while Iron Man came up 5th (we're in the same league this year, which could lead to horrible fights since we're both super competitive). I'm certainly psyched about a few of my starting pitchers, although most of my closers aren't exactly winning any awards. I decided to be nice and give Stephen Strasburg to my stupid boyfriend because he's in love with him; then he went and stole my catcher. Ass.<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #222222;"> Also I got stuck with Brian Wilson as a bench player- he's not even active this year- although I do have some solid men on the field, including a few Rookie of the Year possibilities, although IM's got a ton of current and former All-Stars that basically give him bragging rights through 2017. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">I also got <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starling_Marte">Starling Marte</a>, the OF for the Pirates that my brother is really into. I took him in honor of my brother, so I hope the Pirates do well this year.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">I'm not about to go too mental over this, though; as in every fantasy league, there are trades, and I've already had one proposed to me that I just might take. I also got my boy <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_Tulowitzki">Tulo</a> as SS- I draft him first every year. If I don't wind up with him, I throw a horrible tantrum, then I do everything in my power to be sure he makes it onto my roster. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufKVdUEND7AhCc9xJvx0_kGCRr0bO3lQN74P8EXd0Mjk20_roM8MfMMWY-fYXUvW0lR5EEM6XpKJ-FuxtWuKB4mN3R6YkqlHLIcZwXpWCzAgm5knuGt2COcpwHSpLMKtLknV3Fg/s1600/TULO.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufKVdUEND7AhCc9xJvx0_kGCRr0bO3lQN74P8EXd0Mjk20_roM8MfMMWY-fYXUvW0lR5EEM6XpKJ-FuxtWuKB4mN3R6YkqlHLIcZwXpWCzAgm5knuGt2COcpwHSpLMKtLknV3Fg/s200/TULO.jpg" width="129" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SO HAPPY TOGETHER</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Check out our teams below. Mine are in red; his dick moves are in blue.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">C </span><span style="color: red;">Salvador Perez (KC) </span><span style="color: blue;">Brian McCann (Atl)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">1B </span><span style="color: red;">Allen Craig (StL) </span><span style="color: blue;">Ryan Howard (Phi)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">2B </span><span style="color: red;">Marco Scutaro (SF) </span><span style="color: blue;">Chase Utley (Phi)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">3B </span><span style="color: red;">Aramis Ramirez (Mil) </span><span style="color: blue;">David Wright (NYM)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">SS </span><span style="color: red;">Troy Tulowitzki (Col) </span>(!!!!!!!!) <span style="color: blue;">Hanley Ramirez (LAD)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">IF </span><span style="color: red;">Adam Dunn (CWS) </span><span style="color: blue;">Mark Teixeira (NYY)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">OF </span><span style="color: red;">Giancarlo Stanton (Mia) </span><span style="color: blue;">Ryan Braun (Mil)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">OF </span><span style="color: red;">Jayson Heyward (Atl) </span><span style="color: blue;">Matt Holliday (StL)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">OF </span><span style="color: red;">Wil Myers (TB) </span><span style="color: blue;">Nelson Cruz (Tex)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">Util </span><span style="color: red;">Adam Eaton (Ari) </span><span style="color: blue;">Ben Revere (Phi)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">Util </span><span style="color: red;">Starling Marte (Pit) </span><span style="color: blue;">Alfonso Soriano (ChC)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">BN </span><span style="color: red;">Torii Hunter (Det) </span><span style="color: blue;">Alexei Ramirez (CWS)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">BN </span><span style="color: red;">Manny Machado (Bal) </span><span style="color: blue;">Lance Berkman (Tex)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">BN </span><span style="color: red;">Jhonny Peralta (Det) </span><span style="color: blue;">Russell Martin (Pit)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">BN </span><span style="color: red;">Jurickson Profar (Tex) </span><span style="color: blue;">Andy Pettitte (NYY)</span></b></span></div>
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<b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">BN</span><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;"> </span>Brian Wilson (formerly of SF) </span><span style="color: red;"> </span><span style="color: blue;">Edinson Volquez (SD)</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">SP </span><span style="color: red;">Zack Greinke (RHP, LAD) </span><span style="color: blue;">Stephen Strasburg (RHP, WAS)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">SP </span><span style="color: red;">Matt Harvey (RHP, NYM) </span><span style="color: blue;">Yu Darvish (RHP, Tex)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">SP </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: red;">C.J. Wilson (LHP, LAA) </span><span style="color: blue;">Roy Halladay (RHP, Phi)</span></span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">SP </span><span style="color: red;">Josh Beckett ( RHP, LAD) </span><span style="color: blue;">Jaime Garcia (LHP, StL)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">SP </span><span style="color: red;">Tyler Skaggs (LHP, Ari) </span><span style="color: blue;">Tommy Hanson (RHP, LAA)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">RP </span><span style="color: red;">Fernando Rodney (RHP, TB) </span><span style="color: blue;">J.J. Putz (RHP, Ari)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">RP </span><span style="color: red;">Grant Balfour (RHP, Oak) </span><span style="color: blue;">John Axford (RHP, Mil)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">RP </span><span style="color: red;">Joel Hanrahan (RHP, Bos) </span><span style="color: blue;">Greg Holland (RHP, KC)</span></b></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="color: #222222;">RP </span><span style="color: red;">Addison Reed (RHP,CWS) </span><span style="color: blue;">Tyler Clippard (RHP, WAS)</span></b></span></div>
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<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The first game of the regular 2013 MLB season is at 8:05 pm, this Sunday, March 31st. The Rangers play the Astros. I'm also aware that it's Easter, but I'm a Jew and my holiday was last week. More importantly, the 31st is also the 3rd season finale of <i>The Walking Dead </i>and the 3rd season premiere of <i>Game of Thrones</i>. What to tune into that night is probably the most difficult decision I've ever had to make, and I would appreciate any advice you guys are willing to give.</span></div>
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Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-34366659041007753322013-02-21T10:15:00.000-08:002013-02-21T10:15:25.244-08:00Eight-Legged Freak-OutSo the other day, I was on Facebook looking at random shit when I noticed that one of my friends had posted this:<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UPujnYOX9dc" width="560"></iframe><br />
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WHAT THE FUCK.<br />
<br />
The chances of me ever having the chance to go to Brazil, although it used to sound awesome, are right up there with landing a seven-figure job or getting five minutes alone with Baby Goose without them ending in a restraining order, but still. NO. This is just- no. I'm done. What circle of Hell is this? This is terrible.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spiders don't stand a chance. Just sayin.</td></tr>
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Everybody that knows me is aware that out of everything in life, bugs are the things that I hate the most, except for like, nuclear war and Justin Bieber. Remember <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/04/all-tagged-up-ye-yeah.html">this dude</a>? I couldn't sleep for a week and a half after I found it in my bathroom.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who said that this was OK??????</td></tr>
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Spiders are the worst. I've always been petrified of them. Growing up, I used to get my brothers to run in and crush them mercilessly; now I make my boyfriend do it for me. Last week I was about to get in the shower when I noticed a small web in the corner and I swear to God the scream that I let out woke up dogs in the next three towns. Iron Man ran in because he probably thought I fell down or something and I was standing there, terrified, staring at the floor.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: There's a spider! In the bathroom.</b><br />
<b>IM: Where? </b><br />
(I point to it. He's probably seen crumbs bigger than that.)<br />
<b>IM: Are you serious?</b><br />
<b>Me: OH MY GOD KILL IT OH MY GOD.</b><br />
(He kills it. Kind of.)<br />
<b>Me: OH MY GOD IT RAN AWAY.</b><br />
<b>IM: It didn't run away. </b><br />
<b>Me: It's not in the napkin.</b><br />
<b>IM: This is retarded. Get in the shower.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Over the course of the day I kept looking all over his apartment for what I now consider my most worthy adversary.<br />
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Every time I heard a rustling movement I jumped, just knowing that the spider had come back to take its revenge. It didn't help that <a href="http://coyoterose.blogspot.com/">Tits</a> kept posting stuff on my Facebook page about murderous insects that put people in comas and shit like that, which she found hilarious but probably scarred me for life. I finally agreed to get into bed, and I lay there, staring at the ceiling. I decided to shake Iron Man awake, and he was less than appreciative. I can't imagine why.<br />
<br />
<b>Me: Will you please go find the spider?</b><br />
<b>IM: It's 3am.</b><br />
<b>Me: He's waiting for me. He wants my soul.</b><br />
<b>IM: This is really happening right now.</b><br />
<b>Me: Please?</b><br />
<b>IM: Goodnight.</b><br />
<b>Me: Please?</b><br />
(At this point he's started ignoring me.)<br />
<b>Me: Please?</b><br />
<b>Me: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?</b><br />
<b>IM: Jesus fuck. </b><br />
<b>Me: Fine. I'll kill it myself.</b><br />
(Thirty Minutes Later)<br />
<b>IM: Were you really in the bathroom for half an hour?</b><br />
<b>Me: ...no.</b><br />
<b>IM: Did you find it?</b><br />
<b>Me: ...no.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
As of today, that little fucker is still at large, and Iron Man is fully aware that he is dating an insane person (he has actually said, "I'm dating an insane person"). The fact that he has not been bestowed with a medal yet is pretty baffling to me; however, maybe that's what the spider wants. It's probably in the same Legion of Doom as the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/09/so-were-pretty-much-all-fucked-then.html">Two-Headed Snake</a>.<br />
<br />
Please still be my friends.<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-36030016549768767972013-02-07T13:04:00.001-08:002013-02-07T13:04:27.893-08:00Dead Space Vol. 3- Prison Break!As always, there are spoilers for the graphic novels in here. So if you care, don't click on the links.<br />
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One might think that this post is going up so far behind the episode airing because I'm aiming for dramatic effect, considering <i>The Walking Dead </i>comes back THIS WEEKEND OMGJAZZHANDSOMGJFGDGHJKDVCVCVJCVJKVHBJXHVCBXJ!!!!!!<br />
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One would be wrong. I'm just lazy.<br />
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<i>Made to Suffer </i>opens with the appearance of <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Tyreese_(Comic_Series)">Tyreese</a>! Holy shit! Not only is Tyreese awesome, but he's played by <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0170968/">Cutty from <i>The Wire</i></a>, which is the most brilliant program ever created for television. If you have never seen it, trust me- <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Wire-Complete-Michael-Williams/dp/B005NFJAWG/ref=sr_tr_sr_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1360257379&sr=1-1&keywords=the+wire">buy it now</a>. You are missing out. Besides the 2013 Ravens, <i>The Wire</i> is probably the only thing that Baltimore has to be proud of.<br />
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Tyreese's gang includes himself and a family of three, which is weird because isn't his <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Chris_(Comic_Series)">daughter's boyfriend</a> supposed to show up in this bitch? Oh right- more than one black guy attracts zombies.<br />
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Never mind. His daughter, <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Julie">Julie</a>, I assume, is the fifth member, but who the fuck knows with this show? The mom gets bitten on the arm, so Tyreese's gang is all, "cool, let's keep her alive instead of immediately preventing her zombification by killing her. Oh hey, her terrified pre-teen son."<br />
