No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

For those of you that aren't aware, Adam Yauch, a.k.a MCA of Beastie Boys fame, died this weekend from complications with cancer. He was just 47 years old. Meanwhile, Justin Bieber and Chris Brown are still around to infiltrate the NY Times Best Seller list and win Grammy awards, respectively. Of course I use the word "respect" with the utmost distinction here. Seriously, FUCK CANCER.

Yauch's passing is really the first celebrity death to affect me this intensely. When Kurt Cobain committed suicide, I was listening to Nirvana, but I was very young and didn't quite grasp the impact they had made on the music business. Joe Strummer's death struck a chord with me, but I had just started getting really into The Clash and unfortunately hadn't yet discovered The Mescaleros, so while I had a huge mourning period over Strummer, I can't say that I was as deeply moved by this as I was by MCA. I wasn't a huge Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston fan, either- I was more shocked than saddened by those, since no one seemed to see them coming.

The closest I've come to a great depression over the demise of a music industry powerhouse was when Malcolm McLaren lost his battle with mesothelioma in 2010. Not only was he an artist in his own right, as well as one of the most famous music managers of all time, but he was one of my idols in the marketing world, and it took me a while to get over that one, especially when his death went largely ignored and People Magazine awarded their cover to Justin Bieber that week (again with this clown?).

I first found out that Yauch had died from a text from my brother early Friday morning, and after that, I couldn't go thirty seconds without getting some sort of multimedia update from one of my friends- everyone in my life knows what a colossal Beastie Boys fan I am. They're my favorite artists to come out of New York and one of my top ten bands in general. When George Harrison passed on I remember my dad telling me that he felt as if he had lost a friend, and I knew at that moment what he had meant. I was stunned and devastated.

I've been wearing this shirt all weekend. Yes, I washed it repeatedly.

I learned about Beastie Boys in 1994, when I came across the hilarity that was the "Sabotage" video. Despite the fact that the video itself was obviously a classic, it didn't change the fact that the song itself blew me away- and I've never been a fan of hip-hop or rap. Since this was the mid-90's, way before the internet, iTunes or any of the available resources we have now, I went out and purchased Ill Communication and listened to the whole album all the way through. After I memorized all the lyrics to that CD, I bought every single record they'd released prior to that and wore those out, too. I'm sure my parents were ecstatic.



Beastie Boys are a rare commodity in that even if you don't like rap or hip-hop, there is at least one Beastie Boys song that you know all the words to. All their videos are great and hysterically funny. They started out as a joke- three white Jewish boys from Brooklyn (part of why I love them so much) writing songs about partying and girls (see: "Fight For Your Right" and "Girls") who now fight for freedom for Tibet and equal rights for women and are recent inductees to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

And they're Mets fans!!!

Their original line-up formed when the Boys were 17 years old and never changed, and at this year's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, Mike D and Adrock read a speech on MCA's behalf, since he was too sick to attend. This despairing news was overshadowed by Axl Rose acting like an asshole.

Adam Yauch, besides being 1/3 of one of the best of anything New York City has ever produced (after me, of course), was also fairly accomplished in other forms of media. Under the moniker Nathanial Hornblower, he directed some of Beastie Boys' more iconic videos, including "Body Movin," "So Watcha Want," and "Intergalactic." Under his actual name, Yauch put out "Make Some Noise," a half-hour extended remake of "Fight For Your Right" with Danny McBride, Seth Rogen and Elijah Wood (FRODO!) facing off against "future" Beastie Boys played by Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Jack Black. The video includes some epic cameos and is one of the greatest things I've ever seen.



Just as notable, Yauch was co-founder of Oscilloscope Pictures, a major independent film distribution company that released Yauch's own documentaries Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That! and Gunnin' For That #1 Spot. Oscilloscope were also the driving force behind critically acclaimed films Wendy and Lucy, The Messenger, Exit Through the Gift Shop and 2012 festival and awards-season sweeper We Need To Talk About Kevin.


