BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

Thanksgiving is over, and holy shit, am I stuffed. I anxiously wait for Turkey Day every year because A) hello, food and B) it’s the only day of the “holiday season” that I can actually share with my yule-logging friends.

My brothers, who are both in corporate retail, had to work through dinner this year. My mom thinks of this as like the Eighth Deadly Sin- somewhere between Gluttony and Sloth- (isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about, though?) and this left she and my grandmother to pick up the cooking slack.

Let me address the prosecution by stating that I am in no way a fuck-up in the kitchen. Last year Thanksgiving was at my place, and I made pretty much everything while my brother lay on the couch and claimed that he couldn’t “reach” anything to help me (BTW, he’s 6’3).

However, no delicacy I’ve ever whipped up can compare to my mom’s culinary handiwork. Not only has she mastered the all the traditional holiday treats, but she also puts her own delicious, creative spin on everything. I lost count of how many times she threw me out of the kitchen and smacked my hands away because of excessive “nibbling.” But how will she know when the food is suitable for the belly if I don’t taste-test it first? (Shout-out to Christina for agreeing with me via the magic of Twitter.) When it comes to holiday cooking I usually let my mom do her own thing, because if I contribute anything it will definitely result in some sort of 911 call.

After I proceeded to stuff myself to the point where I had to change into stretchy pants, it was time to lounge on my grandma’s insanely comfortable sofa and watch the Jets kick the shit out of the Bengals. Once I realized that the people in the apartment across the street could totally see me doing my victory dance like a retard, I decided to scrap that and leave dirty holiday season greetings for all my friends. (“Prepping the Turkey:” innocent Thanksgiving ritual or kinky, sexual fetish? Discuss.)

While I was busy writing NSFW messages on text and Facebook (the ones between Lor and I are especially disturbing), I noticed that Rockstar had left me a wall post demanding that I consummate my annual laziness with a viewing of Thankskilling on Hulu.

This just sells itself, no?

Now, for those of you who have not yet had the honor of being introduced to this epic masterpiece, I feel very, very sorry for you. This cinematic glory was first launched into my life thanks to a hilarious review from McGriddle Pants at Serenity Now!! Insanity Later, without whom my world would be a dark and desolate place with no hope. Nothing I can say will even do this “movie” justice, so just take my advice, because in this case it’s worth more than naked pictures of Jon Hamm, and just download it.

Or just try and find the naked pics of Jon Hamm. Either way, you win.

I was also dumb enough to venture into Manhattan this weekend to window shop during the Black Friday sales. I barely escaped with all my limbs intact, because I’m stupid. And also small.

Anyway, Thanksgiving Weekend 2010 is officially over, but the holiday season is my absolute favorite time to be in New York City, and I’ll be posting about it soon over spiked hot chocolate. In the meantime, here’s a list of what I was thankful for this year:

-Naked pictures of Jon Hamm (I know they’re out there)
-Chocolate and/or milkshakes
-New York City pizza
-New York City in general
-My mom’s cooking
- Justin Bieber is not an American citizen, so there’s a chance he might be deported
- NBC decided not to cancel Chuck (SCORE!)
-The Walking Dead
-At least I have the Jets
-The Beatles are on iTunes!!!
-Bad Religion’s new album
-Nerdgasm
-Spanx
-College football!
-Words that sound dirty no matter what the context (insert, extend, hard…)
-The beautiful awful-ness of the SyFy Channel Original Movies
-You all voted me Featured Blogger on 20sb (<3 <3 <3) (PS- everyone go over there and vote for Mandy Moore for December)
-The Nip Clique
-This blog- cheaper than therapy and just as effective
-My friends (blogoverse, terrestrial, and those of you that have blended into both), family and everyone else that’s helped me through one of the most difficult and shittiest years of my life so far. I’d be a lot more fucked up if it weren’t for each and every one of you. Thank you, really. Nugs loves you.