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They wander around for a while before coming across the Prison. I don't know why I didn't make this connection before, but we can totally do a Six Degrees game with Sarah Wayne Callies, kind of. In 2005, when she was on <i><a href="http://www.tv.com/shows/prison-break/">Prison Break</a></i>, (also first-rate programming, if you get the chance to check that out), her character spent all her time in a prison and there was a character called The Governor. Also, she was a morphine addict, and most likely still would have made a better mom than Lori Grimes.<br />
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We then cut to Mayberry, where Andrea is trying to look all pretty and shit for her new boyfriend. I'm still confused as to why Andrea is so fucking stupid. I guess I can see not noticing the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/11/dead-space-vol-2-boom-panties-drop.html">undead kid in the closet</a>, especially if you're a clueless moron. But how do you completely miss a room with fish tanks full of fucking decapitated heads? That's a pretty messed up hobby. I mean, it's not like The Governor is harboring an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.<br />
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Glenn and Maggie are still being held captive, and Glenn does a super bad-ass trick where he fashions weapons out of zombie bones. He and Maggie get re-kidnapped by Merle and are ordered to be taken into someplace called the "screamer pit," which, frankly, sounds kind of sexual.<br />
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Meanwhile, the Atlanta Gang continues to make their way towards The Governor's camp, continuing to point out how useless Michonne is even though she's the only one who knows where they're going and also brought them food. The entire town of Mayberry has conveniently forgone all security at this point and everyone just waltzes in all, "oh haaaai." Michonne immediately goes to kick The Governor's ass and in doing so finds Penny, whom she mistakes for a regular child until she pulls off the bag and sees the little zombie face. The Governor pleads with Michonne not to hurt his daughter but she isn't having any of that shit and drives a sword through Penny's head. Then there's a ridiculously mind-blowing fight where Michonne breaks one of the fish tanks and slams one of the glass shards into The Governor's eye. Andrea walks in in the middle of all this and is all, "NO!" Whatever, Andrea. We're all already tired of you.<br />
<br />
Readers of the books will understand why Michonne hates The Governor so much; he does some <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Issue_29">pretty horrific things</a> to her on the page. In the TV show, however, he's just an incredible asshole. There is no denying that The Governor is a scumbag, but he hasn't really done anything personally to Michonne to warrant a loathing this formidable. Yet.<br />
<br />
Back at the Prison, Carl, who clearly does not watch enough horror movies, runs out to investigate a strange noise and runs into Tyreese and his crew. He shoots and kills the Bitten Mom and then pulls a gun on the rest of them, which prompts them to refer to Carl as a "man." While last season this would have seemed like a ludicrous concept, Carl is actually shaping up to be not totally useless. Well played, writers and/or Chandler Riggs.<br />
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So everyone escapes from Mayberry except for Daryl, who has probably chosen to stay behind in order to look for his brother. The Governor, who has apparently taped some paper towel over his eye, captures him and parades him in front of the residents. He informs them that Daryl is a terrorist, and that Merle is his brother and that now there needs to be a showdown between them. I recommend a dance-off, with lifts and glitter leggings. That would be amazing.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxvLNN5sCqRZdi_QYKH97JQ9nPKRyioA6MLAGEttU5ZFmFO0OiqzxyZUJjMsQ-sluT484YKp6OCkuwormEWYGlvHq-qwPPJxN0q_tNeScEtASM_EbW1SU-VcZ_IwaZODyixZA_pQ/s1600/dirty-dancing-lift.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxvLNN5sCqRZdi_QYKH97JQ9nPKRyioA6MLAGEttU5ZFmFO0OiqzxyZUJjMsQ-sluT484YKp6OCkuwormEWYGlvHq-qwPPJxN0q_tNeScEtASM_EbW1SU-VcZ_IwaZODyixZA_pQ/s320/dirty-dancing-lift.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">NOT GAY.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I'm guessing the writers won't kill Daryl, since he's the definition of "fan favorite," but he's not in the novels so basically they can do whatever they want. These last two months have been real nail-biters, especially for me because I bite my nails. Personally, I think Rick is going to come back, save both Daryl and Merle and kick some Governor ass. Then everyone is going to make out.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDnZHuRi1ItGUTXeCxOblhgOnhPz6FwOatQ0Fnr2Iy-de1g-Pfaz_88OL-aF3MJIc8PcIvGTisa7JBx1w1QJjf_UXil2z5fA56C9sApEMo6EGP3SskAClWtiH0Bf96VfKwaA3Q4g/s1600/tumblr_luztlyTjta1r4h8p0o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDnZHuRi1ItGUTXeCxOblhgOnhPz6FwOatQ0Fnr2Iy-de1g-Pfaz_88OL-aF3MJIc8PcIvGTisa7JBx1w1QJjf_UXil2z5fA56C9sApEMo6EGP3SskAClWtiH0Bf96VfKwaA3Q4g/s320/tumblr_luztlyTjta1r4h8p0o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I <i>said </i>not gay!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I would also like to point out that SyFy brainlessly decided that this Sunday is the night that they are finally going to air <i><a href="http://www.tv.com/shows/battlestar-galactica-blood-and-chrome/">Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome</a></i>- directly opposite the return of <i>The Walking Dead</i>. I'm of course not a television program director, but this seems like just about the dumbest move they could possibly make. I have On Demand so I can catch one of them later but still. TWD already has an established audience that is anticipating Season 3.2 probably more than the birth of their first child. I loved BSG, but there is no way I'm missing zombies on TV.<br />
<br />
Anyway, let me know if you tuned into this, and what you thought of the episode. I promise I will recap Season 3.2 in a more timely manner, and uh, sorry about my epic fail.<br />
<br />
<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-75703314887342626792013-01-24T13:37:00.003-08:002013-01-24T13:38:34.838-08:00Zero Dark ThirtyI'll bet you've all spent the last month sitting at your laptops, anxiously hitting the reload button until I put up my next post, wondering where I've been. I didn't die; I didn't become a world traveler or get offered a new employment opportunity anywhere remotely in the six figures. No, I'm just really fucking lazy and lack motivation. Sorry, kids.<br />
<br />
At any rate, the last month has had some recent developments which, as my duty (haha. "Duty.") as a blogger, I feel I should share with you all. Let's run it down in list form, because I'm pretty sure you're all too busy and/or impatient to sit through an hour's worth of my shit:<br />
<br />
1) Let's get the biggest deal out of the way first: as much as I tried to avoid this like Taylor Swift avoids actual talent, I finally turned thirty. Despite a minor freakout, it actually doesn't feel that different from 29, mostly because I'm still giggling at words like "feel."<br />
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Despite being knocked down by a heavy case of the "Mutant Cold," I had a relatively nice, low-key birthday in New York City, with a guest appearance from one of my favorite Bloggi, <a href="http://thelizardspockexpansion.blogspot.com/">Tabs</a>, who flew in from Canada for the funeral procession. Since I was sick, I couldn't do everything I had anticipated, and I'll be having a do-over this summer. I expect way more of you to be there, so get on that right now.<br />
<br />
Hitting thirty also won me the coveted <a href="http://blog.20sb.net/2013/01/2013-bootleg-winners.html">"Last Chance Blogger" Bootleg award over at 20sb</a>, which is interesting because didn't I also <a href="http://blog.20sb.net/2012/01/2012-bootleg-award-winners.html">win this shit last year</a>? How old do you people think I am? I was also up for "Most Opinionated," but seeing as how <a href="http://coyoterose.blogspot.com/2013/01/opinionated-damn-straight.html">Tits and I were both nominated</a>, we probably split the vote and that's why neither of us won. Oh, well- thank you anyway! It's awesome to know that you guys love me so much that you thought I was ancient even when I wasn't.<br />
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(Also, shout-out to <a href="http://ginnyinboston.blogspot.com/">Ginny</a>, who was voted "Best 20sb Contributor." I would make an "In My Pants" joke here but I honestly can't think of one right now.)<br />
<br />
B) I'm still on the job hunt. At this point I'm basically trying for anything; however, I did apply for a social media job with the New York Rangers that I am absolutely 100% under-qualified for. I managed not to make a complete ass of myself and not send a cover letter that basically stated OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU PICK ME I LOVE THE RANGERS PICK ME PICK ME LKJKFJKHJGSDFJHFJKLKVNFJNCHSZVCJNFKLNDFJFHDVHVBGJFGBGHBF<br />
PS- I want your goalie to impregnate me. Thank you, and have a nice day.<br />
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Yeah, so that didn't happen. Probably a genius idea on their part.<br />
<br />
THUNDERCAT) The best part of being back in New York is definitely having the chance to reconnect with my friends and family. My brothers housed me for my first two weeks, and despite having the sound effects to NHL 13 permanently lodged in my brain, it was great to hang with them after being physically separated for seven months.<br />
<br />
After that, it was time to hit up everyone I hung with in school. I'm still in touch with 90% of them, and within two days I was back with my old crowd. One of them in particular, who has made a brief appearance on this blog as <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2011/04/bonus-movie-review-bri-winning-edition.html">Bri-Winning</a>, was the first one to invite me out, and in doing so introduced me to the guy I'm currently dating.<br />
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You did read that right, FYI- the Mayan calendar was probably another year off because I managed to trick some poor dude into keeping me around after conversing with me for more than five minutes. Heretofore dubbed "Iron Man," we've been together a little over a month, and he seems relatively normal. I've already met or know most of his friends and they're all cool as shit, too. Iron Man has yet to see my robot collection or any of my Star Trek memorabilia, so I haven't fucked this up. Yet. There won't be much written about him here, but the relationship will be drawn out over on <a href="http://snarkandsex.blogspot.com/">Snark & Sex</a>, because he doesn't know that one exists.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6DMGrEgzHhoNt5VM4iJvzMIu7_NSD0kFO-Ntqjg6NtHVapM6-w201Xx46Rrbb6CE0ywZTCGf0pWGTQVZLugW40zLuLfnTiH4AYmFMPfyLgP_Vb9g2ta9qDIcp7LfHQbvQc6q3Zg/s1600/stealth-poster3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6DMGrEgzHhoNt5VM4iJvzMIu7_NSD0kFO-Ntqjg6NtHVapM6-w201Xx46Rrbb6CE0ywZTCGf0pWGTQVZLugW40zLuLfnTiH4AYmFMPfyLgP_Vb9g2ta9qDIcp7LfHQbvQc6q3Zg/s320/stealth-poster3.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm fucking amazing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In case you're all wondering, my Iron Man doesn't look at all like RDJ's Iron Man, or I already would have roofied him into marriage.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH0VkKlZhAJRNaKFZVMu1Sk3QNyYuRJcz5EYA1mZI60WmafmmZLOHmprWY3cy9eaLdSQULYNPnAHNgqf_bidw2fX_DLlDtFHDuGFK5FNN-0Gi5gay2BEvCmk0txqSHrPa7XIVsGg/s1600/Robert-Downey-Jnr-in-Iron-008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH0VkKlZhAJRNaKFZVMu1Sk3QNyYuRJcz5EYA1mZI60WmafmmZLOHmprWY3cy9eaLdSQULYNPnAHNgqf_bidw2fX_DLlDtFHDuGFK5FNN-0Gi5gay2BEvCmk0txqSHrPa7XIVsGg/s320/Robert-Downey-Jnr-in-Iron-008.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Please. I'm taken, not dead.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So there it is- my last month, laid out for you (haha. "Laid"). I still need to get to my last <i><a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/11/dead-space-vol-2-boom-panties-drop.html">Dead Space</a> </i>recap in time for the second half of the season, and I also need to get off my ass and come up with new ideas for my next few posts. So I am still alive, and functional (?), and I will be around more. I promise.<br />
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I love you.<br />
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PS- we're looking for guest bloggers over at S&S. If you want to share how your met your significant others or what your first date was like, drop me an email at <b>thataintkosher83@gmail.com</b>. We need you from now until Valentine's Day.<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-55519364787328460972012-12-27T10:05:00.000-08:002012-12-27T10:05:43.748-08:00Les Miserables- Dying Alone, ThanksFirst of all, Merry Belated Christmas to all of you non-Jews!<br />
<br />
Just so all you guys know, the rumors are true: My family spent the holiday eating Chinese food and going to the movies. We've been doing this every year, and lately, because the film industry has been so adept at churning out high-quality pictures, it's always been a struggle to choose what to see.<br />
<br />