As well as Yauch's major contributions to both the music and film industries, he was also passionate about his fundraising and non-profit efforts. Beastie Boys were well-known for their accomplishments on behalf of Tibetan freedom and the New York women's disaster relief, and in the wake of September 11th, Yauch's Milarepa Fund, which was formed to promote awareness regarding injustice against Tibet, organized New Yorkers Against Violence. Proceeds from this benefit show went to New York Women's Foundation Disaster Relief Fund and NYANA- New York Association for New Americans- September 11th Fund for New Americans. In 1996, Milarepa produced the Tibetan Freedom Concert, which became the biggest benefit concert in the U.S. since Live Aid in 1985.

Adam Yauch will be sorely missed, both as Adam Yauch and MCA, by his family, his wife, his daughter, the remaining members of Beastie Boys, all facets of the entertainment communities and his legion of fierce and loyal fans. You can read his obit on the official Beastie Boys website here.

You can sleep now, MCA. Brooklyn has been found.

So You Have Chosen... Death

Earlier this week one of my best friends, who will heretofore be referred to as Wonder Woman, finally dumped her loser-ass boyfriend. I never approved of this guy, but in the beginning I thought that it was because I tend to be really harsh as to who I choose as suitable lifemates for my girls. I mean, one does not simply walk into Mordor.

This is what guys have to live up to when they date my friends.

Wonder Woman (the one in my life) is amazingly pretty with an epic rack, super long legs, a sense of humor that rivals only mine and a Masters degree. She can bake you a dessert that will throw her into a cosplay round with Sara Lee while explaining to you what "cosplay" means. She can throw down winning arguments about who would emerge victorious in a battle between Harry Potter and Star Wars villains. She's a devoted mom to two ferociously adorable, yet horribly behaved, mixed breed puppies. Sometimes she roots for the wrong sports teams, but that's OK because we're both ardent Jets fans (Superbowl 2013!).

The fact that this dickhole didn't wake up to her every morning and ask himself what the fuck just happened for him to deserve to see the boobs in front of his face is reason enough alone to take a torch to his balls. I was waiting for her to pull the plug on this one when she realized that he needed her to reach things on the top shelf (technically, they're the same height, but she can actually wear heels in public without having to go on RuPaul's Drag Race) and that the most he has going for him is that he can be easily killed.

For some reason, though, she really liked him, which made her reaction to their breakup all the more heart-wrenching, especially when he was such a cavalier asshat about the entire situation. She forwarded me their conversation, and I literally hope he gets kidnapped by irate, hungry mountain lions. I would throw a raw steak in that cave if I could. Also this video, just to get the party started:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD8OP0-bIFU

Out of respect for my friend I'll leave out what went down, but suffice it to say that this dillhole is an immature baby with so many issues he could be his own magazine. Here was this girl, way out of this turd goblin's league, who was essentially laying it out on the table (not like that though, because EW), and all he had to say was, "I care about you," which apparently scared the shit out of him because he's a five year old with the emotional range of a teaspoon. When Wonder Woman finally said "FUCK NO" and canceled her subscription all of us practically threw her a party. She was pretty distraught and down on herself, so I finally sent her this text:

"Make a list of all the reasons why you're awesome. If you can't right now, I'll do it for you. Also if you keep blaming yourself I will come over there, embarrass you John Cusack in Say Anything style, and beat you to death. Love, Nugs. PS- Sharks."


I think it worked- she's already arguing with me about how much tequila I've been drinking, so that's a plus (according to her, NEVER ENOUGH. How is this girl single?).

Basically what it comes down to is this: it's understandable if you're in a relationship and you part ways because you're not on the same page- you want marriage and kids, they don't; one wants to move, the other wants to stay; they won't watch Game of Thrones with you; one of you is into dressing up sexually like Falcor from Neverending Story.

You know who you are.

However, if you know that this isn't going anywhere, don't be an asshole- have mercy and end it before someone wastes their time and really gets hurt. And by someone, I mean you, because the heels on my shoes are super pointy and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

PS- When I brilliantly came up with that Neverending Story reference, all I did was type the name "Falcor" into Google Images and that picture came up. These people actually exist. I was just kidding. WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK.

Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison Edition: Round 2)

The NHL Semifinals start tonight at 6pm my time; 9pm in Allison's zone, so we realized we had better stop slacking off and get our Round 2 predictions up pretty fast. After the Devils squeaked out a victory over the Panthers last night-
and my brother sent my dad and I this text: "Oh my God YEEEESSSSDdSsDdDDddDgjjj"-
we immediately got to work cranking this shit out. For Allison's version, mosey over here, and be sure to give me extra points for adorable use of the word "mosey."

