Drown, Motherfuckers: A Review Of Your New Favorite Movie

Depending on how long you've been following That Ain't Kosher, you're probably aware that I'm obsessed with sharks. In fact, the word "obsessed" probably doesn't even cover it. My enthusiasm for sharks is probably akin to how Ron Burgundy feels about scotch.



Sharks are ridiculously awesome, except for those pussy-ass Nurse Sharks that don't eat people. Every year I host a party for Shark Week, although to be honest that party is usually in my head. When I went to Sea World recently (more on that in an upcoming post) I totally embarrassed Iron Man by making him go through the shark exhibit at least four times that I can remember.

One of the most excellent ways to commemorate sharks (besides Shark Week, of course) is to watch one of the SyFy Channel's Original Movies. A surprising number of them contain the word "shark" in the title, with my personal favorites being Dinoshark, Megashark vs. Giant Octopus, and of course, the greatest moment in cinematic history, Sharktopus. (I also just found out that SyFy has bestowed us all with a movie called Kaw. That isn't even a real word! I love this so much.)

For your viewing pleasure, here is a list of the SyFy Channel Original Movies so you can plan the rest of your life. You're welcome.

Continuing with this storied tradition, SyFy debuted another Original last night with what is probably the second-best title for any film of all time (Sharktopus still wins): Sharknado.

Due to the fact that SyFy films usually premiere on Saturdays, I must believe that television execs have declared The Asylum finally ready for primetime. This is the jackpot, people! Prepare for your minds to be blown.

So apparently, Sharknado was written by some dude named Thunder Levin. THUNDER Levin. Right away this has promise.

I originally assumed that this would be the thinking man's movie of the year; focusing on SharkNATO, a group that handles GovernShark events and keeps oceanic peace. Alas, it did not. Instead, Sharknado centered on a hurricane that swept through Los Angeles, carrying all the sharks in the sea with it. There were sharks  on highways and city streets, in personal pools and IN HOUSES, biting random people and also swallowing them whole. It was amazing.

Perhaps the most exciting part of Sharknado was the cast that it managed to assemble. After begging and pleading with their agents, SyFy was fortunate enough to snag Ian Ziering and Tara Reid as a former couple (IM: "Yeah, right."). To his credit, Ziering, who we all know as the "not hot" dude from 90210, has aged impressively well.

Tara Reid, however, has not.

Yikes.

Also there is no way Tara Reid would have two kids that are like 25. Fail, SyFy Channel.

There was also a scene in the beginning where some Asian guy and some other guy (I couldn't tell where he was from, because his accent kept going away and coming back) were making some kind of deal to trade some shark fins, or something. You may wonder if this scene was important, or if these people would ever be discussed further.

No.

Sharknado is so spectacular because it has all the makings of a consummate SyFy event. It was the perfect way to introduce Iron Man to the wonderful world of SyFy Channel Original Movies, with the heinous overdubbing and ever-changing lighting tones. The green screen was also a standout, especially the scenes in the car. I won't give away any more about that, because if you didn't watch, shame on you. You're obviously allergic to fun.

The characters are all quite appealing, including Tara Reid's boyfriend, who resembled Prince Eric if he drove a windowless van. He shows up, as is typical, for about three minutes looking particularly rapey, gracefully and adroitly recites a Shakesperean sonnet, makes a molesty face and then gets eaten by a shark that's swimming around the house. Then everybody leaves to find 90210's son who everyone totally forgot about until halfway into the movie. Some 22-year-old chick with a shotgun gets mad because 90210 neglected to mention his ex-wife and kids even though they only met like half an hour ago. Stage Five Clinger, perhaps?



Then again, maybe you shouldn't piss off anyone who can shoot a huge gun and pilot a terribly-CGI'd helicopter. Also, speaking of this, one of the most brilliant scenes in Sharknado was when a shark hung off the bottom of the copter and then ate the girl. It was fucking phenomenal, but sadly I couldn't find any videos or screenshots so you'll just have to trust me.

Honorable Mention: Tara Reid utters the now-classic "We're not all gonna fit in here." And the Emmy goes to... Interesting. Challenge accepted.