Not this year. I'd literally been counting down the seconds until December 25th ever since it became the assigned release date of <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1707386/">Les Miserables</a></i>. There are no words to describe the levels of anticipation that have been building in my brain for this movie (unless you use the word "psychotic," perhaps). When I was a kid, I saw the Broadway stage production literally 12 times, a few with the original cast. I own the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Miserables-1987-Original-Broadway-Cast/dp/B000000OQI/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1356626849&sr=8-3&keywords=les+miserables+soundtrack">OG soundtrack</a> on iTunes and the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Les-Miserables-Concert-Roger-Allam/dp/B004I2K4DY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1356626921&sr=8-1&keywords=les+miserables+25th+anniversary+dvd">25th Anniversary Special</a> on DVD. I still know all the lyrics to every single song, and in which order they appear in the show. Nothing brings out my inner (and outer) Jazz Hands! more than <i>Les Miz</i>, except maybe <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Whos-Tommy-Original-Recording-Broadway/dp/B000003FLC/ref=sr_1_3?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1356627120&sr=1-3&keywords=the+who%27s+tommy">Tommy</a></i>, although that's more a celebration of The Who than anything else.<br />
<br />
Christmas Day arrived, and I texted my brother to tell him that my dad and I were going to see the movie (I hadn't yet checked with my dad, BTW; I just assumed that the world revolved around my plans) and inquired as to whether or not he would like to join us. He eloquently responded with "No. Gay."<br />
<br />
My dad and I tried three separate showings before we found one that wasn't sold out. It's good to know that the film was so insanely popular because between that and <i>The Walking Dead</i>, I'm going to have enough metaphors for my sex life until 2014.<br />
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Dad and I bought our tickets and I almost danced into the theater. God, no wonder I'm single. No one ever hears my people sing, if you get what I'm sayin. And you guys <i>always</i> get what I'm sayin.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm here all week! Alone.</td></tr>
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As a film in general, it wasn't perfect. I'm not totally biased, and I did have a few issues:<br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>1) Amanda Seyfried. Her acting, like the rest of the cast, was
excellent, but she can't really sing. It kind of took me out of the movie.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>B) The track they added in to get that Best Original Song Oscar
was stupid. It sounded very Disney and didn't fit in with the rest of the
music at all.<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>DEER CHIHUAHUA) Eponine had very well-manicured nails for a poor 19th-century
French girl. I guess hair and makeup missed that one.</b><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That being said-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This was one of the best movies I've ever seen. Putting away my
inner theatre geek and squealing fangirl, everything about it was phenomenal.
Set design, costumes, hair and makeup, everything. I'd heard negative reviews about Russell Crowe, so I was apprehensive about him coming in. Did he have amazing vocal capabilities? No. However, the way he played the role of Javert and handled the musical style really let him nail the character. He should stick to playing dicks; it's what he does best.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'd also heard some backlash regarding <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1519666/">Eddie Redmayne</a>, who plays Marius. Those people are obviously high, because he was fucking fantastic and deserves a career out of this. Hugh Jackman is incredible too,
and while he probably won't win the Oscar (Daniel Day-Lewis <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443272/">made a movie</a> this year, so
universal law dictates that he must win all the awards), he should at least get
a nomination. Every time he did something awesome, which was frequently, I
wanted to yell out, "Fuck yeah! Wolverine!" He's a classically trained
Broadway actor, and he really shows it here. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I was very, very satisfied with the casting of Eponine. "On My Own" is arguably the most popular and well-known song in the show, having also become the most annoying because every girl on the planet has sung this at least once in the shower without even knowing where it originated. This role was the most followed on the Internet, with everyone from Lea Michele from <i>Glee </i>to Taylor Swift (ugh, NO) said to be auditioning for the part. Whoever they chose would have a HUGE surge in their career, so I was thrilled when they went with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samantha_Barks">Samantha Barks</a>,</span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> a trained stage actor and singer who played the role in the London production and the 25th Anniversary concert.</span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> She more than holds her own against A-list film actors.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And then, of course, there's Anne Hathaway. They should have had a guy walk up to her during the film, into the screen, holding an Oscar, and say, "here you go, Miss Hathaway." Everyone else they nominate in that category is pretty much just because they have to write other names in. If you didn't feel at least </span><i style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">something</i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> when she busted out "I Dreamed a Dream," then you are clinically dead.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3117836/">this dude</a> is in the movie. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As soon as I got home, I immediately got on Facebook chat with Melbs from <i><a href="http://www.melbourneonmymind.com/">A Quick Succession of Busy Nothings</a></i> to squee about it. I sent her that link and we agreed: "Oh. HELLO." Gina from <i><a href="http://ginadenny.blogspot.com/">This is Not Your Blog</a></i> let me know that she would not have been opposed to the costume department taking some very modern liberties. "What? It was a tough battle and their shirts blew off." <i>Les Miserables</i>: The Michael Bay version.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What makes the direction of <i>Les Miserables</i> especially memorable is that Tom Hooper, a former Oscar winner for <i>The King's Speech</i>, decided to have his actors sing their numbers live on camera. That seems incredibly arduous and challenging, even to the stage actors he cast as leads and cameos. I mean, shit, I don't even like posing for my friends' Instagram.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">BTW, as soon as I saw Tom Hooper's name attached, I had a minor brain fart and thought, "Tobe Hooper? Like, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072271/?ref_=fn_al_tt_9"><i>Texas Chain Saw</i> Tobe Hooper</a>?" How great would it be if instead of dying from consumption or at the barricades, all the characters in <i>Les Miz</i> got hacked to pieces by Leatherface? I would totally watch that.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The entire time we were in the theater you could have heard a
pin drop in the audience. No one talked, texted, nothing. You could hear people
sniffing and sobbing. Dad got a little choked up. On my own end I counted about
seven ugly cries, and I knew exactly what was coming.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, I kept poking Dad in the arm while I played Spot the Cameos and told him random facts
about the show. ("It's the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colm_Wilkinson">original Jean Valjean</a>!" "She was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frances_Ruffelle">Eponine in 1987</a>!") There were a bunch of times where I caught myself singing along, out loud. </span></span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm surprised there weren't more of them, considering my dad informed me later that I was lip-synching all the lyrics throughout the entire film. </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At the end of the movie a few people clapped but I was the only
one who gave it a standing ovation like a loser. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Party of One</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As far as adaptations go, except for a few minor changes that
have nothing to do with the outcome of the story, this is probably the most
faithful rendition of any medium I've ever seen on film. I was praying that
this wouldn't turn out like <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1152276-rent/">the Rent movie</a>, which was horrible, but apparently I had
nothing to worry about.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I
will definitely see this at least two more times. I'm hoping I can find a Rocky
Horror-style sing along, with props. I'm going to make my own musket and
barricade so I can avoid interaction with all other humans.</span></span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">FYI, here is a hilarious review of <i>Les Miserables</i> with even more musical stylings. If you didn't feel old before, I guarantee you will after this:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2012/12/les-miserables-review-as-smash-mouths-all-star">A <i>Les Miserables </i>Review In The Form Of A SmashMouth Song</a></span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-11802973892362582792012-12-15T13:17:00.000-08:002012-12-27T11:46:21.728-08:00The More You KnowIt's probably not news to anyone that at the time of this post, 26 people were murdered in a Newtown, Connecticut grade school yesterday morning. 20 of those people were little kids. One was a teacher trying to protect her students from the gunman.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/15/us/connecticut-school-shooting/index.html?hpt=hp_t1">http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/15/us/connecticut-school-shooting/index.html?hpt=hp_t1</a><br />
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The shooter, who I will not glorify any further by naming here, had forced his way into the school. He was a 20 year old kid. It was also reported that he killed his mother and, when he was satisfied with his handiwork, himself. His older brother had to disable his Facebook page when he was erroneously identified as the suspect.<br />
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News reports say that the gunman suffered from a personality disorder, which calls into question exactly how the fuck this 20-year-old deranged fucking lunatic was able to get his hands on a loaded murder weapon in the first place. There are extensive background checks for minimum wage jobs at McDonald's, yet this douchebag manages to score an assault rifle? I can't be the only one that sees the epic fail in this.<br />
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I found out about the events that occurred late yesterday morning when I logged onto Facebook. I was all set to post about how stoked I was to go see <i>The Hobbit</i>, but I was immediately flooded with status updates about Sandy Hook. Some of my friends admittedly went a little overboard- yes, it was a tragedy; yes, it was sick and senseless and disturbing and horrible; yes, it hit close to home for myself, my family and a lot of my friends (I went to high school about 20 minutes away from Newtown)- but posting news updates and photos and angry rants every five minutes is not going to make anything go away, and will only feed into what this nutjob would have wanted.<br />
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(I'm also looking at you, news anchors and media shitstorm. Interviewing parents and even worse, terrified and sobbing children, is probably the most disgusting ploy for ratings I can even imagine. No. Go home.)<br />
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One of the most awful parts of this is probably that while this asshole will inevitably be rewarded with a Movie of the Week/feature film/countless magazine covers, in a few weeks no one will remember the names of any of the victims, including the teachers that died shielding their students from bullets. <br />
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Some have said that it's too bad that the killer turned the gun on himself, since now none of the victims' families will have the chance to take him out themselves. I'm looking at it this way: I hope the worst is over, and as strange as this sounds, we as a country can look at this in a positive way. Call your friends and family and tell them you love them. Spend time with them if they're located in your vicinity. Do unexpected nice things for random strangers.<br />
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Yesterday, inspired by these events, I gave two dollars to a homeless guy and he acted like it was a check for a million bucks. Then, on the way to the movies, I stopped at a pharmacy to get snacks, and paid for the woman behind me since she only had two items in her hand. I didn't even tell her; just let the cashier know that the "next girl was taken care of" and left. I didn't say anything to my brother, either. Was it a huge gesture? No. Her total was like five dollars. However, I felt that with my actions I had just said a massive "fuck you" to a guy that had just murdered a bunch of little kids.<br />
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Also, maybe this will help improve the US as a whole, and force a tighter rein on gun control and a better healthcare system which recognizes mental disabilities. I'm not saying this could have been prevented with Healthcare- clearly this dude was severely unhinged- but at least steps could have been taken and at least he could have seen a shrink or something. Apparently there were "warning signs," although emailing people and saying "yo, I'm thinking of shooting up an elementary school tomorrow; don't tell anyone" probably doesn't count as a harbinger so much as a massive fucking RED FLAG. I'm not placing immediate blame on anyone but him; however, maybe if someone had paid closer attention to his distress calls this would never have occurred.<br />