If you're just tuning in, here's a rundown of our bloodthirsty amicable competition:

Basically, we're predicting which teams we think will win each round of the NHL championships. That's it. Not real creative or difficult to figure out. Sorry. To make this a little more engrossing for the rest of you, Allison and I came up with a way for us to lose even more of our dignity and self-respect: We awarded ourselves one point for each series winner that we called correctly, and at the end of the Stanley Cup Championship, whoever has the least points has to display their most hated team's logo on their blog for an entire month. Allison can't stand the Bruins and I want the Flyers to die in a fire, so I REALLY hope I win. Let's do a recap of the Quarterfinals, just for fun:

NUGS vs. ALLISON, ROUND 1:

EASTERN CONFERENCE

NEW YORK RANGERS over OTTAWA SENATORS

Although I have to hand it to the Sens, who managed to force seven games out of my Rangers, did anyone really expect them to emerge the victors of this series? There were a few moments where the Rangers let their guard down, allowing the Sens to capture three games, but I'm attributing that more to the Rangers' lack of offense. Sorry, Allison, but the Sens never had a shot. Solid effort, though. Word.

POINT: ME

(I asked for a bonus point due to my Rangers still being in it, but Allison said no. I'm greedy that way.)

WASHINGTON CAPITALS over BOSTON BRUINS

I lost this point, but I can't say that I'm too broken up about this. A), the series did go to seven games, so at least I was half right, and B), I'm not exactly the Bruins' biggest fan either. Actually, I don't know anyone who likes them, unless they're from Boston. Plus their fans are racist dicks. I'm with Allison on this one.

POINT: ALLISON

NEW JERSEY DEVILS over FLORIDA PANTHERS

What an incredible Game 7 this was. I hate the Devils and even I was on the edge of my seat. It was easily the most exciting game in the 2012 Quarterfinals. My brother was practically shitting himself. It went into double overtime, so Allison went to sleep, but we were on Facebook together for most of it, and a lot of our conversation consisted of  "!!!!!!"

Sadface though: Jason Garrison of the Cats is seriously hot, and now I don't get to look at him anymore.

Both sides win, then?

POINT: BOTH

STUPID PHILADELPHIA FLYERS over PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

POINT: NEITHER
Dickholes.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

LOS ANGELES KINGS over VANCOUVER CANUCKS

I have no idea what happened here. This was probably pretty embarrassing for Vancouver. Meanwhile, I would like to think that LA is getting better and maybe, maybe, I'll be able to go to more Championship games. Probably not, though.

BTW, the Canucks just lost Luongo- he's already asked to be traded. 

POINT: NEITHER

ST. LOUIS BLUES over SAN JOSE SHARKS

This was pretty much a given- every NHL analyst and their dog called this one. 

POINT: BOTH

PHOENIX COYOTES over CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS

This was the only series in the Western Conference that wasn't a 5-game defeat. Chi-Town put in a valiant effort but in the end, my genius showed itself once again and the Coyotes advanced.

POINT: ME

NASHVILLE PREDATORS over DETROIT RED WINGS

The Preds stomped all over playoff mainstays Detroit and won me another point. 

POINT: ME

QUARTERFINALS POINTS TALLY: 

NUGS 5, ALLISON 3

Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me being awesome.

NUGS vs. ALLISON, ROUND 2:

Just like Round 1, my picks are in red, and Allison's are in blue.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

These series were pretty easy to call for me. Basically it came down to the team I've been rooting for for almost 25 years and the team I would take a torch to without any instigation (or hesitation). Here are my forecasts:

NEW YORK RANGERS vs WASHINGTON CAPITALS

NUGS: RANGERS over CAPS

This is not only due to my Rangers bias, although I admit that's a huge part of it. I want nothing more out of this season than for my Rangers to lord it over everybody and just completely dominate. Also it would be really awesome if I could have something to top my brother; he roots for the Devils AND the Yankees.

(My other brother, however, is a Rangers fan also, so +1 for family solidarity. Up top.)

