Monday, January 18, 2010


I'm a Jew and it's Christmas, so for the next few days I'm bored with nothing to do. Also, since it's Christmas, I realized I'm really late with my end-of-the-year lists that everyone (OK, 3 people) looks forward to, so I decided to put up the first one today. It's the end of a full decade this year, so I have higher standards and I'm including everything from January 2000 to December 2009. Because I'm pretending that anybody actually gives a shit, I'm building the suspense and dividing it into parts. Behold, my list of the celebrities that annoyed me the most for the last ten years:


I hate this guy. He thinks he's so badass with his shit-talking and bad rap "songs" about anyone who has the balls to say anything bad about him. Dude, you're not eight years old and there's no playground to beat up people up in- no one is scared and they don't think you're cool. I thought he went away after a while since he seemed to fall off the planet (or the wagon), but no, he came back this year with a new album. Ugh! Go away.


For the first half of the 2000's she was everywhere, pretending that she was still some fat-assed chick from the Bronx instead of a multi-millionaire conglomerate. I kind of liked her in Selena, and Out Of Sight was a hot movie (YES to anything with George Clooney), but then I saw that she made an album and I was like, "What the hell is this?" Then it wouldn't stop. More CD's, perfumes, a clothing line, 10,000 marriages and engagements- thank God it seems like even she realized she was annoying and backed the hell off for the rest of the decade.


Kate Hudson is so annoying because she's a rampant slut. Every day and a half there's some new story about who she's banging. Apparently she was dating Owen Wilson when he tried to kill himself, and his family blamed her. Also, she was dumped by A-Rod for being too high-maintenance- this coming from a guy who did a photo shoot where he made out with himself. She also can't act- the only film I can tolerate her in is Almost Famous, and that's only because it's my favorite movie.

What a shock! Her mouth is open!

Kanye West is an asshole. Whenever someone criticizes him he yells about it- on the Internet, in all caps. He picks on everyone- including Taylor Swift, who's like, 12 years old. He's a vile attention whore- like Eminem to the seventh power. His music is actually pretty creative, but it's overshadowed by the fact that he's such a dick. I hope everyone forgets about him, really soon.

I want YOU... to shut the fuck up.

I've never really liked him. He was OK in the 80's, but the only good movie he's done in the last 20 years is Minority Report (Jerry Maguire was alright, but I hated that obnoxious kid and the fact that the Gracie Films marketing team tricked us into thinking the movie was about sports. Plus Renee Zellweger just barely missed making this list). I hate his face- his smile is huge and looks like it's going to overthrow his head. Plus everyone knows by now that he's a whackjob- all this Scientology crap really pisses me off, and in every single picture Katie Holmes looks like she's pleading "Help Me" through her eyes. I hope her contract expires soon.

That's the first round. The next few should be posted in a couple of days. Try to pretend like you care.

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