A few weeks ago I wrote a guest post for Sara Nips that she totally forgot to put on her blog because she was too busy being awesome and also mourning the loss of her blow-up dolls (sad). After I got on her ass (sexy) she finally put it up! Go here to read it and leave comments on how great I am.
I guess she also wanted to get back at me for nagging subtly dropping hints to share my post with the world because she also passed on the 8 Questions meme. When I first saw that I was like, "Aw, fuck. Now I have to go be all creative and shit." I was just going to put up the "Hey, go check out my guest post!" cop-out, but not anymore.
Damn you and my addiction to your bloglove, Nips! You sneaky bitch.
Apparently the 8 Questions meme is moron-proof- you get asked eight questions, answer them, then make up your own queries and kick them back to eight other bloggers of your choosing. It's not as much of a pain in the ass as this "30 Days of Truth" deal, which takes WAY too much time and effort, so I figured why the hell not?
So here are my 8 Mandatory Questions, brought to you with naked abandon by Sara Nips:
1. In the event of a zombie apocolypse, do you want me to kill you or let you eat me?
Neither. I would make you my zombie love slave and we would travel the world creating a zombie kingdom on our two trusty steeds, Sexcapades and Nipserrific.
2. If you could have a penis/vagina (whichever you don't have) for one whole day, what would you do?
Besides the obvious?
I would paint a face on it and make a little puppet. I would also give it a little paper party hat.
3. Have you ever had sex on a washer? (I'm very curious about this idea.)
Absolutely. It's pretty fucking amazing if you go on the high spin cycle.
4. What's your favorite color? Red. No question.
5. If we made a lovechild, what would you name it?
OK, one, are you trying to seduce me? Because if so, it'll never work so you can just stop right now. *Runs to take off pants*
And two, his name would of course be this:
Hahaha! "Good Sense."
"Flexible Tip?" Fuck, yes.
6. If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, would you have lots and lots of sex today?
Why would you even ask this? Do you even know me anymore???
7. If you had to choose between a million dollars and no more orgasms for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Wow. This is pretty deep.I actually sat in thought for a good five minutes before coming to the conclusion of... I have no fucking idea. I'm broke AND in a dry spell, so I'm jonesing for both right now.
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I liked this one...)
Check out this insane All-Star line-up:
Nips (of course), Nipples Sweeney, Ginnipples, Mandy Moore, Lor, Rox, Shelly Nugs, Coyote Nips, Niplily and just to throw a little dick in the mix, The Danaconda. I'm a little afraid of what would go down, to be honest, but I imagine there'd be a lot of vodka, a shit-ton of roofies, and Danaconda in a corner tied to a chair with wood nymphs dancing around him playing lutes and mandolins (he's a squirmer).
Now to hit this shit out of the park:
I know you guys are procrastinators, but I did it, so you can too:
1. What's the one thing that scares the hell out of you? (For example: dying alone, oven mitts, parade floats of giant pandas...)
2. If you had the opportunity to throw anybody- and I do mean anybody- under a speeding vehicle and no one would EVER find out, who would it be? (No points for Justin Bieber, BTW, because that's just a given)
3. Hell, be creative: Choose your own murderous rage (I'm morbid like that).
4. What do you love most about me? No, seriously. What's the one place you've always wanted to visit but never have?
5. What's the funniest fucking word in the English language (I currently like "titmouse")?
6. If you could describe your life with a song title or movie title, what would it be?
7. What's your favorite website besides my blog? (don't you love how I threw in my flaming narcissism?)
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I think we're all going to keep this one in there)
Please do this meme, because then I'll feel like my blog has some relevance, and I'll be sad if you don't. And also, I'm bored this week because this is the first time in like a month that I've had like, no plans at all that don't revolve around work. So I just thought you guys should know that you give me life. Does that make me pathetic?
I would like to point out that this post is NOT late- it went up on Wordpress yesterday and then my internet crapped out. Thanks a lot, Brooklyn Public Library WiFi.
This month marks a Very Special Aural Sex because it’s somebody’s anniversary!
It sure as hell isn’t mine- I’ve been wallowing in fear and frustration dating myself for the past year. I call it “masturdating.” Thanks for assuming that I would at least appeal to somebody, though.
Anyway, 15 years ago, Empire Records was born. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it’s only one of the greatest films of all time. And, also, what the fuck is the matter with you? You fail at life.