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Basically what we have to do right now is pull through this together. Attempt to stay positive and not dwell on the past. Try to return to your normal lives. Eat, sleep, watch TV, go see <i>The Hobbit</i>. Let out your frustrations in any way you can, if you so choose- I've obviously done this in my writing, like so many of us (two excellent examples I've found in the blogosphere of people affected by this tragedy are Christopher from <a href="http://mixeddrinksandmixedfeelings.blogspot.com/2012/12/today.html">Mixed Drinks & Mixed Feelings</a> and Rainey from <a href="http://raineywithachanceofsunshine.blogspot.com/2012/12/things-like-these-shouldnt-happen.html">A Rainey Day with a Chance of Sunshine</a>- especially poignant because Sandy Hook was her elementary school). Be thankful for what and who you have with you right now, because honestly, they may not be there when you come home tonight.<br />
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And to make us feel (marginally) better, here is a basket of tiny puppies.<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-26765990038747046162012-12-09T10:32:00.000-08:002012-12-11T16:49:47.192-08:00Minority ReportI know I'm late on my <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/search?q=dead+space">Dead Space</a> analysis. My New York move <i>finally</i> came through, so I'm just now settling in. I'll get to it sometime before Season 3.2. Or, before they kill off another minority.<br />
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So, yeah, about that: I'm finally a New Yorker again. I'm crashing at my brothers' place in Brooklyn until I figure out exactly where it is I'm going with my life, but hey: at least I'm here. I hadn't even left the terminal at LAX before I updated my Current City on Facebook, to which <a href="http://www.daniellarobin.com/">Penny Lane</a> responded,<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I love how you wasted no time changing your city to New York, NY.</span><br />
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Fuckin' A, I did. Peace out, LA.<br />
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I did, in fact, manage to find some incredible girlfriends there, which in Los Angeles is more arduous a task than locating a pair of real jugs, and of course all of this happened after I had already booked my flight because the Irony Fairy is real. My last night in LA was spent at my friend's acoustic singer-songwriter performance, where I was serenaded and may or may not have actually cried a little (guess which one). All my girls came out to see me off and Kitty knitted me a scarf, which I then slept in because we're practically lesbians. Then we all drank some wine and cried a lot, and I got on the plane.<br />
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PS- everyone leave comments about how amazing the scarf is, because I want Kitty to go into business with this. Maybe if enough people love it she'll actually listen to me.<br />
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The plane ride was relatively uneventful- no Quadrant of Crying Babies (which sounds like it could be the next title in the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Song_of_ice_and_fire"><i>Song of Ice and Fire</i> series</a>), although there was an old dude snoring behind me for a good three hours. There was an also an unbelievably magnificent guy two rows in front of me- he looked like Baby Goose if he hadn't slept or showered in a week. I wanted to kidnap him and make him read me the dictionary all day. You know, after the dirty stuff. He was no question my future second husband, so of course all I did was stare at the back of his head and leave without saying anything. Dying alone, 100%.<br />
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My first weekend in New York has been spent with my family, due to the fact that last night began Chanukkah in the Nugs house. I did have a gift for my brothers, and while they were certainly very appreciative, they felt no Jewish guilt whatsoever in the fact that they got me (and the rest of my family) absolutely jack shit. Whatever, yo. We're all poor. I also sent Ginny<strike>'s cats</strike> a Christmas gift, and apparently, it made them so high that they turned on each other and one kicked the other in the face. You can get a glimpse of all the carnage <a href="http://ginnyinboston.blogspot.com/2012/12/catnip-bubbles-is-real-thing.html">here</a>. 'Merica.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirotX48pw4__4kVhDuNS5k8OgvFbo04WDjK_FvDu_ERr9S83v5tnJMvtS7MfAz4Or7jKTpVMVI_Q_Uzd9fW0x04X6DGZWpb8PUCANMILUDM0S45vPJRVsKushaljvJzXo6x7TRWQ/s1600/blogger-image-470032749.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirotX48pw4__4kVhDuNS5k8OgvFbo04WDjK_FvDu_ERr9S83v5tnJMvtS7MfAz4Or7jKTpVMVI_Q_Uzd9fW0x04X6DGZWpb8PUCANMILUDM0S45vPJRVsKushaljvJzXo6x7TRWQ/s320/blogger-image-470032749.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's also a little molester. It's true. He grabbed my boob once in my sleep.</td></tr>
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Of course, to acknowledge Chanukkah, a major Jewish holiday, I visited the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center because that's an awesome way to ignore my cultural heritage. Holiday season in New York, while freezing my proverbial balls off, is the optimum time to visit the City because it's one of the things that we're famous for- in addition to the Tree, we have the Skating Rink, the Rockettes, the store windows, Macy's- I won't even go on because I've already posted about this, so you can read all about it <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2010/12/oy-to-world-its-holiday-season-in-new.html">here</a>. Times Square, on the other hand, doesn't count because no genuine New Yorker gives a fuck about Times Square.<br />
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I did, however, receive a couple of gifts to commemorate the holiday. I've been wearing out the aforementioned scarf from Kitty, and I've been really tempted to tell people I made it myself because I've gotten a ton of compliments on it and I have no real discernable talents of my own.<br />
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Also, almost as cool, I've been granted the Liebster Award from Christopher at <a href="http://mixeddrinksandmixedfeelings.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-liebster-award.html">Mixed Drinks & Mixed Feelings</a>! It's been awhile since I've won an award for blogging, so this is pretty great. He also handed this out to my friends (and fellow New Yorkers) Penny Lane and <a href="http://awkwardsexandthecity.blogspot.com/">Natalie Paige</a>, so that makes it even better.<br />
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Basically, the Liebster Award is given to blogs you think deserve recognition- those with less than 200 followers. You then post 11 random things about yourself, answer 11 questions from the person who gave you the award, make up 11 questions of your own, and bestow the Liebster on 11 <strike>un</strike>lucky victims of your choosing. So here are my 11 facts:<br />
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The one thing about myself that I absolutely hate is my middle name. It totally doesn't fit the rest of my personality and I will never tell anyone what it is. So don't bother asking. Not even with tequila.</div>
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I was at the top of my class in first grade. The first time I got a B, I cried.</div>
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My first childhood crush was Lion-O from <i>Thundercats</i>. I was four.</div>
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I have never broken a bone or sprained anything. This is a total miracle because I'm always tripping over my own feet or falling all over myself.</div>
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I have one published piece of writing; it's a poem that's in an eighth-grade textbook.</div>
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I have never eaten Nutella. </div>
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The first concert I ever saw was the Bangles. I was really young, probably around three.</div>
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My family's heritage is about 70% Russian, yet I've never been there and can't speak the language.</div>
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I have no tattoos and no piercings, due to the fact that I am terrified of needles.</div>
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I went blond once; for my junior prom. It was not a good look.</div>
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My mom makes the best mashed potatoes in the world. Ever. No arguments.</div>
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<b>QUESTIONS FROM CHRISTOPHER:</b></div>
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<b>1) If you could have any superpower, what would it be?</b></div>
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Oh god. This is like <i>Sophie's Choice</i>, only less depressing and horrible. I'll spare you all the <a href="http://www.snarksquad.com/2012/05/avengers-questionnaire.html">analysis</a> of every single superpower of every character in the DC and Marvel universes (univi?) and just go with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_man">Genius Billionaire Playgirl Philanthropist</a>.</div>
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<b>2) If you had to move away from where you live, where would you like to move?</b></div>
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Um, already done. See: entire post.</div>
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<b>3) If you could see any five bands in concert (past or present), who would they be?</b></div>
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Can I pick Radiohead again? Yes, because it's my blog and whatever I say goes. Besides them (another four times): Led Zeppelin, The Black Keys, Beastie Boys and Daft Punk.</div>
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<b>4) You get to spend a week with a celebrity of your choice; who is it?</b></div>
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I think we all know this one. If I mention his name one more time I'm going to come up on police reports.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ6yrW3ByauqVcUUidVvH2w89csyWvYQ6bkn7uO2lRspI68ud3hUIv0X4itTXefCAQZGs_hCOSaqMzLAtt6KtxtgFryc6q6Ysh5wMGOEdGl88HWUN1DR7qGmIq6Ka2YlSxr4cw6Q/s1600/1344955645691.cached.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ6yrW3ByauqVcUUidVvH2w89csyWvYQ6bkn7uO2lRspI68ud3hUIv0X4itTXefCAQZGs_hCOSaqMzLAtt6KtxtgFryc6q6Ysh5wMGOEdGl88HWUN1DR7qGmIq6Ka2YlSxr4cw6Q/s320/1344955645691.cached.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>5) You have unlimited funding for a day; what would you do?</b></div>
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First I would give a million dollars each to my friends and immediate family members. Then I would bank a few mil in savings and never touch it again. Then I would invest in a private island with my own litter of adorable puppies, and purchase a jet to take me there whenever I wanted. Then I would fire the owner of the Mets and the Jets because I can do a better job than both of those clowns. Then I would buy the NHL and get the season started again because SERIOUSLY???? COME ON!</div>
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Then I would buy Baby Goose. Because why the fuck not?</div>
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<b>6) If you could have any restaurant located IN your house, what would it be?</b></div>
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Ray's Pizza. YES.</div>
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<b>7) Favorite superhero?</b></div>
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Second childhood crush: <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2010/07/would-you-hit-it-men-of-fiction-edition.html">Superman</a>. Faster than a speeding bullet, if you get what I'm sayin.</div>
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<b>8) What was your very first blog about?</b></div>
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This is my first blog. Winner and still champion.</div>
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<b>9) Drink of choice?</b></div>
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Alcoholic? Anything with vodka. Non-alcoholic? Chocolate milk. I'm an eight-year-old.</div>
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<b>10) Biggest pet peeve?</b></div>
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<a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2011/05/disfunction-junction-few-years-ago-i.html">People with bad grammar</a>, especially when they mess up their homophones. Ugh, HATE.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpx6ehFEdoOGPttt900wa5wYuHJniKfkF-pOFQVFjBTbrJHtKTwHu-mD47yOD9Dma4ZBaqdwa6nGsHvDJWneVs73BInbtGB64O3i-_JXgih1M6ep_-itpjwH35eYmyp8XILyGOdg/s1600/251427591667387519_jVTIbaQQ_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpx6ehFEdoOGPttt900wa5wYuHJniKfkF-pOFQVFjBTbrJHtKTwHu-mD47yOD9Dma4ZBaqdwa6nGsHvDJWneVs73BInbtGB64O3i-_JXgih1M6ep_-itpjwH35eYmyp8XILyGOdg/s320/251427591667387519_jVTIbaQQ_c.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
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<b>11) How many awards have you gotten (blogging or otherwise)?</b></div>
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This brings the Blogging Awards total to eight. I also won some community awards as a kid, but I can't remember them because that was like eleventy billion years ago.</div>
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<b>11 POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS:</b><br />
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<b>Allison @ <a href="http://websterslaw.blogspot.com/">My Quarter-life Crisis</a></b></div>
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<b>Bobby@ <a href="http://booyabobby.com/">BooyaBobby</a></b></div>
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<b>Erin@ <a href="http://pst-mod-talko.blogspot.com/">The Post Modern Talko</a></b></div>
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<b>Gina @ <a href="http://gpspeedracer.blog.com/">The Hitchhiker's Guide Through Insanity</a></b></div>
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<b>(Different) Gina @ <a href="http://ginadenny.blogspot.com/">This Is Not Your Blog</a></b></div>
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<b>Ginny@ <a href="http://ginnyinboston.blogspot.com/">Ginny in Boston</a></b></div>
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<b>Jorge @ <a href="http://jorgefarah.com/">Every -ist and Every -ism</a></b></div>
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<b>Lily @ <a href="http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/">Is It Too Early For a Martini?</a></b></div>
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<b>Rio @ <a href="http://goodmusicbadmath.blogspot.com/">Good Music, Bad Math</a></b></div>
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<b>Tabs @ <a href="http://thelizardspockexpansion.blogspot.com/">I Am, Therefore I Do</a></b></div>
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<b>Tits @ <a href="http://coyoterose.blogspot.com/">Dancing on the Bar of Life</a></b></div>
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<b>11 OBLIGATORY QUESTIONS: (Meaning please validate me)</b></div>
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<b>1) If you could only eat one kind of chocolate forever, which type of chocolate would it be?</b></div>
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<b>2) If you could have one celebrity for your "Cheat List," who would it be?</b></div>
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<b>3) What is the one habit you have that you really wish you could break? For example, I swear like a sailor on leave and I know how incredibly not attractive it is, but I really can't help it.</b></div>
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<b>4) What is your favorite condiment? (CondimENT. You little perverts.)</b></div>
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<b>5) What's your one vice? (Alcohol, cigarettes, New Jersey...)</b></div>
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<b>6) Who is the family member you're the closest to?</b></div>
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<b>7) Pick one: Pizza, bagels, hot dogs or pretzels?</b></div>
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<b>8) What, in your opinion, is the most quotable movie of all time?</b></div>
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<b>9) I like that favorite superpower question. Let's go with that.</b></div>
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<b>10) Besides Brooklyn (obviously), what is your favorite type of accent?</b></div>
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<b>11) </b><b>Describe the perfect zombie apocalypse. And make it sexy.</b></div>
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I like that Blogging Awards are once again a Thing, especially because I've been given one. You don't have to do this, but if you don't, I'll be sad, and that does mean more puppy pictures, so it's really your call.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkEPstDPsgpwV1KzMa4LmSm_KY3kQ0HOlPK9TBoRrva6II2Eo8i98L-ojxlyGub5X5R15xKnzBWBhB59JvCMHnwf9-tav6EOzM6gFnPiX-LY5o3oAGp0Io2A4mcLUJEXRJHD6fA/s1600/tumblr_lb0xe726kT1qar3s3o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXkEPstDPsgpwV1KzMa4LmSm_KY3kQ0HOlPK9TBoRrva6II2Eo8i98L-ojxlyGub5X5R15xKnzBWBhB59JvCMHnwf9-tav6EOzM6gFnPiX-LY5o3oAGp0Io2A4mcLUJEXRJHD6fA/s320/tumblr_lb0xe726kT1qar3s3o1_500.jpg" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> I am not above bribery, FYI.</td></tr>
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Happy Chanukkah everyone!<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-8893379666143817222012-11-24T10:00:00.000-08:002012-12-11T16:59:57.318-08:00Use That FreedomThere are three types of bad movies.<br />
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The first type is one you watch to be entertained- you know that it's terrible, but you still expect that it will make you laugh, at the very least unintentionally. There will more than likely be attractive actors, usually in various stages of undress; ridiculous dialogue and a ludicrous plot. This type of film is the cornerstone of <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/search?q=movie+reviews">SMAC</a>'s lineup; what our very foundation is based upon (we will return soon, promise). Recent examples include <i>The Mighty Ducks</i>, <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129441/">ThanksKilling</a>, Ed </i>and any of the SyFy Channel movies (excluding <i>Sharktopus</i>, which is a finely crafted masterpiece and should always be regarded as such).<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1619880/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMizrcqOR0q4Gn6PO8JGoCQro3CokxPq24x-B4FTEt875LAhS7O0Njwl1nHXY1QbuD4yQYpgVCRV_BeXuVkXBMs_NySEDdhT0-R-kNhbm6MJspE7IzJud_KanRccd2vWt_OH-7rw/s1600/MV5BMTc5MTE5MzY2Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTQ0NzAzOA@@._V1._SY317_CR5,0,214,317_.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Highly recommended. Seriously.</td></tr>
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The second type is so awful, so horrifically atrocious that you can't even get back the viewing hours that you have just spent. Getting through an entire film in this category makes you want to take up a nasty crack habit just so you have a less embarrassing "feat" to bring up at parties. A telling sign of any movie in this lexicon are the shakes, sweating, becoming pale and contemplating suicide a quarter of the way through. Movies in this genre include <i>From Justin to Kelly</i>, <i>Valentine's Day </i>and at least <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000115/#Actor">ninety percent of Nicolas Cage's arsenal</a>.<br />
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The third and most hazardous type of bad movie is anything and everything <i>Twilight. </i><br />
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As hard as I tried, I could not avoid the fact that a new <i>Twilight</i> film opened last weekend. Sadly, I've actually been dragged to two of them in the theater, and collectively, they were the worst four hours of my life. A couple of my friends made me go see <i>Blue Moon </i>or whatever the fuck it was, and I hadn't read the books or seen the first movie, <i>and </i>I fell asleep for twenty minutes, and I was still able to follow the entire "plot" (spoiler: there are dogs or some shit). During one of the scenes the CGI was so bad that I actually started to laugh. The acting was so painful it was like burning. Kind of like that one time in college when- well, never mind.<br />
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The next time was entirely my fault. I offered to take one of my girls who was nursing a break-up wound, on one condition: I was allowed three out-loud comments. I purchased our tickets online so as not to draw attention to myself and attempted to find a seat in the jam-packed theater (we were there opening night- sometimes I am such an amazing friend that I'm jealous of myself). I tried to sit next to some pre-teen Twitard until she threw her arm over the seat and glared at me. <i>Yikes</i>. Who was she saving this for, her imaginary boyfriend? At any rate, my friend and I sat down anyway and I reminded her of our pact. I definitely benefitted more from my makeshift <i><a href="http://www.mst3k.com/">MST3K</a> </i>than the audience did; I doubt they appreciated when I referred to the movie as "<i>Twilight: </i>Breaking Hymen." Also I <i>really </i>wanted to incorporate the <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/07/twi-hard-with-vengeance.html">drinking game</a> that my brother and follow Nip Clique-ers had invented to get me through the evening but I was afraid that I would be dead within ten minutes.<br />
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This movie has been out for a week and has already made <a href="http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/franchise/Twilight">$362 million</a> internationally. It doesn't matter that all the "films" in this franchise are known to be <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/search/?search=twilight&sitesearch=rt">appallingly awful</a>; apparently, eleven-year-olds (chronologically and otherwise) don't care. Watching the two that I saw was like coating my snatch with honey and then sending a personalized, highlighted E-vite to every bee in North America.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQdDOMd6RIF3KMC9Lxkn5p7uExk57P8d_dBA2AbUbNgYwuMuoClPS2YXrudQUsAVuS9en0VKx62R4YWjC569u0DDaooPHIJj8Hdqg2epB-mo_EiNSDyqy-8XQ4Us6ogPb6YUsCA/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQdDOMd6RIF3KMC9Lxkn5p7uExk57P8d_dBA2AbUbNgYwuMuoClPS2YXrudQUsAVuS9en0VKx62R4YWjC569u0DDaooPHIJj8Hdqg2epB-mo_EiNSDyqy-8XQ4Us6ogPb6YUsCA/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This way to insanity</td></tr>
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The only reason that I have actually been anticipating <i>Twilight: Breaking Hymen Part Jesus Fuck How Many of These Are There</i> is that supposedly, this is the last one until everyone involved decides that they want more money. Until I hear otherwise, there are no more <i>Twilight</i>s forever. We're free, everybody!<br />
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PS- +5 to whoever can name the movie that I shamelessly quoted this post title from.Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-22057817893994816052012-11-21T20:50:00.000-08:002012-12-27T11:59:10.432-08:00Nugs and Tits Do Thanksgiving (Hahaha. "Do.")For those of you who are living in 1) a foreign country B) outer space or COPERNICUS) anywhere else I forgot, it's Thanksgiving weekend in the US. Normally I would commemorate this event with a post but I stupidly agreed to cook <i>and</i> bake this year, so I've been running around like a ferret on speed for the past 48 hours and forgot to write one.<br />
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Luckily I have two blogs, and over on <a href="http://snarkandsex.blogspot.com/">Snark and Sex</a>, Coyote Tits took the Thanksgiving reins (oh haaaai) and put up a blog entry dictating <a href="http://snarkandsex.blogspot.com/2012/11/tits-rules-to-surviving-thanksgiving.html">how to survive the holiday at your significant other's house</a>. Since I contributed to a good third of that, the work was pretty much done for me and I just decided to post our joint effort here as well. Plus this gives me another chance to shamelessly promote myself, so there's that.<br />
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Whether you're spending this Thanksgiving alone and depressed, or you're with your date's family and depressed, or with your own family and depressed, here's mine and Tits' sacred manual of rules on how to withstand the holidays.<br />
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PS- there's a drinking game! You're welcome.<br />
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Tits' genius advice is in blue; my infinite wisdom is in red.<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not bring your dog.</b> I don't care how cute Precious is and that she's normally so well-behaved and fits in your purse. Don't do it. </span><span style="color: red;">Especially if they are Tits' dogs (below). She likes to think she's an awesome mom but it's really because she lets them get away with fucking murder because they're so adorable and she's a pushover.</span></li>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj06u5e77USbDxVqRm5LGkyxIfN6XVkn1QgqBT6eC4glFcy0QZuI0mwlMQJ7Nc7dxsliXtgT13Inb_Pm0PiQ4m60vgqIjZL9ClSv6eWr7I75_ZGFn7Kt0W_ndufVoleuXX7HA8wPw/s1600/Nixon_Kennedy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj06u5e77USbDxVqRm5LGkyxIfN6XVkn1QgqBT6eC4glFcy0QZuI0mwlMQJ7Nc7dxsliXtgT13Inb_Pm0PiQ4m60vgqIjZL9ClSv6eWr7I75_ZGFn7Kt0W_ndufVoleuXX7HA8wPw/s200/Nixon_Kennedy.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As cute as they are, remember that they will hog all the food and/or attention.</td></tr>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not wear sweat pants, Ugg boots and an old tank top.</b> At least try to look like you are making an effort.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not complain about the food.</b> I don't care if it doesn't taste like your grandma's mashed potatoes, and so what that they have oysters at their dinner. Keep your bitching to yourself.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>If you have a food allergy tell someone in advance.</b> My sisters are lactose intolerant and so we tell everyone like 20 times in advance or bring our own food. Don't show up and be like "yeah I'm gluten free, vegan and allergic to garlic."</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not try to have sex at their house.</b> Can you spell awkward? </span><span style="color: red;"><b>Nugs:</b> That never happened to me that one time in college or anything.<b> </b></span></li>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not flirt with someone who isn't your date.</b> I don't care if his older brother is Brad fucking Pitt, wait till after Thanksgiving to flirt with him.</span> <span style="color: red;"><b>Nugs:</b> Unless said brother is Baby Goose. Then all bets are totally off, and no one would blame you. Especially me.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: blue;"><b>Do Not get drunk</b> - Even if the family makes you fucking insane, try to limit yourself to enough wine to just get you tipsy.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Do Not smoke.</b> Anything. Even if offered. This is clearly a trick. Again, this never happened to me, ever.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Do Not bring up taboo topics. </b>Find out what they are in advance and avoid them at all costs. Whether this be religion, politics, cats vs. dogs, <i>Dancing With the Stars </i>or the New York Yankees a.k.a. the Evil Empire, learn what gets your date's family all wonky and DO NOT DISCUSS.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Do know how to dress. </b>CANNOT BE STRESSED ENOUGH.<b> </b>I don't care if your "best feature" is your amazing rack; it's probably not the best idea to shove it in his parents' face. Usually a nice pair of jeans and a dressy top that <i>doesn't </i>put the goods on display is your best bet. Unless, of course, his brother is Baby Goose. See Rule #6.</span></li>