The part I was really looking forward to finally appeared in the last four minutes. I had been spoiled by the guys over at Uproxx, who perhaps were anticipating Sharknado nearly as much as I had been. This is how they described the scene that pretty much cemented this as the most definitive archetype in cinematic history since Mansquito, which is saying a lot:

IAN ZIERING CUTS HIMSELF OUT OF A SHARK’S STOMACH WITH A CHAINSAW. WITH. A. CHAINSAW. THIS MEANS THAT EITHER (A) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK WHILE HOLDING A CHAINSAW, (B) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK AND FINDS A WORKING CHAINSAW IN ITS STOMACH, OR (C) IAN ZIERING GETS SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A GREAT WHITE SHARK AND THEN SOMEONE FEEDS THE SHARK A CHAINSAW SO HE CAN FREE HIMSELF.

This movie is the equivalent of online dating circa 1996: I fell in love with it before we even met. The only difference is it turned out to be everything I had hoped it would be and more. 

I cannot WAIT for the inevitable sequel. Bearicane? Piranhacano? Damon Lindelof has so far ruined everything he's ever touched but I have to admit that even I would watch this: 

https://twitter.com/ElizabethBanks/status/355512689419759616

In conclusion, I give you this .jpg of one of the final scenes from Sharknado. It sums up everything about the movie and if this doesn't get you, well, I'm shit out of ideas:

Les Miserables- Dying Alone, Thanks

First of all, Merry Belated Christmas to all of you non-Jews!

Just so all you guys know, the rumors are true: My family spent the holiday eating Chinese food and going to the movies. We've been doing this every year, and lately, because the film industry has been so adept at churning out high-quality pictures, it's always been a struggle to choose what to see.

Not this year. I'd literally been counting down the seconds until December 25th ever since it became the assigned release date of Les Miserables. There are no words to describe the levels of anticipation that have been building in my brain for this movie (unless you use the word "psychotic," perhaps). When I was a kid, I saw the Broadway stage production literally 12 times, a few with the original cast. I own the OG soundtrack on iTunes and the 25th Anniversary Special on DVD. I still know all the lyrics to every single song, and in which order they appear in the show. Nothing brings out my inner (and outer) Jazz Hands! more than Les Miz, except maybe Tommy, although that's more a celebration of The Who than anything else.

Christmas Day arrived, and I texted my brother to tell him that my dad and I were going to see the movie (I hadn't yet checked with my dad, BTW; I just assumed that the world revolved around my plans) and inquired as to whether or not he would like to join us. He eloquently responded with "No. Gay."

My dad and I tried three separate showings before we found one that wasn't sold out. It's good to know that the film was so insanely popular because between that and The Walking Dead, I'm going to have enough metaphors for my sex life until 2014.

Dad and I bought our tickets and I almost danced into the theater. God, no wonder I'm single. No one ever hears my people sing, if you get what I'm sayin. And you guys always get what I'm sayin.

I'm here all week! Alone.

As a film in general, it wasn't perfect. I'm not totally biased, and I did have a few issues:

1) Amanda Seyfried. Her acting, like the rest of the cast, was excellent, but she can't really sing. It kind of took me out of the movie.

B) The track they added in to get that Best Original Song Oscar was stupid. It sounded very Disney and didn't fit in with the rest of the music at all.

DEER CHIHUAHUA) Eponine had very well-manicured nails for a poor 19th-century French girl. I guess hair and makeup missed that one.

That being said-

This was one of the best movies I've ever seen. Putting away my inner theatre geek and squealing fangirl, everything about it was phenomenal. Set design, costumes, hair and makeup, everything. I'd heard negative reviews about Russell Crowe, so I was apprehensive about him coming in. Did he have amazing vocal capabilities? No. However, the way he played the role of Javert and handled the musical style really let him nail the character. He should stick to playing dicks; it's what he does best.

I'd also heard some backlash regarding Eddie Redmayne, who plays Marius. Those people are obviously high, because he was fucking fantastic and deserves a career out of this. Hugh Jackman is incredible too, and while he probably won't win the Oscar (Daniel Day-Lewis made a movie this year, so universal law dictates that he must win all the awards), he should at least get a nomination. Every time he did something awesome, which was frequently, I wanted to yell out, "Fuck yeah! Wolverine!" He's a classically trained Broadway actor, and he really shows it here. 

I was very, very satisfied with the casting of Eponine. "On My Own" is arguably the most popular and well-known song in the show, having also become the most annoying because every girl on the planet has sung this at least once in the shower without even knowing where it originated. This role was the most followed on the Internet, with everyone from Lea Michele from Glee to Taylor Swift (ugh, NO) said to be auditioning for the part. Whoever they chose would have a HUGE surge in their career, so I was thrilled when they went with Samantha Barks, a trained stage actor and singer who played the role in the London production and the 25th Anniversary concert. She more than holds her own against A-list film actors.