In all seriousness, though, the Rangers do seem like the favorite to win this series. The Caps have a history of not going very far in the playoffs, regardless of the fact that they forced the Bruins (last year's champs) into seven games. It isn't that long ago that they were being referred to as the Crapitals. Even though the Caps made it all the way through the Quarterfinals, I feel like they played over their heads and aren't a solid match for the Rangers, who were early Cup favorites and are still in talks to go all the way (ye-yeah).

ALLISON: CAPS over RANGERS

Nugs, I'm sorry, but I have to reward the Caps for taking out Boston for me. Plus it will keep our friendly rivalry going for a bit longer. Both teams battled hard in their first rounds. I could flip a coin and pick here.

Editor's Note: This just in from the bleachers: You suck.

NEW JERSEY DEVILS vs STUPID PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

NUGS: DEVILS over STUPID FLYERS

I just can't bring myself to predict the Stupid Flyers to win anything, ever. If the Flyers played the Nazis, I would root for the German soldiers. 

OK, maybe not. But I would want it to be a really close game, and maybe I would want the Nazis to be ahead for most of it. I may even pull for some double OT.

I despise the Stupid Flyers. There aren't enough synonyms in Thesaurus.com for the word "hate" to describe the depths of my loathing for them. Go ahead, look. I'll wait.

Although it would be cool for the Rangers and the Flyers to play each other in the Finals and watch the Rangers completely wreck their shit. 

No! No. Stupid Flyers lose.

ALLISON: DEVILS over FLYERS

I'm going to go New Jersey here. I'd like to see Philly go home.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

This was a little tougher. All of the teams in the Western Conference are equal, or almost as good, as the next, and I also don't follow the West as closely as I do the East. I did the best I could with these, so here's what I think:

ST. LOUIS BLUES vs. LOS ANGELES KINGS

NUGS: BLUES over KINGS

LA pulled a ridiculous upset when they defeated President's Trophy winner Vancouver to advance to the Semifinals. No one, and I mean no one, called this series, considering the Kings flip-flopped their playoff contention all season and just barely made it in (much like my ex- hey-o!). As much as I would love to see some Stanley Cup games in LA, the Blues are unstoppable this season and have the impeccable coaching abilities of Ken Hitchcock behind them. It's a difficult prediction, but I have to give this to St. Louis.

ALLISON: BLUES over KINGS

I'm gonna stand by my man, I mean men. And LA needs to be taken down a few notches. Have fun skating on slush in LA.

PHOENIX COYOTES vs. NASHVILLE PREDATORS
NUGS: COYOTES over PREDS

Out of all the series in the Semifinals that I had to call, this is the one that gave me the most trouble. Both of these teams defeated playoff stalwarts, and were actually favored by most NHL bloggers and analysts to do so. I watched both of these series, and both Phoenix and Nashville seemed to be evenly matched and equally impressive. The Preds even knocked out playoff institution Detroit in only five games. That's badass.

I went back and forth and agonized over this- I mean, I am basing one of my choices on my extreme animosity for the Stupid Flyers, so I more than likely lost a point right there, and I really, REALLY don't want to post that migraine-inducing logo on my blog for a month. I finally decided that while both the Preds and the Coyotes could easily take this series, I have to go back to my Round One prediction and give this to Phoenix. With Dave Tippet's coaching skills and the goaltending talents of Mike Smith, the Coyotes should be able to advance, but not before Nashville gets a full seven games out of them.

ALLISON: COYOTES over PREDS

This is a tough one. For one, I didn't pick either of these teams in round 1 for petty, silly reasons. Guess I should get serious about this, right? I'll go Phoenix. There ya go, done!

This rivalry seems to be heating up pretty nicely. The Semifinals are scheduled to run into mid-May, so check back then to find out who's still bitter and who's collecting more winning points. 

And... DIE (Version 2.0)

Over a week has passed since the illustrious miracle/humiliating shitshow that was the Radiohead concert that I went to in Santa Barbara. A lot of you (a.k.a. three people) are probably all, "where the hell is the blog post detailing this momentous event?" You most likely figured I 


1) had a massive stroke and/or coronary brought on from the ecstasy and/or lunacy I experienced before I even arrived at the venue, which would not have been a totally out of the way guess, BTW;


B) drowned in a sea of my own tears, brought on when they played anything, all night;


or


PIRANHA) got arrested for refusing to leave the Bowl hours after the band left and attempting to find new and interesting ways to track down the band members and explain why I should accompany them on the rest of their tour. Also not a totally out of the way guess, BTW.