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<li><span style="color: red;"><b>Do know how to win over every family member individually. </b>While this may seem like the ultimate in horrific situations, don't commit suicide just yet. Basically the key to mastering this art is what I (and the US Army) refer to as "Divide and Conquer:"</span></li>
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<b style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">THE MOM:</span></b><span style="color: #cc0000; text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: red; text-align: center;">This is the most difficult, since showing up at her Thanksgiving feast is an admission that you're being railed on the regular by her baby boy (doesn't matter what his birth order is; he will ALWAYS be her baby boy). The trick to winning over his mother is to go on and on about how amazing her son is (not in that way, because GROSS). Also offer to help out during dinner as often as you can, especially with dishes. Getting his mom to love you is <i>by far</i> the most important because if she hates you, it only goes downhill from there.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="color: blue; text-align: center;">Seriously, I've been there with a mom hating me. I always like to volunteer to bring something like cookies or wine.</span><br />
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<span style="color: red;"><b>THE DAD:</b> The males of the family are always easier for me, probably because I'm half a dude myself and I realize now how weird that made me sound. The best strategy for the father is innocent flirting- "oh, Mr. Gosling, I see where your son gets his great <strike>ass</strike>. Eyes! I meant eyes." Just kidding. Never talk about anyone's ass. Keep it to neutral topics such as intelligence and snappy dressing, or radiation levels.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If this is any of his relatives let me know. I'll be right over.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="text-align: left;"><b>SIBLINGS:</b></span><span style="text-align: left;"><b> </b>Dealing with siblings is usually more manageable due to the fact that your date will probably brief you on the situation prior to your arrival. If one of their brothers or sisters is exceptionally unbearable you'll most likely have been prepared for it way in advance. For the regular, more normal siblings, mastering them should be relatively (see what I did there?) more simple:</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span><br />
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<ul><span style="color: red;">
<li><span style="text-align: left;"><b>BROTHERS: </b>Brothers are pretty painless- just sit down in front of the TV and watch the football game with them. If you're a fan, don't hold back with the commentary. If you're not, let them know that you're "trying to get into it." Also, it helps if you're moderately attractive. </span><span style="text-align: left;">Just sayin.</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="text-align: left;"><b>SISTERS:</b></span><span style="text-align: left;"><b> </b>Contrary to what my scintillating personality may have you believing, I am, in fact, of the feminine persuasion, so I am aware that the best way to charm a woman is to let her talk about herself. Find out from your date what she's into and ask her questions, and let her dominate the conversation. You're in.</span></li>
</span></ul>
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12. <span style="color: red;"><b>Do use this handy guide from <a href="http://www.happyplace.com/19382/happyplaces-thanksgiving-drinking-game-instructions">HappyPlace.com</a> with your own family. </b>You'll thank us later.</span><br />
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Good luck with whatever you're dragged to this holiday season, and remember that I'm always thankful for all of you. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and I mean that in every possible way.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/2VbYZDohsHk" width="420"></iframe>Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-69506451235186015202012-11-20T10:38:00.000-08:002012-11-29T21:26:31.867-08:00Oh, Canada! The Sociopath EditionI was at work yesterday, screwing around on Facebook and not doing anything at all incriminating on the interwebz, because that would never happen, when this viral image popped up <i>absolutely fucking everywhere</i>.<br />
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God, I would still hit that. Early and often. I am such a sociopath.<br />
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Apparently this is a promotional poster for <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1602613/">Only God Forgives</a></i>, the next collaboration from Baby Goose and his <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780504/">Drive</a> </i>director Nicolas Winding Refn, which was already enough to get me running to the theater. This was filming in Thailand (BANG KOK? Clearly not just a clever name) when I was supposed to be there for the film festival last year but the trip fell through. Good news for Ryan, not so good for the rope and chloroform industry. Did I say that out loud? I mean no.<br />
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They also put this out, so I feel (slightly) less crazy:<br />
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Here's the official summary on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_God_Forgives">Wikipedia</a>:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;">According to a production synopsis, the film follows Julian, who runs a Thai boxing club as a </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_organization" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Front organization">front organization</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"> for his family's drug smuggling operation, as he is forced by his mother Jenna to find and kill the individual responsible for his brother's recent death.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px;"> </span><br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryan_Gosling" style="background-color: white; background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Ryan Gosling">Ryan Gosling</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"> as Julian:</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px;"></span><br />
<ul style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; list-style-image: url(data:image/png; list-style-type: square; margin: 0.3em 0px 0px 1.6em; padding: 0px;">
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.1em;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">An Englishman who lives in Bangkok and "is a respected figure in the criminal underworld" according to a production synopsis.Gosling had undertaken </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muay_Thai" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; text-decoration: none;" title="Muay Thai">Muay Thai</a><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"> training in preparation for the role by that September,</span></span><span style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 10px;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">which included 2–3 hour daily sessions.</span></span></li>
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So basically what this is saying is that Ryan Gosling wears a wifebeater, kicks random people's asses and speaks in a British accent for two hours? I'll be sitting in the back by myself. Also that crashing sound you just heard was every single pair of panties I own falling to the floor in anticipation.</div>
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There better not be any puppies or babies in this movie. I might die.</div>
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-40385100980902862952012-11-14T10:28:00.000-08:002012-12-11T16:59:57.289-08:00Dead Space Vol. 2- BOOM! Panties DropThat noise you heard on Sunday was the splatter of ovaries hitting televisions as they exploded in a sea of "HOLY GOD YES."<br />
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This week's <i><a href="http://www.amctv.com/shows/the-walking-dead">The Walking Dead</a></i>, "Say The Word," picked up <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2012/11/dead-space-vol-1-all-dawgs-go-to-heaven.html">right where "Killer Within" left off</a>, with everyone being introduced to Rick (?) and Lori's daughter. Rick was too busy writhing around on the floor trying to win that well-deserved Emmy, so Daryl stepped up and held her and HOLY SHIT KITTENS AND MAGICAL RAINBOWS. Every time he asked the baby if she "liked that, Little Ass-kicker," not a woman on the planet did not respond in the affirmative. The only way the writers could have ensured more <a href="http://www.fas.org/nuke/guide/usa/c3i/defcon.htm">Defcon One</a>-r levels of masturbating is if they would have cut to that video of Baby Goose singing the theme song from <i>My Little Pony</i>.<br />
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Top that off with Daryl putting flowers on Carol's grave and that's it. I'm done. Your move, other racists.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm_zLWADygWXz59n8r6iZ1pBhxdMhR5eN9mrfiVJ8F8NE6UHVEQcoRZVZYMy3yaZ6SRYtddRM7cvrMN9yJyXxlXnBTZnMcsigk7IZ10FxPeLAw_LyoNFucIGHdRHzgHj_R3MtuQ/s1600/cm-31051-050a078720f22f.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqm_zLWADygWXz59n8r6iZ1pBhxdMhR5eN9mrfiVJ8F8NE6UHVEQcoRZVZYMy3yaZ6SRYtddRM7cvrMN9yJyXxlXnBTZnMcsigk7IZ10FxPeLAw_LyoNFucIGHdRHzgHj_R3MtuQ/s320/cm-31051-050a078720f22f.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Apparently getting massively turned on by Daryl cooing to Lori's infant daughter does not make me a sociopath, judging by the <i><a href="http://www.amctv.com/shows/talking-dead">Talking Dead</a></i> that followed "Say The Word" (gotta say, that's a relief). I am, however, a little concerned about the tingly feelings that develop whenever the focus shifts to Batshit Rick (BRick? Let's make this a Thing).<br />
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For those of you familiar with the books, you know that Lori's death begins Rick's spiral into becoming completely and totally fucking insane. Also, for those of you familiar with the books, you know exactly who was on the other end of that phone call. I like how they're wasting zero time and not dragging that storyline out (it's AT&T, because Rick was too stupid to <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/2010/06/phoning-it-in-no-one-is-perfect-but-i.html">switch to Verizon</a>).<br />
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Anyway.<br />
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I'm a little worried as to what it says about me that the more insane Rick (BRick) gets, the more I'm attracted to him. It can't be just me, right? I mean, his Crazy Face is pretty sexy, even if it's really bloody. Also if you think about it, all of this insane rage porn is to avenge the death of his wife, whether we all hated her <strike>or not</strike>, so it's kind of devoted and sweet. Kind of. Maybe. Also don't forget- British. He did this once:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/B7u6bMBlCXw" width="420"></iframe>
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I think I'm alone now.<br />
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Even The Governor also got in on some cute kid action, until we discovered that his daughter <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Penny_Blake">Penny</a> is a zombie that he keeps in a closet, oh haaai.<br />
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Again, if you read the comics you knew some of that already, but the show has been deviating, so there's still that element of surprise.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFcJTKRZ8xaKJ01RyVq8oEzeaaGEUhae1gm1KJu1aQRWqI3hgAJaPlF5PnKSOXz-RfAwHOoLDGZSWPhS43rx0JRuiyohAEcJQInUY1GY_rKoz3bYzwEKHuJ2qDR3sdlA-w0oQCkw/s1600/a.aaa-The-Element-of-surprise..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFcJTKRZ8xaKJ01RyVq8oEzeaaGEUhae1gm1KJu1aQRWqI3hgAJaPlF5PnKSOXz-RfAwHOoLDGZSWPhS43rx0JRuiyohAEcJQInUY1GY_rKoz3bYzwEKHuJ2qDR3sdlA-w0oQCkw/s320/a.aaa-The-Element-of-surprise..jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It'll be interesting to see just how important a role Penny plays with all the characters, and just how closely the showrunners follow the books, if you get what I'm saying.<br />
