I do have an enormous amount of respect for the competing athletes. Have you guys seen the stamina that these people have? Sometimes I get winded just walking up the stairs to the laundry room, especially in ninety degrees. My favorite part of the Olympics so far was when Ginntastic was telling me about all the gymnastics, and I realized I was on my 47th Cheez-It. Clearly by "favorite" I actually mean "embarrassing."
|I'm so alone.|
|That's what I'm talkin' about. I'll be in my room.|
Horse Dressage (come on, now)
Recently I also found out from Coyote Tits that the Olympics also has a spot for trampolines. I thought she was kidding until we had this conversation on Facebook:
Nugs they have trampolines?
are you fucking with me?
Coyote Tits no
this is an actual sport, it's already given out its medals
Nugs no it's not
just because it's played doesn't mean it's a sport
Coyote Tits i mean it doesn't say Olympic sports
its Olympic games
Nugs trampoline isn't a game
it's something five year olds do in the backyard
and walking? is there a medal if you can do that and chew gum at the same time too?
Coyote Tits only if you are playing Olympic ping-pong
Nugs ok, stop
this shit can't be real
why isn't napping in the Olympics?
Coyote Tits hahahahaha
Nugs I would win all the medals
all of them
(You can read Tits' version of the Olympic phenomenon here. Why no one has published a book filled with our conversations yet, I have no idea. We are WAY funnier than Texts From Last Night, and that shit is a bestseller. Practically.)
Also the guy who won the gold in trampolining is named Dong Dong. Try to look at that and not laugh.
Don't get me wrong, some of the crap in the Winter Olympics is pretty retarded too. I mean, what the fuck is curling? That's not a sport; that's housework. Apparently the 2014 Games also have something called Skeleton which better have a fucking dancing puppet wearing a top hat or I'm boycotting everything.
I'm not downplaying the Olympics at all- the athletes contending for the gold, or even the silver or bronze, can say much more for themselves than I ever could. The last marathon that I successfully accomplished was seasons three-four of Doctor Who, and that was without commercials. But synchronized dancing? Really? My friends and I did that at the junior prom. We thought we were awesome.
The Olympics should definitely add some new categories so people start taking them more seriously in 2016. For example: napping. Or eating Cheez-Its. I would rock that shit; just sayin'.