Wednesday, October 03, 2012

SUCKtober and Other Life Fails

So it's October now, which usually gets me super excited because it's my favorite time of the year. Both my mom's birthday and Halloween are at the end of the month, and everyone that meets me for five seconds knows that I go totally jazz hands for Halloween.

The weather is perfect- that consummate temperature that's just in between cold and hot, with no humidity, so I can bust out my chunky boots and adorable accessories at night but still have free reign to slip on what might be considered "less than subtle" attire during the day (read: I think you know).

October is also the best sports month- football is just heating up, hockey begins and the MLB postseason gets underway. It's also the NBA pre-season, but being a casual Knicks fan I don't care enough about that to actually pay attention.

This year, however, October has pretty much brought on a massive raindown of Epic Fail. While my friends and family back in NYC have been playing up this country-wide heatwave to their full advantage, LA seems to have missed the memo that hi, it's Fall now. For the past month or so Southern California residents have been "enjoying" insane temperatures in the 90's and 100's. I tried to go outside for a run this weekend and as soon as I walked out of my apartment I immediately was like FUCK NO. It was like those scenes in the SyFy Channel movies where the editing is sped up and backwards.

Dear Los Angeles:
Sincerely, Everyone.
This has also been an incredibly depressing year in sports for me. The Mets are absolutely fucking terrible- I mean, terrible to the point that I didn't watch more than five full baseball games on TV. I think they're something like 7,000 games under .500. At least I learned my lesson from last season and didn't put money down on the Sox. R.A. Dickey may win the Cy Young this year, though, so that's a small consolation prize.

The Jets aren't much better, and now with the acquisition of Tim Tebow we get to boast two quarterbacks that can't throw the ball! Awesome! And even though this wasn't technically in October, we're currently the joke of the NFL and most sports programming thanks to this game:

Every time I relive this I die a little.
Note: NBC Sports actually laughed when recapping this.

Which brings me to hockey: I may have taken some comfort in the fact that the Rangers had a shot to go really far this year, but oh wait! Hockey's been canceled. The NHL and the NHL Player's Association failed to reach a monetary agreement and therefore shut down the 2012-2013 season, for now anyway. A lot of the NHL players are dealing with the lockout by playing in Europe, which resulted in new Ranger Rick Nash injuring his shoulder (of course).

I've discussed this with my brother and a few of my Canadian friends, and they all run the gamut from devastated to suicidal. I wonder what people do in Canada when there's no hockey. Chug Molson? Play Rush albums? Moose hunt?

PS- find out here and here, for starters.

As if this weren't enough, I think I remember telling you guys that a couple of months ago, the hard drive on my brand new MacBook crashed. Well, if I didn't, it did. So that happened, and I lost half of my music files, which I've been fighting with Apple to get back for a good two weeks now.

At least my grief has been somewhat assuaged by the fact that it's impossible to cancel Halloween, although I still haven't decided on my costume yet. Ginny and I were discussing this over on her blog yesterday, and so far she has helped me narrow it down to three distinct possibilities:

1) The Uhura costume from Star Trek.

Now while this may seem like a waste of money, you all know me, and what are the odds that I will actually wear this again, frequently, in public, for no other reason than I HAVE A STAR TREK DRESS?

B) A TARDIS dress. BTW, I recently came across a video of Matt Smith citing his love for Breaking Bad and Radiohead. Dude. I'm in.

What is the plural of TARDIS, by the way? TARDI? TARDISes?

BABY MARMOSET) Either Mileena or Kitana from Mortal Kombat. I would do this because I loved the game as a kid, as did most of my friends; however, wearing either one of these would probably require starving myself until the 31st. I'll also be in New York, where it could possibly be pretty cold.

What do you guys think?

Also while you're at it, and if you have the time and aren't worried about the remainder of your sanity, cruise over to the sidebar and check out my newest feature, Tits From Last Night (or just click this handy link). It's not porn (unless you want it to be- oh haaaai), but rather a compilation of some of the most hilarious exchanges between myself and Coyote Tits. Basically what it comes down to is that I'm a demented, inconsiderate asshole and it's a wonder she puts up with me or even that I have any friends at all, but read this anyway. It's kind of funny sometimes.

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