Empire Records is centered around the employees of a CD store that’s under the threat of being sold to an evil corporate conglomerate. The characters are like an extended family, and in the mid-90’s when Sam Goody was the chief hangout for my friends and I, I was envious of every single one of them.
The movie has a kick-ass soundtrack and a cast featuring the likes of Renee Zellweger, Liv Tyler, Anthony LaPaglia, Debi Mazar, Robin Tunney, Ethan Embry, and pretty much 2/3 of everyone who was a virtual unknown in the 90’s but now has at least some sort of fledgling career (in the movie’s defense, you can blame Jerry Maguire, not this one, for Renee Zellweger’s anteater face constantly bombarding the big screen).
When the film was originally released, it was a box office disaster and a critical bomb. Even now, it stands at a 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. However, movie and music nerds are no idiots, and we know a sure thing when we see one. Empire Records is a brilliant marriage of cinema and tunes, and it’s luckily managed to find it’s home on the shelves and iPods of entertainment geeks everywhere.
In order to glorify the occasion, this month’s Aural Sex celebrates the union of song and screen- the soundtrack. I’ve compiled my Top 25 most impressive collaborations.
Because I’m anal that way (and ONLY in that way, you fucking pervs!), they’re all grouped into categories to make it easier for you (and me). Also, just for your entertainment, I threw in a few TV shows that make excellent use of the tune-age as well.
Despite what most reviews had to say about the film, I thought it was pretty enjoyable. Jennifer’s Body suffered from poor marketing, and most people went expecting a horror movie, not a dark comedy.
Regardless, the soundtrack’s producers definitely nailed the soundtrack. Brought to life by Goldfinger’s John Feldmann and Paramore’s Hayley Williams, the Jennifer’s Body companion CD combined popular power-pop with up-and-coming electropop and rock.
The soundtrack also included a track from Low Shoulder, the fake band from the movie. The song brings new levels to the word suck, but you should download it anyway because it’s pretty funny. Not included on the CD is “Violet,” one of my favorite songs by Hole, which shows up at the end of the film but for some reason didn’t make the cut.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Kiss With A Fist”- Florence and the Machine
“Toxic Valentine”- All Time Low
“New In Town”- Little Boots
“Through the Trees”- Low Shoulder
When this movie first came out I was psyched for my senior year and the graduation party that would follow (note: it wasn’t anything like that). The music on this CD is really, REALLY good, even if the actual “high school” depiction is a little off base.
I do, however, wear t-shirts sometimes.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Paradise City”- Guns N’ Roses
“Dammit”- Blink 182
“Graduate”- Third Eye Blind
“It’s Tricky”- Run D.M.C.
“Umbrella”- Dog’s Eye View
“High”- Feeder
“Can’t Hardly Wait”- The Replacements
“Tell Me What To Say”- Black Lab
Not Another Teen Movie’s soundtrack put a new twist on the 80’s compilation by having current artists cover tracks from the era of coke and day-glo. Some of them are epic fails (Good Charlotte’s massacre of OMD? NO.), but most of them go over pretty well.
The movie itself, BTW, is a hilarious parody of essentially every teen movie from the last thirty years. Bonus- Mr. T shows up as the “wise janitor.” Anything involving Mr. T automatically gets extra points.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Blue Monday”- Orgy (originally performed by New Order)
“Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want”- Muse (originally performed by The Smiths)
“Never Let Me Down Again”- Smashing Pumpkins (originally performed by Depeche Mode)
“Bizarre Love Triangle”- Stabbing Westward (originally performed by New Order)
“99 Red Balloons”- Goldfinger (originally performed by Nena)
“Somebody’s Baby”- Phantom Planet (originally performed by Jackson Browne)
“Prom Tonight”- (written by Ben Folds and performed hysterically by the cast.)
PS- you want your mind blown? This dude from the movie
is now this dude on Being Human on SyFy and is TOTALLY HOT. Didn't see that one coming.
This is possibly the most well-known- and well-received- soundtrack of the 80’s. It doesn’t matter that Simple Minds never had another hit- that band is fucking set for life. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t associate that song with the movie- or vice versa.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Don’t You (Forget About Me)”- Simple Minds
“Fire in the Twilight”- Wang Chung
“Waiting”- E.G. Daily
For an updated version of “Don’t You,” download Yellowcard’s 2005 version. I have to say, it’s not that bad.
