AURAL SEX: FOO FIGHTERS EDITION

I know I promised you guys a collabo this month, but there’s been a slight (read: huge) change because that idea kind of didn’t work out.

A) As it happens, KROD videos went up today too, and I know a lot of you are pumped about that. I actually would have done it as well, but I had to stick to my own deadline. Sorry! Next month, for sure. <3

2) Only two of you got your posts to me on time. What the fuck, guys? I gave you what, like, a month? I have all these cookies on the table and none of you get ANY OF THEM.

Cat) The second Tuesday of April happens to be the day Foo Fighters drop their seventh LP, Wasting Light. For the three of you who aren’t aware, I’ve been infatuated with them since junior high, and since today is Aural Sex day, I decided to push the guest posts back to May and dedicate this month’s column to the Foo’s.

I’ve been following Dave Grohl’s career since he first came up with Nirvana in the late 80’s. Even though I loved the first Foo Fighters album (aptly self-titled), I wasn’t made fully aware of his encompassing genius until the 1997 release of The Colour and the Shape. Since then, I’ve been to every tour, including one secret show in LA a couple of months ago. Dave came so close to me that I could almost grab his shoe and take it home with me as a souvenir. I didn’t though, because that would have been creepy.

Anyway, for this month’s special Foo Fighters edition of Aural Sex, I’ve ranked all their studio albums in order of my favorites, provided a list of my top 20 Foo tunes, and, for your enjoyment, linked to their three best videos. Not only can Dave Grohl play every single instrument, front the band AND host a million side projects, but he’s also hilarious. God, Dave Grohl, stop not sucking. (PS- his birthday is two days after mine, albeit with a few years on me. Further proof that Capricorns are, in fact, taking over the universe.)

Here’s my definitive guide to all things Foo. As a thank-you, I accept cash, check, and Lion-O action figures.

(For those of you jonesing for more of my musical expertise, you can also catch me on Allison’s blog, My Quarter-Life Crisis, today. It’s her birthday, so she recruited me to send her a party playlist devoted to her. Narcissism- gotta love it.)

FOO FIGHTERS ALBUMS IN ORDER OF AWESOME:

The Colour and the Shape (1997)

There’s a reason this is everybody’s favorite- every single track on this album is straight-up amazing. I knew as soon as I heard this that it was a classic, even though it had only been released a week prior. People that don’t even like Foo Fighters (I can’t imagine that one might exist, but they probably do, somewhere) love this album.

Best Track: Everlong. By a hair.

Foo Fighters (1995)

The album that allowed Dave Grohl to come into his own, Foo Fighters' self-titled debut was actually written and recorded almost entirely by Grohl. I had no idea when listening to this the impact this band would have on my life; I just knew that my mind was sufficiently blown.

Best Track: God, this was tough. I'll say... I’ll Stick Around. (Yes. Yes, I will.)

Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace (2007)

This album went back to original form- i.e. Dave screaming. Apparently the band realized that even though they’re great no matter what, this is the formula that works out the best for them (see: Wasting Light).

Best Track: The Pretender

Wasting Light (2011)

I first heard every track on the Foo’s newest album at their secret show in LA a couple of months ago, and I got so excited I was almost aroused. I made a total ass out of myself in front of the friend I went with, jumping around all tard-like. I'm surprised he still talks to me.

The band members are all in their 40’s with kids, but my God, they rock harder than anything I could ever come up with (they played a THREE HOUR SET of the entire new album, plus two hours of all their old shit). I am so psyched for any and all future material if this is any indication.

Best Track: Arlandria

In Your Honor (2005)

Just when I start to geek out over a new Foo Fighters CD, I find out that it’s a double album? There goes a day’s worth of work.

I seriously suggest checking out the second CD; the tracks are acoustic and it really showcases the entire band’s sublime musical efforts.

Best Track, First CD: Best Of You

Best Track, Second CD: Over And Out

One By One (2002)

The best part of One By One was the bonus DVD that came with it that included “Making Of” videos, computer goodies and other fun shit.

Best Track: All My Life

There Is Nothing Left To Lose (1999)

Just because this is last on the list in no way makes this the worst Foo Fighters album. There IS no worst Foo Fighters album. I couldn’t choose which record belonged at the bottom of the list, so I grudgingly picked this one.

Best Track: Next Year

MOST EPIC FOO FIGHTERS TRACKS: (in chronological order; feel free to include your own)

This Is A Call- Foo Fighters

I’ll Stick Around- Foo Fighters

Big Me- Foo Fighters- The video is hysterical. See below.

Monkey Wrench- The Colour and the Shape

Hey, Johnny Park!- The Colour and the Shape

My Hero- The Colour and the Shape- Supposedly written for Kurt Cobain, not even an inclusion inVarsity Blues could diminish its value (not like I own that movie. Or anything).

Everlong- The Colour and the Shape

Walking After You- The Colour and the Shape- Also used on the soundtrack to the first X-Files movie, it straddles the line between stalkerish and beautiful.

