Monday, November 29, 2010

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

Thanksgiving is over, and holy shit, am I stuffed. I anxiously wait for Turkey Day every year because A) hello, food and B) it’s the only day of the “holiday season” that I can actually share with my yule-logging friends.

My brothers, who are both in corporate retail, had to work through dinner this year. My mom thinks of this as like the Eighth Deadly Sin- somewhere between Gluttony and Sloth- (isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about, though?) and this left she and my grandmother to pick up the cooking slack.

Let me address the prosecution by stating that I am in no way a fuck-up in the kitchen. Last year Thanksgiving was at my place, and I made pretty much everything while my brother lay on the couch and claimed that he couldn’t “reach” anything to help me (BTW, he’s 6’3).


However, no delicacy I’ve ever whipped up can compare to my mom’s culinary handiwork. Not only has she mastered the all the traditional holiday treats, but she also puts her own delicious, creative spin on everything. I lost count of how many times she threw me out of the kitchen and smacked my hands away because of excessive “nibbling.” But how will she know when the food is suitable for the belly if I don’t taste-test it first? (Shout-out to Christina for agreeing with me via the magic of Twitter.) When it comes to holiday cooking I usually let my mom do her own thing, because if I contribute anything it will definitely result in some sort of 911 call.

After I proceeded to stuff myself to the point where I had to change into stretchy pants, it was time to lounge on my grandma’s insanely comfortable sofa and watch the Jets kick the shit out of the Bengals. Once I realized that the people in the apartment across the street could totally see me doing my victory dance like a retard, I decided to scrap that and leave dirty holiday season greetings for all my friends. (“Prepping the Turkey:” innocent Thanksgiving ritual or kinky, sexual fetish? Discuss.)

While I was busy writing NSFW messages on text and Facebook (the ones between Lor and I are especially disturbing), I noticed that Rockstar had left me a wall post demanding that I consummate my annual laziness with a viewing of Thankskilling on Hulu.

This just sells itself, no?
Now, for those of you who have not yet had the honor of being introduced to this epic masterpiece, I feel very, very sorry for you. This cinematic glory was first launched into my life thanks to a hilarious review from McGriddle Pants at Serenity Now!! Insanity Later, without whom my world would be a dark and desolate place with no hope. Nothing I can say will even do this “movie” justice, so just take my advice, because in this case it’s worth more than naked pictures of Jon Hamm, and just download it.

Or just try and find the naked pics of Jon Hamm. Either way, you win.
I was also dumb enough to venture into Manhattan this weekend to window shop during the Black Friday sales. I barely escaped with all my limbs intact, because I’m stupid. And also small.

Anyway, Thanksgiving Weekend 2010 is officially over, but the holiday season is my absolute favorite time to be in New York City, and I’ll be posting about it soon over spiked hot chocolate. In the meantime, here’s a list of what I was thankful for this year:

-Naked pictures of Jon Hamm (I know they’re out there)
-Chocolate and/or milkshakes
-New York City pizza
-New York City in general
-My mom’s cooking
- Justin Bieber is not an American citizen, so there’s a chance he might be deported
- NBC decided not to cancel Chuck (SCORE!)
-The Walking Dead
-At least I have the Jets
-The Beatles are on iTunes!!!
-Bad Religion’s new album
-Nerdgasm
-Spanx
-College football!
-Words that sound dirty no matter what the context (insert, extend, hard…)
-The beautiful awful-ness of the SyFy Channel Original Movies
-You all voted me Featured Blogger on 20sb (<3 <3 <3) (PS- everyone go over there and vote for Mandy Moore for December)
-The Nip Clique
-This blog- cheaper than therapy and just as effective
-My friends (blogoverse, terrestrial, and those of you that have blended into both), family and everyone else that’s helped me through one of the most difficult and shittiest years of my life so far. I’d be a lot more fucked up if it weren’t for each and every one of you. Thank you, really. Nugs loves you.

10 comments:

Penny Lane said...

I want to see Beiber get deported, I really do.

And Thanksgiving is great for the Jews, I get to actually understand what's going on and take part.

theTsaritsa said...

Thankskilling, Blood Feast, Microwave Massacre, these are all good holiday films to watch with the family :)

I can't believe you went to Manhattan on Friday! Those deal-sniffer hounds be cray-cray!

Roxanne and Lorraine said...

AND WE LOVE NUGS.

I liked my shoutout because those FB messages? Rawr. So hard.

This is the second mention of Thankskilling I've seen and I wonder if it's too late for me? Can I still see it? IS THERE HOPE?

Glad you had a good holiday. Now I want chocolate and New York City pizza.

CkretsGalore said...

This year is almost over. The next is going to be better!

MrsCaptKerk said...

After this post, I may or may not have gone googling for naked Jon Hamm photos.

...Uh oh! Boner alert!

Christina In Wonderland said...

"But how will she know when the food is suitable for the belly if I don’t taste-test it first?"--- Truer words have never been spoken. That's the joy of Thanksgiving.

WAIT???? Justin Bieber isn't a US citizen? Could he really get deported? Are you fucking with me? Because that would make my millennium!

The Walking Dead? Hells yes. That goes on my list of awesome things from 2010... whenever I decide to post them. Lol.

Avengers? Joss Whedon? My Lord, My God! *cry*

Okay, and, seriously, this is already long enough, so I'm ending the agreement here. Sheesh... I'm so wordy.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Good list!

And uh there arent naked pics of Jon Hamm out there, I have searched and searched and searched and... uh, I mean I heard there arent any.

And as for Beiber, on behalf of all Canadians, we don't want him back, consider him yours!!!

That Ain't Kosher said...

@Penny Lane- I know, that's why I love Thanksgiving. I have like two Jewish friends and this is one of the only times we don't feel left out.

@Tsa- Microwave Massacre? Are you serious? I must see that movie. I'm going to find it and report back to you immediately.

@Lor- ZOMIGOD, see this movie. Then we will blog it. SOHARD.

PS- those FB messages made me a little happy in the pants. <3

@Ckrets- I hope so! PS- how do you feel about a Keystone Light wedding cake?

@The Mrs- I know, I kind of did it too. In the library. I'm banned from there now.

@Christina- And this is why I love your comments. And you <3

@Brahm- Why must you toy with me? I'm not giving up. You have hurt my feelings, and shall receive no pie.

You will however, receive Justin Bieber.

Sara said...

I think that me, you, and Lor need to have a pajama sleepover party where we can watch that Thankskilling movie because THIS HAS TO HAPPEN.

I miss you, Nugget.

That Ain't Kosher said...

We ALL miss you!!!! This NOLA trip is totally happening. Vlog.

<3