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Wait- ew! Not like that. You perverts. She's like seven! I love you all so much.<br />
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At any rate, thank you, <i>The Walking Dead</i>, for no longer being a metaphor for my sex life. Between Daryl holding babies and BRick and his one-man zombie destroyer, after next week I'll most likely be pregnant.<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-20167360705829904542012-11-12T18:25:00.000-08:002012-11-29T21:26:31.849-08:00Oh, Canada! The Birthday Suit EditionToday in the US is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veteran%27s_day">Veteran's Day</a>, a monumental day in American history because it celebrates our troops and all that they've contributed to our country over the past few centuries. I'm definitely not knocking this, considering the most significant achievement I've completed recently is a grilled cheese sandwich.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC6YuK_Qppjeg1v2Au4C38loPxCnlizYzQ-8LD7ZpSFcBye0rnayK3hdOS8YJGDnFsks7oHH3qRY6AppaMhUSkOCsS6rZF2C3gQQyFGlUcO9ZbPE7W46LSGCeoR_ykzK4qaa_7eA/s1600/GrilledCheese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC6YuK_Qppjeg1v2Au4C38loPxCnlizYzQ-8LD7ZpSFcBye0rnayK3hdOS8YJGDnFsks7oHH3qRY6AppaMhUSkOCsS6rZF2C3gQQyFGlUcO9ZbPE7W46LSGCeoR_ykzK4qaa_7eA/s200/GrilledCheese.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm awesome.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
However, November 12th also marks another glorious feat which should not ever be overlooked. 32 years ago, even before my mother graced this planet with my existence (holy shit, I'm old), the world was introduced to Baby Goose.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFxf7pvx7JGc4gtQLwTYP-KUvVynF7Yuw7TO3FYyDuohuK19bzKlpdhXwxrgBLW8PgGBScCPKym_ssy_falJrG-SyiQUeoIlESmOTWPjdnyR18Xl4aBAAq0n-Gsa-FHSCT4MRoQ/s1600/tumblr_mdd74r7Vfv1r9i49ro1_r1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFxf7pvx7JGc4gtQLwTYP-KUvVynF7Yuw7TO3FYyDuohuK19bzKlpdhXwxrgBLW8PgGBScCPKym_ssy_falJrG-SyiQUeoIlESmOTWPjdnyR18Xl4aBAAq0n-Gsa-FHSCT4MRoQ/s320/tumblr_mdd74r7Vfv1r9i49ro1_r1_500.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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This led to an epic chain of events that includes this video that doesn't make me a pedophile;<br />
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and culminates (so far) with this scene from the best film released in 2011 that did not result at all in my ladyboner.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EgI88jAVf5c" width="420"></iframe>
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Also none of my friends talked to me on Facebook at all today inquiring when this post was going to go up. <a href="http://snarkandsex.blogspot.com/2012/10/debate-class-to-do-or-not-to-do.html">Kitty</a> and I in particular did not have this conversation, which never made me sincerely question the validity of what I used to consider our very close friendship:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nugs:</span></b> Today is Ryan Gosling's birthday</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">If I get arrested will you bail me out?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Kitty:</span></b> Sure!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Have fun!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nugs:</span></b> Why do I think you're lying?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You're totally going to call the cops</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Kitty:</span></b> lol</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nugs:</span></b> Maybe he likes handcuffs</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I couldn't tell even though I've been hiding outside his house for a week I mean no</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Can you imagine if I knew where his house was?????</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">*DIES*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">*extremely long pause*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You're forwarding this conversation to the government, aren't you?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Kitty: </span></b>I kinda do</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's near one of my friend's places</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">in Beverly Hills </span>(that is RIGHT NEAR ME OHMYGODKHDUYWTEYEUWGDYGFDCBCHDHHJ)<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">Nugs: </span></b>WHAT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">HOW HAS THIS NEVER COME UP???????????</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS.</span><br />
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I told my dad about this, by the way, and he just gave me a horrified look and went, "NO." <a href="http://booyabobby.com/">Bobby</a> asked me what I wrote on the card when I mailed him a chloroformed cake and nudie pic. Shut up! You guys don't know my life.<br />
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Also also- this:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXPWS9Mq2P7ACUjeD2gJiPkx-J9dACUZImE2Ap211s-u8snhxZlzVBEUSqAUr_cq_Ak_YXIs9GqOM1EWLm0gVe76lqvR9EZc2Ics27Z0RzFna01yn-JJXoEr_pOYjUhUsjZItSEw/s1600/ryangoslingbday3-thumb-500x756-54801.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXPWS9Mq2P7ACUjeD2gJiPkx-J9dACUZImE2Ap211s-u8snhxZlzVBEUSqAUr_cq_Ak_YXIs9GqOM1EWLm0gVe76lqvR9EZc2Ics27Z0RzFna01yn-JJXoEr_pOYjUhUsjZItSEw/s320/ryangoslingbday3-thumb-500x756-54801.jpeg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't even... I'm done.</td></tr>
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Anyway, enjoy this Evolution of Divinity from Buzzfeed of all the ways that the world has thanked Ryan Gosling's mom for bequeathing us with his photoshop-like presence. And Canada, we almost forgive you for Justin Bieber.<br />
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<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-evolution-of-divinity-everything-ryan-gosling">http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-evolution-of-divinity-everything-ryan-gosling</a><br />
(Reminder- from the year 2000+ he is 100% legal. Party on.)Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-29517420790493830132012-11-07T10:01:00.000-08:002012-12-27T12:14:22.060-08:00Dead Space Vol. 1- All Dawgs Go To HeavenI usually don't do <a href="http://kosherthis.blogspot.com/search/label/movie%20reviews">reviews of things I actually enjoy</a> because then I can't make fun of them. However, this week's episode of <i><a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/The_Walking_Dead_Wiki">The Walking Dead</a></i>, "Killer Within,"<i> </i>was such a major sack-punch (if I had a sack) that I HAVE to discuss it. All my friends are talking about it so I would feel kind of left out if I didn't. So here's a new thing that I'm trying out. If it turns out to be wildly popular, this is Volume 1. If it doesn't, eh, I tried.<br />
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If you watch the show and/or are a fan of the books but haven't gotten this far yet, I would recommend that you not read this post, because then you'll know what happened and might think I'm a bitch, even more than you probably already do. If, like me, you witnessed the emotional fallout in real time, then cool. All systems go.<br />
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Being on the West Coast, I should really know to avoid Facebook on Sundays and Tuesdays, when my friends will unfailingly post about that night's respective episodes of TWD and/or <i>Sons of Anarchy</i>. I had shut off my laptop but unfortunately was too stupid to remember to turn off my phone, so while I was eating my dinner this alert popped up from <a href="http://booyabobby.com/">Booyabobby</a>:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><b>Our wish finally came true! But damn that was heart breaking.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span>
As an avid reader of the comics, I could only assume that he was referring to the anticipated and celebrated death of <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Lori_Grimes_(TV_Series)">Lori Grimes</a>, one of the worst and most reviled characters in the history of network television, although I was surprised that this was the episode that the event took place. <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Lilly_Caul_(Comic_Series)">Lilly</a>, the character that shoots Lori in the books, hadn't even been introduced on the show, and Lori's baby had yet to be born (Also, fans of the show, is that the worst pregnant stomach ever, or what? What did they put in there, a NERF ball?).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpGxTl82YX6-VBW1oSAF0ZS39l3K0XZzae6nSg1AMczaDUv9QcWBTzjPqeDiYo1Hruux-GjgsW-eIpF0EcZ3ixmjYAwXXfYqAZ9-1l_Us1vLyQ9dpvEfPGgevAsjPnDI7FJ4Ssg/s1600/3b4020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUpGxTl82YX6-VBW1oSAF0ZS39l3K0XZzae6nSg1AMczaDUv9QcWBTzjPqeDiYo1Hruux-GjgsW-eIpF0EcZ3ixmjYAwXXfYqAZ9-1l_Us1vLyQ9dpvEfPGgevAsjPnDI7FJ4Ssg/s200/3b4020.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zombie Baby? Or BOOBIES?!?!?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Then again, <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Carol_Peletier_(TV_Series)">Carol</a> was still around, so that whole <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Sophia_Peletier_(TV_Series)">Sophia</a> deal was completely out of whack with the timeline as well.<br />
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BTW, thanks for forgetting that I'm three hours behind you, Bobby.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJeVWr507vkVHBleaK3A3yyo7wiDTuEmHgb1ZUersQubsvEP_QIt5uvGcZW4-ih8-hVujl4H5wvGKrABOYBquZ3jiveciFyehNQHzMNpE2Zi79cCjme830lX20jaBxn91RIoooWQ/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJeVWr507vkVHBleaK3A3yyo7wiDTuEmHgb1ZUersQubsvEP_QIt5uvGcZW4-ih8-hVujl4H5wvGKrABOYBquZ3jiveciFyehNQHzMNpE2Zi79cCjme830lX20jaBxn91RIoooWQ/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
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I decided to quit with the neurotic, Jew-y psychoanalysis and just watch the damn episode, already. It started out hilariously with Glenn and Maggie being caught boning in the tower and getting "yeah, man" looks from Rick and Daryl. That scene easily goes into my Top 20 <i>Walking Dead </i>moments. Everyone's reactions were totally realistic- Maggie was mortified; Glenn was like, "check me out- I just got laid"; the men were all up in that shit.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aDgkCTqRi7s" width="560"></iframe>
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That, of course, was short-lived because the generators all started blaring and the walkers began to pour in. The Atlanta Gang immediately commenced with the killing, slicing heads and stabbing all over the place.<br />
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Meanwhile, back in Mayberry- sorry, I meant Woodbury- <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Andrea_(TV_Series)">Andrea</a> continued to skank it up and try to get into the pants of both Merle and <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Philip_(TV_Series)">The Governor</a>. He's who this election really needed, IMO. Imagine how awesome that would be.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiuyaLDnIht2f1TIPGGYkxlwLqKB_89OEtrlR4NxtIrBhEG-ZUEynxJB0XJbbx-Lip8XZzmf8EV1vw7ONieuWx2VSCuxx4XgqxJYk_HwaIchINBYq-0uuzy6qSsEAJw_2Cknb1AA/s1600/governor-the-walking-dead.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiuyaLDnIht2f1TIPGGYkxlwLqKB_89OEtrlR4NxtIrBhEG-ZUEynxJB0XJbbx-Lip8XZzmf8EV1vw7ONieuWx2VSCuxx4XgqxJYk_HwaIchINBYq-0uuzy6qSsEAJw_2Cknb1AA/s320/governor-the-walking-dead.jpg" width="318" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This dude for President of Everything.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
She and Michonne were, in fact, planning on taking Merle to find Daryl, but because The Governor spoke more than two words to her, Andrea wants to stay now. What the fuck happened to Andrea? She used to be cool, kind of. Then she jumped on Shane's dick and became a sniveling little twelve year old with floopy hands and whiny facial expressions.<br />
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I've also been expecting a lot more from <a href="http://walkingdead.wikia.com/wiki/Michonne_(TV_Series)">Michonne</a> this season. She's one of the most popular characters in the comics, and save for a bad-ass entrance at the end of last season, she hasn't done jack except stroll mopily around the house and tell Andrea why they can't trust people. I guess she did off her zombie pets, and that was kind of cool, but dude, if I had access to a katana blade I would use it to hand things to people. But anyway.<br />
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As Andrea attempted to slut it out in Mayberry, the Atlanta Gang was busy taking names in the prison. Fucking <a href="http://www.tv.com/shows/the-walking-dead/sick-2559723/">Andrew from episode 2</a> showed up while Rick was busy trying to save his friends. God, Andrew. Good timing. Fortunately Rick didn't have time for any of that shit and killed him.<br />
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PS- I found out at Comic-Con that Andrew Lincoln is actually super, <i>super </i>British. As if the weapon carrying and the copious ass-kicking weren't enough, he just got exponentially hotter, oh haaaai.<br />
