Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison Edition: Round 3)

The NHL Finals began last night for the Western Conference, so in our true slacker tradition, Allison and I are getting our predictions up today. Whoops. Since our scores are so close, we decided to raise the stakes (haha. "Raise") and award ourselves two points for each correct pick for this round and three if we correctly forecast the winner of the Stanley Cup (*coughRANGERScough*). The loser at the end of the postseason has to post their most hated team's logo on their blog for a whole month. Allison stinkbombs the Bruins every night in her dreams, and I want all the Flyers to get run over by a zamboni (see what I did there?), so I really hope I don't fuck this up.


For Allison's predictions, check out this creative and ingenious link over here.


At the end of the Quarterfinals, I was in the lead, 5 points to 3. Let's do a quick recap of the Semifinals, live or stuffed. Preferably stuffed, for safety's sake.

NUGS vs. ALLISON, ROUND 2:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

NEW YORK RANGERS over WASHINGTON CAPITALS

Just because Allison likes to do things to spite me, she went with the Caps, who, to be fair, forced a nail-biting seven games out of my Blueshirts. Game 5 in particular was fucking amazing, when the Rangers tied with six seconds left, then proceeded to school the Caps in sudden death overtime and take the win. I was in a bar with my brother (the good one; the one who roots for the right team) when it happened and we both jumped out of our chairs and screeched like baby vultures. It wasn't humiliating at all, because I have no shame.

This was such a seminal moment because the Rangers secured their place in the Finals, but this was also a massive fail for Dale Hunter, who everybody wants to smash with a tire iron. Not only is he best known as Dale "Cheap Shot" Hunter, but right after the Caps got eliminated, he swiftly abandoned his post, as his resignation as coach was announced this morning. Way to stand by your men, asshole.


FYI, Caps fans, this is the first thing that comes up when I Google your (former) coach. Enjoy.

POINT: ME

NEW JERSEY DEVILS over STUPID PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

This was a very difficult series for me to watch, as the only investment I have in either team is my hatred for both. The Devils, the Flyers and the Rangers all play in the Atlantic Division, are all awesome, and all have a history of at least making it into the Playoffs. However, if the Flyers played against Al Qaeda I still wouldn't root for them, so I nominated the Devils to win just by default. I was thrilled when Philly got knocked out. It was like eating ice cream laced with tequila. Wait, do they have that???

Now, with the elimination of the Flyers, New York and New Jersey have to play each other, and as much as I can't stand them, the Devils are a very real threat. My analysis of this series is below. Pray. For. Mojo.

POINT: BOTH

WESTERN CONFERENCE

LOS ANGELES KINGS over ST. LOUIS BLUES

What the hell happened here? Not only did the Kings go all the way with this, but a total sweep? Can you blame either of us?

POINT: NEITHER

PHOENIX COYOTES over NASHVILLE PREDATORS

This series, while I'm not particularly invested in either team, was immensely entertaining, and also my toughest call. I finally went with Phoenix just over Nashville because honestly, I was backed into a corner and needed to make a prediction. Honestly, either team could have taken this- Smith and Rinne are excellent and evenly matched in the net, and Dave Tippett and Barry Trotz are both widely respected for their impeccable coaching skills. What this series came down to was basically offense vs. defense, and in the end, Phoenix won out by thismuch.  

POINT: BOTH

QUARTERFINALS POINTS TALLY: 

NUGS 8, ALLISON 5

 Shame on you, Allison. You're the one that's Canadian.

NUGS vs. ALLISON, ROUND 2:

For those of you that didn't get it, my picks are in red; Allison's are in blue.

EASTERN CONFERENCE


NEW YORK RANGERS vs. NEW JERSEY DEVILS

NUGS: RANGERS over DEVILS

It's safe to say that I'm pretty stoked that the Flyers have been knocked out of the Playoffs- I think by now we're all familiar with my intense Philly death wish, so I won't get into it again.

OK, maybe one more:

Anyway.

