Monday, January 18, 2010


I won't have time tomorrow but I'm bored as shit today, so you guys get Part 2 a day early. Yay for ignoring Judaism!


I understand that the "American Idol" Simon Cowell may be a character, but he's still an obnoxious character. Just because someone can't sing doesn't mean you have to tell them that they're ugly. One has nothing to do with the other, asshole. Also, has anyone realized that this guy shows his nipples a lot? I mean, like, A LOT. It makes me really uncomfortable. They're hairy, and it's gross.


First of all, this girl is like four feet tall. I know it's wrong to hate someone for something they can't help, but midgets kind of freak me out, so I'm categorizing it as a character flaw. She's also twenty years old and insists on dressing like she's forty, while she traipses around and gives interviews where she says slutty things like "I'm addicted to sex!" like it's cute. It's not cute. You're a whore. Also, her character on Heroes is one of the worst things about the show and they need to kill her off for fucking things up every week.

Ugh. She even poses all whorey.


I can't stand Oprah because everyone thinks she's SO generous and SO thoughtful when really, everything she "gives away" is a marketing gimmick which means more publicity for her and whoever is behind the product. Also, people forget that whenever she gives away a million dollars, it's like when I give my friend a quarter for the parking meter. Seriously, she wipes her ass with that million- when she gives someone a few hundred million, then I'll be impressed. I've been forced to watch her show a few times and she constantly screams, which is incredibly annoying. Also, she's single-handedly responsible for bringing Dr. Phil into the public eye- that's reason enough.

"My marketing team is THIS big!"

#12- BONO

This one really disappoints me because for most of my life, U2 was one of my favorite bands. The Joshua Tree is my favorite album of all time, and "One" is the best song to come out of the '90's. However, maybe if Bono hadn't become such an arrogant blowhard U2 could have concentrated on releasing a decent single in the last 10 years (their last album was atrocious). I really think this guy believes he's Jesus. He won't shut the fuck up about poverty and starving kids and all that shit. I mean, it's nice and all, but can you go back to making amazing music, please? You're not the Pope, and your name is not actually in the Bible. You're a regular dude that used to make great tunes, and your charity has more of an effect if you don't constantly brag about it.


Again, I love the stuff she put out in the '80's, and I can even get into some of her later work from the '90's, too. But what the fuck is up with her now? She looks like Skeletor AFTER the coke bender, only with arms that could crush a Mack truck over my head. I think she realizes that her pop culture relevancy slipped away years ago and she's now become a desperate harlot. She's always photographed with that 11-year-old kid (whose name is Jesus- I get it, and it's not funny), she's got that weird fake British accent, and newsflash- just because you have one of those stupid red bracelets, you're not a Jew. I was born and raised Jewish, and I take issues with anyone that sees religion as a fashion statement and a trend. FYI- Her music sucks now, too.

"La Isla Bonita? Not a real place. I looked it up."
Check back in a few days for the second half of the list. The celebrities get more obnoxious and my bitterness gets more hilarious.

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