Learn To Fly- There Is Nothing Left To Lose

Next Year- There Is Nothing Left To Lose- Some interesting trivia- this song was used in the “Wipeout!” episode of the WB show Roswell. The Foo’s record label, started by Dave, is called Roswell. Coincidence?

Yeah, probably.

All My Life- One By One

Best Of You- In Your Honor

Marigold- Skin and Bones- For a while the only way to experience this song was to catch one of the band’s live performances. It began as a Nirvana B-side and was later released on the Foo’s live album, Skin and Bones. It’s the only tune to this day that has the distinction of being released by both Nirvana and Foo Fighters.

Skin and Bones- Skin and Bones

Everlong (Acoustic)- Skin and Bones- Almost as epic as the original. You should see them perform this live.

The Pretender- Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

Let It Die- Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

Long Road To Ruin- Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

White Limo- Wasting Light

Arlandria- Wasting Light

BEST FOO FIGHTERS VIDEOS:

Big Me- Easily the funniest of all their videos, the concept is a play on the Mentos commercials. Seriously, just download this and wait to laugh.

Learn To Fly- Finally, something Dave Grohl is not good at- dressing in drag.

Best Of You- Baby animals are adorable- except when they’re eating each other. Oh, well. Enjoy anyway.

Also for your consideration:

Everlong

Breakout

Finally, as if this weren’t enough for you, I’ve included a list of the most tri-winning of all of Dave Grohl’s contributions to the music industry, not including Foo Fighters. By reviewing this list, it’s pretty obvious why he (and Thom Yorke, of course- can’t leave him out) is clearly one of the most incomparable powerhouses in entertainment.

Nirvana- I don’t think I need to explain this one to anyone over the age of sixteen, so I’ll just move on.

Queens of the Stone Age- Grohl was a featured guest drummer throughout the band’s stellar 2002 record Songs For The Deaf. He also joined them for a few tour dates, which I sadly missed because I HATE YOU LIFE. This is part of the reason why I am such a huge QOTSA fan- the album was one of my Best Of for the 2000’s.

Juliette Lewis- He recorded all the drums for Lewis’ band, Juliette and the Licks’, 2006 album Four on the Floor. Not many people know this, but if I were ever to give up the penis, it would be for Juliette Lewis. I love her. Not only is she an extremely versatile actress, but she is so fucking weird. I recently saw her put in a surprise appearance for some random band in some show in LA and she was just nuts. I might buy this album just for that combination alone.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- Grohl performed with them on Saturday Night Live and was later invited to join, but declined. I don’t know which is cooler- jamming with Tom Petty or actually turning him down.

David Bowie- Not only did Grohl contribute his guitar skills to a David Bowie track, but it was for a Neil Young cover (“I’ve Been Waiting For You”).

Paul McCartney- Grohl has jammed with McCartney several times, but the most notable was when he was chosen as McCartney’s “special guest” to perform the drum part on “Back in the U.S.S.R.” and “I Saw Her Standing There.” When Paul McCartney wants you as his “special guest” to play Beatles songs, you fucking do it. It’s like, are you kidding me? If he wants you as his “special guest” to grease him up to shoot himself out of a cannon lit by retarded monkeys, you fucking do it.

This was probably the better option, though.

Nine Inch Nails- Grohl was the drummer for a multitude of tracks on 2005’s With Teeth.

The Prodigy- Grohl played drums on a couple of songs on The Prodigy’s 2009 album Invaders Must Die.

Brian May/Roger Taylor- Grohl performed vocals on “Tie Your Mother Down” during Queen’s induction at the 2001 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Later, Brian May contributed guitar parts for the Foo Fighters track “Tired Of You.”

Them Crooked Vultures- Dave performs in the supergroup Them Crooked Vultures with John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin and Josh Homme of QOTSA. In August of 2009, they surprised UK fans of the Arctic Monkeys by appearing as their support. How the fuck did I miss that? Oh right, because I’m broke and can’t afford to go to the UK. Their album was released in the US in November of 2009. It’s amazing. You should buy it.

Pearl Jam- Grohl performed a few songs with them during the Australian leg of their 1995 tour.

Probot- Dave’s foray into metal featured such mainstreams of the genre such as Lemmy from Motorhead and Max Cavalera from Sepultura.

And, as a bonus- In 2002 Dave replaced himself on the Billboard Modern Rock chart when Nirvana’s “You Know You’re Right” was shoved out of the top spot by “All My Life.” This was achieved a second time when QOTSA’s “No One Knows” rolled into Number One. Damn, Dave.

You will notice that Tenacious D appears nowhere on this list. That’s because Jack Black is annoying as hell and they’re not funny.

If you haven’t yet heard anything I’ve mentioned, go directly to iTunes and download everything. The Foos are on tour in support of Wasting Light right now and of course, with my great fortune, not coming anywhere near New York. Whatever. My time will come. I’ve already listened to the album twice today. They’ll come here eventually, and when they do, I am ARMED, yo.