Speaking of 80’s compilations, I love The Wedding Singer because despite pleading from my family, friends and various pets, I can’t give up my addiction to hair metal, cheesy pop or power ballads. Everything about this movie is SO 80’s, including the clothing. Seriously- there’s even a Rubik’s Cube.
Some advice- ignore the cast recording of the atrocious musical adaptation that was on Broadway for like, twelve minutes. That was just a ghastly mistake.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Video Killed the Radio Star”- The Presidents of the United States of America
“Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”- The Police
”How Soon Is Now?”- The Smiths
“White Wedding”- Billy Idol
“China Girl”- David Bowie
“Blue Monday”- New Order
Later that year, The Wedding Singer Volume 2: More Music From The Motion Picture was released, with even more epic eighties-ness. Here’s some good shit for you to add to your iTunes:
“It’s All I Can Do”- The Cars
“Money (That’s What I Want)”- The Flying Lizards
“You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)”- Dead Or Alive
“Just Can’t Get Enough”- Depeche Mode
“Holiday”- Madonna
For some reason, even though Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” is in the movie, some assclown decided not to put it on either soundtrack. I’ve learned to accept this and am slowly coming to terms with my boiling resentment.
This is such a great soundtrack because I grew up with the grunge scene and listening to it allows me go back to a time when I still had CD’s and a Discman (please say you remember those). Singles takes place during the Seattle music scene when all these bands were just starting to come up, and I was just discovering them, but I actually didn’t see this movie until much later because I was “too young” (whatever). When I finally got to watch it I was around the age of the characters in the movie, so I guess it worked out in my favor.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Would?”- Alice In Chains
“Birth Ritual”- Soundgarden
“May This Be Love”- Jimi Hendrix
“Drown”- Smashing Pumpkins
“Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns”- Mother Love Bone
“Overblown”- Mudhoney
I don’t have to be embarrassed about including this one- the hair metal is a perfect fit for a film about a guy who’s desperately trying to relive his 80’s glory days. I do love the genre, though. Don’t laugh at me, you jackass!
I will, however, point out that it is a fucking travesty that Bruce Springsteen was personally asked to pen the title track and was then completely shunned by the Academy in favor of three different songs from Slumdog Millionaire. That’s insulting.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Sweet Child O’ Mine”- Guns N’ Roses
“The Wrestler”- Bruce Springsteen
“Round and Round”- Ratt
“Bang Your Head (Metal Health)”- Quiet Riot
“Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)”- Cinderella
Quentin Tarantino has always had a knack for choosing just the right piece of music for a particular scene. I can’t decide which one is more synonymous with which movie- the staccato instrumental that plays over the culmination of the diner robbery in this one, or the Stealers Wheel track in Reservoir Dogs (see below).
The Urge Overkill cover of Neil Diamond’s “Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon” is right up there, too. Stupidly, I forgot to include it in my Greatest Covers list.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Miserlou”- Dick Dale (with dialogue from Pumpkin and Honey Bunny)
“Girl, You’ll Be A Woman Soon”- Urge Overkill
“Son of a Preacher Man”- Dusty Springfield
“Let’s Stay Together”- Al Green
“Jungle Boogie”- Kool and the Gang
Reservoir Dogs is second on my list of favorite movies only to Almost Famous. It was Quentin Tarantino’s first film and didn’t gain popularity until after the release of Pulp Fiction, and if you watch the two together you can really sense a pattern in the filmmaking and the choice of music. No one who’s seen Reservoir Dogs has listened to that Stealers Wheel song in the same way ever again.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Stuck in the Middle”- Stealers Wheel
“Madonna Speech” (Dialogue from the film)
“Magic Carpet Ride”- Bedlam
You know a film is going to have an amazing soundtrack when it’s named after a Led Zeppelin song. Not only is the music great, but the cast is a veritable Wiki page of a bunch of people you can currently see splashed all over the pages of shitty gossip rags like Star (and some that you can’t- Wiley Wiggins, what the fuck?).
Dazed and Confused also stands the test of time, even now- the party in the movie is pretty much like every party I went to in high school, just with more updated outfits.
I haven’t seen this movie in a while because I bought the DVD and then like, a week later, my brother stole it from me (he still claims he doesn’t have it even though I’ve seen it! In his house!).