Fortunately (?) for you guys (and also for me), I was just really lazy and am just getting around to posting today. I was going to apologize for the extended hold time, but then I remembered that I just took an eight-month break, so haaaai.


Haha. "Hold."


Anyway. My boss' fiancee called me to warn me that the weather forecast for Santa Barbara was pretty shitty- 50 degrees and rainy, and that the venue didn't allow umbrellas. Regardless of the fact that the SB Bowl was run by a bunch of assholes, she could have said that there were flash floods and hailstorms and I still would have traveled on foot, so this did not deter me at all. This just proved to me that, much like everything else on the planet, Thom Yorke clearly controls the weather as well, since SoCal now resembled England. I grabbed a hooded sweatshirt and trash bags and we were out the door.


After 2 1/2 hours in the car, where I spent the entire ride doing that thing that dogs do where they get super excited that they're going to the park, we finally arrived right as Radiohead took the stage. 






We totally missed the opening act because of traffic, which I'm kind of bummed about because they are pretty badass. I mean, they opened for Radiohead so they must have been worth checking out live. If you guys are interested in listening for yourselves, they're called Other Lives and their link is here.


Thom apologized a bunch of times for the rain, which was really nice of him, but no one seemed to care that we were all getting dumped on- Radiohead has such a rabid fan base that I doubt anyone even noticed.


The band played all the tracks from The King of Limbs, opening the set with "Bloom," and almost everything from In Rainbows, which is a fucking masterpiece and one of their best albums. The last song they played before their two (!) encores was "Idioteque," which is when my hands started squee'ing all over the place. I was probably like a 15-year-old boy touching boobs for the first time. Also incorporated into the setlist were iTunes tracks "Identikit," "The Daily Mail" and "Staircase," which are also incredible and all Radiohead fans should download them immediately. The only other songs they played that weren't really recent were "Planet Telex," from The Bends (my favorite of their records), and PARANOIDANDROIDOHMYGODHOLYSHIT, which closed out the night. In case you haven't figured it out yet, that was when I totally fangirl'd out and started sobbing profusely. It was extremely embarrassing and I'm probably fortunate that I still have a job. 






There is actual video footage of me crying like a toddler; however, it will not be shown due to that whole "anonymity" deal. And also because I'm vain as fuck.


Also my boss told me that Sawyer from Lost was standing right in front of us, but I saw him and I think it was just some dude who looked like him from the side. Doesn't matter; no one could detract from my Radiohead experience. Not even anyone who looks like this with his shirt off:

OK, maybe a little.

I never buy souvenirs at concerts anymore, but this was Radiohead, so of course I shelled out a disgusting amount of cash and bought a bunch of shit that I will totally regret when my next bank statement comes in the mail. 

Of course one show wasn't enough, so on Saturday I stayed home to watch Coachella's live YouTube feed. Dude, those people got "There, There," "Everything In Its Right Place," and "KARMA POLICE" (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) along with everything else that we heard in Santa Barbara. WHAT. 






As soon as I heard the opening to "Karma Police" I lost my shit. I am so glad I live alone. 


I am beyond stoked that I FINALLY got to see Radiohead live (one might say "insane," but I already put a disclaimer up above, so their opinion is already invalid). There were four years between Hail to the Thief and In Rainbows, and another four between In Rainbows and The King of Limbs, so I'm guessing it will be a while before their next tour. When that happens I hope it doesn't sell out in 12 seconds, and even if it does, I am not above jail time. 

Oh, Canada! (Nugs vs. Allison Edition)

Here's something special for the the three of you who read That Ain't Kosher that care about sports:

I recently received an email from Allison at My Quarter-life Crisis recruiting me to write a joint post on our predictions on the 2012 hockey postseason. I did something similar to this last year for the 2011 baseball season with Johnny Sacks from Living With Balls and unapologetically kicked his ass, so hey, why not?

Allison and I became fast friends way back in 2010 when I did a Bloggerstock post for her and I found out that she was a hockey fan, even though this stemmed from the fact that she's Canadian. That's OK, Allison; it's not your fault. I grew up watching hockey and have been a New York Rangers fan pretty much my whole life. Allison and I have regular sports-oriented Facebook chats, so when she came up with this Pulitzer-winning idea I pretty much jumped at the chance. Especially since my team is playing one of her teams in the first round of the playoffs this year, and the Rangers are most definitely going to dominate the Senators. Sorry dude, but it's science.

