IS THIS THING ON?

I can't stand Michael Bay because he's responsible for shitting on most of my childhood, especially now with his reported upcoming Ninja Turtles fuck up, but I'll always be a little bit grateful to him for shoving Megan Fox further into the "who?" category. After she wouldn't shut up about how much she hated Bay and referring to him as "Hitler," Fox had her Transformers contract yanked and was replaced by a Victoria's Secret model that had never acted a day in her life, thus confirming everybody's suspicions that Megan Fox's only discernable talent is, in fact, "jiggling."

Sorry, Megan. Too bad you never learned that your video-game character looks will only get you so far, so you should probably try not to sound like a retard just to grant yourself some relevancy.

Any time Megan Fox gives an interview, she always says bonehead things about how she doesn't get why guys are into her, or why she's famous, then caps it off with some pre-masturbatory tell-all about her sex life. By the way, in every photo shoot she does, she's always in her underwear. "But I'm so confused as to why guys think I'm hot!" Sure you are.

Honestly, this is probably your best bet from now on.

The worst offense is when celebrities piss and moan about being celebrities. "Movie stars" have been getting bombarded by cameras since my grandparents were kids, so when anybody now decides that they want to go into acting, or cut an album, or whatever, they more than likely know what to expect (if they don't, they're idiots). I HATE when famous people make ridiculous complaints about paparazzi like it's something new. Yeah, it's probably really annoying to have to put on an evening gown to go to the supermarket, but it's not like they didn't sign up for this.

The biggest idiot of them all appears to be Kristen Stewart, that moron from the Twilight movies. She really does seem like an ungrateful bitch. She's been in the business since she was really young (her first movie was when she was like, ten years old) and in my opinion is a terrible actress, but whatever. She signs a contract to appear in a series of films based on what is one of the most successful young adult book series of all time, agrees to do multiple movies that billions of little Twi-Tards will no doubt cream themselves over, hands herself over to a marketing team that will in all likelihood produce countless widgets featuring her mannish face, and then bitches about having her privacy invaded. Something about this feels off.


After these movies, no one will care.

Kristen Stewart's latest stroke of brilliance comes from her interview with British Elle. In the article, there's a quote from this obvious scholar where she compares being followed by the paparazzi to being raped. Here's the quote:

“It’s so… The photos are so.. I feel like I’m looking at someone being raped.” The rumored lover of Robert Pattinson added, “A lot of the time I can’t handle it. It’s f**ked. I never expected that this would be my life.”

“What you don’t see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction.”

I totally agree with that. Having my picture taken every day is definitely akin to being sexually abused, humiliated and violated. Let's ask the hundreds of millions of rape victims who've lived through the ordeal if they feel the same way you do and if they wouldn't have traded places with you for five seconds while it was happening to them.

Fucking idiot.

Poor you. Go cry about it.

Apparently these people don't contemplate the effect their words will have on the general public before they speak. This girl is a fucking retard and shouldn't be allowed to open her mouth unless someone has written down exactly what she's supposed to say. For Kristen Stewart to compare her life to that of a victim of a violent crime's is disgusting.

For the record, her movies all suck, too.