And then, of course, there's Anne Hathaway. They should have had a guy walk up to her during the film, into the screen, holding an Oscar, and say, "here you go, Miss Hathaway." Everyone else they nominate in that category is pretty much just because they have to write other names in. If you didn't feel at least something when she busted out "I Dreamed a Dream," then you are clinically dead.

Also this dude is in the movie. 

As soon as I got home, I immediately got on Facebook chat with Melbs from A Quick Succession of Busy Nothings to squee about it. I sent her that link and we agreed: "Oh. HELLO." Gina from This is Not Your Blog let me know that she would not have been opposed to the costume department taking some very modern liberties. "What? It was a tough battle and their shirts blew off." Les Miserables: The Michael Bay version.

What makes the direction of Les Miserables especially memorable is that Tom Hooper, a former Oscar winner for The King's Speech, decided to have his actors sing their numbers live on camera. That seems incredibly arduous and challenging, even to the stage actors he cast as leads and cameos. I mean, shit, I don't even like posing for my friends' Instagram.

BTW, as soon as I saw Tom Hooper's name attached, I had a minor brain fart and thought, "Tobe Hooper? Like, Texas Chain Saw Tobe Hooper?" How great would it be if instead of dying from consumption or at the barricades, all the characters in Les Miz got hacked to pieces by Leatherface? I would totally watch that.

Gangnam Style

The entire time we were in the theater you could have heard a pin drop in the audience. No one talked, texted, nothing. You could hear people sniffing and sobbing. Dad got a little choked up. On my own end I counted about seven ugly cries, and I knew exactly what was coming.

Also, I kept poking Dad in the arm while I played Spot the Cameos and told him random facts about the show. ("It's the original Jean Valjean!" "She was Eponine in 1987!") There were a bunch of times where I caught myself singing along, out loud. I'm surprised there weren't more of them, considering my dad informed me later that I was lip-synching all the lyrics throughout the entire film. At the end of the movie a few people clapped but I was the only one who gave it a standing ovation like a loser. 

Party of One

As far as adaptations go, except for a few minor changes that have nothing to do with the outcome of the story, this is probably the most faithful rendition of any medium I've ever seen on film. I was praying that this wouldn't turn out like the Rent movie, which was horrible, but apparently I had nothing to worry about.

I will definitely see this at least two more times. I'm hoping I can find a Rocky Horror-style sing along, with props. I'm going to make my own musket and barricade so I can avoid interaction with all other humans.

FYI, here is a hilarious review of Les Miserables with even more musical stylings. If you didn't feel old before, I guarantee you will after this:

A Les Miserables Review In The Form Of A SmashMouth Song

Use That Freedom

There are three types of bad movies.

The first type is one you watch to be entertained- you know that it's terrible, but you still expect that it will make you laugh, at the very least unintentionally. There will more than likely be attractive actors, usually in various stages of undress; ridiculous dialogue and a ludicrous plot. This type of film is the cornerstone of SMAC's lineup; what our very foundation is based upon (we will return soon, promise). Recent examples include The Mighty Ducks, ThanksKilling, Ed and any of the SyFy Channel movies (excluding Sharktopus, which is a finely crafted masterpiece and should always be regarded as such).

Highly recommended. Seriously.

The second type is so awful, so horrifically atrocious that you can't even get back the viewing hours that you have just spent. Getting through an entire film in this category makes you want to take up a nasty crack habit just so you have a less embarrassing "feat" to bring up at parties. A telling sign of any movie in this lexicon are the shakes, sweating, becoming pale and contemplating suicide a quarter of the way through. Movies in this genre include From Justin to Kelly, Valentine's Day and at least ninety percent of Nicolas Cage's arsenal.

The third and most hazardous type of bad movie is anything and everything Twilight. 

As hard as I tried, I could not avoid the fact that a new Twilight film opened last weekend. Sadly, I've actually been dragged to two of them in the theater, and collectively, they were the worst four hours of my life. A couple of my friends made me go see Blue Moon or whatever the fuck it was, and I hadn't read the books or seen the first movie, and I fell asleep for twenty minutes, and I was still able to follow the entire "plot" (spoiler: there are dogs or some shit). During one of the scenes the CGI was so bad that I actually started to laugh. The acting was so painful it was like burning. Kind of like that one time in college when- well, never mind.