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Cherry Bomb”- The Runaways
“Tuesday’s Gone”- Lynyrd Skynyrd
“Paranoid”- Black Sabbath
“Slow Ride”- Foghat
In 1994, a second companion CD was released (Even More Dazed and Confused). Here’s some download-worthy shit from that one:
“Free Ride”- Edgar Winter Group
“Do You Feel Like We Do”- Peter Frampton
“Right Place, Wrong Time”- Dr. John
“I Just Want to Make Love to You”- Foghat
How can I make a category entitled “Cult Classics” and NOT include Rocky Horror? I would probably be torched. Not only do I own this movie, but I’ve also seen the show multiple times, hosted sing-alongs at my house, and dressed up as various characters for Halloween (one of my girlfriends went as Frank once and the costume has thus far been unparalleled). Everyone should not only watch this movie and learn the lyrics to every song, but also master all the dance moves to The Time Warp. Oh, and bring props.
Watch this movie to see Katie Holmes before she was super obnoxious, and listen to the tunes to get that rave feeling without the actual ecstasy. Or the glow sticks.
BTW, the movie is well worth it, too.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“New”- No Doubt (No Doubt debuted this song as a promotional single for the movie, before they released it as a track on Return of Saturn).
“Gangster Tripping”- Fatboy Slim
“Believer”- BT
“Always On The Run”- Lenny Kravitz (written by Kravitz and Slash. Word.)
“Magic Carpet Ride”- Steppenwolf
Trainspotting is one of those films that I should definitely NOT have seen when I originally did, but it’s cool because my parents didn’t find out until years later (I mean… oh. Whoops). Every song on the soundtrack will make you feel like you’re tripping out. It brings new meaning to the phrase “companion CD.”
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Lust For Life”- Iggy Pop
“Trainspotting”- Primal Scream
“Temptation”- New Order
“Perfect Day”- Lou Reed
“Born Slippy (NUXX)”- Underworld
I guess one soundtrack wasn’t enough, because Trainspotting #2: Music from the Motion Picture was released in 1997.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“The Passenger”- Iggy Pop
“Golden Years”- David Bowie
“Atmosphere”- Joy Division
The only beef I have with this movie is that it totally lied to me. I’m still in love with Mark Wahlberg, though, whether that whole thing was fake or not.
Please. Like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
Regardless, I still totally air drum to “Sister Christian.”
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Sister Christian”- Night Ranger
“God Only Knows”- The Beach Boys
“Brand New Key”- Melanie
In 1998, Boogie Nights 2: More Music From The Motion Picture was released. Here are the best tracks off of that album for you guys to stealsnag off of iTunes:
“Jessie’s Girl”- Rick Springfield
“Mama Told Me (Not To Come)”- Three Dog Night
“You Sexy Thing”- Hot Chocolate (I agree that this song is really annoying. However, picture yourself, bored in your bedroom, dancing around and lip-synching. Yeah, I thought so.
Not that I’ve ever done that. Or anything like that.
The Who’s Tommy is solely and directly responsible for my die-hard appreciation of classic rock. I almost grew up a theater kid, but as soon as my parents took me to Tommy I went completely in the other direction. The Acid Queen scared the fuck out of me, but since I was around six years old I had no idea what the “acid” part was referring to; I just thought the music kicked major amounts of ass. The Who is still on my Top 10 list of bands, and Tommy is still in heavy rotation on my playlist.
There’s also an excellent Tommy reference in Almost Famous. I’ll stop going on about that movie because I promise to be really obnoxious about it later.
Originally released as a soundtrack to the movie, A Hard Day’s Night is actually The Beatles’ third studio album. It’s also one of their best, and on almost every reviewer’s Greatest Soundtracks list. It’s also one of the only times I haven’t laughed at the word “hard.”
Oops. Never mind.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“A Hard Day’s Night”
“Can’t Buy Me Love”
“And I Love Her”
“Any Time At All”
I had to include this because I’m so fanatical about Led Zeppelin. My vintage concert T-shirt went through the wash so many times that it actually disintegrated and I cried (true story). I don’t own this soundtrack because I’m broke and spent my last coinage on Lost Season Six, but my birthday is coming up, in case you guys love me that much.
I can’t pick out which tracks are superior, so just do yourself a favor, download the entire thing, and let your lighter do the rest. Not that I advocate that sort of thing. Oh no.
(Check this out: The Amazon link refers to them as a "blues-rock outfit." No, but nice try.)
