All Apologies

I got really bored at work today, because it's a day that ends in "Y" and therefore I have nothing to do but sit around, look up asinine shit and harass Coyote Tits on Facebook. I was perusing the celebrity gossip sites, pretending it's "for research" (hey, I work for a film company!), when I found this on Dlisted.com. It's a screen capture of some idiot tweenybopper's (let's hope) Twitter feed, and frighteningly, I actually think whoever wrote it is 100% serious:

Welcome to our future, ladies and... well, clearly not ladies. And also, no gentlemen, either. So... toddlers? Chihuahuas? Fans of the Alabama Crimson Tide? (Fuck those guys! Go Gators!) Miley Cyrus?

Sounds about right.

Upon closer inspection of this mystical revelation posted by "Amanda Bieber" (I'm guessing not written on her birth certificate), I realized that her tweet did not, in fact, make me mentally implode as much as I expected it to. Now, before you're all like, "What the fuck?"; just hear me out, and draw your own conclusions:

1)  Read it over again: this girl's logic may be exponentially flawed, but her grammar and spelling are impeccable. So at least, you know, there's that. Yay, education?

B) This incredibly discomforting Twitter post just proves that Kurt Cobain, who I grew up rocking out to even after his death, really did predict the future with his words. Observe some lyrics from Nirvana's massive classic hit "Smells Like Teen Spirit":

Load up on guns, bring your friends 
It's fun to lose and to pretend 
She's overboard and self-assured 
Oh, no, I know a dirty word 


With the lights out, it's less dangerous 
Here we are now, entertain us 
I feel stupid and contagious 
Here we are now, entertain us 


Almost twenty years later, we have "Amanda Bieber." I think I'm done here.


PS- shit, I'm old.


SHARKTOPUS) We can all rest assured that one day, this delusional moron will eventually die. Also, so will Justin Bieber. 


You can all check out Dlisted's original post here.