Friday, October 12, 2012

Don't Dream- It's Over

Do any of you ever have really fucked-up dreams?

No, not that kind, although I'm flattered that you all know me so well (also a little nervous, but we can deal with that later). I'm not talking about the ones that take place on a remote island with purple unicorns that bring you chocolate martinis, which are then done in the form of body shots in the company of Ryan Gosling and Alexander Skarsgard. Those are perfectly normal.

What's that you say? You're also extremely fertile?
The ones that I'm thinking about are the ones that you wake up from going, "what the hell was that?"and questioning whether they even happened in the first place. They're like the plot of Vanilla Sky, only thankfully with less vocal stylings from Cameron Diaz.

When I was younger, I used to be really into dream analysis. I believed that every image that passed through my sleep patterns was a metaphor for something that was plaguing me in my waking life. This also extended to colors, numbers, letters, and the like. I had a ton of books on the subject, most notably Sigmund Freud's The Interpretation of Dreams. Then I learned that Freud did enough coke to erupt Mt. Vesuvius, so I was more than likely deluding myself. But anyway.

I am still convinced of this to a point, and still appreciate the enjoyment I get when I sit down to interpret these visuals. Some are fairly easy to figure out, and do have some bearing on my actual reality.

For example, on Wednesday, I had a dream that Coyote Tits was part of the final three, and also the Fan Favorite, on Project Runway. She had designed a collection inspired by her hair, although instead of being "red and angsty," as she put it, her clothes were silver and sparkly. This made total sense to me because we both watch that show, and the season finale was the next day. I had also just spoken to her a few hours ago, as well as put a few touches onto Tits From Last Night, so the fact that she would appear in this way seemed logical.

PS- if you type "Tits From Last Night" into Google, my page is the first term that comes up! I am so proud.

Yeah, I don't have a lot going on.

However, some of the scenarios that formulate in my head are just really fucking bizarre. There's just no other way to describe them. I'll see how much I can recall from this one:

I was sitting at a table in what seemed to be some kind of dinner theater with a friend of my dad's, my brother, Karen Gillan from Doctor Who, and Mandy Moore. After the food came, Mandy and I got on stage, picked up acoustic guitars (neither one of us plays any instruments) and performed a song for the entire audience. The tune in question was an awful piece of crap from the early 90's by Mr. Big. If you have not heard this song, and I suspect that if you are in my age range you either a) have not or b) have blocked it out, it is not good.

If they gave out Razzies for music, this would be a serious contender. BTW, why don't they do that? I say we start a movement. I'll go first.

At any rate, that's all I can nail down, but when I woke up, already fearing for my sanity, I noticed a message on my phone- Mandy had had to check into the hospital for a minor emergency surgery (she's fine now). I call this a startling coincidence; however, Coyote Tits was not shocked in the least.

When I called Mandy's boyfriend later to see how she was doing, I almost mentioned my weird dream but he already swears that we're lesbians so I decided against it. My mom thinks it's adorable that we now have a "love song," regardless of the fact that if you're brave enough to listen to the lyrics the girl it's about is kind of a desperate whore.

Maybe there is some meaning behind the speculations I concoct in my sleep. Either that, or I have uncanny psychic abilities (probably not) or I'm certifiably insane (most likely). What are some of the strangest dreams you guys have had? Do you think they have any significance? Also, Taylor Swift would totally win all the Music Razzies, right? She definitely has crazy face.

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