Monday, January 18, 2010


I was just on Rotten Tomatoes to check the weekend box office and noticed that Twilight is STILL in the Top 5. My God! I was actually forced to see that piece of crap (by friends who will remain nameless because I still love them, despite the fact that one of them squealed in the theater- you know who you are), and it is by far the worst movie I have ever seen.

I TOTALLY don't get that movie or the phenomenon behind it. The cast is ugly (especially that one dude who looks like a lesbian) and untalented, the plot is even less than generic, and the dialogue is for shit. It's for 12-year-olds. If I hear anybody else mention Twilight or anything about it, they're getting a face-punch.

This is a dude. Seriously.
And what's up with these Twilight Moms? If the genders were reversed they'd be getting caught by Chris Hansen.

Maybe the most obnoxious part of this whole vampire mess is that HBO show True Blood. Everyone seems to be creaming themselves over it, and I can't understand why. I've checked out a few episodes- the plotlines and the scripts are stupid, to put it mildly, and the acting is sophomoric, at best. The Southern accents are horrible- maybe because almost all the actors are foreign (it's true! They're all really British or something). Although I will admit that I did enjoy watching the idiot brother stumble around naked.

This whole vampire trend is annoying the hell out of me. I've never seen the WB show (oh, sorry, "CW") but I wish it would get cancelled so Boone would come back to Lost (so what if he's dead).

Yeah, he's pretty hot.

It's affecting all the other horror genres, too. MTV is supposedly doing some romantic love take on Teen Wolf. If the werewolf manscapes I'm going to be seriously upset.

I'm a horror movie purist. I like my Jasons wearing hockey masks and my Freddy Kreugers as scary burned dudes. I like my stupid slutty blondes running up the stairs into the ax. I like my werewolves hairy and my zombies drooly. And above all, I like my vampires evil. They're not good looking and they don't go to high school. They don't love, they don't guyline and they don't fucking sparkle in the sunlight. They don't talk about their feelings- I mean really, men don't talk about their feelings. And BTW, can you imagine the halitosis on these guys?

THIS is what vampires are supposed to look like. Not this WB-Twilight-girly-man crap.
Between school, work and my social calendar (or lack thereof), I already have enough crap in my life breathing down my neck and sucking me dry. I don't need this stupid vampire trend constantly attacking me from every single media outlet every hour of the day. Can we please talk about something else? Like, I don't know, mass genocide?

No comments: