Monday, February 01, 2010


I don't have a lot going on in my life right now, so there's not much I look forward to. However, considering I would push any one of my friends in front of a speeding car in order to get home in time for a new episode of Lost, I feel that I should do something to celebrate tomorrow night's final season premiere. (8pm on ABC! For three whole hours! And no, this is not a shameless plug- I don't work for them.)

There's this hilarious blog that I stumbled across called "Living With Balls" that's written by a guy who also loves Lost. One of his latest entries is a pros-and-cons list of what it would be like to nail any of the women on the island. It's pretty funny, but for any of you that watch the show, you probably know that there's some pretty hot pieces of ass for us girls, too.

So here's my retaliation- I call it the "Would You Hit It: The 'Men of Lost' Edition." Enjoy, ladies. (PS- you can check out his list here.)

Criteria: Really old guys and kids were left off the list. So no Walt, Aaron (he's a baby, you sick fucks!), Des and Penny's kid Charlie, Christian Shepard, Bernard or Widmore, no matter how much money he has. This doesn't apply to Locke, though, because he's such an integral part of the show. Also, the guy that plays Jacob is kind of decent looking, but we haven't determined if he's actually human, or myth, or whatever, so he (and MIB) are left off the list too. Happy choosing.


PROS- Jack is pretty sexy, no matter which way you look at it. His dad is pretty decent looking for an older guy, too, which means he's got good genes.

-He's a doctor, so he'll be able to fix you if you hurt yourselves trying out some weird position.

CONS- He's kind of a self-righteous dick. He's also addicted to pills and he drinks a lot.

-Has a tendency to grow unflattering beards

-Has serious daddy issues

-Is still in love with Kate, whose sole purpose on the island seems to be to run around and fuck things up while distracting everyone with her horse-like teeth

-Wears WAY too much clothing. You're on a deserted island, dude! Let's see some skin!


PROS- Again, you can't argue the fact that he's pretty hot, and he likes to walk around shirtless (score!).

-Open to doing it anywhere, such as a polar bear cage on a tropical island in front of a secret security camera

-Is smarter than he appears. He's always reading and making references to literary classics.

-Wicked sense of humor

CONS- Makes goo eyes at Kate while still plugging Juliet, who is clearly the better choice

-That pesky criminal record (but PRO- access to handcuffs)

-Has an illegitimate daughter. Baggage!


PROS- Is handy with knives, so he's good in a fight

-Great backgammon skills

-Wheelchair fights!

CONS- He's old. No way around that. He's also a little bit nuts.

-Only one kidney, so he's useless if you need one of those.

-There's a strong possibility that he could already be dead.


PROS- He seems like a genuinely nice guy, and there SO many of those to go around.

-He's a lottery winner. So unless he's totally against getting on a plane ever again, imagine the travel possibilities!

CONS- No nice way to put it- not the best looking guy on the list. Sorry, Hurley.

-This whole "I see dead people" deal is creepy as fuck.

-Lives in a mental hospital


PROS- Has already been married, so there's no commitment phobia

-Um, have you seen his arms?

-Multi-lingual- so good for getting through security or the Kama Sutra

CONS- Been known to torture people to get information. Good luck with hiding that Visa bill.

-Horrible taste in women- fell in love with Shannon. Then again, this probably means that it's anyone's game.

-Has no problem shooting little kids


PROS- Capable of raising a daughter- kind of

-Good at following orders

CONS- Creepy as all hell. Also lies a lot.

-Kidnaps people and does weird shit to them

-Killed a bunch of people


PROS- He might show it in a weird way, but he's totally in love with his wife. So he's definitely capable of committed relationships.

-Handy at catching food

-Damn, this dude just won't die.

CONS- Barely speaks English

-Precarious occupation

-Has been known to fake his own death


PROS- Played in a band. Most women would agree that's pretty hot.

-Sexy British accent

-Sacrificed himself for the island and for Claire (I may have gotten teary-eyed)

CONS- Heroin addict

-Presumed dead. May put a damper on dates.


PROS- Totally hot. Just look at him.

-He was getting pretty handy with the boar hunting, so he could find you food if you needed it.

CONS- Fucked his stepsister. That's just gross.

-He's dead. Unless you're into necrophilia, I'd stay away.


PROS- Ability to time travel. That's pretty kick-ass.

-Was a college professor and developed several formulas. So you know he's really smart.

CONS- Serious mom issues

- Those headaches and nosebleeds are a real bitch

-You might be better suited for someone who's alive


PROS- Hilarious, sarcastic sense of humor

CONS- Creepy ability to talk to dead people

-Another castaway with daddy issues


PROS- Time-traveling abilities are pretty awesome

-Kind of hot, in a scruffy, UK-way

-Not afraid to walk around half naked

-Lived in the hatch without going completely nuts, so he's got staying power

CONS- Deals with stress by drinking until passed out or becoming a monk- or both

-Tends to propose to women and then gets cold feet

-OK, maybe he's a little nuts


PROS- Seemingly ageless, so you don't have to worry about his looks going anytime soon

-Knows a bunch of different languages- is up on his Latin and seems to be familiar with ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs

-Not much is known about him, and we women love mystery. Am I right, ladies?

CONS- Might steal your eyeliner

-Will most likely be prettier than you for decades


PROS- Begged his girlfriend to marry him and to let him see his son, so no commitment issues there

-Good at building rafts, so you can travel anywhere for free

CONS- Needs serious time on the couch

-Was probably blown up on the boat


PROS- Always happy, loyal and adorable.

CONS- He's a dog, you disgusting perverts. I just put him on this list to trick you.

If I were stranded on the island and I had to pick one, I would go with Jack, because I'm shallow, and look at him. As long as he didn't go on and on with this "live together, die alone" crap, we'd be all set. Boone would be my second choice, but I can't get past this whole "I banged my stepsister" deal, especially when said stepsister is Shannon. I mean, really? SHANNON? REALLY!?

To get the men's version, check out the link at the beginning, and everyone watch the season premiere tomorrow night. It's the last season, so you know your head will explode.

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