Given that it’s the festival that defined an entire generation, it’s only fitting that it would have a collection of tracks that everybody who was alive back then (and even people that weren’t) still eargasm over.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Medley”- Jimi Hendrix (Star Spangled Banner/Purple Haze/Instrumental Solo)
“We’re Not Gonna Take It”- The Who
“With A Little Help From My Friends”- Joe Cocker
“Soul Sacrifice”- Santana
Let’s ignore the fact that the last movie blew ass and that this supposed “re-boot” they’re currently threatening is stupid. The first Spider-Man (and it is “Spider-Man,” with a hyphen, not “Spiderman”) is still one of the highest grossing pictures of all time and proved that superhero movies didn’t have to be retarded.
The soundtrack showcased current rock tracks from artists both well-known and on their way up. The dude from Nickelback is on there, too, but try to ignore that.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“When It Started”- The Strokes
“Learn to Crawl”- Black Lab
“Hate to Say I Told You So”- The Hives
“Shelter”- Greenwheel”
“She Was My Girl”- Jerry Cantrell
“Bother”- Corey Taylor
“My Nutmeg Phantasy” (Tom Morello Mix)- Macy Gray f. Angle Stone and Mos Def
The music used in Romeo & Juliet was so innovative because the dialogue was still Shakespearean, but everything else was kept in the present day. It actually worked and made the love and death scenes that much more dramatic.
During the wedding, scene, there’s a beautiful rendition of Prince’s “When Doves Cry” performed by a church choir. It’s not on the soundtrack, but it can be found on the score.
Here’s something weird, as well: I hadn’t seen this movie in years when I was making this list, yet a couple of hours after I decided to include it I found out that they were showing it on Starz. Doesn’t that kind of make you go “Oooh?” No? Just me, then.
Plus: Radiohead!
Also, useless trivia for Lost fans: Mercutio is played by the guy that played Michael. I know that doesn’t change your life or anything, I just thought you’d be interested.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Talk Show Host”- Radiohead
“#1 Crush”- Garbage
“Local God”- Everclear
“Lovefool”- The Cardigans
“Whatever (I Had a Dream)”- Butthole Surfers
Marie Antoinette uses the same concept as Romeo & Juliet, except this movie has Kirsten Dunst, and it also isn’t that great. The music selection is pretty epic, though. And the party scenes made me really jealous.
Note: I invented a really fun game where I counted how many times you can see Kirsten Dunst’s snaggletooth. I lost track at “a lot.”
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“What Ever Happened”- The Strokes
“I Want Candy” (Kevin Shields Remix)- Bow Wow Wow
“Natural’s Not In it”- Gang of Four
“Plainsong”- The Cure
Vanilla Sky has the distinction of being the only soundtrack on my list with a truly shitty companion film. I’m a huge Cameron Crowe fan, but even I have to admit that I would only ever watch this again under threat of searing gas pain. Not only is it confusing as fuck, but the cast features Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. How about not?
That being said, the soundtrack is probably one of the best I’ve ever heard. Not only does it have Radiohead, which automatically bumps it up, but there are also songs by Chemical Brothers, Jeff Buckley, Peter Gabriel and two tracks by R.E.M.
Apparently the Academy agrees with me, because they awarded this CD with an Oscar. I guess they ignored the fact that Cameron Diaz sings on it.
Also, I’m not going to tell you what to do or anything, because I’m not a bitch like that (HAHAHAHAHA!), but I would recommend totally bypassing the movie and just listening to the soundtrack. Unless you’re high. Then you might actually understand what the hell is going on.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Everything In Its Right Place”- Radiohead (one of my absolute favorite Radiohead songs EVER)
“Solsbury Hill”- Peter Gabriel
“All the Right Friends”- R.E.M.
“Last Goodbye”- Jeff Buckley
“Where Do I Begin”- Chemical Brothers
“Vanilla Sky”- Paul McCartney
“Svefn-g-englar”- Sigur Ros
High Fidelity used its main setting (a record store) to play up the fact that it could really go to town with this music deal- and it did. The soundtrack to this film is a music geek’s wet dream.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Who Loves The Sun”- The Velvet Underground
“Lo Boob Oscillator”- Stereolab
“Shipbuilding”- Elvis Costello and the Attractions
Ev’rybody’s Gonna Be Happy”- The Kinks
Here it is: my main reason for today’s Aural Sex. I’ve probably seen this movie thirty times, and I still watch it at least a few times a year. Whenever I listen to the soundtrack it takes me back to when I was in junior high, when I had no bills, I didn’t have to work and my friends and I hung out in our own version of Empire Records. I actually saw a bunch of these bands play live over a decade ago and most of them were pretty badass.