The next time was entirely my fault. I offered to take one of my girls who was nursing a break-up wound, on one condition: I was allowed three out-loud comments. I purchased our tickets online so as not to draw attention to myself and attempted to find a seat in the jam-packed theater (we were there opening night- sometimes I am such an amazing friend that I'm jealous of myself). I tried to sit next to some pre-teen Twitard until she threw her arm over the seat and glared at me. Yikes. Who was she saving this for, her imaginary boyfriend? At any rate, my friend and I sat down anyway and I reminded her of our pact. I definitely benefitted more from my makeshift MST3K than the audience did; I doubt they appreciated when I referred to the movie as "Twilight: Breaking Hymen." Also I really wanted to incorporate the drinking game that my brother and follow Nip Clique-ers had invented to get me through the evening but I was afraid that I would be dead within ten minutes.

This movie has been out for a week and has already made $362 million internationally. It doesn't matter that all the "films" in this franchise are known to be appallingly awful; apparently, eleven-year-olds (chronologically and otherwise) don't care. Watching the two that I saw was like coating my snatch with honey and then sending a personalized, highlighted E-vite to every bee in North America.

This way to insanity

The only reason that I have actually been anticipating Twilight: Breaking Hymen Part Jesus Fuck How Many of These Are There is that supposedly, this is the last one until everyone involved decides that they want more money. Until I hear otherwise, there are no more Twilights forever. We're free, everybody!

PS- +5 to whoever can name the movie that I shamelessly quoted this post title from.

Get In Line, Boys

By now I'm sure you all know about the Justice League of America movie that they're totally making because The Avengers made eleventy billion dollars in like four days. It's probably pretty obvious that if I could already have bought my ticket and camped out in front of the theater, I would have. 

Entertainment Weekly is reporting that it could potentially do massive damage to The Avengers' current record as the third biggest movie of all time.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/06/07/the-avengers-versus-justice-league-of-america/

Here's my take: Uh, no. 

Here are the numbers for the latest Marvel superhero franchise (and potential franchise) films:

THE AVENGERS

Production Budget (not counting marketing costs): 225M

US Gross (so far): 587M

Worldwide Gross: appx 1.3B

That's a shit-ton of cash, yo.


For a detailed report on mine and my friends' take on this movie, go here. Try to stick around until the end, even after my history lesson on superpowers.

Movies Based On Avengers Characters (Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, Captain America):

IRON MAN/IRON MAN 2

Combined PB: 356M

Combined DG: 631.M

Combined WWG: 1.2B

Marvel is currently casting Iron Man 3. Apparently The Mandarin is in it. THE MANDARIN, people!!!!

THIS GUY!!!!!

Sorry, I'll stop.

THOR

PB: 150M

DG: 181M

WWG: 449.3M

Marvel is planning a second Thor movie. Also, Chris Hemsworth's career has blown up since the first Thor.

CAPTAIN AMERICA

PB: 140M

DG: 176.6M

WWG: 369.7M

I personally thought this film sucked a lot of ass, but I guess people liked it, since there are plans for a sequel. Also, Captain A is a wuss and one of the worst superheroes ever. Even Shelly hates him, and Shelly likes everyone. "Oh, I'm small and everyone is mean to me. I'll take some drugs and get some superpowers!" Whatever.

THE HULK

Combined PB: 274.5M

Combined DG: 267M

Combined WWG: 508.6M

It was recently announced that there are talks for a rebooted franchise built around Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk/Bruce Banner.

However, there are no plans for a stand-alone series for Black Widow or Hawkeye. That's retarded. Have you seen Jeremy Renner's arms? 

Mm-hm. That is all kinds of Special Ops, if you get what I'm sayin'. And you guys ALWAYS get what I'm sayin' (I'm not very subtle).

X-MEN

(Includes Combined Production Budgets, Domestic Grosses and Worldwide Grosses for X-Men, X2, X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men: First Class)

Combined PB: 570M

Combined DG: 753M

Combined WWG: 1.5B

There will, of course, be a sequel to First Class. They are also planning an Origins project around Magneto. I pray that this stars Michael Fassbender. And um, his junk.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

WOLVERINE:

PB: 150M

DG: 179.8M

WWG: 374.8M

The only real disappointment of the X-Men franchise, I heard that they scrapped plans for the Origins series until the success of First Class, when Fassbender stole the movie and they brought it back with Magneto.

