Monday, August 06, 2012

Dolphins Are Assholes

Last night I got off a plane and when I turned my phone back on, I had about seventy billion texts about the Curiosity Mars landing.

Science! Fuck yeah!
I love how every time there's a new development in the world of science, my friends and family automatically think, "who is the biggest loser I know one person that would definitely appreciate this vital piece of information?"

Thanks, guys.

Dying alone, thanks.

What's possibly even more awesome is that I had been traveling back from New Mexico, which is like, the alien capital of the world. I didn't see any, of course, unless you count myself. I feel like there should be a dating joke somewhere in here (Men are from Mars, anyone? Thank you! I'll be here all week!), but I'll save that for my other blog, because my co-bloggers are WAY funnier than I am.

At any rate, the first message I got came from Rio (who happens to pen Good Music, Bad Math) who sent me this:


I think it says a lot of my character that my mind immediately went here:

Apparently scientists have been working to prove that dolphins are smarter than we are, but do you see dolphins landing on a planet that can't hold liquid water? No. You do not. Plus dolphins are fucking gang rapists that eat their young. This just shows that the human race, although plentiful with douchebags ourselves, can really step it up if we pull our heads out of our asses.

So score one for us, and dolphins, suck my balls. Proverbially.

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