If you haven’t had the chance to watch this flick yet, do it. You are seriously missing out.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Til I Hear It From You”- Gin Blossoms
“A Girl Like You”- Edwyn Collins
“Liar”- The Cranberries
“Crazy Life”- Toad the Wet Sprocket
“Circle of Friends”- Better Than Ezra
“Whole Lotta Trouble”- Cracker
“Sugarhigh”- Coyote Shivers
Here are some more awesome songs that are in the movie that didn’t make the soundtrack cut:
“Video Killed The Radio Star”- The Buggles
“Romeo & Juliet”- Dire Straits
“Counting Blue Cars”- Dishwalla
“Plowed”- Sponge
“How”- The Cranberries
“I Shot The Devil”- Suicidal Tendencies
“If You Want Blood (You’ve Got It)”- AC/DC
“Money (That’s What I Want)”- The Flying Lizards
“Little Bastard”- Ass Ponys
There are a lot of reasons that Almost Famous is my favorite movie of all time (for most of them, go here). The use of music in the film changed my life, and the way director Cameron Crowe and his wife Nancy Wilson utilized “Tiny Dancer” hit nerves in my body I didn’t even know I had.
To this day, the companion CD to Almost Famous remains the most played of my collection.
SUPERIOR TRACKS:
“Tiny Dancer”- Elton John
“I’ve Seen All Good People”- Yes
“That’s The Way”- Led Zeppelin
“Sparks”- The Who
“I’m Waiting For The Man”- David Bowie
If that doesn’t convince you, here’s a list of some more of the artists used in the film that weren’t included on the soundtrack (I couldn’t even fit everything):
The Stooges
Black Sabbath
Jethro Tull
Joni Mitchell
Neil Young and Crazy Horse
The Guess Who
Fleetwood Mac
Deep Purple
Steely Dan
MC5
Jimi Hendrix
And a shit-ton more of Led Zep. If you’re still questioning why I put this compilation in the spot that I did you are hereby banned from this blog.
TV IS PEOPLE TOO! (OR SOMETHING)
2007-Present, NBC
When Lost ended, Chuck was elevated to my Favorite TV Program slot. It’s an action/comedy/drama/spy series that I can’t even fit into one category, so I’m just going to tell you to watch it or I will be pissed. It’s on Mondays at 8pm on NBC. There’s nothing else on then, anyway, unless you’re a fan of Dancing With the Tards.
Chuck is the brainchild of Josh Schwartz, former head of The O.C. (he also created the television incarnation of Gossip Girl, but I guess I can forgive him for that). He hired music supervisor Alex Patsavas for this show, as well, and one of the two of them had the genius idea to include Cake’s “Short Skirt, Long Jacket” in the beginning of every episode of Chuck as the opening title sequence. Not only is it a great song but it’s perfect for the themes of the show (Cake is worth checking out, too).
There’s also a hilarious “band” in the series in the characters of “Jeffster”- two complete morons who think that they’re hot shit and steal every scene they’re in. Here’s the “Jeffster” music video:
There’s not a ton of music featured on Chuck, but when it is, it’s definitely notable.
2003-2010, CBS
The interesting element of Cold Case was that every episode took place in a different year, so the music was always diverse. In the span of a month the show would feature 30’s swing to 60’s psychedelia to shit that came out a week ago. The show would also use costumes and props that fit with the era and black-and-white film when the situation called for it.
Cold Cases’ downfall was its unfortunate CBS timeslot of Sunday at 10pm. Not only was it often pre-empted due to NFL football, but it often took a backseat due to that shitfest Undercover Boss. No wonder it was ultimately cancelled.
In 2008, CBS released a soundtrack, so you can get a sense of its diverse musical elements.
2003-2007, FOX
Before it was soaked up into the laughable world of irrelevance, The O.C. broke a ton of artists and had a lot of indie music cred. During its second season, all-ages nightclub The Bait Shop was introduced as a way to get musical acts to perform.
The O.C. featured artists such as The Killers, Modest Mouse, Death Cab and The Subways, and even had an entire episode dedicated to a Rooney concert. Bands such as Beastie Boys, U2 and Beck even premiered new singles on the show. I beefed up my iPod due to The O.C.