We'll have our Quarterfinals predictions up today, and once those are over, we'll predict the Semifinals. Once we know who's made it to the final round, we'll predict who's going to win that, and then we'll predict who gets the Stanley Cup (RANGERS!!!!!). 

My picks are in red; Allison's are in blue.

Also, I'm aware that the Quarterfinals have started already, but we were both too lazy to get these to each other on time.  I'm Jewish, and Allison's Canadian, so we both have an excuse. You can also catch this on Allison's blog, whenever she decides to post.

Here are our predictions for the 2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs:

EASTERN CONFERENCE:

(1) MY NEW YORK RANGERS (!!!!!!) vs. (8) OTTAWA SENATORS

NUGS: RANGERS over SENS in 5

I am a long-suffering sports fan, with my other teams being the Knicks, the Jets and the Mets (it's OK, you can laugh). The Rangers took home the Stanley Cup in 1994, were ALMOST there in 1995, and then sucked hard for the next 16 years. This year we were number one in the NHL and on top of the Eastern Conference for almost the entire season, so we NEED to win the Cup. The team owes it to their loyal fanbase. 

Also, if the Rangers don't win at least the first round, my brother and Coyote Tits, who are both rampant Devils fans, will never let me hear the end of it. 

My brother is constantly texting me all the reasons why the Devils are so much better than the Rangers, and this year he's still all, "Logically, it's still pretty tough to win the Cup. The Rangers have a ways to go." Yeah, well, I know that, assface. The Rangers are in the Atlantic Division, along with the Devils, the Pens and the Stupid Flyers, all of whom made the playoffs this year and are consistently among the top teams in the NHL. (The Islanders are in there too, but they're usually horrible and therefore don't count.) 

The Senators are the eighth seed AND have a 15-year history of choking in the post-season, so this should be a relatively easy win for us. Also Allison likes Ottawa, so it would be pretty awesome if I could lord this over her at least until round two. No one even expected them to make the Playoffs this year, and the Rangers were early Cup favorites. Round One is a lock for us. BAM.

ALLISON: SENS over RANGERS 

Sorry Nugs, but I have to stay true to my #2 team. I can't help it, I love Alferdsson. Ottawa is the Capital of Canada - if I picked NYR I'd just be a bad Canadian. This is highly unlikely, but a girl's got to dream.

EDITOR'S NOTE: HAHAHAHAHA! That's adorable.

(2) BOSTON BRUINS vs. (7) WASHINGTON CAPITALS

NUGS: BRUINS over CAPS in 6

Dale Hunter is one of the worst coaches in NHL history, so I don't understand how this even happened, to be honest. I mean, Ovechkin is amazing, and Semin (I almost typed "Semen"- shut up, Google dictionary! You don't own me!) should never be overlooked. However, both of the Capitals' starting goaltenders are injured, and the Bruins are last years' returning champs. I really don't think I need to go on here.

ALLISON: CAPS over BRUINS

I HATE Boston. I'm a Habs fan, and Hab fans hate Boston. Hab fans hate Boston almost as much as they hate The Leafs. Especially Chara. And I like Ovetchkin.

(3) FLORIDA PANTHERS vs. (6) NEW JERSEY DEVILS

NUGS: DEVILS over PANTHERS in 5

This was the team that surprised me, and probably everybody, the most in the Eastern Conference Finals. Florida hasn't made the playoffs since, what, 1874? Despite the fact the the Devils are the sixth seed and Florida is third, they clearly have the stronger team and the better players. The Devils are entering the post-season on a six-game winning streak, topped off with Kovalchuk's hunger for his first playoff win. This is their series, for sure. 

Plus if the Devils take this one, they will most likely play the Rangers, which means I get to do my victory dance when the Rangers win and my brother cries.

ALLISON: DEVILS over PANTHERS

I really don't care much about this series, but I tend to hate teams from places where ice is not naturally occurring.