SPIDER-MAN

(Includes Spider-Man 1, 2 and 3)

Combined PB: 597M

Combined DG: 1.1B

Combined WWG: 2.5B

At the time, the first Spider-Man had the biggest opening of all time, becoming the first film to pass the 100M mark. It later became surpassed by its sequel. Spider-Man earned 114M its opening weekend and 39M in a single day.

The PB on this summer's The Amazing Spider-Man is 175M, and it's one of the film industry's most highly anticipated films of the year. My friends and I are personally not that jazzed about it, but I'll still probably see it anyway. It is a superhero movie.

FANTASTIC FOUR

(Includes Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer)

Combined PB: 207.5M

Combined DG: 286.6M

Combined WWG: 618.9M

Marvel is currently rebooting this series. Hopefully it'll be better than the shit sandwich that was the first one. Also, I'm guessing Chris Evans will NOT make an appearance, although that would be kind of funny.

DAREDEVIL

PB: 80M

DG: 102.5M

WWG: 182.M

ELEKTRA

PB: 65M

DG: 24.4M

WWG: 56.4

Daredevil and Elektra both made about six dollars at the box office. I heard that Marvel is planning a Daredevil reboot starring Josh Hartnett as Matt Murdock.

GHOST RIDER

(Includes Ghost Rider and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance)

Combined PB: 177M

Combined DG: 167.6M

Combined WWG: 347.4

The PB for the second Ghost Rider was WAY lower than the first- about 150 million lower, probably due to either A) the performance of the first film or

B) the fact that "starring Nicolas Cage" is enough to keep the entire country away from the movie theater.

DC has less of a well-known lexicon, and therefore not as many characters to work with. A lot of their upcoming movies are taken from their graphic novel off-shoot companies (in particular, Wildstorm, Vertigo and Zuda). Here are the numbers for their most famous, and recent, franchises. FYI, the CW has also greenlit a series for the DC character of Green Arrow for this fall. We'll see how well that goes.

I'm not including the Superman and Batman movies before the 2000's, because those aren't recent enough.

BATMAN

BATMAN BEGINS

PB: 150M

DG: 205.3M

WWG: 372.7M

THE DARK KNIGHT

I feel as if I shouldn't even include this in here, since The Dark Knight raised the bar for not only comic book movies, but film in general in regards to acting, writing, directing, cast credentials, anticipation and box office. HOWEVER- it is, technically a superhero movie.

PB: 185M 

DG: 533.3M

WWG: 1B

The PB for this summer's The Dark Knight Rises is 250M. THIS is my most anticipated movie of 2012. You could not pay me enough money not to be there opening day. I'll sneak in if I have to. The amount of money this movie is going to make is absolutely ridiculous. I don't even want to know. Also, to prevent against the backlash the Academy faced when it failed to recognize The Dark Knight, I'm also predicting Oscar nominations.

UPDATE- guess who just bought her ticket for OPENING NIGHT. IN IMAX.

This girl. OH YEAH.

CATWOMAN

PB: 100M

DG: 40.2M

WWG: 82.1M

This movie, despite being part of the Batman universe, was a critical mess and failed to perform. 

Much like my ex. Zing.

SUPERMAN

SUPERMAN RETURNS

PB: 232M

DG: 200.1M

WWG: 390.9M

This wasn't a certified disaster, but it was disappointing. Plans for sequels were nixed due to the backlash thrown at the cast, writing and directing. When you think about how awesome the first two Superman movies were, this film did, in fact, blow copious amounts of ass. 

Also, my dad and I hated it to the point where he got really mad and almost asked for his money back. Dad still talks about this. It's like his 'Nam.

2013's reboot Man of Steel has a PB of 175M. Most Superman fans (and myself) are very apprehensive about this movie. I'm not sure how well it will do- it's been moved around a few times; reactions to stills and casting have not been great and people are still pissed about Superman Returns. I'm guessing it's a fail, but I'll form a better opinion closer to the date. I'll also wait for reviews to decide whether or not to spend my money.

WATCHMEN

PB: 138M

DG: 107.5M

WWG: 184.7M

Everyone said that this couldn't be adapted onto the screen, and they were right. The reaction was awful (except for the great beginning sequence, the film itself was underwhelming). However, DC are planning sequels, in the form of graphic novels.


Check out how the poster claims that the movie is "From the Visionary Director of 300." Considering the collapse of Watchmen, the abortion that was Sucker Punch and the crap in between those two that I've never even heard of, I'm going with Yeah. No.


Don't think so.

Of course, based on the critical and commercial death of Watchmen, DC and Warner Bros. went with the only logical choice to direct Man of Steel- Zack Snyder. Again. 