Producer Josh Schwartz and music supervisor Alex Patsavas later went on to work together on Gossip Girl and Chuck.
The O.C. released six soundtracks, including an album to commemorate their made-up holiday of Chrismukkah. I would recommend checking out a list of music featured on the show and working your way up from there.
1997-2003, THE WB/UPN
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer was my favorite show all through high school and some time afterward. I still watch all the marathons even though I own all the DVD’s and can recite some of the episodes backwards and forwards and know them all by title within three seconds of the opening sequence. I don’t want to hear any shit- that show is a classic and a lot of critics and most of the sci-fi community feel the same way, so fuck you, too!
Anyway.
There are actually three companion CD’s- one is a soundtrack for the musical episode and the other two were released as compilations for the show itself. The first Buffysoundtrack, released in 1999, is awesome and every song on it rules. “The Buffy/Angel Love Theme” still chokes me up.
If I absolutely HAD to pick the best tracks off the album, I guess I would go with these:
“Temptation Waits”- Garbage
“Strong”- Velvet Chain
“I Quit”- Hepburn
“Keep Myself Awake”- Black Lab
“Nothing But You”- Kim Ferron
“Wild Horses”- The Sundays (This is also on my list of Greatest Covers)
“Charge”- Splendid
2005-Present, THE WB/CW
I cannot believe this show has not yet released a soundtrack. The music is ridiculous.
Despite being on a channel for eleven-year-olds, Supernatural features a shit-ton of classic rock- actually, that’s pretty much all the music it has on there. Creator Eric Kripke is apparently an enormous fan of The Zep, but they’re too expensive, so he prefers to name certain episodes after their songs instead (I’ll take it). There was one fantastic moment in the show where my husband Dean Winchester was boning some girl and it was underscored with Blind Faith. I love Steve Winwood, so I flipped out.
Supernatural has, by far, the best soundtrack of any show on television, regardless of whether it’s been made available to the public or not. It’s probably a legal issue or a money issue, but I own all of the songs on the show anyway so I guess it’s not really that big of a deal.
PS- Would you bang Dean Winchester or what?
That does it for this month’s Aural Sex. If you feel inclined to check out my picks, let me know what you think, and as always, if you want to pick a fight, leave your comments below. Keep in mind, though, that I weigh like four pounds so you will definitely win and you won’t have any bragging rights or anything.
I don't know how many of you actually frequent 20sb, but apparently most of you do because I was recently on a campaign to get Sara Nips voted Featured Blogger for October. And guess what?
So I went over there to write in the "Congratulations Sara" forum, and the "Featured Blogger for November" thread was already up. I clicked on it to put my vote in for whichever one of my friends was awesome enough to be nominated this month, and when I scrolled down my name was actually in there.
Are you guys serious? You're really going to vote for me? I honestly don't think I'm that funny, but you're all ridiculously amazing for throwing my shit out there anyway. I love all of you, even if you are insane. I'm not one to whore myself out (HA!), but I had to post something to thank all of you for forgetting to take your pills today.
I can't promise any substantial improvements in my writing if I take this, but I will say that if I win, DNug finally has to record his rap album. No more excuses. Nips and Niplily and I are all doing back-up, so it'll be monumental. You know it. It's going to be like Salt N' Pepa, only whiter and with way less talent (except Niplily- she can seriously throw down).
My friend Allison is also in the running. Normally I shouldn't trumpet the competition but as long as there's no money or free candy or anything for the winner I can admit that her blog is pretty great and at least deserves a shot. I think she was my first-ever guest post, so she'll always hold a special place in my loins heart. So if you're feeling up to it, give her a shout-out too.
For the two of you that don't understand why this is an important entry (ha!) for me, you don't deserve to have it explained to you. In order to commemorate this earth-shattering occasion, I got some of my favorite bloggers to do the work for me. Yeah, I'm constructive like that.
I know I've been building this up for-fucking-ever and you guys are practically spraying with anticipation, so I'll just get to it. I decided to go with a "she-said, he-said" deal and recruited- wait for it- Natalie Paige at Awkward Sex and the City and Danaconda at From the Head of the Danaconda.
I know. Be REALLY fucking jealous.
My only guideline was to stay true to their disgusting, raunchy selves, which played out pretty well. So drink in, eat out, enjoy, and I'll be back in a couple of days.
