No, the magical yearly occurrence that causes my unhinged tendencies to emerge in full force is the Discovery Channel's SHARK WEEK!, which I anticipate every year and become more and more breathlessly eager for, especially during the summer as the first day grows closer. I post about this every time it's on because I am not insane at all, in any way.
2012 is SHARK WEEK!'s 25th anniversary, so they are guaranteeing extra dance-worthy moments. Can you name any other television program that has stayed this consistently awesome for two and a half decades? No. You cannot. Law and Order was on for 20 years before it was canceled, and it was pretty cool, but that even started sucking after a while. To prove that SHARK WEEK! is truly the greatest event in TV history, I have teamed up with Trista from Tristachio to bring you the most excellent video you will ever find on the Internet, even counting porn. Enjoy.
PS- we're definitely thinking of making this Youtube deal a monthly Thing. Kittens BAM-POW'ing to Batman? Penguins waddling to Golden Girls? Let us know what you like- we're taking requests, and we're aware of what we just opened ourselves up to.
Haha. "Opened ourselves up."
This year's host of SHARK WEEK! is Philip DeFranco, who apparently is some dude from YouTube who I've never even heard of. Here's his Wikipedia, and I'm less than overwhelmed (so I guess I'm... whelmed?). Though I did just come across this bit of info, and now I can't wait:
"Philip DeFranco, of 'The Philip DeFranco Show' on Revision3 will host the nightly event, asking people to Tweet their votes using hashtags that will appear on the screen and to vote through a live poll on Facebook. The results will be tabulated and the item garnering the most votes that night will fall victim to the shark's 6" long razor-sharp teeth and crushed to bits for all the country to see."
However, everything else about SHARK WEEK! is super badass, as usual. I'm preparing for this like some women plan for their wedding, and I probably just found another reason why I'm single. I have an enormous shark pillow and an Air Swimmer.
Also, although I pleaded with everyone I know to buy me this dress, none of you assholes listened so I guess I'll just have to wait until next year.
|Come on! It's a big birthday!|
Guess which one.
|Our children would be shark-cellent.|
"I don't have cable."
"I'm getting married that day."
"I'm in the emergency room."
"I'm in prison."
"I'm allergic to fun."
Here are some of the new episodes of SHARK WEEK! that will help you with your decision to call out to work with Ebola:
AIR JAWS APOCALYPSE Sunday, Aug. 12, 9pm
SHARKZILLA Monday, Aug. 13, 9pm
This would be worth watching if only for the SyFy Channel-ish title alone. This is an entire hour dedicated to the Megalodon, which apparently is the largest shark ever (EVER!). I give it an over-under of seven minutes until I'm completely shit-faced.
MYTHBUSTERS' JAWSOME SHARK SPECIAL Monday, Aug. 13, 10pm
Mythbusters AND sharks? Two of my favorite things on TV at the same time? Where do I sign?
SHARK FIGHT Wednesday, Aug 15, 9pm
There better be pillows and toenail painting, and not some sentimental crap about survivors or some bullshit.
For a complete schedule of all things sharktastic, go to the Discovery Channels' SHARK WEEK! website:
Old episodes of last year's SHARK WEEK! are going on right now on the Discovery Channel, but I'll forgive the fact that your TV isn't on because maybe you didn't know that. I'll be on my couch, all week, with my sharkalicious snacks and my flying remote control shark, already planning 2013's festivities.