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Wow, I am really fucked up.<br />
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Of course, as much I'd been reveling in how great this episode had been so far, I still remembered the spoiler (!!!!!!) Bobby had posted on my Facebook wall earlier and couldn't escape that nagging lump in my throat (that's what she said). TWD did not skimp on the brutal deaths this week. Carol is missing and we're not entirely sure whether she made it out. She never really had a clear purpose but still, that kind of sucks. The first gut-wrencher, however, came in the form of the episode's MVP, T-Dawg, who pushed Carol out of the way when the walkers had them cornered and ran directly into the line of fire, giving Carol a chance to escape or at least get a solid head start. I'd heard that T-Dawg would have a bigger role this season, having more than two lines and maybe even some character development. Guess not. RIP, T-Dawg. From what we could tell from your four syllables, you were pretty awesome.<br />
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Here's a clip of IronE Singleton on this week's <i>Talking Dead</i>. You can tell he's just as nice a guy as everyone says and I hope he books a ton more acting gigs after this.<br />
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Next up we had what <a href="http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/11/04/sarah-wayne-callies-lori-walking-dead/">Entertainment Weekly is referring is to as "that scene."</a> Now, I've been on the Whore-y Grimes train ever since I discovered the books in 2010, but<i> </i>DAMN, <i>Walking Dead</i>.<br />
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Lori had the distinct attribute of being one of those characters that I absolutely despised up until the very minute that I realized they were a total goner. This is impressive considering that it's only been accomplished by very few others- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Shephard">Jack Shepard</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marissa_Cooper">Marissa Cooper</a>, Daffy Duck.<br />
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I detested Lori the entire time and I had the same reaction to her passing that I had when <a href="http://www.hollywood.com/news/Who_Died_on_sons_of_Anarchy/40974227">Opie got killed off on </a><i><a href="http://www.hollywood.com/news/Who_Died_on_sons_of_Anarchy/40974227">Sons of Anarchy</a> </i>or when <a href="http://www.eonline.com/news/179492/lost-redux-now-that-was-some-serious-heartbreak">Jin and Sun drowned together on <i>Lost</i></a>, and those were all beloved television icons that I may never recover from.<br />
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While running from the walkers, Lori chose that exact moment to go into labor and ushered Maggie and Carl into the boiler room (finally! Carl "stays in the fucking house!"). Maggie was forced to play midwife until Lori started excessively bleeding, because she would of course probably have a zombie baby. Meanwhile Carl is off to the side like, "oh great, the first vagina I ever see and it's my mom's."<br />
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Lori realized that something was up with her kid and told Maggie she would have to cut her open and extract the baby from her stomach, most likely killing her in the process. The world went "YAY!" but then we had to watch her say goodbye to Carl. The scene is below, and it's heartbreaking.<br />
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The speech Lori gave to Carl when she told him he would have to take care of everyone, including his father, was handled with grace, sincerity and real emotion. It was one of the most realistic scenes I've watched on television since I can remember, and it was made even more difficult when Carl volunteered to shoot his own mother in the head so she wouldn't turn. Maggie left the room, we heard a gunshot and then Carl emerged, all stoic and <i>Child of the Corn</i> like. He's not an annoying, useless little shit anymore, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.<br />
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Both Sarah Wayne Callies (who played Lori) and writer <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3079117/">Robert Kirkman</a> claim that Lori is dead, gone and off the show completely, but Callies totally lied about her character's fate this season so as not to spoil fans, and we never actually witnessed Carl shooting her in the head, so you never know. I really hope we get to see Zombie Lori. That would be sweet.<br />
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Also, now that Lori is gone, we'll probably never find out whose baby it actually is, either, since the comics never tell us. My theories are as follows:<br />
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If the baby ever jumps directly into Andrea, it's Shane's. (Chris Hardwick suggested this on an episode of <i>Talking Dead</i> once. I think that was genius.)<br />
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If the baby won't stay in the fucking womb, it's Rick's. ("Baby! Stay in the fucking womb." "NO!" "Yup, it's mine.")<br />
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I think if you take an informal poll, you'll find that the scene where most people lost it is where Rick sees his daughter (not mentioned in the episode, but if you read the comics, you know) and figures out that his wife is dead. Andrew Lincoln deserves all the fucking awards. Just all of them. Emmy, Golden Globe, <a href="http://www.akc.org/">American Kennel Club</a>, <a href="http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/Award+for+Obscure+Abbreviations">Award for Obscure Abbreviations</a>, <a href="http://file.ynet.com/3/1210/26/7572833.PDF">Jamy Toaster</a>, whatever. Hell, just elect him President.<br />
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The moment was borderline <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114369/">"what's-in-the-box,"</a> but the dude's wife was just killed. Seriously. BTW, this marks a turning point in the books where Rick begins a spiral into becoming a complete fucking mental patient.<br />
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There's a reason <i>The Walking Dead </i> is one of my favorite television shows, and it's episodes like "Killer Within" that I would probably force my friends to watch to prove my point. This show does not fuck around, and although "Killer Within" was a terrible idea when I am PMS'ing and the leftover Halloween candy was not within arms' length, I am so grateful for quality programming and not more crap like Honey Boo Boo.Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28113320.post-14685593963173537432012-10-30T17:14:00.000-07:002012-12-11T16:49:47.177-08:00Rock You Like A... Sorry About That. Won't Happen Again.I'm going to forego my usual Halloween post this year. I'll write stuff next week, when I can report on parties and debauchery, but there's a lot more serious shit happening right now.<br />
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Last night a state of disaster was declared in New York and New Jersey due to the massive pummeling the country faced from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Sandy">Hurricane Sandy</a>. I was originally supposed to move back to Brooklyn this weekend, just in time for my favorite holiday, but the impending storm loomed so my family, who does in fact love me, preferred that I hold off on my decision. The hurricane blew through 14 different states, tropical venues and parts of the East Coast of Canada, so she's officially since been adopted by the Kardashians.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Kim Kardashian: East coast in 15 mins is our fun Kardashian Special called Dishing it out! Tune into E! All of our footage that was too crazy to air!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">This is an actual tweet from Kim Kardashian during the hurricane. 'Merica.</span></div>
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At the time of this post, there was <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/49605748/ns/weather/#__utma=14933801.1834383228.1344388774.1351635497.1351639797.5&__utmb=14933801.1.10.1351639797&__utmc=14933801&__utmx=-&__utmz=14933801.1351639797.5.4.utmcsr=google|utmccn=(organic)|utmcmd=organic|utmctr=msnbc&__utmv=14933801.|8=Earned%20By=msnbc%7Ccover=1^12=Landing%20Content=Mixed=1^13=Landing%20Hostname=www.nbcnews.com=1^30=Visit%20Type%20to%20Content=Earned%20to%20Mixed=1&__utmk=73126931">a death toll of almost 40</a> with 18 of those in New York. 8 million people were left without power, possibly for weeks. People have lost their homes. Parts of Connecticut, New Jersey, Manhattan and Brooklyn are completely underwater. Hospitals and airports are flooded and public transportation is suspended until further notice. This storm may have caused more damage than 2011's Hurricane Irene and, some are speculating, may have been worse than Hurricane Katrina. They should have named this storm Hurricane A-Rod, because then it wouldn't have hit anything.<br />
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I'm currently still in LA, so I wasn't susceptible to any of the catastrophe that occurred. I was at my dad's all day yesterday, and in between phone calls from my brothers, we spent the day glued to CNN and MSNBC. A few times, the cameras cut to some idiots cavorting through the rain puddles like they were in summer camp. I refer to these douchebags as "natural selection."<br />
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I am still, of course, a New Yorker, and 90% of the people I love and care about were affected in some way by Hurricane Olivia Newton-John. We definitely should have seen this coming, as she does like to get physical. (If you were into that joke, it was all me. If you weren't, I shamelessly stole it from <a href="http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/">Lily</a>.)<br />
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My brothers in Brooklyn were extremely lucky and didn't even lose power. My family on the Upper East Side and Queens barely experienced any casualties, either. One of my girls in Tribeca had her apartment flooded, but has somewhere to stay until her building is fixed. A few of my friends scattered along the East Coast just got a bunch of rain and a whole lot of wind. <a href="http://snarkandsex.blogspot.com/2012/10/debate-class-to-do-or-not-to-do.html">Kitty</a> had a major scare when she couldn't reach her parents for a few hours, but that was assuaged fairly quickly. Everyone I know was extremely fortunate, so I can go back to making fun of Philadelphia and New Jersey, which is awesome, because that's like 1/4 of my arsenal. If this wasn't our punishment for giving fame and money to those worthless degenerates from <i><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/31/jersey-shore-canceled-mtv_n_1847812.html">Jersey Shore</a></i>, I don't know what is.<br />
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For all of those I couldn't reach via cell yesterday, I got frequent Facebook updates from the rest of them. I'm "friends" with this one girl who's a model, and I know that you're all thinking, "right, middle-class escort," but she's actually been featured on some obscure magazine covers, done a few Fashion Weeks, appeared as a walk-on in some horrible sitcoms, etc. I've been considering putting her on hide because <i>every single one </i>of her status updates is either a shameless self-promo or a ludicrous proclamation about how God made it so that she could book some stupid gig. God must be pretty superficial, then. Yesterday she posted a status about how because of Hurricane Sandy, she was forced to cancel her flight to LA and therefore miss two "high-profile" red carpet events.<br />
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Wow, my heart fucking bleeds for you. Your life totally sucks. You definitely have worse luck than my family, who may not have heat, light and refrigeration for weeks. Or how about my friends, who have no way to get to their jobs and are already living paycheck to paycheck? And of course you are way worse off than those who have lost their place of residence, or are critically injured, or I don't know, have died? But yeah, let's focus on your fucking "red-carpet event." That's majorly important. Almost as bad as when you lost your phone last year and it was the "worst September 11th ever!" Every time this chick refers to herself as a "New Yorker" (with a hashtag!!!) I want to punch her in the vag, especially because she's lived there for like six months.<br />
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At any rate, if you live in the tri-state area and want to donate your time and efforts, I've included some lists of places to get you started. If you're not located near any of these, click on the links to find ways to make a difference anyway. Stay safe, everybody.<br />
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<a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865565512/Hurricane-Sandy-Charities-that-are-helping-how-you-can-too.html">The Classics</a><br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/30/hurricane-sandy-how-to-help_n_2045622.html">Smaller Non-Profits</a><br />
<a href="http://www.care.com/pet-care-pet-charities-our-favorites-p1017-q14666.html">For Your Pets</a><br />
<a href="http://www.newyorkcares.org/">New York Cares</a> (my personal favorite)<br />
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And, just because I should:<br />
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<br />Nugshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12075248812743206033noreply@blogger.com0