Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Oh, Canada! (Nugs Vs. Allison Edition: STANLEY CUP)



This is it, guys: the final round of the Stanley Cup Championships, for some reason not called the Finals (that was the last round). At any rate, Allison and I have been recapping the NHL Postseason for you, pretending you care, and also for our own validation. We awarded ourselves one point each for whomever called the Quarter and Semifinals, two for the Finals and three for whichever one of us correctly predicted the Stanley Cup.

Whichever one of us loses has to post their most loathed teams' logo on their blog for an entire month. As a lifelong Rangers fan and New Yorker, I hate everything about the Philadelphia Flyers and want them all to fall into a fiery pit of murder and despair. 



As one my favorite resident Canucks and die-hard Montreal Canadiens supporters, Allison's worst nightmare is a world where the Bruins reign triumphant (sorry about last year, Allison). 



Let's recap the Final round of the 2012 NHL Postseason, shall we, and see who's crying into their beer?

Oh, fuck. I guess that would be me.

NUGS vs. ALLISON, ROUND 3:

WESTERN CONFERENCE

LOS ANGELES KINGS over PHOENIX COYOTES

LA managed to pull off another amazing run, losing only one game to Phoenix and sending the Coyotes home. This means that there will be Stanley Cup games played in my current residence, and I will absolutely try to sell myself for tickets. FYI, my fingers are tiny but double-jointed, and I can curl my tongue into odd shapes. Just sayin.

POINT: BOTH

EASTERN CONFERENCE

NEW JERSEY DEVILS over NEW YORK RANGERS

I can't even discuss this without getting violently ill. Not only did the Rangers get eliminated, but we lost to fucking New Jersey. I cried, and cursed, and may have thrown my drink at a sailor at the bar (it was Fleet Week). I don't know. I was watching this in New York, and my brother wore his Devils jersey in the bar and got booed. That was pretty magical. Other than that, the Rangers just fucking lost it. They got outplayed, dropping their offense and forgetting to score. In Game 5 the Devils scored three times in the first half of the first period, and twice in the first five minutes! Come on, boys! Get your heads out of your asses! Lundqvist had no backup and the Rangers looked like a peewee hockey team. You know what? On second thought, we don't deserve to win. Fuck this shit. 

My only consolation is that the Rangers are a fairly young team, with little to no playoff experience, and next year better be ready to repeat and go all the way. 

See how mad I am? I couldn't even laugh when I just said "all the way."

POINT: ALLISON


FINALS ROUND POINTS TALLY: 
NUGS 9, ALLISON 7

Not even the fact that Allison has pretty much lost is enough to console me. Stupid Devils.

NUGS vs. ALLISON, STANLEY CUP:

NUGS: KINGS over DEVILS



I don't think that anyone is going to have a heart attack when I go with LA on this one. Why?

For one, Los Angeles is technically my hometown now, and even though I'm definitely going to have to deal with obnoxious bandwagonners who weren't even aware that a Los Angeles hockey team even existed, (see: Clippers fans) it IS pretty awesome that the Kings are contenders for the coolest trophy in the history of sports (GQ agrees with me).

Second: LA seems to be the team that surprised everybody this postseason. One of my friends, born in Vancouver, is an ardent Canucks fan, and during the Finals he sent me a text about how his guys had left him humiliated. I wouldn't be so embarrassed; I could have sworn that the Kings had just destroyed the Canucks AND The Blues and were well on their way towards the Cup. It turns out I was right. No one predicted the Canucks' loss; they put in a valiant effort. He just better not root for New Jersey or we'll have a real beef (see below and my entire postseason recap).



LA made pretty quick waste of Vancouver, St. Louis and Phoenix, losing two games in the entire postseason and becoming the first eighth seed team in NHL history to eliminate both the Number One and Number Two seeds and move on to the final round. However, these will be the games that prove just how formidable the Kings really are. They have yet to face an Eastern Conference team and play hockey their way, and the Devils more than match up against their skill and drive. This particular LA team has never won a Cup, and the last time the Kings even made it to the playoffs was in 1993. The Devils have some solid veterans on the ice, backed arguably by the greatest goalie of all time, Martin Brodeur. Jonathan Quick is incredible, but he doesn't have 21 years of experience in the net. 