Although I'm psyched that the Stupid Flyers are no longer eligible for the Cup (HAHAHAHAHAHA!), considering it won me another point AND humiliated both the team and the bandwagon "fans" in the city of Philadelphia, I'm now faced with the foreboding knowledge that we now have to play the Devils in the Conference Finals. Not only are we bitter rivals in the Atlantic Division, going back decades, but New Jersey is the one team in the East that I can honestly see sending the Rangers home. Regardless of the fact that the Devils are the sixth seed in the East, I have to admit that they are an absolute match for us and make me very, very nervous. 

While we're fortunate enough to boast Lundqvist in the net, whose goaltending skills this postseason have been monumental, no one can argue with Brodeur, who has spent his entire 21-year career with the Devils and is arguably the greatest goalie in the history of the NHL. Forward Brad Richards has been a powerhouse for the Rangers and multiple other players, including defenseman Michael Del Zotto, have given the Devils reason to step up their game. New Jersey, however, has had fifteen different goal scorers in this postseason so far. Captain Zach Parise, who reaches free agent status in June, is more than likely looking to end this season with a win. 

The animosity between the Rangers and Devils has been brewing not only in the NHL, but between my brother and I, and also between myself and Coyote Tits, for years. While I'm leaning toward the side of my beloved Rangers, evidently the two of them are clearly focused across the river in New Jersey. My brothers and I are planning to watch this series together and try not to get too personal in the heated barbs we're no doubt going to sling at each other. Meanwhile, lest you are all wondering whose side to take in this very important matter, I have provided you all with a stirring and compelling argument detailing exactly which choice is clearly correct:

EXHIBIT 1: A picture of our goalie:

And by "our goalie," I mean "my future second husband."

A picture of their goalie:

The prosecution rests.

EXHIBIT B: Come on. It's NEW JERSEY. The only thing to look forward to about New Jersey is leaving it.

EXHIBIT UNICORN: I have twelve dollars and thirty-four cents in my wallet right now that can easily be divided up. (READ: I am not above bribery). 

EXHIBIT DD: We have a player named Hagelin, which sounds like something my Yiddish grandmother would have called me when she tried to force-feed me homemade soup, and that makes you go "awwww," and remember stuff. All the Devils have stupid names. EXAMPLE: Travis Zajac can easily be mistaken for this dude:

Yeah, no.

This will be a rough couple of weeks, so please choose your alliances wisely. And by wisely, I mean choose me. Because I am adorable.

ALLISON: DEVILS over RANGERS

To keep the rivalry going I'll go New Jersey. Go Marty!


Editor's Note: That's not a very compelling argument, Allison. See above.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

LOS ANGELES KINGS vs. PHOENIX COYOTES

NUGS: KINGS over COYOTES

This was an extremely tough series for me to call. My first instinct was to go with Phoenix- they're such a great team, with amazing chemistry, an outstanding coach and an incredible goalie in Mike Smith. Their Semifinals series with Nashville was like seeing a mirror image, with each team going strong against each other, and although I'm not a huge fan per se of either team, it was still exciting to watch. Phoenix's story should be considered even more of an event due to the fact that they were going to be sold by the NHL, and now they're one of the best teams in the West. 

Unfortunately, I think Phoenix's run is about to end due to their match-up with LA. Personally, I'm shocked that the Kings made it this far- they spent the regular season just barely squeaking into the playoffs, then amazingly knocked out first seed and President's Trophy winner Vancouver in five games AND swept number two seed St. Louis. LA, BTW, are the first eighth seed team to ever pull this off. If you told me at the start of the post-season that the Kings would be in the third round of the game I would have laughed at you, but there you have it. This is going to be a showdown between the two goalies- Quick and Smith- and based on their unbelievable 2012 postseason run, I have to give it to LA.

ALLISON: KINGS over COYOTES

I can't deny it any longer; LA is so hot right now.


Basically, I just predicted my favorite team going up against what I guess is considered my home team for the Stanley Cup.. If that happens that's going to be super badass and I will definitely attend some games. I'll try to live blog it if I can.