Tuesday, October 19, 2010


A few weeks ago I wrote a guest post for Sara Nips that she totally forgot to put on her blog because she was too busy being awesome and also mourning the loss of her blow-up dolls (sad). After I got on her ass (sexy) she finally put it up! Go here to read it and leave comments on how great I am.

I guess she also wanted to get back at me for nagging subtly dropping hints to share my post with the world because she also passed on the 8 Questions meme. When I first saw that I was like, "Aw, fuck. Now I have to go be all creative and shit." I was just going to put up the "Hey, go check out my guest post!" cop-out, but not anymore.

Damn you and my addiction to your bloglove, Nips! You sneaky bitch.

Apparently the 8 Questions meme is moron-proof- you get asked eight questions, answer them, then make up your own queries and kick them back to eight other bloggers of your choosing. It's not as much of a pain in the ass as this "30 Days of Truth" deal, which takes WAY too much time and effort, so I figured why the hell not?

So here are my 8 Mandatory Questions, brought to you with naked abandon by Sara Nips:

1. In the event of a zombie apocolypse, do you want me to kill you or let you eat me?
Neither. I would make you my zombie love slave and we would travel the world creating a zombie kingdom on our two trusty steeds, Sexcapades and Nipserrific.

2. If you could have a penis/vagina (whichever you don't have) for one whole day, what would you do?
Besides the obvious?

I would paint a face on it and make a little puppet. I would also give it a little paper party hat.

3. Have you ever had sex on a washer? (I'm very curious about this idea.)
Absolutely. It's pretty fucking amazing if you go on the high spin cycle.

4. What's your favorite color?
Red. No question.

5. If we made a lovechild, what would you name it?
OK, one, are you trying to seduce me? Because if so, it'll never work so you can just stop right now. *Runs to take off pants*

And two, his name would of course be this:

Hahaha! "Good Sense."

"Flexible Tip?" Fuck, yes.

6. If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, would you have lots and lots of sex today?
Why would you even ask this? Do you even know me anymore???

7. If you had to choose between a million dollars and no more orgasms for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Wow. This is pretty deep.I actually sat in thought for a good five minutes before coming to the conclusion of... I have no fucking idea. I'm broke AND in a dry spell, so I'm jonesing for both right now.

8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I liked this one...)
Check out this insane All-Star line-up:

Nips (of course), Nipples Sweeney, Ginnipples, Mandy MooreLor, Rox, Shelly Nugs, Coyote Nips, Niplily and just to throw a little dick in the mix, The Danaconda. I'm a little afraid of what would go down, to be honest, but I imagine there'd be a lot of vodka, a shit-ton of roofies, and Danaconda in a corner tied to a chair with wood nymphs dancing around him playing lutes and mandolins (he's a squirmer).

Now to hit this shit out of the park:

I know you guys are procrastinators, but I did it, so you can too:

Ginntastic @ Ginntastic
Rox @ Getting There
Bret Staples @ Slightly Disappointing
Lily @ Is It Too Early For A Martini?
Allison @ A Quarter-Life Crisis
Lilly @ A Pre-Life Crisis
Alexandra (It's her birthday this week, so feel free to stop by and leave inappropriate pics) @ The Tsaritsa Says
Coyote Rose @ Dancing on the Bar of Life

And honorable mention:
Jessica @ Tried To Live Forever

And here are your Eight Questions:

1. What's the one thing that scares the hell out of you? (For example: dying alone, oven mitts, parade floats of giant pandas...)

2. If you had the opportunity to throw anybody- and I do mean anybody- under a speeding vehicle and no one would EVER find out, who would it be? (No points for Justin Bieber, BTW, because that's just a given)

3. Hell, be creative: Choose your own murderous rage (I'm morbid like that).

4. What do you love most about me? No, seriously. What's the one place you've always wanted to visit but never have?

5. What's the funniest fucking word in the English language (I currently like "titmouse")?

6. If you could describe your life with a song title or movie title, what would it be?

7. What's your favorite website besides my blog? (don't you love how I threw in my flaming narcissism?)

8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I think we're all going to keep this one in there)

Please do this meme, because then I'll feel like my blog has some relevance, and I'll be sad if you don't. And also, I'm bored this week because this is the first time in like a month that I've had like, no plans at all that don't revolve around work. So I just thought you guys should know that you give me life. Does that make me pathetic?

Don't answer that.


Coyote Rose said...

OMG I love it. I can just imagine danaconda like in his boxers in a drunken stupor tied to a chair with a huge boner as we all dance around him in tiny outfits and makeout with each other. It's either his version of heaven or hell... you know depending.

also i didn't know they made party costumes for peni (penisus?).

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

This must immediately go from *if* we were to have a party to, *when* we have a party. Nugs, you invite the wood nymphs. Now, to get the roofies...


Nicole said...

I am definitely with Lor. This party is now a must.

Also, that party penis thing is excellent and now I know I won't actually be doing this meme because I don't have a better answer than that.

Danaconda said...

Uh...when is this happening exactly?

You know when you wouldn't sit still and your parents would say, "If you don't stop moving I'll nail you into this chair?" In this case that wouldn't be so bad.

Thanks for the shout out to me and my weiner.

Christina In Wonderland said...

That would be the best blogger party ever. I imagine none of you would be able to remember shit the next morning though.

CkretsGalore said...

"I would paint a face on it and make a little puppet. I would also give it a little paper party hat."

You truly rule.
I've played with them like they're puppets but a paper party hat?!
Pure fucking genius.

Anonymous said...

Shit. Now I have to be creative. Normally I just copy everything I "write" from other people's blogs. Damn.

Lily said...

I may be late. But I will be at this party, and I will post a post.

MrsCaptKerk said...

I'm not sure if we're the fairies or not...but can I wear the blue outfit? Its awful perty.

Sara said...

Do they make outfits for vaginas too?

That Ain't Kosher said...

@ Coyote Nips- I didn't either! This made my day. No... my YEAR.

@ Lor (rhymes with "whore") - Vegas, baby. Vegas.

@ Nipples Sweeney- Your procrastination knows no shame. Do it! The rest of the Nip Clique implores you.

@ Dan- That sounds incredibly dirty. I love it. You know you're coming to Vegas with us now.

@ Christina- That's what cameras are for! Although in this case I suspect the camera might even be scared away. ("Heeeeeell no, I'm not down with this shit!")

@ Ckrets- Sometimes I amaze even myself with my sheer genius. Plus that little guy on the box is kind of cute.

@ Lilly- That's exactly how I felt! This was my revenge. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

@ Niplily- YES! I really want to see your meme (SEXY).

@ Shelly Nugs- We can be the fairies if you want. I was going to fight you for the blue outfit with weaved baskets filled with Fluffernutter and cat toys, but you'd probably win anyway since you have a tattoo of the Rebel Alliance. You can have it. I'll take the red one.

@ Sara Nips- That is the GREATEST. FASHION SHOW. EVER.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Those are some great questions!