GREEN LANTERN

PB: 200M

DG: 116.6M

WWG: 222M

This bombed pretty badly, although I heard that DC wants to do a sequel anyway. I didn't see it. Valiant effort, but no dice.

Also, DC has been looking for a vehicle for Wonder Woman, and this JLA film may be their way of trying to get that off the ground. They recently tried a TV pilot, and it was a total failure. The costume looked like one of those dog costumes from Party City. Apparently they've been trying to get a movie going for years, and that hasn't worked either.

I would totally see this movie. Twice.

If you look at the numbers between Marvel and DC, Marvel's box office and critical reception are far better than DC's (not counting The Dark Knight- that movie is an anomaly). They also have a larger lexicon, which attracts a bigger fanbase and allows for more movies/spin-offs/franchises/merchandise, and constantly introduce more recent characters that keep evolving, which equals a younger audience. DC recently tried this with the "New 52," which rebooted their older franchises such as Superman, and it was not met with a lot of critical acclaim, or the best reception from fans. Characters such as Superman and Batman will always be fan favorites, but older audiences (i.e. parents) are tougher to break into.

In order to even come close to mirroring the numbers of The Avengers, the JLA movie needs to modernize itself. 

The characters in The Avengers are played by actors that we know, for the most part: RDJ (hell-O), Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Evans. 

Stop! In the name of love.

Spider-Man was an Avenger at one point, so if they choose to include him in the next movie, that would be one more face that kids would know, since after The Amazing Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield should expect his career to explode.

With the exception of Christian Bale, who may not even continue in the role of Batman, the JLA movie will have to completely rely on new faces and cast a lot of well-known actors. Considering they can't get any Wonder Woman projects off the ground, this may be more difficult than we think (I still say the dog would be great). I'd also like to see how the new Superman movie does- if that backfires, they'll have to retool that role as well. 

The characters in the Avengers are also fairly familiar, even to children- the faces of Iron Man, Captain America, and the like, even without their stand-alone franchises, have been popular for decades. Spider-Man, an original Avenger, should fit in well with the mix, if they go that route.

Those in the JLA- Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Martian Manhunter, have been rendered less recognizable over the last few decades. With the exception of Superman and Batman, who are and always will be classic and beloved icons to children, their parents and the fanboy/girl universe, the characters have to re-establish themselves. Wonder Woman, arguably the most popular of the remaining four, strongly appeals to women, but not so much to a general male populace. Not only that, but her character generally can’t seem to find its footing in modern pop culture.

Aquaman and The Flash haven’t had any solo projects (unless you count the parody in Entourage, which the under-12 set hopefully didn’t watch), and you would be hard-pressed to find anyone, besides your average Comic Con attendee, who has heard of Martian Manhunter. (I totally don't count, because I'm a loser) DC has chosen to rectify this by churning out a ton of movies based on their entire lexicon; however, characters such as The Flash and Lobo (who most likely won’t appear in the JLA movie, unless he's the villain) are not generally well known with audiences.

Yikes.

Marvel also did itself a huge service by hiring Joss Whedon- a god within the sci-fi community- to direct The Avengers and pen the screenplay, which is basically a no-fail way to get asses in seats. Personally I think everything Whedon's ever put out is pretentious and annoying- save for Cabin in the Woods and Buffy, which is one of the most genius television shows ever created- but even I have to admit that this film is pretty amazing.

Warner Bros. has apparently hired Will Beall to write the JLA film- he’s in good standing with the studio, having already tried his hand at Gangster Squad and both the Logan’s Run and Lethal Weapon remakes- but none of those have been released yet, so there are no numbers as to anything with his name on it. These four movies will be Beall's first major studio releases, and this is a huge gamble on the studio’s part.

I'll be at two of those, of course, because my husband is in them. Early stills of Gangster Squad feature him with a dog, and also beating some guy over the head with a tire iron. It's like Drive, in the '40's, with puppies! I'll be in my room. Alone.

This one actually kind of turns me on the most.
Does that make me a sociopath?

Not to mention that The Avengers has already made over a billion dollars worldwide, and it has only been in theaters for a month and a half. That’s one tough record to break.

The point here is that while I'm sure the Justice League movie will perform successfully, at least worldwide, there is no way in Hell it's coming close to The Avengers' box office. DC needs to re-familiarize themselves with a younger audience with shorter attention spans, build a more solid franchise and have a stronger box office draw with a larger family of characters.


Also, puppies! Get on that, DC!