(4) PITTSBURGH PENGUINS vs. (5) PHILADELPHIA (STUPID) FLYERS

NUGS: PENS over STUPID FLYERS in 7

Despite the fact that my team is in the playoffs, this is the first-round series that I'm looking forward to the most. The Rangers have a pretty fierce rivalry with both of these teams, and I myself harbor an intense abhorrence for all Philly sports teams with a passionate, fiery vengeance that is matched only by my loathing for Justin Bieber and movies about sappy love stories. 

This one is a tough call- both the Pens and the Stupid Flyers are pretty evenly matched and also can't stand each other. When Crosby came back to the Penguins from what could have been a career-ending concussion, Stupid Flyers fans showed their "respect" by booing him. What fucking assholes. As a Rangers fan, I hate the Penguins too, but the kid is arguably one of the greatest players ever to lace up a pair of skates. Have some class, you fucking idiot dicks. Plus their jerseys are REALLY bright orange. They're really obnoxious and they give me a headache.

If I had to pick one team to advance to the Semifinals (and I do, because a) that's what Allison wants and b) that's how this shit works), I would have to predict that the Pens will probably take the series. What it comes down to is that the Stupid Flyers have too many injuries to sustain themselves against Pittsburgh. The loss of Chris Pronger was a major setback, as well as Messzaros and a handful of other key players.

The Pens' active roster is a fucking powerhouse- not only can they boast Crosby, but they also have Evengi Malkin on the ice. If the two most talented players in the NHL aren't enough to throw you off, you might be certifiably insane.

I'm also going with Pittsburgh because I really, REALLY want Philly to lose. I detest them that much. Seriously, I hate them. I want them to get swept and shut out every single game. I know it won't happen, but it would be awesome if it did. 

I must have this.

ALLISON: PENS over FLYERS

In the battle of Pennsylvania, the team with the least offending jersey colour must win. Also, Sid is kinda Canada's little golden boy.

WESTERN CONFERENCE:

(1) VANCOUVER CANUCKS vs. (8) LOS ANGELES KINGS

NUGS: CANUCKS over KINGS in 7

While I'm rooting for the Kings to make it all the way through so I can see some Stanley Cup action in LA, I just don't think they have it in them to beat the Canucks, who ended the season in the Number One spot in the league. The Kings spent the entire year just barely holding on to their playoff position and have been hugely inconsistent. Even with Quick in the net and Richards and Kopitar on the ice, Vancouver is more able and has more chemistry overall. If Luongo has some trouble finishing the series (which he tends to do in LA), Schneider should have no problem jumping in and completing it for him. 

Hockey experts seem pretty divided on this one; they're 50/50 on both Vancouver and LA. I'm going to go with the Canucks. It's close, though.

PS- does the name "Kopitar" remind anyone else of Reptar?

ALLISON: CANUCKS over KINGS

Obviously.

(2) ST. LOUIS BLUES vs. (7) SAN JOSE SHARKS

NUGS: BLUES over SHARKS in 5

Holy hell, I didn't see this one coming. Ken Hitchcock is the complete opposite of Dale Hunter- as soon as he was named coach, I knew the Blues would be better, I just had no idea they'd be THIS good. I really want to say that the Sharks will make a case for themselves, just because their name is Sharks, and they have a badass logo on their jersey, but their history of chronic underachievement really dictates otherwise. I have no idea how they backed into the playoffs, and they might take one game away from St. Louis.

ALLISON: BLUES over SHARKS

I don't care much about this series...I'll go Blues just because.

(3) PHOENIX COYOTES vs. (6) CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS

NUGS: COYOTES over HAWKS in 6

The key to the Coyotes, like the Blues, lies in their coach. Dave Tippet is considered by many to be one of the best coaches in the NHL, and certainly one of the top in the Western Conference. He's continued throughout the season to make the most of his players, especially goalie Mike Smith. Even with Chicago's dearth of playoff experience, their loss of Jonathan Toews will be sorely felt and whether or not Chicago advances depends on his return. I have to go with Phoenix on this.

ALLISON: HAWKS over COYOTES

The fact that Phoenix is still in Phoenix is enough to make Canadian hockey fans mad. Plus they no longer have The Great One behind the bench. Aside from Patrick Kane, I have no beef with Chicago. Plus Jonathon Toews is hot.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Is he really? 

How did I miss this?