Considering they had one of their worst seasons in recent memory last year, New Jersey probably REALLY wants a win. It's going to be pretty tough for the Kings to skate by (see what I did there?) with just one loss. They have shown to be fairly aggressive on the ice, however, much like a lot of Eastern Conference teams, and although you can argue that while the Devils have some years on LA, have you really taken a good look at those dudes? The Kings are fucking massive. 

At this point it's anyone's prize. While I (and apparently most sports analysts) do believe that the Kings are going to win their first Stanley Cup this year, it won't be easy. I'm guessing at least 6 games.

Third- FUCK THAT SHIT. No way in Hell am I predicting a Stanley Cup for the Devils, especially when they just knocked out my boys. LA needs to take this. My dignity depends on it.


ALLISON: KINGS over DEVILS

Ding Dong the Rangers are Gone.

I will admit that I first bet against the Rangers because A) They played the Senators in the first round and B) Nugs was diehard for them, so I had to be THAT guy and bet against her just for shits and giggles. But as the rounds went on I noticed that the Rangers were the only "winners" that barely squeaked by each round - and ultimately lost. They didn't dominate at all and I'd argue the Sens or the Caps could have easily beat them had things gone just slightly different. There were no blow outs. I'll allow Nugs to lick her wounds and such, but the fact is the Stanley Cup final will be The New Jersey Devils VS The Los Angeles Kings - two teams I'm sure very few people counted on being in this position.

Who will I choose? Do I even care? Well, I have to pick a team - regardless of my previous loyalties.

I'm going to go with LA.

Why? Well, two reasons. I'm enjoying their cinderella story. They're a team with fighting spirt who have knocked out many of the best teams in the West. Vancouver, St. Louis, and Phoenix - all with ease. My second reason is a more patriotic one, the Kings are full of Canadians. Way more Canadians than New Jersey. And let's face it, The Great One, Wayne Gretzky, once called himself a King and we all still love him.

I know I pretty much have no chance at winning this bet overall, but I might as well take a chance and pick what most would call an underdog team, but I don't really think you can think of them that way now. Their 8th place status really has no effect on what's happened this play-off season.

Well, we both picked the Kings, so technically we both won, but I'll have more points, so yay for patriotism? Whatever. The Rangers are out, so Los Angeles better slam their shit against the glass. I hope the Devils get swept, and shut out every single game. Not only that, but I hope the heat from my tears melts the ice when the Devils come out, and it traps them underneath and they all drown.

11 comments:

Allison said...

Yeah, I suck - my mistakes happened in the first two rounds. I shouldn't have picked teams based on the hotness of players!

Well, in this final round we win together or lose together. Let's hope we both win. I'll put up the stupid Boston logo and hope no one notices...grrr.

The Weekly Argus said...

As a lifelong Pittsburgh Penguins fan, I completely understand your hatred for the Flyers. The fact that something so awful and vile would be allowed to exist makes me question if God is actually real.

Nugs said...

@Allison- hey, some of those guys are really hot. Lundqvist is pretty spectacular himself. Sometimes I do have girly moments.

And PS- I TOTALLY noticed. VICTORY IS MINE!!!

@Argus- you're a Pens fan? Friendship over.

No, seriously- of all the teams in the Atlantic Division, they're who I hate the least. The Flyers are pretty vile. At least we can loathe them together.

theweeklyargus said...

I'm ready for that serious talk about the fact that I happen to cheer for the greatest franchise in the NHL (i.e. Pittsburgh).

As far as I'm concerned, being a Rangers fan is somewhere below being Satan and above being a Flyers fan.

Nugs said...

Yeah, the Pens did really well in the playoffs this year- oh wait.

I have a feeling this is going to go on for a really long time.

Nugs said...

Also I have Venn diagrams and spreadsheets prepared, so be ready.

theweeklyargus said...

Yeah, i wish Pittsburgh could have gotten beat in the Eastern Conference Finals, not in the first round. I mean, everybody remembers the loser of the conference finals.

Nugs said...

I cried during the conference finals. It was not pretty. Glasses may have been broken, dignity may (definitely) have been sacrificed.

theweeklyargus said...

I totally understand. I cried during the conference finals too. I mean, really? Phoenix? LA? New Jersey? THE RANGERS?! It's like the hockey gods decided to play some kind of sick joke.

Nugs said...

Had to get that last one, didn't you...

theweeklyargus said...

Yes.