I always thought having sex with me was like taking a tequila shot: quick and painful and no matter how hard you tried, you just don’t seem to be able to get that “taste” out of your mouth. Turns out I’m pretty good at sex. Practice makes perfect I always say. And that’s also every whore’s philosophy on sex, myself included.
Actually, I always get told that I was the guys best lay they’ve ever had. Now, at first I thought it was just some thing guys said like, “I love you” or “You’re beautiful” or “Would you like a skittle” but at this point in the game they already “got” me. The gotten has been had, no real need for further compliments.
So I asked my lady friends if the same thing happens to them… and they were like… “….that means you’re like really really really good at sex.”
I knew I should have gone into porn.
I blame it on the fact that I used to be fat when I was younger.
When you’re fat, you at least try yah know? Everyone knows that’s saying, “Fat girls give better head” Well…everyone knows it, because it holds some truth.
Being fat was almost a gift (a sick sadistic gift, but a gift none the less). It taught me not to take things for granted, sex included.
People always look at the world in a pessimistic view, and believe me I’m one of those people. But some of my worst moments in life have become my greatest gifts, including being fat, ugly and ridicoulusly awkward.
You bitches who’ve been skinny your whole life don’t know it’s like. Let’s be honest, if you’re hot, you’ve never had to be good at anything.
I used to be fat AND ugly, so you better believe there is heart in my “sexnique.” There’s technique…maybe not that much talent, but god damnit there is a whole lot of heart.
After 17 years of an awkward stage now I’m the perfect package: cute as a button, a master of sex and fucking funny as hell.
Since we're all kinda-sorta adults here, that means we can talk about sex. You know...fucking. If you want to have good sex with someone, rhythm is probably more important than anything. That's why as a sexual partner - you know...someone getting fucked - you can react in many different ways upon hearing this:
"I have to cum."
If you're a dude you're pretty much always happy to hear a woman say this. I don't really see when it could be considered a bad thing.
Editor's Note: I guess if you're eating a chick out at a crowded dinner table or something, but if you're even down there to begin with you would probably want her to cum. What would happen though? Would you just have chick cum all over your face while you're under a table as people eat? Dessert served early I suppose.
Now if you're a chick this can go a few different ways. When a girl is having sex, she's usually happy for the dude to e-jac if she believes he's satisfied her. But how often does that actually happen? Don't answer that. I'd like to keep thinking what my grandma tells me. Holy shit that came out so wrong in this context and I don't know what to do. Let's just keep moving.
So as a chick if you hear a guy say, "I have to cum," you're probably not too thrilled. You must be thinking something like, "Ah dammit ya fuckin bum" or "It's about fuckin time" or "Man I was so close to acting like I was so close." I'm sure there are some amazing people out there who have great sex all the time, but you're not in the majority. In fact stop talking to me in general because I can sense the giddyness behind your sex-getting voice. Shut the fuck up you happy asshole.
But here's where "I have to cum" gets ambiguous. For example, sometimes a guy says it but he doesn't let it fly for another 2-3 minutes; sometimes the guy knows it's coming and he turns on the juice and does it proper; and sometimes...sometimes...it just happens.
It sucks.
I mean it doesn't, but you know what I mean. It literally comes out of nowhere. I'm not talking about eager beavers either...I'm talking about once you settle in. Big difference. As insanely disappointing as it is to be a 'premacumma,' it's almost worse once you've taken a few laps around the course.
Here's a scenario for you: Let's say you're boning for 10 minutes. You're in a position that you're happy with. What do you want to go with right now...missionary? Really? Oh you're stoned...okay I understand. So you're in a groove and the chick is loving it. She's loving your boring ass absent-mindedly humping her in an inconsistent rhythm because you're too tired to keep your arms propped up and stable long enough. Can you give me another position please? I can't use this one.
Fine, doggystyle. I know that's what you all wanted anyway. I think sex and doggystyle go together like hungry babies and breastfeeding. But anyway, let's say you startedmissionary, then you worked your way to the side for a minute, and over we go: Now it's bone time. You got a stiffy that can clog a toilet and she's moaning like a porn star getting paid top dollar. She's sweating, you're sweating...she starts to get comfortable. She starts to think that she could actually orgasm.
Then you cum. It's over. No seriously...it's over. Exit's on the left.
You know I fucking swear man: Making a chick orgasm is like building a card tower. With my dick.