(4) NASHVILLE PREDATORS vs. (5) DETROIT RED WINGS

NUGS: PREDS over WINGS in 7

The city of Detroit is really starting to piss me off. At first the Lions were usually a pretty funny joke, and the Tigers didn't exactly give them any bragging rights either. I'm a newly minted basketball fan, so I didn't really care about the Pistons, but now that I root for the Knicks, and the Pistons still suck, I can get down with that. So I could usually let the Motor City have their Red Wings and be done with it. Then the Tigers started winning the AL Central, and the Lions began looking like serious division contenders. It's like, really? Another town that won't fucking shut up? You are NOT what Charlie Sheen calls winning.

Luckily, this matchup looks like it might not be dependent on intimacy with the postseason. This is going to to be an extremely competitive series, and will definitely come down to seven games, but overall, Nashville's special teams and strength in goaltending will put them over the edge. 

ALLISON: WINGS over PREDS

Detroit is one of those teams that you just can't help but respect. They're an institution.

Of course, neither one of us has any credentials, so I'm sure we both just made complete tools of ourselves. Luckily we're not playing for money or free candy or anything like that, just dignity and self-respect, and luckily I don't have any of that left to give away. Check back soon for our Semifinals predictions, and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.

And... DIE.

For the three of you that may not know, I kind of, sort of, may be into a few Radiohead tracks.

OK, I can't pull that one off. My obsession with Radiohead, according to my family and most of my friends, borders on "mentally insane." I've been dying to see them live and almost went into a depression when Coachella and their live tour sold out this year before I could purchase a ticket. I own all of their albums, singles, live tracks and B-sides. I've threatened to end friendships with people who either "don't like" them or "don't get their appeal" (no one ever took this seriously, FYI). As soon as my bank statement prints out actual numbers and not "HAHAHAHAHA!" in huge block letters, this is the tattoo I'm going to get:

Without the band name, though, because any guy who knows what
 this is is automatically my future first husband.

Yesterday I got a call from my boss, who has now been elevated to "One of the Most Absolute Exceptional, UnPrecedented People Ever on This Planet and Any Other Solar Systems Ever Discovered in the Future", informing me that he had an extra seat to the Thom Yorke extravaganza in Santa Barbara this Thursday, and of course he knew that I would shrivel up and probably shoot myself if he didn't take me, so the ticket was mine.

Me: .......

I honestly think I blacked out for a good thirty seconds. The protocol for the night was explained to me, in theory, but really, at that point, I could only hear syllables and noises. After I got off the phone with him, I dialed the numbers and hit up the Facebook pages of pretty much everyone I'd ever met since the age of ten, whose reactions ranged from underwhelmed to indifferent to "Oh, that's awesome...for you!"

I can already foresee that this is going to be the most unparalleled day of my entire existence, comparable only to maybe when I give birth to my first child or something monumental like that. I mean, he only has one extra ticket, so I don't get to bring a friend or anything and I have to go with his family, but that's cool. I would attend this show with a bunch of drug-dealing serial killers, as long as they waited until after the concert was over to murder me. Plus my boss' fiancee and brother are awesome and pretty close to my age, so hitting up Santa Barbara with them will probably be pretty fun, if they can find it within themselves not to attack me mercilessly for becoming completely unhinged.

I will definitely, positively cry during this show, especially if they play Karma Police, which is my absolute favorite song of all time from any artist, ever.



And not just one or two rolling tears, either; I'm talking full-on, toddler-like, sobbing tantrums that will disable me from looking at anyone in that car ride home in the face ever again. This is the two-hour period I've been waiting for my entire life. I'm not even sure if I'll get anything from that night on video and/or camera; I may be frozen in place. Seeing Radiohead live for me would have been like Charles Manson not only getting out on parole, but also having the judge say, "Listen, Chuck, go nuts. Kill some people while you're at it. Have fun! Peace out."

(PS- Blogger threw up those little red lines under the words "Thom Yorke," like they weren't in the dictionary. What? How is this even possible? This angers me.)

Anyway, I'll report back afterward, if I don't have a heart attack from my massive delirium first. I hope I don't; I'm also supposed to see Cabin in the Woods this weekend. That movie looks SO GOOD; I want to buy it a luxury hotel suite where I can get it massively wasted and impregnate it with a millionty babies.