I'll Probably Die Alone. NBD.

My attention span blows today, so while I was supposed to be creating documents for work, I decided to screw around on the Internetz. There's this one website I always go to, Pajiba.com, because it's an excellent source of pop culture headlines, shirtless Ryan Gosling pics and general snarkiness.

 Actually, I should probably watch my surfing in case I get fired. Oh haaaai Employee of the Month.

Anyway, I'm constantly on Pajiba because they post a whole bunch of shit that's either current (movie/TV news), thought-provoking (promising actors that have since lost their relevancy) or include more sarcasm and witty commentary than an early episode of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.



But sometimes, there's paranoia-inducing, mind-blowing shit like the crap you see here.

The worst offender is Dustin, who's always writing about shit I definitely should not be subjecting my inner child to on a daily basis. I should have learned my lesson back in November when I clicked on a link for a commercial that he had dubbed awkward enough to cause arousal, yet also fear. I was so consumed with similar conflicting emotions that I decided to write a post on this anomaly and share it with the world. Um, you're welcome?

Last night, he posted this, which I made the mistake of clicking on right before bed:

http://www.pajiba.com/seriously_random_lists/its-midnight-on-the-east-coast-here-are-10-serene-cinematic-images-to-help-you-sleep-peacefully-tonight-.php

Do not be misled by the angelic title. This will fuck you up.

You'd think that would be enough to convince me to stay away, but I am an idiot. Dustin's newest article was seemingly a progress report on the post-Harry Potter career of actor Daniel Radcliffe, so I figured there was nothing that could possibly cause me to lose any sleep or to send me to any kind of soundproof, padded room. Well, guess again. Instead it contained a trailer for his new movie:




A few weeks ago I made a promise to a few of my friends that I would finally check out the Harry Potter franchise, seeing as how I had never read any of the books or seen any of the films.

Yeah, no. That's not happening.

Dolls are terrifying. Look at their faces. They're waiting for me to die so they can steal my soul and that's how people go to Hell. Unless of course the clapping monkeys kill you first. That's how they roll, yo. None of this "inanimate object" BS. Don't be fooled.

I can't be the only one who is probably going to be really fucked up by this trailer. Who writes shit like this? Who walks around thinking this is OK? What the- no. Just no.

I hate you so much.